Been christian for maybe almost a year or over, my memories fuzzy. It was really great for starters but overtime I've just spiralled into an unstable mess. The more I tried to get closer to God the further I got. Other people get saved and sure they struggle, but they always overcome, and their filled with joy and assurance, and many of them have more reason to be sad than me. I grew up with a silver spoon in my mouth, so I know I'm a spoilt brat saying this, but Seeing people like that feels like a knife on my heart these days. I'm happy others are being blessed, but I sometimes don't want to even hear other people testify, every time they talk about how good God is to them I just remember how pathetic I am and feel alienated. I've stopped projecting my insecurities on God and I'm willing to admit I have no idea what his thoughts are. The real issue is me. I don't get why I'm such a faithless mess and others are so joy filled with God. Before being saved I was spiritually miserable but content physically. I never got depressed, I barely worried (which wasn't good as I had no sense of urgency). But now I'm miserable and a complete wreck. When I should have more reason for joy and less reason to worry. I'm just not good at this, at all. In fact, I feel like some of my faith is strengthened just knowing there's no way on earth I could be doing any of this if it weren't for God's grace. Sometimes he works but you just don't notice. Its not that I rely on feelings. I could handle feeling down, its never progressing, no direction, I have NO joy, I don't want to live like this. I have a hard time finding assurance. I obey God to the best of what I've been given, I prayed daily, morning and evening and in between, I read through scripture, but all the knowledge I've gotten hasn't made my countenance any better. And now I'm effectively starting to backslide out my prayer life.
Here is what I am understanding about joy, or any of the fruits of the Spirit.
Our job is not to grow fruit. That is the job of the Holy Spirit. For instance, how does one become more patient? Is there anything we can do to become patient? Nope. It is the same with joy.
Does this mean we are powerless to walk in joy? Or patience, or in love? Absolutely not. We do have a part in our bearing fruit. We are fruitful when we abide in Him. The Word tells us that if we abide in Him and His word abides in us, we WILL bear much fruit. What an amazing promise!
But that presents a conundrum for us, doesn't it? How exactly do we abide in Him? This is where we as the modern church have failed in our teachings. We teach about forgiveness, about grace, about mercy, and yes, God freely gives us all those things. But those do not insure our abiding in Him. How do we abide in Him? By faith. what wars against our faith? Sin. Our faith is like a sail on a sailboat. The sail does not move the boat, the wind does the work, right? But until we unfurl our sail of faith to catch the wind we go nowhere.
We start out as new believers with our sails full of the oower of the wind of God, His Holy Spirit. But when we sin, it is like taking a knife and cutting a tear in our sail. Yes, we can be forgiven if we repent and turn from our sin,
but new sins keep happening, and soon our sail is flaccid, and our boat stops moving.
So what is the solution? Sin must go. But heck, that presents a far bigger problem for us, doesn't it? How can we stop sinning when we have fallen natures? It is impossible.... unless..... unless we no long possess fallen natures. Whoa.
In Romans 6, we are told that we.... our old us...... died when Christ died Paul tells us that when Christ rose from the dead, So DID we. We are new creatures! But if that is the case, and it most definitely is, why do we not walk as new creatures with sin under our feet? Why are we not walking as overcomers, victorious over the world, the flesh and the devil? The Word tells us we are, but practically, it is simply not working for us.
Why? That is the real question. Why are we not walking with all the fruits of the Spirit abounding in our lives, joy included? Why does sin and our carnal nature still control us if we are dead to sin and alive to God?
It is easy. The answer is ..... are you ready? ......
""According to your faith be it unto you."
Do you remember when God said "... but it did not profit them, not being mixed with faith in them that heard it."?
We are new creatures, brand new, with the power of sins both big and small broken over us. We have not only been forgiven but have been delivered from the POWER of darkness. But..... do we believe it?
Paul tells us in Romans 8 to yield ourselves to God. Okay. We try, but we fail more often than not, That is not abiding. Thus joy is absent. But we have missed the next part of Paul's admonition. He tells us HOW we are to yield ourselves to our Heavenly Father. We are to yield ourselves to God
as those who are alive from the dead!
Your dilemma is not at all uncommon. It plagues most of our Christianity. But God has shown me that even now, we are being awakened to who we are .... and who we no longer are. From the day we were born again, we have been made new creatures. We have simply never truly understood how true it really is.
When we finally put on the whole armor of God He has provided.... brand new natures that not only do not want to sin, but also have the power to stop yielding to temptation, to actually reign victorious over our old selfish natures.... we will find that overcoming is our birthright, and that, praise God forevermore, joy will abound in our lives, along with all the other fruits of the Spirit.
It is time that we hoist our sails and catch the wind of the Spirit. He is about to move us like we never thought possible. The only question before us is..... will we truly believe our God?
Many blessings,
Gideon