The Agony of Doubt

[Traze77]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

There is also another aspect in regards to this I'm struggling with which is doubt. I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception. There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about? Or 20 years from now, is it still possible that I will still be single despite doing all these things? Sorry, I'm all over the place with this post.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

There is also another aspect in regards to this I'm struggling with which is doubt. I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception. There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about? Or 20 years from now, is it still possible that I will still be single despite doing all these things? Sorry, I'm all over the place with this post.

I can relate to your situation, I did not marry until 35. But my advice would be to put yourself out there, start dating Christians. When we want to buy a car, we have to go to the car yard. If we sit at home hoping a car will just turn up it may not unless given a very specific miracle.

 

[Veteran1990]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

There is also another aspect in regards to this I'm struggling with which is doubt. I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception. There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about? Or 20 years from now, is it still possible that I will still be single despite doing all these things? Sorry, I'm all over the place with this post.

Listen guy, you don't have to surrender wanting to get married. Your not accountable to someone else to make such a choice that has to do with you and what you want.

My preoccupation is, is it a good idea. Ill tell you a little about myself.
All I wanted to do was get married.hot married. Wound up hating her for awhile and hating the situation she put me in. What you want is someone to talk to and feel close with. Try that with a friend, if you can find one of those rare beasts then you'll have someone who sticks around after you get divorced. However, I'm not trying to discourage you. If you want to get married find the right woman or man. You need to know who your marrying.

And of course your worried about that. People are social and like to have babies with a person they actually can Trust, problem is society and how people are socialized really messed that up and you can't do anything about it.

You wants are something your going to have to fight for in life. They don't just come to you. But you have to be smart about how you do it so you don't get thrown under the bus. My suggestion is start doing the things that are going to influence that outcome in your life. For instance, register with saying websites, say something attractive and let someone get to know you.

Life is about realizing what you want and what you imagine are a bigger part of what's not real. However, you can find some pretty good people if you take the time to find what it is you Want out of life. Stop worrying so much. Obsessions burn you out and you either kill yourself or wind up doing something stupid if you let obsessions rule you.

 

[Veteran1990]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

There is also another aspect in regards to this I'm struggling with which is doubt. I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception. There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about? Or 20 years from now, is it still possible that I will still be single despite doing all these things? Sorry, I'm all over the place with this post.

Second your Concept of God is restrictive, he Created you with Certain Anatomy for a reason, and emotions and hormones that natural cause what you can not fight. Life's about as abnormal thanks to beauracrats as possible but what are you going to do.

Either way, Stop trying to have God hang on your shoulder and Conwcience of every little life decision
You can have a wife. So what, if its that important to you get married but consider that because you want a person so much for certain reasons that if you don't find someone like you its going to devastate and destroy you.

Be wise about your interest. you sound young.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

@Msb23: God does not guarantee us all a husband, wife or children. Plenty of believers struggle and suffer in silence, yet indeed miracles are rare but nevertheless still happen sometimes.

Be a devoted believer, a hard working man, make yourself look good, keep your body in good shape - prepare to be the best husband ever, sign up for a (Christian) dating website - in the US or anywhere else in the world. A miracle may happen; but maybe not. But even when despite all of that you don't find a wife, that still would be the best for yourself and the Kingdom of God.

Some people get prophecies and revelations about a future spouse; well - nice if it happens, but if not, just do your homework and leave the rest to God.

 

[Veteran1990]

and as far as the disabled women, no one knows how to really get God to assist them. Its just one of those things.

Either way, there's nothing wrong with you trying to get married. The reason you think your the accepting is because its happening naturally in other peoples lives and in yours your wishing you had a wife. Heres your problem, your not going out to do the things to get married. stop listening to hypocrites also. They'll tell you all about being chaste and what not to do and did everything they told you not to do and it's why their married.

Just Realize God ain't going to beat you over the head for wanting a wife. Its really the smallest and most average interest or basic interest people have.

 

[Basil the Great]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

There is also another aspect in regards to this I'm struggling with which is doubt. I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception. There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about? Or 20 years from now, is it still possible that I will still be single despite doing all these things? Sorry, I'm all over the place with this post.

There is no way to guarantee that a prayer will be answered affirmatively. Sadly, some people deal with much pain for decades and some of us, like myself, never do get married, despite all our efforts. Life is a mixture of highs and lows. All we can do is to love God and others and take life one day at a time, knowing that there is a life after this one. Peace be with you and I wish you all the best.

 

[Traze77]

I can relate to your situation, I did not marry until 35. But my advice would be to put yourself out there, start dating Christians. When we want to buy a car, we have to go to the car yard. If we sit at home hoping a car will just turn up it may not unless given a very specific miracle.

I remember in my 20s being so naïve and thinking this won't be a be a big deal(even though I'm very introverted) and it will work itself out. You're right you can't just sit back and do nothing and expect the problem to be solved.

 

[GospelS]

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about?

Yes, my friend. Read Psalm 145. I pray that the Lord gives you a strong faith to believe that.

 

[Lifelong_sinner]

me personally, i'd say you're lucky. no, God doesnt answer every prayer in the way that you want, but as a lifelong bachelor, its pretty awesome being single and able to do as you please.

 

[SANTOSO]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

There is also another aspect in regards to this I'm struggling with which is doubt. I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception. There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about? Or 20 years from now, is it still possible that I will still be single despite doing all these things? Sorry, I'm all over the place with this post.

Dear one,
Doubt doesn’t help at all. Even if you have before you now, a potential great wife, then you doubt it. You will never get married.

For we heard:
But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind. -James 1:6
For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; -James 1:7

So dear one, don’t doubt but ask in faith.

Dear one, before you can ask God in faith, remember what we have been taught:

So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, -Matthew 5:23
leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. -Matthew 5:24

So dear one, call anyone who you may offend before, humble yourself, be reconciled to them and ask them that they may pray now with you and for you, that you may have a good wife.

If you can’t reach those who may offend, pray to God, tell Him that you want to repent wholeheartedly and believe that you receive forgiveness from Him.

Then, ask the Lord to give the strength to release forgiveness to those who wronged you.then release forgiveness to them.

In this Männer, you shall have peace with Heavenly Father through Christ Jesus.

Dear one, remember you can’t ask God with prayer and fasting and believe that He hear you when you haven’t repented. For this is what we have heard:

Behold, the LORD's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save, or his ear dull, that it cannot hear; -Isaiah 59:1
but your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God, and your sins have hidden his face from you so that HE DOES NOT HEAR. -Isaiah 59:2

Dear one, if you want not to be in doubt! Then you need to obtain faith ! This is what we have heard:

“Simon Peter, a bondservant and apostle of Jesus Christ, To those who have obtained like precious faith with us by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ:”
‭‭II Peter‬ ‭1:1‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Dear one, a precious faith is obtained by the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ.

Dear one, I understand you want to cry to God, being obedient to Him with fasting. You also need to understand why those seek the Lord diligently and not found Him. This is what we have heard:

Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer; they will seek me diligently but will not find me. -Proverbs 1:28
Because they hated knowledge and did not choose the fear of the LORD, -Proverbs 1:29
would have none of my counsel and despised all my reproof, -Proverbs 1:30
therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices. -Proverbs 1:31

So dear one, if you don’t love the knowledge of the Lord and choose the fear of the Lord, the Lord will not answer you.

Dear one, don’t doubt, repent, get relationship right with God first before you ask in faith.

Dear one, don’t trouble with those who have married and have troubles with their wives. Just as the Lord have told us, need to be reconciled with those who offend us, so we also need to be reconciled with our wives who offend us.

This is what we have heard:
Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. -Galatians 6:1
Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ. -Galatians 6:2

So dear one, consider :

can you ask someone whom you offend who is God and others for help ? Will they help you when you offend them ? So dear one, repent and be restored through reconciliation and seek the peace and pursue it. Then you will get help and not be in doubt anymore.

To God be all glory and thanksgiving. Amen.

 

[com7fy8]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

Just don't trust that stuff. Don't let it control your attention. If God has an issue with you being single . . . He has the right way to handle this.

 

[Tolworth John]

I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married.

Are there no single women of your age who are also single in your church?
Do you talk to them?

Get involved with your church, it will provide opportunities for you to get to know people and single women, in the church and let them get to know you.


Are you a spiritual leader? in marriage you have to be, so how are you preparing for that role?

What are you looing for in first a girlfriend and a long way back in a wife?
turn it around for a moment.
What do you think the single girls in your church are looking for in a boyfriend and eventually in a husband?

How do you measure up?

 

[com7fy8]

I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception.

If you trust that kind of thinking, simply trust God, instead.

God is not a jukebox for getting what we want. You can't just put together the right magic words and control God with words.

You submit to God in order to get what He wants, in order to join with Jesus for all Jesus is about.

 

[com7fy8]

There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

Well, I suppose you could get to know her and enjoy loving her, if she is a Christian woman.

If we don't appreciate having and loving the Jesus people we do have, what message does this send to God?

People who are isolated can tend to use marriage as another way to get isolated. How you do things now could be how you would be doing things in marriage . . . or in dating, even before getting married.

So, now is your time to get with Jesus and find out how to relate with Him and His people.

We need our mature seniors in the faith . . . not smiley-faced people who have refined their social acting, but ones who have grown in Jesus so now they are helping us to get more real with God and with how to love. These are the ones you need to get to know first, so they can help you get ready for a real marriage.

First, get to where you can benefit from sharing with mature Christians, then discover if there is a woman more your age who also helps you to get more real correction with God and finding out how to love as God's family with various Christians while also loving any and all people like Jesus wants. She can help you discover how to love, and this will start before you even date.

I would not try to isolate on a date, first, but share as family with mature Christians; see who is a woman doing this and - - - like I mean . . . see if you are obviously helping one another to grow in Jesus, versus just seeking things you want.

 

[AK1982]

It's hard. But, God knows you, your every need and desire. Things will happen in due time. Don't miss your present waiting for the future. Cherish your present, do whatever is in your strength, be patient and stay close to God.

If this is how God want your life to be at present, He will provide the strength and everything that you need for this phase of life as well. You will experience that strength and see those good things he placed around you only when you walk with Him hand in hand.

 

[com7fy8]

"But those who seek the LORD shall not lack any good thing." (in Psalm 34:10)

So, if we seek God for Himself . . . and submit to Him, therefore . . . we are guaranteed any and all good that He desires to share with us . . . whether we are married or not. This will include the good of genuine Christian people, whether we are married to a Christian person or not > our Father will share His family with us!

But there are people who do not appreciate God's children. They are only or mainly trying to find ones they can try to use for what they want. And so they can break down in complaining and arguing, with people they isolate with.

So, in order to be with God and His people and to do well in our relating, we need to change so we do not give in to the anti-love stuff which can have us arguing and complaining >

"Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation" > in Philippians 2:13-16.

So, get with God now however you need to, so you can be ready to share in close relationships which do not have you isolated.

 

[aiki]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

There is also another aspect in regards to this I'm struggling with which is doubt. I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception. There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about? Or 20 years from now, is it still possible that I will still be single despite doing all these things? Sorry, I'm all over the place with this post.

I didn't marry 'til I was 39. I had wanted to be married since I was 19 and had expected to be by my mid-twenties. It was very...distressing, then, that, as I closed in on the end of my thirties, I was still single. I, too, prayed for God's help in this area. His answer, though, was, at the time, rather surprising: Could I be content just with Him? Did I believe a human creature could satisfy and fulfill me when my Creator could not? I had pinned my hopes for fulfillment and happiness on being married, not on knowing and communing with God. I realized that I would make a very poor spouse with such a perspective, expecting from my wife what I could not obtain from my Maker. For a time, I wrestled with the prospect of living the remainder of my life as a single man, content just with knowing, loving and communing with my Heavenly Father. Could this be possible? Could God be truly, fully satisfying to me if I never married? Who did I think God was, exactly? Did I really believe I was complete, filled up, in Christ, requiring nothing more in order to be totally fulfilled? Apparently not. No, I needed a woman, too, a wife, as well as God, in order to be content.

God showed me how selfish and, well, bizarre it was that I thought a wife could do for me what God Almighty could not, that God alone could not fulfill me. He showed me, also, how destructive to any woman I would marry my attitude toward Him was. No human person can ever take the place of God, fulfilling me in the way only He can. My idealized notions of marriage were silly and dangerous, I realized, and very dishonoring to my Heavenly Father. And so, for a season, I struggled through all of this stuff, finally arriving at a place where I was content to live the rest of my life just with my God, knowing and convinced I could be unmarried but entirely fulfilled by Him.

And then, two years later, I was married. Not a coincidence, I think.

God makes us no promises about our marital status. For some of His children, their singleness serves His will better. (1 Corinthians 7:32-35) It is unbibilical to think God has picked out one person among the billions of them on the earth just for you and that you need only to plead with God hard enough, sincerely enough, to get Him to reveal that person to you. Such thinking is nowhere taught in the Bible. Instead, God gives to you in His word, wisdom, spiritual principles, and commands by which to discern a godly person you can marry and by which you may be made a godly person yourself, ready for marriage.

 

[Traze77]

Are there no single women of your age who are also single in your church?
Do you talk to them?

Unfortunately, I don't talk much to anyone as I'm very introverted and think I have a social communication disorder. Trying to find a speech therapist to talk to about this.

 

[Charles1963]

For years now, I've been struggling with fact that I'm in my 30s and not married. Its gotten so bad that this issue has consumed my mind, as I think and worry about it every single day. Furthermore, I'm also struggling to surrender this to God.(I should note, I kind of deserve this because I used to attack people, even believers, for getting married at a very young age).

There is also another aspect in regards to this I'm struggling with which is doubt. I always hear prayers are answered but I've convinced myself this one won't be for me? God can do it or anything but not this for me, I'm the exception. There is a disabled women whose been coming to the same church as me for 20 years and she's always been on crutches. I'm sure she's prayed for healing but it hasn't happened. Don't get me wrong miracles can happen but sometimes don't.

If I pray, along with fasting, being obedient, crying out to him for a great wife and loving Godly relationship, is it a guarantee that the prayer will be answered and I have nothing to worry about? Or 20 years from now, is it still possible that I will still be single despite doing all these things? Sorry, I'm all over the place with this post.

O dear freind,
how I feel for you ! Solitude is the most painfull human experience there is, something Jesus knew first hand... Maybe your solitude is wished by God for a particular calling but if you suffer this much from solitude I doupt this be the case. Untill you guet a strong calling or answers from a series of dreams or visions or again, from life circomstances, I feel the best thing you can do is...

Use this difficult time as an opprtunity to deepen your intimacy with Christ by reflecting on the hardships of His solitude while he was on earth.

You can also offer your pain to Christ, asking him to transforme your pain into a multitude of blessings for others and/or for yourself in the future.

Also, thanking God for all your blessings or even giving him fellowship and Glorifying him for who he is is a verry powerfull way to endure the unavoidable pains of life without crashing because of them...

A man once said: " People always want to meet God on the penthouse, where the sun is shining and everything is beautifull, but God often hides in the basement, underneath the dirt or behind the spider webs where people least want to go to meet him! Pain is like a door - he said - beyond wich the love of God can come, shine through and heal " !!

Obviously, all of these solutions are very mystic and your hardships are umongst the most difficult to live in human nature. At the very least, your hardships and solitude will open your heart to compassion , respect and non jugment to others, but I somehow doupt your solitude will last forever. Patience my freind, I've been there, your blessings are coming and I'll keep you in my prayers,

Dont let go and keep the faith, even through these times of doupt...

In all freindship,

Charles