I think I'm unregnerate, reprobate, vessel of wrath, despairing, tried all I can think of

[Chris0699]

Yes, so many tell me my problem is I look at myself when I should be looking at Jesus. It's so easy to look inwardly and see all the mistakes and garbage. But that's what He came for - to save us from ourselves. Have you checked out Rapture Forum?

I did. I signed up. Waiting for confirmation. And while He did come to save, He will only do so under certain conditions which I fear I am unable to meet.

 

[diana092086]

I did. I signed up. Waiting for confirmation. And while He did come to save, He will only do so under certain conditions which I fear I am unable to meet.

Good - glad you signed up! Look for me - I have the same username as on here. Check out this article - it might be helpful...
How Can I Help Someone Who Thinks They Aren't Elect?

I think it's just for us! And everyone!

 

[diana092086]

I did. I signed up. Waiting for confirmation. And while He did come to save, He will only do so under certain conditions which I fear I am unable to meet.

This just came to me... learned it a while ago and some from you too! You're right - He did come to save under a certain condition - sin. We've already met the criteria, Chris. There's nothing more we have to do or can do. We're already in a position to be saved, to be rescued. We can't sin more or sin less or be in a "better" position. We're already qualified to be saved. All we have to do is say, "thank you, God. Please help me now." And trust we're forgiven because of what Jesus did. I think you and i both don't see or feel any different and we look to that for assurance. We keep looking at our feelings, thoughts, emotions, doubts, questions which are all unreliable. The devil keeps getting our eyes off Jesus and back onto us and everything we're doing wrong. He can do that when we're doing something right. It doesn't matter - we're garbage no matter what but Jesus took care of it all. We just need to keep trusting He's got us and stop entertaining the lies. And keep trusting, keep trusting. No matter what we think or feel. Trust His Truth - not our confusion.

I don't know. This all kinda spilled out. I should sleep. I think we're okay, Chris. Thank Jesus.

Just thinking some more... can't sleep. I think we way over complicate this whole thing when really it's so simple. That's why we struggle - it's too simple. It seems too good to be true.

And just thought of this too...i think deep down we believe we can be saved. We hope. That's why we're here on this forum. Why else would we be here if we didn't have hope? If we didn't think we could believe? There's something leading us here, Chris. I think we're just tripping ourselves up thinking it has to look or be some sort of way. I think we think faith and repentance have to look like this or that, and when we don't see what we think we're looking for, we despair. When maybe we already have what we're looking for. Maybe?

 

[Chris0699]

Good - glad you signed up! Look for me - I have the same username as on here. Check out this article - it might be helpful...
How Can I Help Someone Who Thinks They Aren't Elect?

I think it's just for us! And everyone!

I've read this. And another one that says that God can choose to soften a heart that He has hardened. Those give me some comfort, but until we are certain we are 100% saved, we are under God's angry judgment. We must repent from the heart and believe the gospel. It's repentance that I worry about. Being sorry for my sin and striving not to do it anymore because it hurts God. A lot of things I read say "press the sinner to repent", not "pray for a new heart". Because we don't know if we have tomorrow and the longer we hold out the angrier God gets. We've already been angering Him for over 30 years. Dunno how much time we have left, if our clocks haven't already run out.

 

[diana092086]

I've read this. And another one that says that God can choose to soften a heart that He has hardened. Those give me some comfort, but until we are certain we are 100% saved, we are under God's angry judgment. We must repent from the heart and believe the gospel. It's repentance that I worry about. Being sorry for my sin and striving not to do it anymore because it hurts God. A lot of things I read say "press the sinner to repent", not "pray for a new heart". Because we don't know if we have tomorrow and the longer we hold out the angrier God gets. We've already been angering Him for over 30 years. Dunno how much time we have left, if our clocks haven't already run out.

Something else came to mind. A verse that tripped me up is we'll find God when we seek Him with our whole heart. I never thought I was seeking with my whole heart. But a thought came to me today or yesterday that maybe we are seeking Him but we don't realize it. Our hearts are deceitful...God's ways are higher than our ways...walk by faith (trust), not by sight...I think we've been walking by sight, expecting to see what we want to see and God doesn't work the way we want Him to. We need to let go of what we're expecting or what we think. Open our hearts and minds to God. These are things people have been telling me but they're making more sense now. I feel like I'm learning - ever so slowly - but I really think we're heading in the right direction. We need to stick around here. Keep learning, keep asking questions, keep growing, keep trusting that God will show Himself to us one of these days. Someone told me maybe I should stop looking for what I'm expecting to find and just trust God (something along those lines) and then what I'm looking for will show up (something to that effect).

This passage has always stood out to me and I've always loved it...
Matthew 7:7
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

 

[Chris0699]

Something else came to mind. A verse that tripped me up is we'll find God when we seek Him with our whole heart. I never thought I was seeking with my whole heart. But a thought came to me today or yesterday that maybe we are seeking Him but we don't realize it. Our hearts are deceitful...God's ways are higher than our ways...walk by faith (trust), not by sight...I think we've been walking by sight, expecting to see what we want to see and God doesn't work the way we want Him to. We need to let go of what we're expecting or what we think. Open our hearts and minds to God. These are things people have been telling me but they're making more sense now. I feel like I'm learning - ever so slowly - but I really think we're heading in the right direction. We need to stick around here. Keep learning, keep asking questions, keep growing, keep trusting that God will show Himself to us one of these days. Someone told me maybe I should stop looking for what I'm expecting to find and just trust God (something along those lines) and then what I'm looking for will show up (something to that effect).

This passage has always stood out to me and I've always loved it...
Matthew 7:7
“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

To even qualify for truly asking or seeking in a way God will honor requires a certain set of attitudes which seem impossible for me to have.

 

[diana092086]

It's so strange talking to you because I feel like I'm talking to myself. lol. Maybe don't think so much about yourself but look to Jesus and ask Him to help you. I know it doesn't seem sincere or anything but just try it. Do it anyway. Don't get in your own way. It's easy for me to say this to you, but at the same time I understand and know how difficult it is to actually heed.

Things keep coming to my mind. Another thing - a pastor of mine said something many months ago. He said God is operating on so many different levels - we just don't have a clue. That got me thinking that God is up to something here too. We don't get it. But I think we're going to look back on this and think, "Wow, I see what God was doing there." Just wait and see. Nothing is wasted.

I think this is kinda crazy too - I've been struggling so much with this these last few months that I'm doing something I don't normally do - talking online with strangers. lol. I've opened up to so many people from all over the place. There's a woman I talk to from Maryland, another woman I talk to from Illinois, a man from Texas, John from I don't know where - ha ha, you. And there's a love and care I'm experiencing that I would never have experienced had I not been going through the struggle I'm going through. That's really something.

 

[Chris0699]

It's so strange talking to you because I feel like I'm talking to myself. lol. Maybe don't think so much about yourself but look to Jesus and ask Him to help you. I know it doesn't seem sincere or anything but just try it. Do it anyway. Don't get in your own way. It's easy for me to say this to you, but at the same time I understand and know how difficult it is to actually heed.

Things keep coming to my mind. Another thing - a pastor of mine said something many months ago. He said God is operating on so many different levels - we just don't have a clue. That got me thinking that God is up to something here too. We don't get it. But I think we're going to look back on this and think, "Wow, I see what God was doing there." Just wait and see. Nothing is wasted.

I think this is kinda crazy too - I've been struggling so much with this these last few months that I'm doing something I don't normally do - talking online with strangers. lol. I've opened up to so many people from all over the place. There's a woman I talk to from Maryland, another woman I talk to from Illinois, a man from Texas, John from I don't know where - ha ha, you. And there's a love and care I'm experiencing that I would never have experienced had I not been going through the struggle I'm going through. That's really something.

BTW, I am Chris0699 on Rapture Forums.

 

[diana092086]

BTW, I am Chris0699 on Rapture Forums.

I posted under Prayer Requests and Praise Reports and New Member Meet & Greet

Check them out if you can...There's a lot of good advice from others

 

[Chris0699]

I posted under Prayer Requests and Praise Reports and New Member Meet & Greet

Check them out if you can...There's a lot of good advice from others

Be discerning. We don't want to be misled.

 

[Ugly jerky heathen]

I can't offer much help, being in a similar position myself, but I can empathize, and, on the very remote off-chance that God will hear my prayers even though I'm at best a wicked heathen, I will pray that He might grant you the mercy, redemption and peace that you seek. I do think it is a good sign that you seek Him, that you acknowledge His existence and holiness and justice as well as your own sin and depravity.

 

[diana092086]

I can't offer much help, being in a similar position myself, but I can empathize, and, on the very remote off-chance that God will hear my prayers even though I'm at best a wicked heathen, I will pray that He might grant you the mercy, redemption and peace that you seek. I do think it is a good sign that you seek Him, that you acknowledge His existence and holiness and justice as well as your own sin and depravity.

Thank you. One thing I'm learning is i look too much at myself when i should be looking at Jesus. When i look at me, i despair and can never measure up. But as i think about Jesus, there is some peace that comes. I need to keep practicing that. Maybe that's your issue too? Because there's hope for you too! Trust Him to cover you, to cleanse you. Just trust.

 

[ajcarey]

The true Jesus, the one of the Bible, and not one that is a satanic invention, did not shed His blood for people to continue in sin and disobedience as filthy sinners. Looking to the Jesus of the Bible means doing what He said, as only those who repent, bring forth fruit meet for repentance, and follow Him faithfully to the end will be saved through His atonement and inherit His kingdom as His faithful subjects. He is Lord of lords and King of Kings; not an enabler of lawlessness who tells those who live wickedly that their sin is okay, and that they're not responsible to repent and be holy. Be not deceived by the serpent's influence which promises life to those with unbroken, impenitent hearts that won't submit to be ruled by God's Word and don't strive to actually be clean and holy through God's promises.

By the Word of God those who think they can come to Jesus as they are so they can stay as they are, and not in submission to Him welcoming His reign over them so that He might transform them into His image by His glorious power, are not going to have a happy judgment day! But if such choose to believe a lie that says otherwise and hold to it, they will reap what they sow as they attempt to mock God. But be not deceived; God is not mocked, so you will surely not get away with rebelling against His Righteous authority, even though you justify your rebellion with flowery language and pious sounding expressions.

Luke 9:23-25: "23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. 24 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. 25 For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?"

Romans 2:4-11: "Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? 5 But after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God; 6 Who will render to every man according to his deeds: 7 To them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, eternal life: 8 But unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath, 9 Tribulation and anguish, upon every soul of man that doeth evil, of the Jew first, and also of the Gentile; 10 But glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good, to the Jew first, and also to the Gentile: 11 For there is no respect of persons with God."

Romans 6:16: "16 Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?"

Galatians 6:7-8: "7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting."

Revelation 22:12-15: "12 And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. 13 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. 14 Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. 15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie."

 

[Ugly jerky heathen]

I very much wish I could see Him more and me less. But He is not my Savior. He is my Judge, the One Who, because He is Holy and Just and Righteous, will soon cast me into the lake of fire.

 

[ajcarey]

I very much wish I could see Him more and me less. But He is not my Savior. He is my Judge, the One Who, because He is Holy and Just and Righteous, will soon cast me into the lake of fire.

Only if you refuse to receive His rule over your life here so that you can partake of His mercy and His favor. He is not willing that any should perish. Believe the Scripture truth that He delights in mercy and will grant it to those who will believe that He will not turn away any who repent and glorify Him as God. He will not. You are still a candidate for grace. Don't let the fact that many presume upon His grace keep you from forsaking your sins and bowing to serve Him in confidence that He will really extend grace to you as you do so. Two sins we have to let go of are pleasure in self-pity and despairing in unbelief that there is no hope for us. The fact is there is real hope if we will simply comply with His holy demands which are totally reasonable and trust in His promises as He gave them.

Note the certainty here. Isaiah 55:6-7: "6 Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: 7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon."

Don't hesitate to be reconciled to God as you are offered, even though many vainly think to reconcile God to themselves. 2 Corinthians 5:19-20: "19 To wit, that God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto himself, not imputing their trespasses unto them; and hath committed unto us the word of reconciliation.20 Now then we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God did beseech you by us: we pray you in Christ's stead, be ye reconciled to God."

 

[diana092086]

The true Jesus, the one of the Bible, and not one that is a satanic invention, did not shed His blood for people to continue in sin and disobedience as filthy sinners. Looking to the Jesus of the Bible means doing what He said, as only those who repent, bring forth fruit meet for repentance, and follow Him faithfully to the end will be saved through His atonement and inherit His kingdom as His faithful subjects. He is Lord of lords and King of Kings; not an enabler of lawlessness who tells those who live wickedly that their sin is okay, and that they're not responsible to repent and be holy. Be not deceived by the serpent's influence which promises life to those with unbroken, impenitent hearts that won't submit to be ruled by God's Word and don't strive to actually be clean and holy through God's promises.

By the Word of God those who think they can come to Jesus as they are so they can stay as they are, and not in submission to Him welcoming His reign over them so that He might transform them into His image by His glorious power, are not going to have a happy judgment day! But if such choose to believe a lie that says otherwise and hold to it, they will reap what they sow as they attempt to mock God. But be not deceived; God is not mocked, so you will surely not get away with rebelling against His Righteous authority, even though you justify your rebellion with flowery language and pious sounding expressions.

Luke 9:23-25: "23 And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. 24 For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: but whosoever will lose his life for my sake, the same shall save it. 25 For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself, or be cast away?"

Romans 2:4-11: "Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance? 5 But after thy hardness and impenitent heart treasurest up unto thyself wrath against the day of wrath and revelation of the righteous judgment of God; 6 Who will render to every man according to his deeds: 7 To them who by patient continuance in well doing seek for glory and honour and immortality, eternal life: 8 But unto them that are contentious, and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, indignation and wrath, 9 Tribulation and anguish, upon every soul of man that doeth evil, of the Jew first, and also of the Gentile; 10 But glory, honour, and peace, to every man that worketh good, to the Jew first, and also to the Gentile: 11 For there is no respect of persons with God."

Romans 6:16: "16 Know ye not, that to whom ye yield yourselves servants to obey, his servants ye are to whom ye obey; whether of sin unto death, or of obedience unto righteousness?"

Galatians 6:7-8: "7 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. 8 For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting."

Revelation 22:12-15: "12 And, behold, I come quickly; and my reward is with me, to give every man according as his work shall be. 13 I am Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end, the first and the last. 14 Blessed are they that do his commandments, that they may have right to the tree of life, and may enter in through the gates into the city. 15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie."

So, it's a choice to read His Word and strive to do our best to follow Him and His promises whether we "feel" saved or not? We choose to trust He will save us because He promises to and then we try our best to follow what He says? And we won't be perfect or always know for sure what to do, but we step out in faith and do our best? And when we mess up, we get back up, ask for forgiveness, and continue on trusting Him and trying our best to follow Him? And every day is a new day to choose to read His Word and follow it the best we know how? And following isn't so much, God told me to take this job or go here or go there, but more so loving Him and loving others in whatever situation we find ourselves?

Will you tell me about how He gives us a new heart, nature, desires? That is something that is confusing to me because some people who hear the Gospel seem to be immediately changed with new desires and everything. Not me. I suppose it's different for everyone. Do we trust we have a new nature and as we try our best to follow Him, He slowly changes our heart and desires? And how does He change our heart and desires? And we do what He says whether we feel like doing it or not? Whether we feel our hearts or natures have been changed or not? And again, we won't be perfect, but we keep striving? I just don't want to be trying to follow Him in my flesh, without the Holy Spirit, thinking I'm trying to earn my way or maintain something and find out i was never saved. I want to be sure i have the Holy Spirit and I'm following Him - loving Him and others - out of love and gratitude and not fear. I think that's my dilemma. I'm still so fearful and trying to follow all the rules and i don't feel i have the joy of the Lord, happily loving Him and others. I'm afraid I'm trying to change myself and my desires on my own, thinking then I'm acceptable to God. I want to be sure I'm looking at Him and what He's done rather than looking at me and my performance, thinking i deserve something. My heart is not broken and penitent over my sin. I'm still just afraid of getting into trouble and going to hell. How do i love God and be broken over my sin?

 

[ajcarey]

So, it's a choice to read His Word and strive to do our best to follow Him and His promises whether we "feel" saved or not? We choose to trust He will save us because He promises to and then we try our best to follow what He says? And we won't be perfect or always know for sure what to do, but we step out in faith and do our best? And when we mess up, we get back up, ask for forgiveness, and continue on trusting Him and trying our best to follow Him? And every day is a new day to choose to read His Word and follow it the best we know how? And following isn't so much, God told me to take this job or go here or go there, but more so loving Him and loving others in whatever situation we find ourselves?

Will you tell me about how He gives us a new heart, nature, desires? That is something that is confusing to me because some people who hear the Gospel seem to be immediately changed with new desires and everything. Not me. I suppose it's different for everyone. Do we trust we have a new nature and as we try our best to follow Him, He slowly changes our heart and desires? And we do what He says whether we feel like doing it or not? Whether we feel our hearts or natures have been changed or not? And again, we won't be perfect, but we keep striving? I just don't want to be trying to follow Him in my flesh, without the Holy Spirit, thinking I'm trying to earn my way or maintain something and find out i was never saved. I want to be sure i have the Holy Spirit and I'm following Him - loving Him and others - out of love and gratitude and not fear. I think that's my dilemma. I'm still so fearful and trying to follow all the rules and i don't feel i have the joy of the Lord, happily loving Him and others. I want to be sure I'm looking at Him and what He's done rather than looking at me and my performance, thinking i deserve something.

My response to your first paragraph: You are on the right track there. He has promised to save those who believe on His Son, which means forsaking commitment to and regard for sin to keep His Word since He is a Great and Holy King whose atonement is applied to those who welcome His reign in death to self, knowing that they need His atonement for sin and have no hope of making their own atonement. He demands no denial of what He calls sin nor harboring of sin along with a wholehearted willingness to do whatever He says. He offers continued cleansing to those with such a heart though they will not be absolutely perfect in their performance. But we do need to have a perfect heart that is surrendered to Him and resolved to obey Him to be eligible for His atonement. The books of 1 John and Hebrews especially explain this. "And he answered and said unto them, My mother and my brethren are these which hear the word of God, and do it." (Luke 8:21)

My response to your second paragraph: No, we don't trust we have a new nature before we follow Him. Acts 5:32 and Ephesians 1:13 show how the Holy Spirit is given after we repent and believe. The fact is that God's Spirit is striving with you already and when He accepts your repentance He will come inside you, dwell in you, and bear witness that you're a child of God (Romans 8:16). But if you wait until He comes inside you first before you are surrendered to Christ and striving to follow Him then it's never going to happen. Look at the conversions of the righteous in the Bible: Abraham, Moses, Zaccheus, Paul, etc all acted in faith to side with the Lord- they didn't wait until they felt saved or had been given new natures. They repented and chose to do what is pleasing to God- and we can be sure that the moment they were resolved in that choice they were born again, yet the focus was on doing what they needed to do to side with the Lord rather than feeling converted before they did so. He empowers those who are already willing by His Holy Spirit; and this is not a work of the flesh because the Holy Spirit was already striving with them and they yielded to that striving and cooperated from there. They were then given the Holy Spirit inside to enable them in performing what they were already set upon doing in their hearts- pleasing God, coming into line with Him, God's righteous truth prevailing to the extent that was in their power to bring about, etc. "31 Him hath God exalted with his right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins. 32 And we are his witnesses of these things; and so is also the Holy Ghost, whom God hath given to them that obey him." (Acts 5:31-32)

Jesus' example proves that we are never too spiritual to be beyond fearing God (see Hebrews 5:7). But I suspect your fear is a dread because you are yet outside His boundaries, and thus you have a guilt related fear. That will go away when you get inside His boundaries and you have nothing to feel guilty about because His Law will not then have any contention with you- provided that you do plead the blood of Christ and ask for mercy rather than think you're earning His favor- and that would be the one and only way you could be in danger of looking at yourself and not Christ in the sense the Bible warns about. You still need to submit to His boundaries and renounce your sins before you can plead for His atonement. So in doing that also renounce any thought in yourself that you deserve His favor and agree with the self-evident truth that you would go to hell if you got what you deserved. Even if you were totally faithful every day the rest of your life you would still be eternally indebted for how you've already turned from Him and incurred His just wrath against you. Your submission to His law and commitment to please Him needs to happen for you to be saved, but it is not a matter of making your own atonement- it is a matter that no one can be in God's favor and justified before him who is not submitted to His authority and in line with His law. Christ's atonement doesn't give us a way to get around that; it gives us a way to come back to that place of submission and to be accepted though legally we ought to die anyways. Just look at the examples of the righteous and the wicked in the Bible and you'll see this truth illustrated. No one was justified before they repented and sided wholeheartedly with God's Law (which included the demand to have atonement for sin done God's way). Those who understood God's justification right and cooperated with Him strove to please Him to show that they renounced their sin, didn't believe the enemy's lie that God's commandments don't have our best interest behind them, that they wanted the true God to be their God, and that they chose to make His interests and values their own. We should want to follow them because they ultimately followed Christ, that is a necessary aspect of working out our own salvation, and those who won't do so remain God's enemies in the realm of Satan's darkness. It is a false piety that is sadly very common which claims that our complying with God's own instructions and directions opposes Jesus. That is a concept which is foreign to Scripture. What we find rather opposing Jesus in the Bible and throughout history are people trying to invent ways to get around complying with God's instructions and directions under a guise of piety and humility which in reality are false piety and false humility.

"Thus saith the Lord, The heaven is my throne, and the earth is my footstool: where is the house that ye build unto me? and where is the place of my rest? 2 For all those things hath mine hand made, and all those things have been, saith the Lord: but to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word." (Isaiah 66:1-2)

 

[Reeganlindsay]

Hi Diana,
I’ve been meaning to write something here for a few months now, but something always stopped me, usually fear, of like saying things the wrong way or something like that. But I just decided tonight, “screw it, I’m just going say something rather than nothing”.
So, anyways, the reason for this message is that I’m in the EXACT same situation as you and as you said to Chris (Hi Chris - keen to connect with you as well if you’re interested mate), it feels like talking to yourself. I’m 100% sure that we are in the exact same state, saved or not, I don’t know, but definitely the same. Anyways, so one thing I wanted to ask is, how are you going now? As it has been about 4 months since you last posted here, and it seemed like towards the end of this whole little journey you were actually starting to have some hope and coming to some new realisations.
I hope you don’t feel any pressure, like if you’re not doing well, I don’t mind, I just want to hear from you, as I feel like we could help each other.
Anyways, I don’t really know what to say, but I’m just greatful to have found this thread you created. It’s not the only one I’ve read, I’ve actually read heaps, but not for a couple of years, but I came across your one back in October and there was just something about it that really struck a chord with me maybe more than most of the others I’ve read. I don’t know. Anyways, if you’re interested I can share my story/journey of how I ended up in this situation and what my experience is like, but I don’t want to just dump it on here now as you may not be interested or may not even be active on this forum anymore etc. But I just thought I’d reach out and see if maybe you still are, and hopefully we could connect.
Anyways, the more I write the more it sounds creepy. Lol. Honestly, I’m just a desperate soul seeking help, so sorry if I come across as creepy or something, it’s not my intention. Just genuinely want to connect and talk about our extremely identical predicament and see if there’s any hope for us.
Wow, I sound so prideful even writing this. Man, it really sucks not living for God. Wish I could, as He’s the only life there is. Anyways, it’s 3:33am (Australia time), so I’ll leave it there. Hoping to hear from you. And hoping that by some miracle you have overcome this terrible experience, but like I said, if you haven’t and are still struggling, that’s ok, I still would like to talk with you,
Sincerely,
Reegan (not my real name - too scared to reveal my true identity on here. Lol)

 

[Chris0699]

Hi Diana,
I’ve been meaning to write something here for a few months now, but something always stopped me, usually fear, of like saying things the wrong way or something like that. But I just decided tonight, “screw it, I’m just going say something rather than nothing”.
So, anyways, the reason for this message is that I’m in the EXACT same situation as you and as you said to Chris (Hi Chris - keen to connect with you as well if you’re interested mate), it feels like talking to yourself. I’m 100% sure that we are in the exact same state, saved or not, I don’t know, but definitely the same. Anyways, so one thing I wanted to ask is, how are you going now? As it has been about 4 months since you last posted here, and it seemed like towards the end of this whole little journey you were actually starting to have some hope and coming to some new realisations.
I hope you don’t feel any pressure, like if you’re not doing well, I don’t mind, I just want to hear from you, as I feel like we could help each other.
Anyways, I don’t really know what to say, but I’m just greatful to have found this thread you created. It’s not the only one I’ve read, I’ve actually read heaps, but not for a couple of years, but I came across your one back in October and there was just something about it that really struck a chord with me maybe more than most of the others I’ve read. I don’t know. Anyways, if you’re interested I can share my story/journey of how I ended up in this situation and what my experience is like, but I don’t want to just dump it on here now as you may not be interested or may not even be active on this forum anymore etc. But I just thought I’d reach out and see if maybe you still are, and hopefully we could connect.
Anyways, the more I write the more it sounds creepy. Lol. Honestly, I’m just a desperate soul seeking help, so sorry if I come across as creepy or something, it’s not my intention. Just genuinely want to connect and talk about our extremely identical predicament and see if there’s any hope for us.
Wow, I sound so prideful even writing this. Man, it really sucks not living for God. Wish I could, as He’s the only life there is. Anyways, it’s 3:33am (Australia time), so I’ll leave it there. Hoping to hear from you. And hoping that by some miracle you have overcome this terrible experience, but like I said, if you haven’t and are still struggling, that’s ok, I still would like to talk with you,
Sincerely,
Reegan (not my real name - too scared to reveal my true identity on here. Lol)

Hi Reegan, I think it's all but over for me. If you truly find the Lord, please ask Him to give me a desire for Him. Because right now I can't sense any. And that's a sign that God has given up and one is reprobate.

 

[diana092086]

Hi Diana,
I’ve been meaning to write something here for a few months now, but something always stopped me, usually fear, of like saying things the wrong way or something like that. But I just decided tonight, “screw it, I’m just going say something rather than nothing”.
So, anyways, the reason for this message is that I’m in the EXACT same situation as you and as you said to Chris (Hi Chris - keen to connect with you as well if you’re interested mate), it feels like talking to yourself. I’m 100% sure that we are in the exact same state, saved or not, I don’t know, but definitely the same. Anyways, so one thing I wanted to ask is, how are you going now? As it has been about 4 months since you last posted here, and it seemed like towards the end of this whole little journey you were actually starting to have some hope and coming to some new realisations.
I hope you don’t feel any pressure, like if you’re not doing well, I don’t mind, I just want to hear from you, as I feel like we could help each other.
Anyways, I don’t really know what to say, but I’m just greatful to have found this thread you created. It’s not the only one I’ve read, I’ve actually read heaps, but not for a couple of years, but I came across your one back in October and there was just something about it that really struck a chord with me maybe more than most of the others I’ve read. I don’t know. Anyways, if you’re interested I can share my story/journey of how I ended up in this situation and what my experience is like, but I don’t want to just dump it on here now as you may not be interested or may not even be active on this forum anymore etc. But I just thought I’d reach out and see if maybe you still are, and hopefully we could connect.
Anyways, the more I write the more it sounds creepy. Lol. Honestly, I’m just a desperate soul seeking help, so sorry if I come across as creepy or something, it’s not my intention. Just genuinely want to connect and talk about our extremely identical predicament and see if there’s any hope for us.
Wow, I sound so prideful even writing this. Man, it really sucks not living for God. Wish I could, as He’s the only life there is. Anyways, it’s 3:33am (Australia time), so I’ll leave it there. Hoping to hear from you. And hoping that by some miracle you have overcome this terrible experience, but like I said, if you haven’t and are still struggling, that’s ok, I still would like to talk with you,
Sincerely,
Reegan (not my real name - too scared to reveal my true identity on here. Lol)

Hi Reegan,
Thanks for writing. You gave me a couple good laughs so thanks for that! I do still struggle but am in a much better place now. There have been a lot of things that have helped me. I've been going to a Christian counselor and psychiatrist, have been on another forum (message me if you want details), have read lots on gotquestions.org, read articles on desiringgod, talked with lots of believers, read Bible app plans, gone to church, prayed a little (i still really need to work on praying and reading the Bible), listened to messages/sermons. I've learned i have to be careful with who i listen to and what I'm taking in. I'm still learning to not compare myself, my faith, my journey with anyone else's. I'm learning to not go by my feelings or expecting to have some "experience." Rather, i need to TRUST what God says. Not my feelings, not my thoughts, not other people's experiences. I was thinking last night that i need to think of God (Jesus) as a person - because He is - imagine that! Ha ha. And i need to think that He is trustworthy - because He is! And I can trust Him to save even me. He will cast no one out who comes to Him (John 6:37). So I just run to Him, ask Him to help me, save me, and I need to TRUST that He has and will because He promises to and He cannot lie. Then, when nothing seems to happen or change, i need to believe and trust that His words are true and not rely on my thoughts, feelings, experiences. We walk by faith(trust) and not by sight.
There's always hope, my friend. You're not alone. TRUST He died for you too. Choose to believe it! He loves you!