Would you date a Christian that doesn't go to church?

[lismore]

A friend of mine, says he's a Christian, but you get the same response, "You don't need to a building to go into to be Christian."

A born again believer will seek fellowship with other believers in some shape or form, if there have been past bad experiences their desire to serve the Lord and fellowship with his people will transcend that and bring them back to seek fellowship somewhere, birds of a feather flock together.
Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked (Psalm 84:10). In the parable Jesus told finding the Kingdom of God is like finding that pearl of great price, the merchant who found it sold everything he had in order to possess it. I don't know your friend's situation, I have known 'unchurched' Christians who met in homes and who had a heart of the Lord and I have known those who used unchurched slogans as a smokescreen. God Bless

 

[RileyG]

I do not date, but I do not know how anyone can survive spiritually without being nourished by Word and Sacrament IMHO.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

I do not date, but I do not know how anyone can survive spiritually without being nourished by Word and Sacrament IMHO.

If you don't date, are you married? Or do you have no intention of finding a mate?

 

[Niels]

Is it because she's single, or is she otherwise against the idea of church attendance?

Whether she attends Sunday services as a single person depends on multiple factors. In my experience, churches (not to be confused with the greater body of believers) tend to be structured around couples and families. Often, but not always, singles are tacitly given second-class status or otherwise treated as less-than. If that's her experience, then I can totally understand why she wouldn't attend. Or maybe she just feels lonely surrounded by all the married people and doesn't want things in her life that bring her down. She might also be introverted and it saps her energy more than it otherwise would. Also understandable.

An imperfect analogy might be to eat at a popular restaurant alone where everybody else is paired up. Maybe they occasionally point at lone eaters, make rude comments, wrongly assume that lone eaters are bad people (why else would they be alone?), the waitstaff ignores people eating alone in favor of chatting it up with the big boisterous families etc. You try going for a while out of sheer willpower, but never really gel with the group. Meanwhile, although you're conversant about what the couples are discussing you can't quite join in because you're not one of them.

On the other hand, she may have found a wonderful church community that truly welcomes who she is with open arms and doesn't leave her feeling sad or tired. In that case, she should probably attend. When church communities are functional, they can be great. You don't have to put on facades or airs around such people. It's okay to be introverted or different, the leadership isn't overbearing, and the focus is on God rather than on appearances etc.

Personally, I'm not a regular attendee. I occasionally stop by a nearby sanctuary alone to pray, listen to organ practice, and maybe look at the stained glass while reflecting on the stories. When I do, I feel a tangible connection to Christians throughout history. Weekly services themselves, however, feel more like an empty performance at this time in my life. Like I would be doing it for appearances or as a good deed rather than something that's personally meaningful. Plus, other than the holidays, Sunday morning services are the only time I feel lonely... which can be draining. I'm a busy person. I need all the energy and positivity I can muster to contribute to society in ways that I believe God wants me to.

That being said, I have experienced great church communities. They do exist. For me to suggest otherwise would be disingenuous. However, getting involved with one at my age generally requires being part of a couple. In the meantime, I listen to lectures, read the Bible as the Spirit moves, and find fellowship in other ways. Just because I rarely attend Sunday services doesn't mean I don't have fellowship with other believers. I do. It just tends to be smaller scale and doesn't necessarily look like what one might expect.

The kind of woman I date should understand that while I rarely "go to church" as a single person, I'm more interested in attending as part of a couple. Although I'm open to dating women who don't attend, it shouldn't come as a surprise when I suggest that we go together. And if we can't find a church that meets us where we are, there are other ways to be involved with fellow Christians.

 

[Hawthorne]

Is she still trying to find a good church or is she staying away from church because she thinks it has no use, or even that it "dilutes the purity of the gospel"?

 

[Hawthorne]

First off, the schedule: I'm not a morning person to begin with, but on Saturday nights I very often will go out with friends on a dance floor, or at a nightclub. I may even be in another city that night. Early Sunday mornings are simply a no-go for me. While this may seem secular, these people are my friends.

If you have more interest in nightclubs and dancehalls and have more in common with the folks you meet there than you do in church and the Christians who attend, I'd say that's quite telling and indicates something (Let the reader understand).

 

[ZephBonkerer]

If you have more interest in nightclubs and dancehalls and have more in common with the folks you meet there than you do in church and the Christians who attend, I'd say that's quite telling and indicates something (Let the reader understand).

If you had to deal with half of what I have dealt with over the past two years, you would totally understand. And you are correct - this does indicate something: a severe loss of trust in the people I have found in Church.

While I was going through my divorce, the people I know from the nightclubs, dance class, etc were there for me. While the church people gave me nothing but unjust condemnation, unreasonable pressures (to get back with my ex-wife), empty platitudes ("God hates divorce"), and insults (such as "nobody ever died from a lack of sex"). I went to great lengths to do right by my then-wife, family, and God - and I STILL was condemned for my divorce!

For most of my adult life, my social circle was largely made up of people I knew from Church. That all changed when I was excommunicated for my so-called "unscriptural divorce". But the people I know from dance had my back. They did not condemn me unjustly even though they knew full well what I was going through. These people received me as a brother, while I was shunned by those who were supposed to be worshipping God in spirit and in truth.

I didn't come to Church on Sunday mornings to be insulted, condemned, and slandered to my face. I would not have pursued a divorce if I had a reasonable alternative, and all of the solutions they considered reasonable were ones I found totally unacceptable.

A day may come when I feel like I can once again trust the people in Church. This is part of why I participate on ChristianForums.com. Until that day, I'd rather hang out with atheists than with idolators who masquerade as Bible-believing Christians, while blaspheming God in the process.

 

[linux.poet]

To answer the OP, no, I would much prefer that my man go to church. But if he is currently unchurched, he can come to my church. Problem solved.

If anyone decides to mess with him at my church, they will not get away with it. *readies brass knuckles to scare off nasty anti-romantic Christians*

 

[mojoboy31]

If you had to deal with half of what I have dealt with over the past two years, you would totally understand. And you are correct - this does indicate something: a severe loss of trust in the people I have found in Church.

While I was going through my divorce, the people I know from the nightclubs, dance class, etc were there for me. While the church people gave me nothing but unjust condemnation, unreasonable pressures (to get back with my ex-wife), empty platitudes ("God hates divorce"), and insults (such as "nobody ever died from a lack of sex"). I went to great lengths to do right by my then-wife, family, and God - and I STILL was condemned for my divorce!

For most of my adult life, my social circle was largely made up of people I knew from Church. That all changed when I was excommunicated for my so-called "unscriptural divorce". But the people I know from dance had my back. They did not condemn me unjustly even though they knew full well what I was going through. These people received me as a brother, while I was shunned by those who were supposed to be worshipping God in spirit and in truth.

I didn't come to Church on Sunday mornings to be insulted, condemned, and slandered to my face. I would not have pursued a divorce if I had a reasonable alternative, and all of the solutions they considered reasonable were ones I found totally unacceptable.

A day may come when I feel like I can once again trust the people in Church. This is part of why I participate on ChristianForums.com. Until that day, I'd rather hang out with atheists than with idolators who masquerade as Bible-believing Christians, while blaspheming God in the process.

This has probably been asked, but I have not read the whole thread, so I'm gonna ask: Have you tried other churches? I get it, what these people did was wrong, and its left you with deep scars, but not every group is like that. You shouldn't blame the entire church apparatus because one group has lost their way a little bit. And take it from me, I have wounds of my own, but I'm not going to blame all churches for them.

 

[Lost Witness]

not sure why people don't accept that being reproached for SIN, isn't Judging and as Children of GOD (Born Again) we're called to do it?

 

[ZephBonkerer]

not sure why people don't accept that being reproached for SIN, isn't Judging and as Children of GOD (Born Again) we're called to do it?

Don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem with church discipline per se - only when it is used in an unethical and inappropriate manner, as it was in my case.

In my case, it was hard to see just what sin I was supposed to repent of.

I did everything I reasonably could to save the marriage, and only moved to divorce as a last resort when it was clear there was no alternative. Where is the sin in that?

I was adamant that I would date and eventually remarry in the event my marriage could not be salvaged. Where is the sin in that? Biblically and ethically, I can do that. Those who claim otherwise are distorting the words of Jesus and Paul.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

This has probably been asked, but I have not read the whole thread, so I'm gonna ask: Have you tried other churches? I get it, what these people did was wrong...

I have tried other churches. The first one was clearly not a good fit. I didn't feel like I meshed well with the people there.

The second one was somewhat better in that regard, but it was hard to get there for logistical reasons. I have also since moved to another part of town, making that church a bit of a drive from my new place of residence. I also found it hard to make meaningful connections there.

I'm going to try a new church again soon, one that is closer to my new place of residence. I'm not going to put up with much nonsense. If they tell me I cannot date or remarry because of my past, then I'm done with that assembly.

I'm not going to place a heavy emphasis on doctrine because an assembly can have perfectly sound doctrine and still be what is essentially a cult. I'm looking for a culture of fellowship. If people stay and talk for a bit after the sermon, that's good. Even better if they hold church potlucks often (I can cook some really good chili). If they head for the exits as soon as it's over, that's not good.

You shouldn't blame the entire church apparatus because one group has lost their way a little bit. And take it from me, I have wounds of my own, but I'm not going to blame all churches for them.

This is a perfectly valid point. At the time, there were very few people in the Church saying "this is wrong" regarding the actions of those Church elders. If I don't see much evidence of strong disapproval of their actions, then I often presume they either approve of their actions or are indifferent to their abuse. Why should I view them as any different?

Say you were part of an organization - perhaps a cop in a police department - and you saw clear evidence of serious wrongdoing among your colleagues - the kind that could jeopardize the reputation of the entire organization. Would you tolerate it?

 

[mojoboy31]

The second one was somewhat better in that regard, but it was hard to get there for logistical reasons. I have also since moved to another part of town, making that church a bit of a drive from my new place of residence. I also found it hard to make meaningful connections there.

Then I would just recommend you keep trying new places. Look for ones with Saturday afternoon services if that works better for your schedule since you don't want to be up super early in the morning.

Say you were part of an organization - perhaps a cop in a police department - and you saw clear evidence of serious wrongdoing among your colleagues - the kind that could jeopardize the reputation of the entire organization. Would you tolerate it?

I've left many churches because of unsound doctrine, corruption, "scandals", you name it. I've seen awful things done by leaders and by church-goers. But that shouldn't shake our "belief" in God's word, or prevent us from seeking a church as the bible obviously tells us to seek out fellow believers. No one is perfect, we are all humans, and we all fall short of the Glory of God.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

I've left many churches because of unsound doctrine, corruption, "scandals", you name it. I've seen awful things done by leaders and by church-goers. But that shouldn't shake our "belief" in God's word, or prevent us from seeking a church as the bible obviously tells us to seek out fellow believers. No one is perfect, we are all humans, and we all fall short of the Glory of God.

I assure you: God didn't fail me and His Word didn't fail me. Those Church elders failed me, and they failed God too. Those moralistic "Christians" with their legalism and false sense of piety also failed me - and failed God.

A Saturday afternoon service actually does sound quite appealing. I may even consult the Meetup groups for a non-traditional format. Whatever the format, either they will have me as a brother or they will not have me at all. I've had enough nonsense for one lifetime. And I will have no patience for mindless legalism of any kind.

If you found me a bit uncharitable towards other believers, then this may help you understand. When I contacted other Christians I fellowshipped with back when I lived in California, the empty platitudes and admonitions I got gave me the sense that I would not be fully welcomed as a brother like I once was. They too let me down. Maybe they watched too many Hallmark Channel movies or something.

I don't expect perfection, but I do expect other believers to not tolerate abusive and immoral individuals in their midst. In 1 Corinthians 5:1-5, Paul tells the Corinthian church elders to take out the trash. I have no patience for people who make excuses for abuse - in fact I treat them as no different from the abusers themselves.

 

[Niels]

I had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. Wouldn't it be interesting if everybody just went to whatever church is closest? Sure, it might not be our first choice or the most practical for other reasons, but the nature of the congregation would probably change dramatically. The people would be our neighbors. Maybe there would even be fewer "Sunday Christians" as a result. At the very least, there would probably be a greater sense of community because we'd interact with each other in our daily lives.

 

[ZephBonkerer]

I had an interesting conversation with my sister the other day. Wouldn't it be interesting if everybody just went to whatever church is closest? ...

There would be some trade-offs, that's for sure. Would they be for the better? I'm not so certain of that.

My concern is that I don't believe you would solve the "Sunday Christian" problem. I believe you would aggravate it. You would have people constantly putting up a pious front to others on all days of the week and not just Sunday. An environment where people are constantly worried about appearances is one where evil can flourish for a long time.

 

[RileyG]

If you don't date, are you married? Or do you have no intention of finding a mate?

I have no intention of dating and have no intention of getting married. I will be celibate for the remainder of my life.

God's blessings upon you

 

[ZephBonkerer]

I have no intention of dating and have no intention of getting married. I will be celibate for the remainder of my life.

God's blessings upon you

Is this by your choice? If so, fair enough. You can do that.

 

[RileyG]

Is this by your choice? If so, fair enough. You can do that.

Yes. It's my choice. God bless

 

[ZephBonkerer]

Yes. It's my choice. God bless

The reason I was asking is because I personally find celibacy intolerable. When I say I prefer death over celibacy, I'm not kidding. I don't do celibacy, and that is that. That's just me, you don't have to agree with this. It's your decision so long as nobody is forcing you into it.

I must admit it irritates me a bit when believers speak of celibacy as if there's something holy or special about it. Celibacy is a lifestyle choice, nothing more.

Edit: That issue also came up as I was going through my divorce. I had people telling me that according to 1 Corinthians 7:10-11 I had two options: either get back with my ex-wife or be celibate. Aside from being a misapplication of Scripture, I considered neither option acceptable.