Why do God put desire to get married in people who cant get married?

[TheLastGeek]

So I take it that being a 23 year old male, that's graduated college, part-time employed (until he finds full time)still living with his parents and saving up his money....is not desriable to a woman of the same age, living with HER parents?

Nobody here can say what is attractive to OTHER women.

My hunch, though, is that nothing about this scenario would be objectionable to a young woman of the same age and situation.

 

[LoveDivine]

Nobody here can say what is attractive to OTHER women.

My hunch, though, is that nothing about this scenario would be objectionable to a young woman of the same age and situation.

I agree. It's impossible to know what preferences or deal breakers another person has. I can't imagine though that a woman who still lives with her parents would reject a guy her own age for living with his. That just makes no sense.

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I agree. It's impossible to know what preferences or deal breakers another person has. I can't imagine though that a woman who still lives with her parents would reject a guy her own age for living with his. That just makes no sense.

Depends, I know a woman co-worker that took issue with her 4-year relationship that her boyfriend was working part-time at a dead end job, living with his parents.
She was working full time, but also living with her parents...and she apparently didnt' think he had much motivation to pursue a full time job.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I don't know where to put this but given that there's talk about desire and preferences here, maybe it's the best place.
I've been thinking a lot about my preferences lately and I don't know if I've been asking too much. My only preference on paper is that she would love God more than I do or at least try to (obviously it's not measurable but it's about the heart of the person). One thing I've now realised is that though this sounds very simple, in all actuality it's demanding their entire life.

I have been greatly benefited by the Stoic philosopher Epictetus and clearly Paul was influenced by the truths contained in the stoics writings as well, so when I read passages like 1 Timothy 6:6-12 it resonates in my soul. I don't desire anything but pleasing God with all that I am and because of that I consider everything (clothes, shelter, water & etc) I have to be temporary and not my own, they're external blessings by God that I'm not entitled to and can be taken away for His gain. And the thing is, is that though if it happened it would absolutely suck, I know I would be beyond content in my heart and genuinely joyful if it was for God's cause (I'm not saying that to brag, only to clarify my beliefs).

Because of this, when I say that my preference is that she love God as much as I do or tries to, I'm asking for a person to come and be poor with me. To come and suffer with me. To come and love God with me potentially unto our own deaths. Do women like this actually exist? I don't care about what their face or body looks like, I don't care about their age, I don't care about their social status or any previous issues they've had. I just want to be with somebody who loves God and doesn't care about things that will be dust in 1000 years. When I read things like 1 Corinthians 9:5 I recognise the nature of the marriage that Peter and his wife had, that she suffered with Peter for Jesus; forsaking everything and treating it as temporary like we're all called to do with the world which is passing away (1 John 2:17). She was right there with her husband, the man who was crucified upside down for his testimony of Jesus.

Maybe it's asking too much? It's one of the reasons I've wrestled with celibacy (i.e. the path of celibacy) for so long, though the thing that's stopping me from reverting to it is literal overt correction from God. And I can't rebel against what He desires for me for like a 5th time after He continually brings me back to this path. Don't get me wrong I'm not upset or anything; I'm just genuinely confused as to why I see nobody else desire this. Especially on this website.

I'd love to take any advice or correction, I don't care how harsh it is. If you think my heart's in the wrong place with some things or if you think I'm asking for far too much or even asking for the wrong things, please feel free to comment on any part of the post. I genuinely desire all of your input. If you don't want to say it here then please feel free to message me as my inbox is always open. Though be aware there may be a big timezone difference so if I don't respond immediately that is why.

 

[High Fidelity]

Depends, I know a woman co-worker that took issue with her 4-year relationship that her boyfriend was working part-time at a dead end job, living with his parents.
She was working full time, but also living with her parents...and she apparently didnt' think he had much motivation to pursue a full time job.

I think the first part of that equation is more the issue, and the latter a compounding factor.

If someone is happy to settle in a situation that will be a cause of stress at various points in the future through lack of financial resilience amongst other things, that’s not an attractive quality.

You don’t need to desire riches to appreciate financial security and resilience against adversity.

 

[LoveDivine]

I don't know where to put this but given that there's talk about desire and preferences here, maybe it's the best place.
I've been thinking a lot about my preferences lately and I don't know if I've been asking too much. My only preference on paper is that she would love God more than I do or at least try to (obviously it's not measurable but it's about the heart of the person). One thing I've now realised is that though this sounds very simple, in all actuality it's demanding their entire life.

I have been greatly benefited by the Stoic philosopher Epictetus and clearly Paul was influenced by the truths contained in the stoics writings as well, so when I read passages like 1 Timothy 6:6-12 it resonates in my soul. I don't desire anything but pleasing God with all that I am and because of that I consider everything (clothes, shelter, water & etc) I have to be temporary and not my own, they're external blessings by God that I'm not entitled to and can be taken away for His gain. And the thing is, is that though if it happened it would absolutely suck, I know I would be beyond content in my heart and genuinely joyful if it was for God's cause (I'm not saying that to brag, only to clarify my beliefs).

Because of this, when I say that my preference is that she love God as much as I do or tries to, I'm asking for a person to come and be poor with me. To come and suffer with me. To come and love God with me potentially unto our own deaths. Do women like this actually exist? I don't care about what their face or body looks like, I don't care about their age, I don't care about their social status or any previous issues they've had. I just want to be with somebody who loves God and doesn't care about things that will be dust in 1000 years. When I read things like 1 Corinthians 9:5 I recognise the nature of the marriage that Peter and his wife had, that she suffered with Peter for Jesus; forsaking everything and treating it as temporary like we're all called to do with the world which is passing away (1 John 2:17). She was right there with her husband, the man who was crucified upside down for His testimony of Jesus.

Maybe it's asking too much? It's one of the reasons I've wrestled with celibacy for so long, though the thing that's stopping me from reverting to it is literal overt correction from God. And I can't rebel against what He desires for me for like a 5th time after He continually brings me back to this path. Don't get me wrong I'm not upset or anything; I'm just genuinely confounded as to why I see nobody else desire this. Especially on this website.

I'd love to take any advice or correction, I don't care how harsh it is. If you think my heart's in the wrong place with some things or if you think I'm asking for far too much or even asking for the wrong things, please feel free to comment on any part of the post. I genuinely desire all of your input. If you don't want to say it here then please feel free to message me as my inbox is always open. Though be aware there may be a big timezone difference so if I don't respond immediately that is why.

I don't think you are asking for too much or have the wrong preferences. I think there is a vast difference between being poor for Christ's sake.and being poor due to lack of good financial choices. In your case, you sense a calling on your life to ministry and with that comes potentially a lot of suffering and even a loss of physical comforts. A Godly woman who desires to join you in life and be your helper would also be able to focus on the work you are doing together and not on the financial circumstances. There is something higher at stake and that life will be immensely rich and blessed even if it is hard.

All my comments about finances earlier relate to a guy who isn't pursuing ministry and really ought to be working and saving and being a good steward. If I'm going to forsake all comforts in life, I'd like it to be my sacrifice for Christ. Not because me and my partner were foolish with money.

So, in short, look for a woman who is ready to be your helpmate in ministry. Women have callings too. It may just look different, ie not an official pastor.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I don't think you are asking for too much or have the wrong preferences. I think there is a vast difference between being poor for Christ's sake.and being poor due to lack of good financial choices. In your case, you sense a calling on your life to ministry and with that comes potentially a lot of suffering and even a loss of physical comforts. A Godly woman who desires to join you in life and be your helper would also be able to focus on the work you are doing together and not on the financial circumstances. There is something higher at stake and that life will be immensely rich and blessed even if it is hard.

All my comments about finances earlier relate to a guy who isn't pursuing ministry and really out to be working and saving and being a good steward. If I'm going to forsake all comforts in life, I'd like it to be my sacrifice for Christ. Not because me and my partner were foolish with money.

So, in short, look for a woman who is ready to be your helpmate in ministry. Women have callings too. It may just look different, ie not an official pastor.

Yeah it's all good, I wasn't commenting on anything anyone specifically said. It's just confusing to feel like these desires are what we're shown in Scripture and therefore should be of concern to every Christian but then look around and see a desert. I just thought maybe it was a me problem and that I was looking for the wrong thing or had the wrong idea because I haven't really seen anyone talk about it. Ever. My comment wasn't a response to anyone, I was seeking genuine advice about it because it left me confused.

Your concerns/comments about financial matters were practical and good Scriptural advice, so please don't stop giving it.

Thank you for your input and taking time out of your day to help

 

[LoveDivine]

Yeah it's all good, I wasn't commenting on anything anyone specifically said. It's just confusing to feel like these desires are what we're shown in Scripture and therefore should be of concern to every Christian but then look around and see a desert. I just thought maybe it was a me problem and that I was looking for the wrong thing or had the wrong idea because I haven't really seen anyone talk about it. Ever. My comment wasn't a response to anyone, I was seeking genuine advice about it because it left me confused.

Your concerns/comments about financial matters were practical and good Scriptural advice, so please don't stop giving it.

Thank you for your input and taking time out of your day to help

I think we don't see this very much, because on the whole, the outlook of modern Christianity is very different from what it used to be in the early church (and even in previous eras). The focus has shifted from giving your entire life to Christ and living for him in this life, to trying to live your best life here with his help. There's too much emphasis on personal happiness and gratification. That, combined with a much lighter view on sin and an overall acceptance and tolerance of worldliness, most Christians aren't going to be mentally prepared for any form of suffering or self denial. So, I think the issue isn't that there aren't any women who exist who could accept poverty for the gospel, but rather, that Christians as a whole (in western countries) don't really prioritize spiritual things like they should. It's a part of their lives, but not their reason for living. If that makes sense. I've posted some similar comments in other threads here.

 

[DragonFox91]

What do you mean by poor Tranquil? (I saw your post in Whats On Your Mind thread).

This is what I read on this forum: your responsibility (outside of your responsibility to God) is for yourself & your family - your wife & children. You have to meet their base needs: health & safety. You can't fulfill your responsibilities to them dirt poor, it's impossible unless you're somehow able to get serious backing from a church or have financing in other ways.

I think your best option is to just live very frugal. You don't require expensive items, you don't see the point. I agree! Many many Christians agree! It's all junk, it all doesn't matter! Asking for a wife that is like this, aye, you can do that, easy, but it may take some patience in finding her. But they exist!

I see Yankee says full-time missionary could be an option for you too..............

She has my thought too: There's lots of poor women out there. But they don't want to be poor. They see it as an injustice. They have hardened their hearts to anyone with more financing then them, anyone w/ more is greedy & doesn't believe in helping people. Stay away from this type. This type isn't what you're looking for. There will be many like this.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

What do you mean by poor Tranquil? (I saw your post in Whats On Your Mind thread).

This is what I read on this forum: your responsibility (outside of your responsibility to God) is for yourself & your family - your wife & children. You have to meet their base needs: health & safety. You can't fulfill your responsibilities to them dirt poor, it's impossible unless you're somehow able to get serious backing from a church or have financing in other ways.

I think your best option is to just live very frugal. You don't require expensive items, you don't see the point. I agree! Many many Christians agree! It's all junk, it all doesn't matter! Asking for a wife that is like this, aye, you can do that, easy, but it may take some patience in finding her. But they exist!

I see Yankee says full-time missionary could be an option for you too..............

She has my thought too: There's lots of poor women out there. But they don't want to be poor. They see it as an injustice. They have hardened their hearts to anyone with more financing then them. Stay away from this type. This type isn't what you're looking for.

To sum up what I mean by poor I suppose I mean taking the words in 1 Timothy 6:6-8 literally. Not to seek out poverty but to treat it as nothing compared to Jesus. Thank you for your input Dragon, I love seeing your comments in the Bible text thread and I appreciate you taking time out of your day to help as well

 

[peaceful-forest]

Advice coming from a female.

I've been thinking a lot about my preferences lately and I don't know if I've been asking too much. My only preference on paper is that she would love God more than I do or at least try to (obviously it's not measurable but it's about the heart of the person). One thing I've now realised is that though this sounds very simple, in all actuality it's demanding their entire life.

You are right about it being unmeasurable on whether or not she loves God more than you. Simplify it to this - you desire a woman that loves God and obeys Him. If we truly love God, we will obey His commandments.

I'm asking for a person to come and be poor with me

Here is how I felt when I first read this - NO! It sounds like you are asking a woman to give up money and possessions to go continously and always be poor with you. That's not attractive.

Let's change it to where it's attractive. Be with me and be committed to me and our marriage no matter what - financial stuff, bad times, etc.

I don't care about what their face or body looks like, I don't care about their age, I don't care about their social status

I think you should consider what personal traits you find attractive. Do you want an extrovert or an introvert? Is there a particular skill that if a woman had it, it would be attractive and sexy? Etc.

Me, for example, I find introverted men attractive because when I have observed them at work, they are hard workers and do not get caught up in long chats like the extroverts do (no offense). A skill I find attractive in a man is computer skills. To me, that tells me they are intelligent.

Have you talked to God about what you want in a spouse?

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Thank you for your response, it's valuable to hear these different perspectives and see where you are coming from .

Here is how I felt when I first read this - NO! It sounds like you are asking a woman to give up money and possessions to go continously and always be poor with you. That's not attractive.

Let's change it to where it's attractive. Be with me and be committed to me and our marriage no matter what - financial stuff, bad times, etc.

I suppose one of the problems I have here (not with what you said but i.e., one of the things that's causing issues) is that I find attraction to take second place to love for God. I'm not asking a person to seek out poverty but rather to not value something that's going to be dust in 1000 years, that God and His will is infinitely more important than anything else. I know it's probably rather extreme to ask someone to be content with clothes, food, water and shelter so I suppose I will have a think about how I'm conceptualising/framing this. But I personally find the truth in 1 Timothy 6:6-8 inescapable.

I think you should consider what personal traits you find attractive. Do you want an extrovert or an introvert? Is there a particular skill that if a woman had it, it would be attractive and sexy? Etc. Me, for example, I find introverted men attractive because when I have observed them at work, they are hard workers and do not get caught up in long chats like the extroverts do (no offense). A skill I find attractive in a man is computer skills. To me, that tells me they are intelligent.

The only thing I truly find attractive is faith and love for God. When I said I don't care about appearance & etc before I really meant it, to me someone could have their face burnt off in a fire and be in a wheelchair and If they loved God with their heart what would be considered faults wouldn't even factor in. It goes beyond attraction to me, it's like my whole being intensely loves when people love God.

Have you talked to God about what you want in a spouse?

Yeah I have and I've found that my other desires don't really factor in. That the only thing that matters in the person is whether or not they desire God, because if they do then everything else will fall into place. If we're called to love our spouse as Jesus loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25) then my desires are not a determining factor, that I'm to love this person no matter who they are to the point of my own death regardless of my preferences. As Jesus in His love died for every single person no matter what they've done or who they are.

Thank you again for helping me

 

[TheLastGeek]

Depends, I know a woman co-worker that took issue with her 4-year relationship that her boyfriend was working part-time at a dead end job, living with his parents.
She was working full time, but also living with her parents...and she apparently didnt' think he had much motivation to pursue a full time job.

Apathy is a big turn off for sensible women. Living at home while working hard to prepare to get OUT of the home, is one thing. Working part time instead of full time, if you aren't going to college or doing something else productive with your spare time, especially at a dead-end job? Where's he going with his life? Not appealing. I've dealt with way too many men who are content to just coast through life, letting someone else be the adult in their sphere.

 

[TheLastGeek]

I don't know where to put this but given that there's talk about desire and preferences here, maybe it's the best place.
I've been thinking a lot about my preferences lately and I don't know if I've been asking too much. My only preference on paper is that she would love God more than I do or at least try to (obviously it's not measurable but it's about the heart of the person). One thing I've now realised is that though this sounds very simple, in all actuality it's demanding their entire life.

I have been greatly benefited by the Stoic philosopher Epictetus and clearly Paul was influenced by the truths contained in the stoics writings as well, so when I read passages like 1 Timothy 6:6-12 it resonates in my soul. I don't desire anything but pleasing God with all that I am and because of that I consider everything (clothes, shelter, water & etc) I have to be temporary and not my own, they're external blessings by God that I'm not entitled to and can be taken away for His gain. And the thing is, is that though if it happened it would absolutely suck, I know I would be beyond content in my heart and genuinely joyful if it was for God's cause (I'm not saying that to brag, only to clarify my beliefs).

Because of this, when I say that my preference is that she love God as much as I do or tries to, I'm asking for a person to come and be poor with me. To come and suffer with me. To come and love God with me potentially unto our own deaths. Do women like this actually exist? I don't care about what their face or body looks like, I don't care about their age, I don't care about their social status or any previous issues they've had. I just want to be with somebody who loves God and doesn't care about things that will be dust in 1000 years. When I read things like 1 Corinthians 9:5 I recognise the nature of the marriage that Peter and his wife had, that she suffered with Peter for Jesus; forsaking everything and treating it as temporary like we're all called to do with the world which is passing away (1 John 2:17). She was right there with her husband, the man who was crucified upside down for his testimony of Jesus.

Maybe it's asking too much? It's one of the reasons I've wrestled with celibacy (i.e. the path of celibacy) for so long, though the thing that's stopping me from reverting to it is literal overt correction from God. And I can't rebel against what He desires for me for like a 5th time after He continually brings me back to this path. Don't get me wrong I'm not upset or anything; I'm just genuinely confused as to why I see nobody else desire this. Especially on this website.

I'd love to take any advice or correction, I don't care how harsh it is. If you think my heart's in the wrong place with some things or if you think I'm asking for far too much or even asking for the wrong things, please feel free to comment on any part of the post. I genuinely desire all of your input. If you don't want to say it here then please feel free to message me as my inbox is always open. Though be aware there may be a big timezone difference so if I don't respond immediately that is why.

I don't think you're asking for "too much", but I do think you're looking for an extremely rare kind of woman. It sounds like you want a wife to be a missionary partner with you. Which is fine and good, but people like that are very rare. If that's what your heart truly longs for, then hold out for it. Most women want a husband, home, children, family, possibly a career as well. Most women aren't looking to "suffer" and be poor alongside a husband. SOME women are like that. People like that are scarce and precious; thus, it may not be easy or quick to find her. But if that's how God made your heart, then honor it. If you believe that's what He wants for you, then He's already got her out there somewhere, and He'll cross your paths.

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

I don't think you're asking for "too much", but I do think you're looking for an extremely rare kind of woman. It sounds like you want a wife to be a missionary partner with you. Which is fine and good, but people like that are very rare. If that's what your heart truly longs for, then hold out for it. Most women want a husband, home, children, family, possibly a career as well. Most women aren't looking to "suffer" and be poor alongside a husband. SOME women are like that. People like that are scarce and precious; thus, it may not be easy or quick to find her. But if that's how God made your heart, then honor it. If you believe that's what He wants for you, then He's already got her out there somewhere, and He'll cross your paths.

I suppose my issue lies with thinking that Scripturally this should be the desire of every person. That giving up everything for Jesus shouldn't be specific to ministry but should always be apart of or a consideration of our lives. I don't know if that's an arrogant imposition on my part, if it is maybe that's where my problems lie. I'm not saying that everyone is called to give up everything but that the desire should be within everyone to some extent/varying degrees.

Thank you for your perspective

 

[ThisIsMe123]

I suppose my issue lies with thinking that Scripturally this should be the desire of every person. That giving up everything for Jesus shouldn't be specific to ministry but should always be apart of or a consideration of our lives. I don't know if that's an arrogant imposition on my part, if it is maybe that's where my problems lie. I'm not saying that everyone is called to give up everything but that the desire should be within everyone to some extent/varying degrees.

Thank you for your perspective

Case in point... lol

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Case in point... lol

The perils of being Aussie. Unfortunately I can't access the video sorry. This is what I see:

 

[LoveDivine]

I suppose my issue lies with thinking that Scripturally this should be the desire of every person. That giving up everything for Jesus shouldn't be specific to ministry but should always be apart of or a consideration of our lives. I don't know if that's an arrogant imposition on my part, if it is maybe that's where my problems lie. I'm not saying that everyone is called to give up everything but that the desire should be within everyone to some extent/varying degrees.

Thank you for your perspective

Actually, that I agree with. That our relationship with Christ does involve us leaving our previous life behind and following Him wherever that leads us or entails. You can't be a true disciple, by Christ's own definition, unless you are willing to give up everything including your own life for the gospel. This has absolutely nothing to do with marriage. It's the basic requirement for true faith in Christ. Besides, you can be prosperous one day and then be persecuted and lose everything the next. You have no guarantee that life will go any specific way.

I do believe though that generally speaking Christ does look out for us financially and provide for us. We can be spared many sufferings just for being his child. The times he doesn't spare us and we may have to endure suffering are the times we do so for a higher cause. To stand for the faith

That being said I also believe that everyone should try to live a comfortable life. You can work a decent job, have a nice home, and live comfortably and not be compromising or neglecting the great commission. I think we should aim for that if possible

 

[Tranquil Bondservant]

Actually, that I agree with. That our relationship with Christ does involve us leaving our previous life behind and following Him wherever that leads us or entails. You can't be a true disciple, by Christ's own definition, unless you are willing to give up everything including your own life for the gospel. This has absolutely nothing to do with marriage. It's the basic requirement for true faith in Christ. Besides, you can be prosperous one day and then be persecuted and lose everything the next. You have no guarantee that life will go any specific way.

I do believe though that generally speaking Christ does look out for us financially and provide for us. We can be spared many sufferings just for being his child. The times he doesn't spare us and we may have to endure suffering are the times we do so for a higher cause. To stand for the faith

That being said I also believe that everyone should try to live a comfortable life. You can work a decent job, have a nice home, and live comfortably and not be compromising or neglecting the great commission. I think we should aim for that if possible

If you switch the word comfort for peace (I think there's a valid distinction) I 100% agree.

 

[LoveDivine]

If you switch the word comfort for peace (I think there's a valid distinction) I 100% agree.

You are right. A peaceful life is the scriptural term. That's really what I meant by comfortable.