Need advice about previous thread

[BoBoMan]

I'm not sure how to start this thread. I previously came here in July 2018 and created the two threads linked below. I was desperately seeking wisdom, prayer, and help during a very bad situation. Everyone from my original threads were spot on. I was infatuated and not thinking clearly. I would give anything to take it all back.

RE: Married man but having feelings for another woman​

Married man but having feelings for another woman​

After receiving much needed help from some great people here, I'm back to ask for spiritual advice. I'm happy to say that for anyone who remembers my original threads, I stayed with my wife and we're going on 14 years of marriage this year. Our baby is now six and growing like a weed. I took the advice given and fell back in love with my wife again. I have worked really hard to achieve this but it has been great.

What I came back for is to ask for spiritual advice. Before this emotional affair with my coworker (discussed in previous threads linked above), I was serving in the church and just living the Christian life. I confessed to my wife the emotional affair. I confessed that I had feelings for her. I confessed I had opened doors that should've never been opened and that I shared things with her I never should've. I confessed I had even thought about leaving to be with her. Soon after we stopped seeing each other and contacting each other, she left the company and moved out of town. We never saw each other again and only texted a few times after she left which I also regret.

What I'm seeking spiritual advice about is what my life has looked like since this affair. Before I was saved in Jan 2011, I cussed like a sailor, listened to rock music instead of Christian music, and so on. After January 2011, God instantly took away my cussing. I mean instantly it was stopped and I had no answer other than God took it away. I still struggled with pornography at times however. I started listening to Christian music instead of rock music. I still enjoy Christian music and find peace when listening to it. This was the case and my life until this emotional affair. I have obviously confessed this sin to God numerous times. I feel like I can't shake the guilt and the shame. Ever since this emotional affair, I feel like I have lost my salvation. I don't believe in losing your salvation. I firmly believe in eternal security, however it genuinely feels like I got so far in sin and so far away from God that I can't feel Him, hear Him, or see Him anymore. I know He is still right where I left Him, however even with me confessing my sins, it doesn't change. What am I missing? Do I have to confess every single detail about the emotional affair to my wife in order to be "healed" from this sin? It's like I feel I have unconfessed sin in my life. Since this emotional affair, I cuss at times like I used to before January 2011 when I profess Salvation. After this emotional affair, it's like there is a large spiritual injury that I can't seem to overcome no matter what I pray or say. What am I missing?

Thank you for taking the time to read this long post.

God Bless!

 

[TzephanYahu]

Hi @BoBoMan



Thank you for sharing details which are surely very personal to you.

Without knowing the depths of your situation, I can only give advice based on what I've just read from you, and may the Most High make it of use for you.

Do you know if you wife has trully forgiven you? Do you think there might be some resentment there still? If so, or if you still hold a guilty conscience towards her, this should be addressed first of all.

As for your language - I personally wouldn't take cussing as a benchmark as to whether your walk is right or wrong. You should stop cussing, of course, but stopping cussing is not an inidcator of our relationship with Him. Rather it shows the power we do or do not have over our tongue.

It's possible your relationship with God is difficult at the moment for the following 3 reasons:

1. Your wife still holds an accusation against you in her heart (as addressed above)
2. You have not repented completely and honestly to Him, with true remorse. Maybe even some hidden desire still there.
3. You continue to judge yourself.

Developing the third option a little more, what I mean is that your relationship with God was "shiny" and untainted. Then, with the affair, it become sullied. You might not be able to let go of your failure and continue to judge yourself on it subconciously - thereby not unshackling yourself from the ocean floor to be able to swim to the surface again. This shame can distance you from Yahweh if you're not careful.

Now, psychologically speaking, the third option is going to be more appealing to you as the truth - and it may well be. But you also should consider options 1 and 2 along with option 3, equally, with a sober mind and prayer. And may the Holy Spirit guide you in wisdom on this matter.

There is always of course and option 4, which I can't possibly fathom, as it may be on another aspect of your story or life that I'm not aware of. But hopefully the above gives you food for thought and maybe, God willing, a guide to a path back to peace with Him

 

[I's2C]

I'm not sure how to start this thread. I previously came here in July 2018 and created the two threads linked below. I was desperately seeking wisdom, prayer, and help during a very bad situation. Everyone from my original threads were spot on. I was infatuated and not thinking clearly. I would give anything to take it all back.

RE: Married man but having feelings for another woman​

Married man but having feelings for another woman​

After receiving much needed help from some great people here, I'm back to ask for spiritual advice. I'm happy to say that for anyone who remembers my original threads, I stayed with my wife and we're going on 14 years of marriage this year. Our baby is now six and growing like a weed. I took the advice given and fell back in love with my wife again. I have worked really hard to achieve this but it has been great.

What I came back for is to ask for spiritual advice. Before this emotional affair with my coworker (discussed in previous threads linked above), I was serving in the church and just living the Christian life. I confessed to my wife the emotional affair. I confessed that I had feelings for her. I confessed I had opened doors that should've never been opened and that I shared things with her I never should've. I confessed I had even thought about leaving to be with her. Soon after we stopped seeing each other and contacting each other, she left the company and moved out of town. We never saw each other again and only texted a few times after she left which I also regret.

What I'm seeking spiritual advice about is what my life has looked like since this affair. Before I was saved in Jan 2011, I cussed like a sailor, listened to rock music instead of Christian music, and so on. After January 2011, God instantly took away my cussing. I mean instantly it was stopped and I had no answer other than God took it away. I still struggled with inappropriate contentography at times however. I started listening to Christian music instead of rock music. I still enjoy Christian music and find peace when listening to it. This was the case and my life until this emotional affair. I have obviously confessed this sin to God numerous times. I feel like I can't shake the guilt and the shame. Ever since this emotional affair, I feel like I have lost my salvation. I don't believe in losing your salvation. I firmly believe in eternal security, however it genuinely feels like I got so far in sin and so far away from God that I can't feel Him, hear Him, or see Him anymore. I know He is still right where I left Him, however even with me confessing my sins, it doesn't change. What am I missing? Do I have to confess every single detail about the emotional affair to my wife in order to be "healed" from this sin? It's like I feel I have unconfessed sin in my life. Since this emotional affair, I cuss at times like I used to before January 2011 when I profess Salvation. After this emotional affair, it's like there is a large spiritual injury that I can't seem to overcome no matter what I pray or say. What am I missing?

Thank you for taking the time to read this long post.

God Bless!

Be careful of your next step!!! When CHRIST tells us to confess our sins one to another HE didn't mean if it will destroy someone else or your life. Confessing this to your wife; will it help or hurt in your opinion? If it will cause more pain than what you experiencing, is it worth up rooting your family? What you are feeling is self guilt and self pity from your experience of an act you were about to commit, but you didn't. GOD didn't leave you you left HIM because of your guilt. IF you repented, and confessed to GOD no one else needs to know, no one. CHRIST tells us to go into a closet if we need to and confess to GOD in secret so that no one else knows and can use it against you. GOD has blotted it out never to be brought up again, GOD says HE never wants to hear of it again. Forgive yourself and never bring it up again, make it up to your wife by being the best Christian father/husband you can be. If you are not forgiving yourself it is the same as you saying GOD doesn't have to power to blot it out. Move on and I promise you will feel GOD again, it is not that we are worthy but CHRIST is worthy; GOD knows the trials flesh man goes through and temptations of being in the flesh and why HE made it so easy for us to repent. Flesh is weak but HE is strong.

 

[BobRyan]

I'm not sure how to start this thread. I previously came here in July 2018 and created the two threads linked below. I was desperately seeking wisdom, prayer, and help during a very bad situation. Everyone from my original threads were spot on. I was infatuated and not thinking clearly. I would give anything to take it all back.

RE: Married man but having feelings for another woman​

Married man but having feelings for another woman​

After receiving much needed help from some great people here, I'm back to ask for spiritual advice. I'm happy to say that for anyone who remembers my original threads, I stayed with my wife and we're going on 14 years of marriage this year. Our baby is now six and growing like a weed. I took the advice given and fell back in love with my wife again. I have worked really hard to achieve this but it has been great.

What I came back for is to ask for spiritual advice. Before this emotional affair with my coworker (discussed in previous threads linked above), I was serving in the church and just living the Christian life. I confessed to my wife the emotional affair. I confessed that I had feelings for her. I confessed I had opened doors that should've never been opened and that I shared things with her I never should've. I confessed I had even thought about leaving to be with her. Soon after we stopped seeing each other and contacting each other, she left the company and moved out of town. We never saw each other again and only texted a few times after she left which I also regret.

What I'm seeking spiritual advice about is what my life has looked like since this affair. Before I was saved in Jan 2011, I cussed like a sailor, listened to rock music instead of Christian music, and so on. After January 2011, God instantly took away my cussing. I mean instantly it was stopped and I had no answer other than God took it away. I still struggled with inappropriate contentography at times however. I started listening to Christian music instead of rock music. I still enjoy Christian music and find peace when listening to it. This was the case and my life until this emotional affair. I have obviously confessed this sin to God numerous times. I feel like I can't shake the guilt and the shame. Ever since this emotional affair, I feel like I have lost my salvation. I don't believe in losing your salvation. I firmly believe in eternal security, however it genuinely feels like I got so far in sin and so far away from God that I can't feel Him, hear Him, or see Him anymore. I know He is still right where I left Him, however even with me confessing my sins, it doesn't change. What am I missing? Do I have to confess every single detail about the emotional affair to my wife in order to be "healed" from this sin? It's like I feel I have unconfessed sin in my life. Since this emotional affair, I cuss at times like I used to before January 2011 when I profess Salvation. After this emotional affair, it's like there is a large spiritual injury that I can't seem to overcome no matter what I pray or say. What am I missing?

Thank you for taking the time to read this long post.

God Bless!

Since you say your wife knows of your "emotional affair" and that it did not go beyond that level - I would not recommend rubbing salt in that wound just to unburden your soul of "more details".

Only God can forgive sins. Only God can bear "all the details". If you try and force your wife to sit in the god-chair and hear all your details - you are placing a burden on another human being that no human should have to endure.

The issue is between you and God at this point. Work on your relationship with Him.

You might start with setting your mind on Christ for as much of the day as possible. For example - read this world class commentary on the Life of Christ. It will change your life - and it is free.

Desire of Ages

 

[Maria Billingsley]

I'm not sure how to start this thread. I previously came here in July 2018 and created the two threads linked below. I was desperately seeking wisdom, prayer, and help during a very bad situation. Everyone from my original threads were spot on. I was infatuated and not thinking clearly. I would give anything to take it all back.

RE: Married man but having feelings for another woman​

Married man but having feelings for another woman​

After receiving much needed help from some great people here, I'm back to ask for spiritual advice. I'm happy to say that for anyone who remembers my original threads, I stayed with my wife and we're going on 14 years of marriage this year. Our baby is now six and growing like a weed. I took the advice given and fell back in love with my wife again. I have worked really hard to achieve this but it has been great.

What I came back for is to ask for spiritual advice. Before this emotional affair with my coworker (discussed in previous threads linked above), I was serving in the church and just living the Christian life. I confessed to my wife the emotional affair. I confessed that I had feelings for her. I confessed I had opened doors that should've never been opened and that I shared things with her I never should've. I confessed I had even thought about leaving to be with her. Soon after we stopped seeing each other and contacting each other, she left the company and moved out of town. We never saw each other again and only texted a few times after she left which I also regret.

What I'm seeking spiritual advice about is what my life has looked like since this affair. Before I was saved in Jan 2011, I cussed like a sailor, listened to rock music instead of Christian music, and so on. After January 2011, God instantly took away my cussing. I mean instantly it was stopped and I had no answer other than God took it away. I still struggled with inappropriate contentography at times however. I started listening to Christian music instead of rock music. I still enjoy Christian music and find peace when listening to it. This was the case and my life until this emotional affair. I have obviously confessed this sin to God numerous times. I feel like I can't shake the guilt and the shame. Ever since this emotional affair, I feel like I have lost my salvation. I don't believe in losing your salvation. I firmly believe in eternal security, however it genuinely feels like I got so far in sin and so far away from God that I can't feel Him, hear Him, or see Him anymore. I know He is still right where I left Him, however even with me confessing my sins, it doesn't change. What am I missing? Do I have to confess every single detail about the emotional affair to my wife in order to be "healed" from this sin? It's like I feel I have unconfessed sin in my life. Since this emotional affair, I cuss at times like I used to before January 2011 when I profess Salvation. After this emotional affair, it's like there is a large spiritual injury that I can't seem to overcome no matter what I pray or say. What am I missing?

Thank you for taking the time to read this long post.

God Bless!

I will be quite honest with you. I personally do not believe there is such a thing as an " emotional affair ". I believe it is vernacular sophistry for lust. This is probably why you feel so guilty, ( purely my opinion). I dont think there is anything wrong with friendships between men and women but when sexual feelings are present it is no longer a friendship. So it is best to be honest with yourself first then pull forward with the right course of action. Blessings.

 

[timf]

It sounds like your first situation was caused by chasing after feelings. The bible says that the heart is deceitful above all things. Life is better lived intentionally and let feelings follow. Feelings of regret, shame, and sorrow are natural and can be useful for us to be motivated to make corrections. However, once everything useful has been extracted, holding on to these feelings can cause new problems.

Read Galatians chapter five. The problem for Christians is walking after the flesh more than the Spirit.