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I can't do this anymore...

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My fears and doubts are all valid. It seems I love the world more than serving God. I don't even feel any love for God. Right now, video games are the central thing in my life it looks like. I can't do this. After asking over and over for a new heart, new desires, etc., nothing has changed. I've cried our for God to help me and save me and change me but nothing's happened. I can't seem to love and serve God more than the world. I can't. I don't know why. I just keep getting bored. I can't stand being bored. I don't know what to do. This is ridiculous. What is wrong with me? Why does it seem like God is ignoring me? Why hasn't He changed me? Why do I still love the things of the world? Why do I still like to sin? Why don't I seem broken enough over them? Why can't my heart be made right? Does this mean I'm not saved? That I'm not elect? Has my calling out to God all been in vain? God says He won't cast out anyone who comes to Him, but I feel cast out, or at least ignored. Have I not come to Him properly? On top of this, I've completely lost my fear of hell to where it feels like it doesn't even matter. I'm tempted to say whatever and give up. I almost feel like I want to be reprobate or not elect because then nothing would matter; none of my serving God or anything would do anything, so I wouldn't have to bother. What is wrong with me? Why can't I fear hell? Why is this happening to me? I feel like I'm going insane. I can't find joy or happiness in serving the Lord. Everything I've been through, all of that change I saw all those months ago, that all but ceased to exist now, it was all fake. Not real. Nothing's real. How can I ever have assurance? Why do I feel like I don't even care? Why does it feel like I just want to fall away and be done with it? Why can I not feel dread about hell? Why is this happening to me? Why has God abandoned me after I've cried out to Him over and over? Why? I can't do this anymore. It really feels like God doesn't want me. Why hasn't He changed my heart yet? Why hasn't He saved me yet? I know I don't deserve it, but I still want it (do I really? I don't even know anymore), and I've called out to Him over and over again. Why am I still like this? Is it because I don't want to change? Why doesn't God change that too? Why is this happening to me? What's the use in trying anymore if nothing good will come of it? And why can't I be afraid of my own damnation? Why? I don't even know why I'm posting this in OCD, since I'm almost completely convinced it's not OCD. Why can't I go back to that moment when I felt close to the Lord, when I would have died for Him, when I would have rather died than keep sinning, rather died than stay in this world? Why can't I go back to where I wept over my sin and begged for forgiveness, when I wanted to go to church and read the Bible, when I wept for joy and felt His peace when I worshipped Him? Now I feel nothing, it's all gone, like none of it mattered. I thought my life was radically changed from that moment on, I was looking forward to living my life for and with Christ. But now there's nothing. Why? Why has this happened? And how can I be assured if/when it does come? How will I know the feelings and desires and whatnot won't just go away again? How can I ever be assured? And why can't I feel any sort of dread over hell and eternal damnation? Why? Why has that gone too? At least that motivated me. Now I feel I could just walk away without a second thought because I wouldn't have any fear of the consequences. I've prayed for a crippling fear of hell and the punishment for my sin, but nothing has come of it. Am I cursed? Am I forsaken? What does this mean? And why?
 
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devin553344

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God will draw you in when it's his will. John 6:44. You should just live your life the best you can in accordance with the teachings of Jesus and his disciples :) You're OK for now. He knows this.
 
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Reading your posts reminds me of many things I read in the book of Psalms.

True faith is a total dependence on the written promises of God in the Bible, regardless of how you feel or your level of sanctification. The Scripture says, "By grace are you saved by faith, not of yourself, but it is the gift of God, not of works lest anyone should boast in them." Therefore your salvation is assured through faith alone in Christ's finished work on the cross. The Scripture says that those who have received Christ have the right to call themselves the children of God. Therefore, you are a child of God regardless of how successful in the faith you feel.

It all depends on what you are expecting of God. If you are expecting God to make you a better, happier person, then you may be disappointed, because that might not be on God's agenda for you. The main item on His agenda is to get you saved and out of hell, which He has done. Jesus did that for you by dying on the cross for you, and all you had to do was to base your faith alone on Him.

The church and the Christian faith is not meant to be a showcase for perfect Christians, but to be a hospital and a save haven for sinners who feel totally inadequate to do anything for themselves. Jesus said that in the world, we will have tribulation, but fear not, for He has overcome the world.

Paul says, "Be not anxious for anything, but by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God, and the peace of God that passes all understanding will keep you hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

So, you have been crying out to God for help. Now that God has heard your prayers, you can chill out and rest in faith without being anxious about your state before Him. The Scripture says, "The eye of the Lord is upon the righteous and His ears are open to their prayers". When you received Christ, He gave you His perfect righteousness, so regardless of how you feel about yourself, you can count yourself righteous because of your faith in Him.
 
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joshua 1 9

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Blade

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You know.. one day I was reading the bible.. in the margin said something to the effect "if your heart convicts you..you wont ever get anything from God". I got up and told Him "I quit" I said "my heart convicts me (of sin) 24/7" I go to the door and reach for it. He asks me "what is righteousness?" I said as I start to turn "Ok ok..righteousness is right standing with God" He asks "how do you get righteousness?" I said "by believing in Jesus".. something hit me.. I mean it was like I could see.. I cried and cried.

See much of what you said.. is your heart talking abut the enemy has tossed in so many lies. See.. He is NOT against you. He loves you. You just again told Him all this. Now look at Him.. Hello Jesus? You seem to look as if you didnt see any of this. He is not like man not thinks like one. See He said I LOVE YOU so much I take your place. You/we/the world never deserved it. It was His gift. So.. He died for ALL YOUR SINS ALREADY! Every single time you miss it .. goof up.. get it wrong. He is still there..never judging you never condemning you.

If we never felt heard anything from Him.... nothing has changed with Him. He loves you.. your Hiis. Relax He took you as you are..and He made a promise to you.. what HE started in YOU He will finish. Forgive your self..don't let the devil lie to you. Worry fear doubt.. NEVER every come from God. So.. if some thought feeling says Hes mad.. does not love you..never talks to you.. 100% a lie. So flip that lie.

You are loved.. He never ever gives up on you. The world does.. He never does. Man always will fail us.. He never will. You talked about FEAR.. the word says fear has torment. And fear is NOT of God. Speak His word when things like this happen. Fear? I say "NO..its written God has not given me the spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind" I say that in fear. See everything is Him.. the JOY of the lord is your strength. Be strong in the lord in the power of HIS might. Peace? Its HIS peace Christ gave us. Armor? Put on the whole armor of? OF GOD! See its ALL HIM! So many times WE try to do everything. We ask but never believe from the start He hears us. Yet His word so many times says He does.. and ALWAYS answers us.. always gives gives. But we doubt.. doubting will stop God.. has to be FAITH.

Like I said about fear? No matter what you FEEL.. you take what He said as fact no matter what you FEEL! He said.. I have not given you the spirit of fear but of power and love and a sound mind! So many promises. Don't walk by how this body feels. Well feelings are up and down all over the place. For God so loved the world.. if you believe Jesus was who He said He was..came in the flesh died on the cross.. was buried rose the 3rd day.. .. believe John 3 16 your living forever. No matter what you FEEL LIKE.. His word can not change.

He loves you.. KNOW He hears you.. speak HIS word. You promised me peace.. I recieve your peace Father in Jesus name. You promised me a sound mind.. I recieve it.. can't feel it.. don't see it.. He can not lie. We just think.. well it didn't happen right now so .. He must not have wanted me to have it. Not written in His word. His peace.. His joy.. His strength.. so forth so on.. are YOURS! He can't lie.. we do.. man does.

He is for you.. not against you. Satan uses our weakness to tel us GOD hates us.. not for us.. on and on. He lies..he can never tell the truth. So.. does it have fear worry doubt.. negative in it? Its not of God. Look up the fruits of the Spirit.. read 1st Cor 13. He loves you.. HE LOVES YOU!
 
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eleos1954

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My fears and doubts are all valid. It seems I love the world more than serving God. I don't even feel any love for God. Right now, video games are the central thing in my life it looks like. I can't do this. After asking over and over for a new heart, new desires, etc., nothing has changed. I've cried our for God to help me and save me and change me but nothing's happened. I can't seem to love and serve God more than the world. I can't. I don't know why. I just keep getting bored. I can't stand being bored. I don't know what to do. This is ridiculous. What is wrong with me? Why does it seem like God is ignoring me? Why hasn't He changed me? Why do I still love the things of the world? Why do I still like to sin? Why don't I seem broken enough over them? Why can't my heart be made right? Does this mean I'm not saved? That I'm not elect? Has my calling out to God all been in vain? God says He won't cast out anyone who comes to Him, but I feel cast out, or at least ignored. Have I not come to Him properly? On top of this, I've completely lost my fear of hell to where it feels like it doesn't even matter. I'm tempted to say whatever and give up. I almost feel like I want to be reprobate or not elect because then nothing would matter; none of my serving God or anything would do anything, so I wouldn't have to bother. What is wrong with me? Why can't I fear hell? Why is this happening to me? I feel like I'm going insane. I can't find joy or happiness in serving the Lord. Everything I've been through, all of that change I saw all those months ago, that all but ceased to exist now, it was all fake. Not real. Nothing's real. How can I ever have assurance? Why do I feel like I don't even care? Why does it feel like I just want to fall away and be done with it? Why can I not feel dread about hell? Why is this happening to me? Why has God abandoned me after I've cried out to Him over and over? Why? I can't do this anymore. It really feels like God doesn't want me. Why hasn't He changed my heart yet? Why hasn't He saved me yet? I know I don't deserve it, but I still want it (do I really? I don't even know anymore), and I've called out to Him over and over again. Why am I still like this? Is it because I don't want to change? Why doesn't God change that too? Why is this happening to me? What's the use in trying anymore if nothing good will come of it? And why can't I be afraid of my own damnation? Why? I don't even know why I'm posting this in OCD, since I'm almost completely convinced it's not OCD. Why can't I go back to that moment when I felt close to the Lord, when I would have died for Him, when I would have rather died than keep sinning, rather died than stay in this world? Why can't I go back to where I wept over my sin and begged for forgiveness, when I wanted to go to church and read the Bible, when I wept for joy and felt His peace when I worshipped Him? Now I feel nothing, it's all gone, like none of it mattered. I thought my life was radically changed from that moment on, I was looking forward to living my life for and with Christ. But now there's nothing. Why? Why has this happened? And how can I be assured if/when it does come? How will I know the feelings and desires and whatnot won't just go away again? How can I ever be assured? And why can't I feel any sort of dread over hell and eternal damnation? Why? Why has that gone too? At least that motivated me. Now I feel I could just walk away without a second thought because I wouldn't have any fear of the consequences. I've prayed for a crippling fear of hell and the punishment for my sin, but nothing has come of it. Am I cursed? Am I forsaken? What does this mean? And why?

Romans 7

Struggling with Sin

13Did that which is good, then, become death to me? Certainly not! But in order that sin might be exposed as sin, it produced death in me through what was good, so that through the commandment sin might become utterly sinful.

14We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. 15I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I admit that the law is good. 17In that case, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh; for I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For I do not do the good I want to do. Instead, I keep on doing the evil I do not want to do. 20And if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

21So this is the principle I have discovered: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22For in my inner being I delight in God’s law. 23But I see another law at work in my body, warring against the law of my mind and holding me captive to the law of sin that dwells within me. 24What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25Thanks be to God, through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, with my mind I serve the law of God, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.

You need to be fed daily with the word of God.

Put some time away daily and study His word.

Here is a resource where you can look up answers to your questions ... topically. The answers you seek is in His word.

What Does the Bible Say About Love Is?
 
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Brightmoon

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Feeling guilty and fearful over harmless things can cause great harm to you. 1 Ask yourself is this harmful or harmless to me or to others , . If the answer is no you could be acting in a superstitious manner . 2 ask yourself is someone else making you feel guilty over something harmless . If they are, put a stop to their behavior immediately , they’re trying to inappropriately overcontrol you.
 
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NoahSK

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Now I keep getting thoughts that I don't want God to exist or that if I just fall away and stop believing I'll be happier, and I can't get rid of them. Whenver I try to think about God and how much He loves me all I can think about is not wanting Him to be real. I feel so against God right now despite everything. The only reason I'm concerned about this is because I know I should be. How can I find comfort in the Lord then? When looking to Him for comfort all I get is thoughts about wanting to fall away and stop believing or wishing He didn't exist. Not even Christian music is helping right now. No thoughts about God being a good father are helping. The longer I have the thoughts the worse they get and the more comfortable and less concerned I get over them.
 
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Brightmoon

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Try writing down your thoughts for a few days and try to get a clearer picture about what’s bothering you about your faith. If you be honest about how you feel it will take a burden off of you and you’ll get better answers rather than trying to distract yourself away from it. If you need a therapist to help you then ask for the help
 
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Mark Quayle

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My fears and doubts are all valid. It seems I love the world more than serving God. I don't even feel any love for God. Right now, video games are the central thing in my life it looks like. I can't do this. After asking over and over for a new heart, new desires, etc., nothing has changed. I've cried our for God to help me and save me and change me but nothing's happened. I can't seem to love and serve God more than the world. I can't. I don't know why. I just keep getting bored. I can't stand being bored. I don't know what to do. This is ridiculous. What is wrong with me? Why does it seem like God is ignoring me? Why hasn't He changed me? Why do I still love the things of the world? Why do I still like to sin? Why don't I seem broken enough over them? Why can't my heart be made right? Does this mean I'm not saved? That I'm not elect? Has my calling out to God all been in vain? God says He won't cast out anyone who comes to Him, but I feel cast out, or at least ignored. Have I not come to Him properly? On top of this, I've completely lost my fear of hell to where it feels like it doesn't even matter. I'm tempted to say whatever and give up. I almost feel like I want to be reprobate or not elect because then nothing would matter; none of my serving God or anything would do anything, so I wouldn't have to bother. What is wrong with me? Why can't I fear hell? Why is this happening to me? I feel like I'm going insane. I can't find joy or happiness in serving the Lord. Everything I've been through, all of that change I saw all those months ago, that all but ceased to exist now, it was all fake. Not real. Nothing's real. How can I ever have assurance? Why do I feel like I don't even care? Why does it feel like I just want to fall away and be done with it? Why can I not feel dread about hell? Why is this happening to me? Why has God abandoned me after I've cried out to Him over and over? Why? I can't do this anymore. It really feels like God doesn't want me. Why hasn't He changed my heart yet? Why hasn't He saved me yet? I know I don't deserve it, but I still want it (do I really? I don't even know anymore), and I've called out to Him over and over again. Why am I still like this? Is it because I don't want to change? Why doesn't God change that too? Why is this happening to me? What's the use in trying anymore if nothing good will come of it? And why can't I be afraid of my own damnation? Why? I don't even know why I'm posting this in OCD, since I'm almost completely convinced it's not OCD. Why can't I go back to that moment when I felt close to the Lord, when I would have died for Him, when I would have rather died than keep sinning, rather died than stay in this world? Why can't I go back to where I wept over my sin and begged for forgiveness, when I wanted to go to church and read the Bible, when I wept for joy and felt His peace when I worshipped Him? Now I feel nothing, it's all gone, like none of it mattered. I thought my life was radically changed from that moment on, I was looking forward to living my life for and with Christ. But now there's nothing. Why? Why has this happened? And how can I be assured if/when it does come? How will I know the feelings and desires and whatnot won't just go away again? How can I ever be assured? And why can't I feel any sort of dread over hell and eternal damnation? Why? Why has that gone too? At least that motivated me. Now I feel I could just walk away without a second thought because I wouldn't have any fear of the consequences. I've prayed for a crippling fear of hell and the punishment for my sin, but nothing has come of it. Am I cursed? Am I forsaken? What does this mean? And why?

I remember a guy talking about a moment of total joy when he and another man prayed with a wheelchair bound man, and were filled with the spirit etc etc etc. He wondered why life can't all be like that --why just that moment.

The just live by faith. Living by faith is not the same as living according to an obvious path. God takes you through unbelievably hard things for your own sake. You are not your own. (Nor, by the way, are you your own judge). Keep crying out to him.

A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.

God bless you, my brother. It is good that this matters to you. Deadness is visible to you right now. You have no idea how alive you are.
 
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Brightmoon

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Maybe it’s me but I’ve never understood that expression, “Loving the things of the world “. Are you doing harmful things to yourself or others ? Or do you disagree with something that you were taught and it’s bothering you. Did you find out that something you were taught is wrong or just plain stupid ? Are you spending too much time doing fun things when you should be a more responsible ?
 
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Mark Quayle

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Maybe it’s me but I’ve never understood that expression, “Loving the things of the world “. Are you doing harmful things to yourself or others ? Or do you disagree with something that you were taught and it’s bothering you. Did you find out that something you were taught is wrong or just plain stupid ? Are you spending too much time doing fun things when you should be a more responsible ?
Good question. Well asked.
 
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Mark Quayle

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God will draw you in when it's his will. John 6:44. You should just live your life the best you can in accordance with the teachings of Jesus and his disciples :) You're OK for now. He knows this.
Well said. That is something I wish more Christians understood. None of us has God's plan for us mapped out. This life is HIS to complete.
 
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Brightmoon

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Keep in mind that some people want to make you feel guilty over a skill or knowledge that you’ve acquired (I had someone try to do that to me over dancing, I ignored them and finally had to cut them off because they tried to gaslight me with verbal abuse into to thinking I was going to harm myself over my harmless hobby)
 
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NoahSK

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Keep in mind that some people want to make you feel guilty over a skill or knowledge that you’ve acquired (I had someone try to do that to me over dancing, I ignored them and finally had to cut them off because they tried to gaslight me with verbal abuse into to thinking I was going to harm myself over my harmless hobby)
It's more like I spend most if not all my time playing video games and stuff like that and like no time praying or reading the Bible or spending time with the Lord and I've felt that if God asked me to give up video games (like I had to choose between them or Him) i had strong feelings I would choose the video games. This has been my main worry and concern for a while.
 
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My fears and doubts are all valid. It seems I love the world more than serving God. I don't even feel any love for God. Right now, video games are the central thing in my life it looks like. I can't do this. After asking over and over for a new heart, new desires, etc., nothing has changed. I've cried our for God to help me and save me and change me but nothing's happened. I can't seem to love and serve God more than the world. I can't. I don't know why. I just keep getting bored. I can't stand being bored. I don't know what to do. This is ridiculous. What is wrong with me? Why does it seem like God is ignoring me? Why hasn't He changed me? Why do I still love the things of the world? Why do I still like to sin? Why don't I seem broken enough over them? Why can't my heart be made right? Does this mean I'm not saved? That I'm not elect? Has my calling out to God all been in vain? God says He won't cast out anyone who comes to Him, but I feel cast out, or at least ignored. Have I not come to Him properly? On top of this, I've completely lost my fear of hell to where it feels like it doesn't even matter. I'm tempted to say whatever and give up. I almost feel like I want to be reprobate or not elect because then nothing would matter; none of my serving God or anything would do anything, so I wouldn't have to bother. What is wrong with me? Why can't I fear hell? Why is this happening to me? I feel like I'm going insane. I can't find joy or happiness in serving the Lord. Everything I've been through, all of that change I saw all those months ago, that all but ceased to exist now, it was all fake. Not real. Nothing's real. How can I ever have assurance? Why do I feel like I don't even care? Why does it feel like I just want to fall away and be done with it? Why can I not feel dread about hell? Why is this happening to me? Why has God abandoned me after I've cried out to Him over and over? Why? I can't do this anymore. It really feels like God doesn't want me. Why hasn't He changed my heart yet? Why hasn't He saved me yet? I know I don't deserve it, but I still want it (do I really? I don't even know anymore), and I've called out to Him over and over again. Why am I still like this? Is it because I don't want to change? Why doesn't God change that too? Why is this happening to me? What's the use in trying anymore if nothing good will come of it? And why can't I be afraid of my own damnation? Why? I don't even know why I'm posting this in OCD, since I'm almost completely convinced it's not OCD. Why can't I go back to that moment when I felt close to the Lord, when I would have died for Him, when I would have rather died than keep sinning, rather died than stay in this world? Why can't I go back to where I wept over my sin and begged for forgiveness, when I wanted to go to church and read the Bible, when I wept for joy and felt His peace when I worshipped Him? Now I feel nothing, it's all gone, like none of it mattered. I thought my life was radically changed from that moment on, I was looking forward to living my life for and with Christ. But now there's nothing. Why? Why has this happened? And how can I be assured if/when it does come? How will I know the feelings and desires and whatnot won't just go away again? How can I ever be assured? And why can't I feel any sort of dread over hell and eternal damnation? Why? Why has that gone too? At least that motivated me. Now I feel I could just walk away without a second thought because I wouldn't have any fear of the consequences. I've prayed for a crippling fear of hell and the punishment for my sin, but nothing has come of it. Am I cursed? Am I forsaken? What does this mean? And why?

It's no wonder you can't do this anymore when you are expecting God to do for you what He has commanded you to do yourself. That has to be a frustrating, tormenting thing. You are like a starving man with food within his reach who is praying to God to feed him. He has drawn you by His Word and offered you grace, commanding and expecting that you forsake idols and cast them out of your life to pursue Him with all your heart and to come into line with His requirements to the best of your ability. That is reasonable, right, proper, and possible. It is sad to see you go through this, but you will know true liberty and godly relief when you just surrender to doing His will because He is God, He has a right to you, and you are in the realm of darkness alienated from your Creator and the only true source of life until you do. That means surrendering to (do as Zaccheus, Paul, and every righteous person in the Bible did) actually following through with what you know the Lord wants you to do and continuing to walk in the light of His Word from there.

Isaiah 1:15-20: "15 And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. 16 Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; 17 Learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow. 18 Come now, and let us reason together, saith the Lord: though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool. 19 If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land: 20 But if ye refuse and rebel, ye shall be devoured with the sword: for the mouth of the Lord hath spoken it."

Revelation 14:6-7: "6 And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people, 7 Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters."

Joshua 24:14-23: "14 Now therefore fear the Lord, and serve him in sincerity and in truth: and put away the gods which your fathers served on the other side of the flood, and in Egypt; and serve ye the Lord. 15 And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. 16 And the people answered and said, God forbid that we should forsake the Lord, to serve other gods; 17 For the Lord our God, he it is that brought us up and our fathers out of the land of Egypt, from the house of bondage, and which did those great signs in our sight, and preserved us in all the way wherein we went, and among all the people through whom we passed: 18 And the Lord drave out from before us all the people, even the Amorites which dwelt in the land: therefore will we also serve the Lord; for he is our God. 19 And Joshua said unto the people, Ye cannot serve the Lord: for he is an holy God; he is a jealous God; he will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins. 20 If ye forsake the Lord, and serve strange gods, then he will turn and do you hurt, and consume you, after that he hath done you good. 21 And the people said unto Joshua, Nay; but we will serve the Lord. 22 And Joshua said unto the people, Ye are witnesses against yourselves that ye have chosen you the Lord, to serve him. And they said, We are witnesses. 23 Now therefore put away, said he, the strange gods which are among you, and incline your heart unto the Lord God of Israel."
 
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