- Feb 16, 2021
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How is your relationship with your father?
It's okay, maybe like most father and son relationships: a little uncomfortable.
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How is your relationship with your father?
Welcome!
Since it is your father's business then it is his problem to resolve. Regardless of your relationship to him no business owner should tolerate the unacceptable behavior of his employees.
I'll pray for you that God's will shall prevail in this situation.
It's okay, maybe like most father and son relationships: a little uncomfortable.
There's a bigger picture here than just your immediate circumstances.I have a job working for my fathers business. I know that if my Dad was not the boss, then i would not be working there, and would not last there if i did.
Does the business include Human Resources?Hello,
My name is James and this is my first post on the forum. I have been a christian for almost a year now.
I have to say that i have signed up so that i could receive some help with a problem i am facing.
I have a job working for my fathers business. I know that if my Dad was not the boss, then i would not be working there, and would not last there if i did.
My co-workers do not like me. I have worked there for over two years and they did not like me even before i turned to God, so this is not the reason that they do not like me.
I have for the most part been okay with their dislike and have been able to- mostly- brush of their 'attacks' on me; however, recently a young ish lad ( a family friend) started working for us, and in the beginning he was often with me and we got on quite well; however, recently he has been working with the other two lads whom really dislike me and i have begun to notice that he is becoming increasingly disrespectful towards me.
I have been torn over how to handle this.
As i grow in the faith, i become stronger in Gods word, and feel as though, i could stand up for myself through Christ.
However, no one else in the business is saved, and i feel like becoming vocally righteous against them would create a lot of tension; which would in turn put stress onto my father whom would have to take a side; and i do not want to be a reason for his business being affected negatively.
As i said, in the past, i have been content to go along with things and not add to drama or create drama; however, it is becoming harder and harder.
For example, can i just smile and go along with the pretense of 'friendship' when i have genuine cause to be angry with them? Or do i take a stand, risk isolating myself, and cause difficulty and ill-feeling throughout the work force?
So should i go along with them? or make a stand against them, regardless of the cost?
Any thoughts and advice would be welcome,
Many thanks,
James.
Hello again James, yes, that is always a good thing to remember. That said, they are human beings, not animals, and we are not called to be a doormat for others because we've become Christians (and that, for their sake). I say that very carefully, but if you always keep ~their~ good in your mind (especially in the midst of strife) and pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance in dealing with them (before, during and after you have contact with them), trusting that the Lord will see you past your present problems with them, things will be fine .. or at least they should end up that wayso the thing is, they are not Christians, and therefore i cannot expect them to act in the ways that God dictates they should.
That's goodAs for my fathers opinion, he has not expressed any dissatisfaction over my performance, but has remarked that i lack confidence at work.
Correct. They shouldn't treat you poorly either, of course, but as Christians, we are "commanded" not to do so. I'm certain that you are aware of the Golden Rule, yes, "However you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this is the Law and the Prophets" .. Matthew 7:12. The thing about it is, we are commanded to treat others like we would want or expect to be treated by them... no matter how badly they may 'actually' be treating us at the time (or have treated us in the past). It's hardly an easy commandment to follow, impossible, in fact (on any kind of a regular basis) outside of Christ (or for Christians, apart from walking in full fellowship with Him/being guided by Him).i mean if i do stand up to them, i have to root what i am saying in what God says about how we should behave with one another, and i am sure that being disrespectful to one another is not how he wants us to treat each other.
Pastors are called by the Lord as His undershepherds, to help us/guide us/pray for us, and to keep a close watch over our souls on this side of the grave .. e.g. Hebrews 13:17. Most pastors I know enjoy talking to their congregants and are very good at giving us timely, godly advice, so just call him (or email him if you'd prefer), as this seems (at least to me) too pressing a matter to wait until the COVID restrictions have been lifted. Quite frankly, you'd probably want to communicate with him privately about this anyway, even if the pandemic had never happened.About speaking to my pastor about this, it is not something i have thought of doing until you suggested it- i tend to sit at the back of the church and leave when it finishes (something i will work on, when we are allowed back in there). Thank you for your prayers, and i will pray for you also.
Okay.
We’re in the middle of a pandemic with massive unemployment. They must feel pretty secure to behave that way in light of the climate. They’re rolling the dice and risking their livelihood.
I’d wager the matter is two-fold. They don’t believe you’ll tell or worry about losing their jobs if you do. Their aggressiveness is a show of power. They know their position within the company and aren’t afraid to rock the boat.
Speak to your father about increasing your visibility and adopt a new standard in your presentation and discourse. Sign up for Toastmasters if you can. It will boost your confidence and presence.
You don’t have to fit in. You have to step into the real you and let it shine. Bring the matter to the Lord and place a prayer request on the Prayer Wall.
I haven’t dealt with this in the workplace but I’ve been attacked because of my lifestyle and mindset. Misery loves company. When you don’t join the bandwagon it ruffles feathers. I confront it in different ways depending on the statement.
I never get angry or resort to name calling. Even if they do. Mimicking their behavior debases me. I take the higher road and maintain my decorum. It emphasizes their pettiness and seed of discontent. Often jealousy, envy, or low self-esteem.
I won’t be their punching bag or play by their rules. It inevitably ends. I remain collected and they look like raging fools. That’s the best way to handle detractors. Never forget your place. That’s the purpose behind the attack. They want pull you down. When they try go higher and stay there. Leave the lowness to them.
In my experience, your biggest foes often see your greatest strengths. Even when you don’t. Reverse engineer the barbs. Turn them on their heads. What are they really saying about themselves? How much does your presence unnerve them? That’s the truth beneath the posturing.
Yours in His Service,
~bella
There's a bigger picture here than just your immediate circumstances.
I knew two brothers who worked for their dad in a very large multimillion dollar operation during high school. The older one left after high school while the younger one stayed for some time after. The paycheck was nothing to sneeze at being related and all. The older one became a regional manager for another large firm while the younger one found out years later he didn't have the disposition and communication skills to manage the business and had to make his own paycheck somewhere else too.
Anyhow the first few years of work isn't high school anymore or college and university for that matter. It's the school of hard knocks, welcome to the real world and the forums!
Does the business include Human Resources?
Okay I just thought I’d ask because I know some family businesses that do have that option to take pressure off the owner. So how bad is it? Is it intolerable for you or is it just annoying? Do you think you can turn it around somehow without having to discuss it with your father?Hello, thank you for the message. it does not. its a small family business.
Hello again James, yes, that is always a good thing to remember. That said, they are human beings, not animals, and we are not called to be a doormat for others because we've become Christians (and that, for their sake). I say that very carefully, but if you always keep ~their~ good in your mind (especially in the midst of strife) and pray for the Holy Spirit's guidance in dealing with them (before, during and after you have contact with them), trusting that the Lord will see you past your present problems with them, things will be fine .. or at least they should end up that way
That's good
As for your issues with "confidence", you can certainly work on that (or is this a matter that is principally related to the present relationship that you have with your co-workers?).
Correct. They shouldn't treat you poorly either, of course, but as Christians, we are "commanded" not to do so. I'm certain that you are aware of the Golden Rule, yes, "However you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this is the Law and the Prophets" .. Matthew 7:12. The thing about it is, we are commanded to treat others like we would at least want or expect to be treated by them... no matter how badly they may 'actually' be treating us at the time (or have treated us in the past). It's hardly an easy commandment to follow, impossible, in fact (on any kind of a regular basis) outside of Christ or for Christians, apart from walking in full fellowship with Him/being guided by Him.
Again, this is not to suggest that we are simply to be a doormat and "take it" (as that rarely does anyone any good), but we are to always approach others, even when they are being harsh towards us, in a loving manner/with their good in mind, even if the reason we are doing so is corrective.
Finally, if they are unwilling to be reasonable, tell them that you are sorry that they feel that way and then politely excuse yourself from the conversation, walk away, and pray for them/pray for another opportunity to talk with them in the future (and for yourself too, especially if your emotions are continuing to run high and you are having trouble with the idea of loving them and wanting the best for them).
Pastors are called by the Lord as His undershepherds, to help us/guide us/pray for us, and to keep a close watch over our souls on this side of the grave .. e.g. Hebrews 13:17. Most pastors I know enjoy talking to their congregants and are very good at giving us timely, godly advice, so just call him (or email him if you'd prefer), as this seems (at least to me) too pressing a matter to wait until the COVID restrictions have been lifted. Quite frankly, you'd probably want to communicate with him privately about this anyway, even if the pandemic had never happened.
Thank you for praying for me as well
God bless you!
--David
p.s. - here's a set of Scriptures that I copied from another forum that seem good to consider and keep in mind whenever we have dealings with others (and especially when things are not going so well).
Matthew 5
16 Let your light shine before men in such a way that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father who is in heaven.
Matthew 7
12 However you want people to treat you, so treat them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
1 Corinthians 13
1 If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but do not have love, I have become a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
4 Love is patient, love is kind........
James 1
19 Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger;
20 for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.
1 Peter 3
15 Sanctify Christ as Lord in your hearts, always being ready to make a defense to everyone who asks you to give an account for the hope that is in you, yet with gentleness and reverence.
Welcome, James!!
Kill 'em with kindness! Let the love of God shine through you to them so that they may see and believe!
Okay I just thought I’d ask because I know some family businesses that do have that option to take pressure off the owner. So how bad is it? Is it intolerable for you or is it just annoying? Do you think you can turn it around somehow without having to discuss it with your father?
You know, a lot of employees think if you have some connection to the owner, and you being his son, they tend to think things about that person that are not true and people will keep those rumors going using who you are as a jumping point. It’s common in the workplace. If these employees are outright disrespecting you, you should calmly tell them that it is unacceptable for them to act that way. Not because of who you are but as a fellow employee. But do not expect nonbelievers to act like Christians. That won’t happen but it does sound like there needs to be some guidelines drawn out as far as behavior at work but that would be your father’s decision.No its just not big enough to warrant a HR department. Luckily, i am not with them everyday, but when i am it is uncomfortable. Mostly it is tolerable, its just sometimes, i struggle not to snap; and i'll sometimes go home and still be angry.
Its difficult to say,but i think that as i grow in faith that it will become easier to deal with.
One of them was a good friend and the other one no so much. Two different personalities. They didn't always get along.Hello Norbert, thank you for the message.
You weren't one of the brothers were you ?
i appreciate the down to earthness of your comments.
You know, a lot of employees think if you have some connection to the owner, and you being his son, they tend to think things about that person that are not true and people will keep those rumors going using who you are as a jumping point. It’s common in the workplace. If these employees are outright disrespecting you, you should calmly tell them that it is unacceptable for them to act that way. Not because of who you are but as a fellow employee. But do not expect nonbelievers to act like Christians. That won’t happen but it does sound like there needs to be some guidelines drawn out as far as behavior at work but that would be your father’s decision.
Maybe this is God's way of prompting you to move on to a new season of life. If you don't enjoy this job, don't find yourself to be well suited for this kind of work and these co-workers are unpleasant, maybe it's time to find a new job?[/QUOT
Hello Kvolm,
Thank you for the message. this is something i have thought and wondered about a lot. my plan was/is to keep on with it, until i am certain that it is Gods will for me to do something different.