Woman are chasing the top 10% of high value men.

[KJ91]

Plastic surgery, if you firmly believe your face is the cause of all your troubles and hinders happiness from you.

I do not think it is, but if you do think so, you can do something even with that.

with what money. its super expansive and most likely a sin

 

[KJ91]

The only reason there would be a difference is if you've changed significantly since the photo was taken (age, weight, etc) or the image is heavily edited (i.e. filters, photoshop).

~bella

I did not change. But i look a bit different on pics than i do on videochat and IRL. maybe i just suck at taking selfies or i might not be photogenric.

 

[timewerx]

Videochat is almost as IRL

Not always. Some cameras, especially the wide-angle ones like the one in front of your phone will "uglify" you.

Wide-angle lenses will broaden the area around your nose so you might look like Shrek, more or less. If you move to the side of the lens, your face will look like it's getting sucked by a black hole.

Get some nicer webcam with adjustable zoom lens and zoom in a little bit to avoid looking like Shrek or near a black hole.

 

[trophy33]

with what money. its super expansive and most likely a sin

Its no more expensive than a normal car. If its something you believe is destroying your life, you should not have a problem with earning such common amount of money.

Its no more sin than you complaining about your looks.

 

[bèlla]

I did not change. But i look a bit different on pics than i do on videochat and IRL. maybe i just suck at taking selfies or i might not be photogenric.

Lighting and proximity to the camera can alter the effect. Natural light is best when possible. I prefer cooler lighting as opposed to warmth. If you have a lamp with different settings that will help. And practicing is fine. Turn on the camera and observe yourself. Adjust your posture, move back if necessary, smile and see how you look and notice your body language. Are you nervous or uncertain? Do you expect to be rejected? That comes across on the screen.

You've shared your picture before and I don't think you're an ogre. Judging attractiveness is part of my work and I'm not being polite. I don't remember the image exactly but for the most part what enhances the face is symmetry. Nice eyes and a strong jaw are usually viewed favorably in men followed by the mouth.

Does your hair complement the shape of your face? Would you benefit from a different cut or a bit of color to enhance it? How's your skin? Do you have a good face wash and moisturizer you're using daily? Do you struggle with acne or other conditions?

As you're probably aware there's a trend for looksmaxxing amongst your sex. I don't believe it's wrong to enhance your appearance. But negative self-talk is counter productive.

This is a challenging period within the dating sphere and the most visually and height obsessed we've ever been. There's an air of delusion that's plentiful. If you've been on the receiving end of that your uncertainty is understandable.

~bella

 

[TheLastGeek]

becuse i have to try, cant just lock myself to 1 group

im 33, tried dating since i was 14. so 100 is not that much. i got to know them. often months. with some years.

Videochat is almost as IRL, after they saw what i looked like they lost interest,
some few i meet IRL


Correct all of them said they where not attracted to my looks. Nothing else. Since everyone said that, its proof im too ugly for love.

Part of the problem I'm seeing here is that you aren't looking for a woman to get to know and connect with as a person. You're like a fisherman casting a thousand hooks at once, not caring what you might catch on the end of any of those hooks, you just want "a fish" so you can say that you have a fish.

Also, you're approaching women with insecurity, desperation, and deceit, by hiding the way you look. My guess is that you hope someone will decide they really like your personality, enough that when they finally see your appearance, they'll dismiss it and say to themselves, "Oh, it's okay if I don't like the way he looks because I like his personality SO much". This is not reality, it's not normal, mature, adult thinking. You will not find a good, healthy, lasting relationship when you build the foundation on such weak building blocks. So, suck it up, and put your face out there with a photo. Don't filter it, don't try to trick the women.

Until you learn to embrace, accept, and love who you are, both inside and out, and you lose this desperate, sneaky attitude of "contact as many women as possible and hope one sticks", you're going to continue to be disappointed and frustrated.

 

[DragonFox91]

I am not on computer so short message
Not trolling, frustration & periods of negative thinking unavoidable due to the Fall even with indwelling Spirit see Romans i can’t do what I want to bc of my flesh but grace abounds.
Go out in world - ALL kinds of men date & get married. I have seen every kind of man married. Our God is big. He doesn’t limit the kind that can. He says “hmm, the world says that man is too off to be married, he wants to be married, I’m gong to help him get him married to show how big I am & bc I have compassion for this man”
There’s a kind of woman that does go after top 10% maybe most do at first -> but hurts them a lot, sometimes they see they never wanted that kind. Was what they wanted but not what they needed. Not always the kind that’d be good for the other 90% of men, especially Christian men.
Very hard topic, no easy answers.
Keep trying but rejoice in the Lords lot for you because he has deemed it’s good for you. It’s not just “accept it”, it’s “my cup is overflowing with the Lords goodness!!!!”
Somethings take a lot of time. Remember he is after your heart & in marriage a genuineness is needed. If your heart is no good now how will it be better with a second sinful heart? If you can’t provide what you have now how can you provide when it’s 2 people. If you’re not giving all to the perfect king how will you give all to an imperfect sinner? Avoid checkoff lists where there’s no component that ties it back to the Lord.
Are you working anywhere? What’s your walk with the Lord looking like? What is he doing in your life now? What has he done the last year? Are you getting opportunities to meet single women? If not why? If yes how does it go? Let us all know. We can go from there

 

[TheLastGeek]

they did, but pics and videochat is not really the same

I do not believe that there is such a vast difference in your appearance between photos and videos, that it would determine 100% of rejections from over 100 women over the past 20 years. You're leaving things out, and blaming all of your failures on your physical appearance and/or the alleged shallow nature of women. There's one common denominator here, and that's you.

 

[TheLastGeek]

Plastic surgery, if you firmly believe your face is the cause of all your troubles and hinders happiness from you.

I do not think it is, but if you do think so, you can do something even with that.

For whatever it's worth, if I learned that a man I was dating had had plastic surgery because he was so wracked with insecurity about his appearance, I would find that immensely unappealing. But, again, that's just my own point of view.

 

[trophy33]

For whatever it's worth, if I learned that a man I was dating had had plastic surgery because he was so wracked with insecurity about his appearance, I would find that immensely unappealing. But, again, that's just my own point of view.

He claims he cannot find a woman because of his face and is in a constant emotional pain because of that. You would not want him, but another one would not care about the change.

The choice is his. But doing nothing while complaining for decades is not a solution.

 

[TheLastGeek]

He claims he cannot find a woman because of his face and is in a constant emotional pain because of that. You would not want him, but another one would not care about the change.

The choice is his. But doing nothing while complaining for decades is not a solution.

I don't believe anything in my post indicated that what I was saying applied to anyone but me (hence the "this is just my point of view"). He is, after all, interested in Christian women, and as a Christian woman, my feedback is applicable.

I believe a solution would be to address his insecurity and self loathing through counseling and therapy, rather than surgically altering his face. That will not address the internal issues that have prevented him from accepting himself the way God made him. Surgery will not change self loathing into self love.

 

[bèlla]

He claims he cannot find a woman because of his face and is in a constant emotional pain because of that. You would not want him, but another one would not care.

The choice is his. But doing nothing and just complaining for decades is not a solution.

In his case, plastic surgery could prove harmful given his feelings and unlikely to end with one procedure. Once you start making tweaks additional ones usually follow. More importantly, the face differs from the body in that respect. You can do a lot to your body with minimal consequences but the face has different rules. I call it nature's revenge.

Everything you do is cumulative and few procedures last. The majority require updates which increases scar tissue and oddities. From botox to fillers to more invasive procedures. After a while you'll be looking like Frankenstein and needing makeup to cover the mess. That's why they wear so much.

~bella

 

[trophy33]

In his case, plastic surgery could prove harmful given his feelings and unlikely to end with one procedure. Once you start making tweaks additional ones usually follow. More importantly, the face differs from the body in that respect. You can do a lot to your body with minimal consequences but the face has different rules. I call it nature's revenge.

Everything you do is cumulative and few procedures last. The majority require updates which increases scar tissue and oddities. From botox to fillers to more invasive procedures. After a while you'll be looking like Frankenstein and needing makeup to cover the mess. That's why they wear so much.

~bella

We do not know anything about his face, so we can only speculate. He can have some birth defect, injury, burn, mark, scar after some cancer, crooked or missing teeth...

Only he and his doctors can judge what is the proper treatment for his problems.

 

[bèlla]

We do not know anything about his face, so we can only speculate. He can have some birth defect, injury, burn...

Only he and his doctors can judge what is the proper treatment for his problems.

He posted his photo in the past and I mentioned it in my previous post. He doesn't appear to have a defect or injury and isn't ugly.

I'm familiar with plastic surgery and it differs from other specialities. It isn't covered by insurance and the customer gets what they want. If the surgeon won't do it another will. That's how it works. They want the check.

~bella

 

[trophy33]

He posted his photo in the past and I mentioned it in my previous post. He doesn't appear to have a defect or injury and isn't ugly.

OK, in that case the plastic surgery would not help, most probably. Its just in his head or in the women he chooses.

 

[bèlla]

OK, in that case the plastic surgery would not help, most probably. Its just in his head or in the women he goes after.

He's shared his struggles before. This isn't the first post of this nature. It appears there's a psychological block which may be exacerbated by his experiences or set in motion unintentionally. I don't know him personally but I suspect what he needs most is love and someone who believes in him. Wounds like that usually occur in childhood. It's a lengthy process to heal but it can be done. I've helped a few before.

~bella

 

[DragonFox91]

I am not on computer so short message
Not trolling, frustration & periods of negative thinking unavoidable due to the Fall even with indwelling Spirit see Romans i can’t do what I want to bc of my flesh but grace abounds.
Go out in world - ALL kinds of men date & get married. I have seen every kind of man married. Our God is big. He doesn’t limit the kind that can. He says “hmm, the world says that man is too off to be married, he wants to be married, I’m gong to help him get him married to show how big I am & bc I have compassion for this man”
There’s a kind of woman that does go after top 10% maybe most do at first -> but hurts them a lot, sometimes they see they never wanted that kind. Was what they wanted but not what they needed. Not always the kind that’d be good for the other 90% of men, especially Christian men.
Very hard topic, no easy answers.
Keep trying but rejoice in the Lords lot for you because he has deemed it’s good for you. It’s not just “accept it”, it’s “my cup is overflowing with the Lords goodness!!!!”
Somethings take a lot of time. Remember he is after your heart & in marriage a genuineness is needed. If your heart is no good now how will it be better with a second sinful heart? If you can’t provide what you have now how can you provide when it’s 2 people. If you’re not giving all to the perfect king how will you give all to an imperfect sinner? Avoid checkoff lists where there’s no component that ties it back to the Lord.
Are you working anywhere? What’s your walk with the Lord looking like? What is he doing in your life now? What has he done the last year? Are you getting opportunities to meet single women? If not why? If yes how does it go? Let us all know. We can go from there

He can also say ‘that man wants to be married, but I can accomplish more w/ him not married. I need some not married for my kingdom, my kingdom is big & my work is big for him, my body has many parts & my harvest is big & it is ready to be harvested. & he will like that more than being married, tho he doesn’t understand that sometimes. His glorification is accomplished as him not married.’

 

[timewerx]

Its no more expensive than a normal car. If its something you believe is destroying your life, you should not have a problem with earning such common amount of money.

Its no more sin than you complaining about your looks.

You have a point!

I wouldn't do it even if it's free. There are other ways to change how you look 100% naturally.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

Men have consistently acknowledged poor responses from the opposite sex in this medium. With the majority admitting their inquiries are ignored. But you've done what they couldn't and convinced 100 to talk to you and all of them said no?

This has to be a troll post.

~bella

Yeah, the online dating medium doesn't do well for men. If I even do get a response, when I suggest meeting in person, they ghost me. I think they use online dating sites as just another social media platform for an ego boost/attention.

 

[DragonFox91]

Online dating does work for some of his people, I do know a couple who met there, because he is not limited in what he can do for his people, but I don’t use it anymore, I felt like I was trying to rush God & wanted the easy way out.