OCD or God? Severe panic attacks constantly..please help

[amethystpuppy]

I've been having a really hard time as of the past two-ish months. My OCD has resurfaced but I'm scared that it's not OCD but the panic is so strong that I have no other option other than to listen to it. Recently it's been telling me to get rid of my friends..I'll out of the blue start to get anxious around one for no reason and then I'll have the overwhelming need to cut them out of my life and it doesn't go away until I do. It's the worst thing I've experienced yet because other people's feelings are on the line. What scares me is that it's not OCD. I believe in God and I believe the first person I had to do it to was God telling me something due to a lot of unresolved attachment issues and needing to lean on him more than humans..but now it's happening with other people. Today it latched onto a friend I haven't seen in years that I contacted about the rough time I'm going through and I started crying in the car and told her I was so anxious over the need to do it to her that my chest hurt and my fingers were going numb. A part of me thinks this is God trying to get me to be able to stand on my own without people or that he's telling me certain people are a bad influence because they swear, etc but when I first got the feeling it felt like OCD but now I'm not sure and I'm very worried that whatever this is wants me alone and powerless. It feels so real and it's so scary because nobody can tell me what's going on. It's literally like I am forced to get rid of these people or else I get so panicky in their presence that I cannot enjoy a moment with them and start to disociate from reality and stop responding or hearing what they say. Please help, I can't find anything about this specific urge on the internet anywhere and it's starting to freak me out.

 

[Gingerine]

Hello! To me this sounds like scrupulousity which is a form of OCD that is highly attached to morality. I'm always thinking I need to give something up or I will risk losing Jesus( of course this is not true but it feels true, it feels more real than a lot of things) I try to work off of the premise "Nothing bit what is written" does the bible tell you to give up your friends? I don't think it does, friends are blessings and unless they are bad influences I do not believe you should give them up. You will need to figure out how to over come the anxiety, I suggest you breathe deeply and try to ignore the feelings they will fade eventually(Trust me, I know it doesn't seem like it but they will) find a friend you trust and can confide in, tell them what's going on and have an "exposure" therapy session with them stay with them throughout the discomfort until it fades. Remember God cares deeply about you, He won't give up on you if something is truly His will it will be done if you are pliable in His hands. Ask Him for clarity and keep pressing on,trust that He will resolve this for your greater good God does not want you to be anxious or fearful. I'll be praying for you!

 

[amethystpuppy]

Hello! To me this sounds like scrupulousity which is a form of OCD that is highly attached to morality. I'm always thinking I need to give something up or I will risk losing Jesus( of course this is not true but it feels true, it feels more real than a lot of things) I try to work off of the premise "Nothing bit what is written" does the bible tell you to give up your friends? I don't think it does, friends are blessings and unless they are bad influences I do not believe you should give them up. You will need to figure out how to over come the anxiety, I suggest you breathe deeply and try to ignore the feelings they will fade eventually(Trust me, I know it doesn't seem like it but they will) find a friend you trust and can confide in, tell them what's going on and have an "exposure" therapy session with them stay with them throughout the discomfort until it fades. Remember God cares deeply about you, He won't give up on you if something is truly His will it will be done if you are pliable in His hands. Ask Him for clarity and keep pressing on,trust that He will resolve this for your greater good God does not want you to be anxious or fearful. I'll be praying for you!

It doesn't seem to fade until I get rid of the person. I keep praying and it feels like God is telling me to not see certain people but why would he cause me to cry and panic and pin anxiety on their person like a bullseye? The only way to describe the way I feel is how some describe demon possession. It's like someone else is in there. I feel alone because all of the people who could be there for me are distant from me now and all of the new supports I'm trying to build, this seems to want to get rid of. Please, please, please pray for me. I'm at the end of my rope.

 

[Gingerine]

It doesn't seem to fade until I get rid of the person. I keep praying and it feels like God is telling me to not see certain people but why would he cause me to cry and panic and pin anxiety on their person like a bullseye? The only way to describe the way I feel is how some describe demon possession. It's like someone else is in there. I feel alone because all of the people who could be there for me are distant from me now and all of the new supports I'm trying to build, this seems to want to get rid of. Please, please, please pray for me. I'm at the end of my rope.

I'm so very sorry, I will keep praying for you. If it helps I went throughsomething similar a few weeks ago, I remember crying in my bed and wondering why God was hurting me and kept "taking things from me" when that last thought came into my mind I had an epiphany so I reminded myself that even if God took everything from me I would be okay because I had Him then, I did something hard I kept telling myself the feelings and urges didn't make sense, that they were silly. That was very hard for me because I was afraid they were coming from God but they weren't. If you examine your urges and compulsions you will see what they are trying to do, they are trying to make you think God wants to hurt you, that God doesn't want you to have anything good, that you can't have God and things you like, that God is cruel, they are trying to make you lose faith in God and give up on Him those feelings are from the devil not God and as younger me used to say "The devil is only bothering you because you're special to God" Do you recall how much Job was tested and how hard the devil tried to make him fall? It may bring you peace to reread his story. OCD attacks can last a long time especially if you cater to them, one of my attack's lasted six months it was terrible but I learned something, one was God is good and will protect you and two God allowed us to have certain people for a reason, I think you should speak to your health professional and see if they can give you some anti-anxiety medication don't be embarrassed about it, until you can get to a doctor you can buy Niacin which is great for all sorts of things, also buy some NAC and St. Johns wort, melatonin may also help, my OCD struck when I was twelve and my mom used to give them to me like candy but it could have been a placebo, but I take the othera currently and they do help it's not a cure but it eases the stress. Niacin works the the fastest but I will warn you you may get a niacin flush but it will pass another thing I suggest you do is keep a journal of all the OCD compulsions you have, write them down and if you come to a solution write those down too, it is helpful for future attacks to see what you dealt with previously this is a private journal and you don't have to show it to anyone. I will keep praying you get better Amethyst!

 

[Mari17]

Hello! To me this sounds like scrupulousity which is a form of OCD that is highly attached to morality. I'm always thinking I need to give something up or I will risk losing Jesus( of course this is not true but it feels true, it feels more real than a lot of things) I try to work off of the premise "Nothing bit what is written" does the bible tell you to give up your friends? I don't think it does, friends are blessings and unless they are bad influences I do not believe you should give them up. You will need to figure out how to over come the anxiety, I suggest you breathe deeply and try to ignore the feelings they will fade eventually(Trust me, I know it doesn't seem like it but they will) find a friend you trust and can confide in, tell them what's going on and have an "exposure" therapy session with them stay with them throughout the discomfort until it fades. Remember God cares deeply about you, He won't give up on you if something is truly His will it will be done if you are pliable in His hands. Ask Him for clarity and keep pressing on,trust that He will resolve this for your greater good God does not want you to be anxious or fearful. I'll be praying for you!

Wow, this is a great response from Gingerine! It sounds to me like your OCD is making you feel this way, because that's what it does. It creates a ton of anxiety about your particular obsessive theme, and makes you feel like you have to do whatever it's telling you to in order to relieve the anxiety. In your case, it's cutting off friends. For a person who's terrified of germs, it's washing their hands til they're raw. For a person who's afraid of telling lies, it's constantly examining and re-examining what they said to make sure it wasn't a lie. Basically, those of us with OCD have faulty brain processing sometimes. For a "what if" thought that most people would almost instantly dismiss, our OCD latches onto and makes us so afraid that we can't think clearly, and we feel like we have to obey it in order to get relief. So, for example, your "what if" thought is "What if I have to cut off my friends?" Cutting off your friends is the compulsion. As long as you give into your compulsions, you'll continue to make the OCD stronger. In order to weaken the OCD, you have to start saying no to it. That means NOT cutting off your friends. See, deep down, we know that our compulsions don't really make sense logically, but we're just so afraid that we feel like we HAVE to do them. We don't! If we continue to resist giving into them, our brains finally realize that no, we don't have to do whatever OCD is telling us. We learn that we don't have to do the compulsion in order to feel relief - that the anxiety will gradually go away on its own, if we keep saying no to it. Feel free to pm me if you want. I'm very passionate about talking about OCD, because I've fought many battles with it and I know how simple (NOT easy, but simple!) it can be to overcome.

 

[MB74]

Wow, this is a great response from Gingerine! It sounds to me like your OCD is making you feel this way, because that's what it does. It creates a ton of anxiety about your particular obsessive theme, and makes you feel like you have to do whatever it's telling you to in order to relieve the anxiety. In your case, it's cutting off friends. For a person who's terrified of germs, it's washing their hands til they're raw. For a person who's afraid of telling lies, it's constantly examining and re-examining what they said to make sure it wasn't a lie. Basically, those of us with OCD have faulty brain processing sometimes. For a "what if" thought that most people would almost instantly dismiss, our OCD latches onto and makes us so afraid that we can't think clearly, and we feel like we have to obey it in order to get relief. So, for example, your "what if" thought is "What if I have to cut off my friends?" Cutting off your friends is the compulsion. As long as you give into your compulsions, you'll continue to make the OCD stronger. In order to weaken the OCD, you have to start saying no to it. That means NOT cutting off your friends. See, deep down, we know that our compulsions don't really make sense logically, but we're just so afraid that we feel like we HAVE to do them. We don't! If we continue to resist giving into them, our brains finally realize that no, we don't have to do whatever OCD is telling us. We learn that we don't have to do the compulsion in order to feel relief - that the anxiety will gradually go away on its own, if we keep saying no to it. Feel free to pm me if you want. I'm very passionate about talking about OCD, because I've fought many battles with it and I know how simple (NOT easy, but simple!) it can be to overcome.

I've never posted to this forum before but I'm hoping somebody can offer some words of wisdom. For years I have struggled with the issue of assurance and in the last 2 years or so, what I believe to be religious OCD has reared its ugly head in my life and won't seem to let go. I obsess about my spiritual state, I ruminate a lot, and it never seems to be settled for more than a short period of time. My concern right now stems from something that happened this morning. It honestly freaked me out and I'm wondering if anyone else can relate to this.
For some background understanding, I have been reading through Matthew and I happened to read Matthew 7:21-23 yesterday. This is the infamous Lord Lord passage where Jesus tells people depart from me I never knew you. Well, this morning as I was coming into consciousness but not quite there yet, I had what felt like a dream but it was a playback of those verses word-for-word in my head and they were very clear, like it was a dream or almost a conscious thought. The worst part happened when I heard a very deliberate "I… never… knew… you", and then my eyes popped open. Almost immediately I felt a sense of dread, wondering if that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me or if it was some sort of demonic suggestion similar to what happened when Jesus was tempted with scripture. Last year I had a couple of very similar incidents when I had specific versus put into my mind as I was waking up but not consciously and they weren't versus I had been reading recently. So I am sure that this was the Holy Spirit comforting me with these verses. Well now comes this incident and I don't want to just quickly dismiss this as something other than the Holy Spirit. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Do you think this might be my OCD brain just latching on to something I read yesterday? If so, can that happen in a dream or subconsciously?
I truly believe I have repented and put my trust in Jesus and I understand that a good way to judge your salvation is by looking at your desires, because Jesus gives us a new heart at salvation. However, There are also times where I think my OCD is messing with my head in the sense that I think "I want to follow God" but then I'll have a thought that explicitly says something opposite. It's like having a heckler inside your head. It makes me question if the thoughts are mine or are just misfirings of my brain. And I know that no Christian wants to do the right thing all the time because our flesh is still there (Galatians 5:17) but the desire to please the Lord is there in my heart and I keep trying to come back to a simple trust in him for my salvation. The problem is when I am assaulted by these unbelieving thoughts or experiences like this morning, it's quite terrifying thinking that maybe I'm in that crowd that will get turned away on judgment day.
Prayers are appreciated, but can anyone relate to this?

 

[God is good]

I've never posted to this forum before but I'm hoping somebody can offer some words of wisdom. For years I have struggled with the issue of assurance and in the last 2 years or so, what I believe to be religious OCD has reared its ugly head in my life and won't seem to let go. I obsess about my spiritual state, I ruminate a lot, and it never seems to be settled for more than a short period of time. My concern right now stems from something that happened this morning. It honestly freaked me out and I'm wondering if anyone else can relate to this.
For some background understanding, I have been reading through Matthew and I happened to read Matthew 7:21-23 yesterday. This is the infamous Lord Lord passage where Jesus tells people depart from me I never knew you. Well, this morning as I was coming into consciousness but not quite there yet, I had what felt like a dream but it was a playback of those verses word-for-word in my head and they were very clear, like it was a dream or almost a conscious thought. The worst part happened when I heard a very deliberate "I… never… knew… you", and then my eyes popped open. Almost immediately I felt a sense of dread, wondering if that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me or if it was some sort of demonic suggestion similar to what happened when Jesus was tempted with scripture. Last year I had a couple of very similar incidents when I had specific versus put into my mind as I was waking up but not consciously and they weren't versus I had been reading recently. So I am sure that this was the Holy Spirit comforting me with these verses. Well now comes this incident and I don't want to just quickly dismiss this as something other than the Holy Spirit. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Do you think this might be my OCD brain just latching on to something I read yesterday? If so, can that happen in a dream or subconsciously?
I truly believe I have repented and put my trust in Jesus and I understand that a good way to judge your salvation is by looking at your desires, because Jesus gives us a new heart at salvation. However, There are also times where I think my OCD is messing with my head in the sense that I think "I want to follow God" but then I'll have a thought that explicitly says something opposite. It's like having a heckler inside your head. It makes me question if the thoughts are mine or are just misfirings of my brain. And I know that no Christian wants to do the right thing all the time because our flesh is still there (Galatians 5:17) but the desire to please the Lord is there in my heart and I keep trying to come back to a simple trust in him for my salvation. The problem is when I am assaulted by these unbelieving thoughts or experiences like this morning, it's quite terrifying thinking that maybe I'm in that crowd that will get turned away on judgment day.
Prayers are appreciated, but can anyone relate to this?

I just want you to know that you are not alone and that I also struggle with my salvation and bad thoughts but Jesus loves us very much and God loves us. Jesus is our Lord and Savior. God bless you and Jesus is Lord. You can message me if you want.

 

[Shawb]

My OCD tries to tell me to do things all the time. It tells me to get rid of things and hobbies and it puts me in a panic. I know it’s not from God but the possibility that I’m disobeying/ upsetting him is more than I can bear at times. Pray for a discerning Spirit but my money is that it’s OCD give it an inch and it will take a mile.

 

[Mari17]

I've never posted to this forum before but I'm hoping somebody can offer some words of wisdom. For years I have struggled with the issue of assurance and in the last 2 years or so, what I believe to be religious OCD has reared its ugly head in my life and won't seem to let go. I obsess about my spiritual state, I ruminate a lot, and it never seems to be settled for more than a short period of time. My concern right now stems from something that happened this morning. It honestly freaked me out and I'm wondering if anyone else can relate to this.
For some background understanding, I have been reading through Matthew and I happened to read Matthew 7:21-23 yesterday. This is the infamous Lord Lord passage where Jesus tells people depart from me I never knew you. Well, this morning as I was coming into consciousness but not quite there yet, I had what felt like a dream but it was a playback of those verses word-for-word in my head and they were very clear, like it was a dream or almost a conscious thought. The worst part happened when I heard a very deliberate "I… never… knew… you", and then my eyes popped open. Almost immediately I felt a sense of dread, wondering if that was the Holy Spirit speaking to me or if it was some sort of demonic suggestion similar to what happened when Jesus was tempted with scripture. Last year I had a couple of very similar incidents when I had specific versus put into my mind as I was waking up but not consciously and they weren't versus I had been reading recently. So I am sure that this was the Holy Spirit comforting me with these verses. Well now comes this incident and I don't want to just quickly dismiss this as something other than the Holy Spirit. Has anyone else had a similar experience? Do you think this might be my OCD brain just latching on to something I read yesterday? If so, can that happen in a dream or subconsciously?
I truly believe I have repented and put my trust in Jesus and I understand that a good way to judge your salvation is by looking at your desires, because Jesus gives us a new heart at salvation. However, There are also times where I think my OCD is messing with my head in the sense that I think "I want to follow God" but then I'll have a thought that explicitly says something opposite. It's like having a heckler inside your head. It makes me question if the thoughts are mine or are just misfirings of my brain. And I know that no Christian wants to do the right thing all the time because our flesh is still there (Galatians 5:17) but the desire to please the Lord is there in my heart and I keep trying to come back to a simple trust in him for my salvation. The problem is when I am assaulted by these unbelieving thoughts or experiences like this morning, it's quite terrifying thinking that maybe I'm in that crowd that will get turned away on judgment day.
Prayers are appreciated, but can anyone relate to this?

It's easy, when we have OCD, to get quite worked up about thoughts, dreams, voices, and anything that we think is verifying what we fear is true (e.g. that we've lost salvation, that we've committed horrible crimes, etc.). One way to think about it is this: EVEN IF that voice/dream was from God, is it going to change the way you act? One can ruminate up and down about an incident like this, but the bottom line is, your choice is either to follow God or not follow Him. Are you just going to quit following Him on the off chance that the voice you heard was a condemnation from Him?

 

[MB74]

It's easy, when we have OCD, to get quite worked up about thoughts, dreams, voices, and anything that we think is verifying what we fear is true (e.g. that we've lost salvation, that we've committed horrible crimes, etc.). One way to think about it is this: EVEN IF that voice/dream was from God, is it going to change the way you act? One can ruminate up and down about an incident like this, but the bottom line is, your choice is either to follow God or not follow Him. Are you just going to quit following Him on the off chance that the voice you heard was a condemnation from Him?

Mari17, that's a great point and I appreciate your bringing it up. No, OCD can't change the choices you make. It can only mess with my thoughts, but sometimes the biggest fears come when I get disobedient thoughts toward God, unbelieving thoughts when I read the Bible, selfish inclinations that say I don't care about helping so and so. The kind of things that essentially make wonder "do I really have the mind of Christ?" "am I really regenerate?" I don't believe that I can either earn or un-earn salvation, but this OCD I think causes me to mix up justification and sanctification to where I tend to wonder if many thoughts and feelings I experience are common to all Christians or something I should honestly be concerned about.
Hope this rambling makes sense. I do agree that what I decide to do and how I decide to live is not dependent on any thoughts or feelings. I need to practice living by faith when there aren't the warm feelings or confirming thoughts to go along with it.
Thanks again.