Is Sex Sinful in Committed Relationship

[Southernscotty]

Ok well I'm not really familiar with this issue, if people can get benefits they aren't supposed to have then that's wrong.

However, taking this logic of (government permit + ceremony = married) the other way, would you consider people married who are living together and then are automatically considered married by the government? Common-law marriage in the United States - Wikipedia oh right, maybe they have go through the motions of a wedding ceremony, see that's problem I have with this . . . they haven't made a commitment.

Yes I have been ask to marry people without a license so that she could keep insurance and another one so they could keep food stamps.

 

[1 John 4:1]

Ok, this is the issue here that no one is stating or understanding. Sex is marriage. You are already married through the sexual union. God commanded this:

If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife. ~Exodus 22:16

And that's it! If you were a virgin to this man, then all God requires is that you ante up and pay the bride-price and get married. But the sexual union is most certainly the marriage. The ceremony is just where you make public oaths that you won't go with anyone else. But GOING with them is the sex, which you have clearly already gone.

What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. ~Mark 10:9

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ~Genesis 2:24

One flesh is sex. This is the beginning of all marriage, its the sex.

A verse to add to your argument might be 1 Corinthians 6:16 (this does seem to imply that after sex = marriage since it's obvious that they weren't married to the prostitute) I guess the only difficulty I see with this position is that the father can still refuse to give a his daughter to someone who slept with her Exodus 22:17 but he's not allowed to break up an existing marriage . . . Some would argue that this isn't to be done in most cases it says "unless he totally refuses . . ." but was for special circumstances to protect the woman from being tricked into a bad marriage. Interesting thoughts, there's a PhD thesis I've read part of on this subject that takes this position so it's a serious position.

 

[1 John 4:1]

Ok, this is the issue here that no one is stating or understanding. Sex is marriage. You are already married through the sexual union. God commanded this:

If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed and lies with her, he shall give the bride-price for her and make her his wife. ~Exodus 22:16

And that's it! If you were a virgin to this man, then all God requires is that you ante up and pay the bride-price and get married. But the sexual union is most certainly the marriage. The ceremony is just where you make public oaths that you won't go with anyone else. But GOING with them is the sex, which you have clearly already gone.

What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. ~Mark 10:9

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ~Genesis 2:24

One flesh is sex. This is the beginning of all marriage, its the sex.

Another problem with this position is Deuteronomy 24:4 which seems to me to suggest that marriage was about a commitment not about sex, unless you would take the position that you can't stay married to someone who cheated on you.

 

[Southernscotty]

One thing that we can all agree on here is that people married differently back then and they didn't run off one another as much either. I guess attorneys were hard to find?

 

[1 John 4:1]

No... You ask me who they had perform the ceremony? I said God and He is the most important guest at any ceremony

I was saying that maybe God could perform the ceremony for us in spirit too or maybe it is a: Self-uniting marriage - Wikipedia But more importantly this is hilarious: Sologamy - Wikipedia (never knew this existed)

 

[Southernscotty]

I was saying that maybe God could perform the ceremony for us in spirit too or maybe it is a: Self-uniting marriage - Wikipedia But more importantly this is hilarious: Sologamy - Wikipedia (never knew this existed)

Lol Never heard of that. Well there was man that married his computer not long ago remember. Hahaha

 

[RaymondG]

It is a wise decision to wait until you can afford to pay for and take care of a child before you do anything that could give you one. For this reason alone, I did not think of having sex until after earning a degree. This requires that you care more about the unseen, than you do your own immediate gratification.

After that, you can be led by your own heart.....If it feels wrong, to you, it is wrong.

 

[Kevin Snow]

Another problem with this position is Deuteronomy 24:4 which seems to me to suggest that marriage was about a commitment not about sex, unless you would take the position that you can't stay married to someone who cheated on you.

Not at all. Did you read the context of the situation? She goes and becomes another man's wife. So

Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery. ~Luke 16:18

The truth is already shown. Stop arguing it with words. The commitment IS the sexual union:

Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. ~Malachi 2:15

It has always been this way since the beginning of time and still is today. The only difference with today is that people don't recognize the present moment as much as they did yesterday. But because you don't perceive reality well doesn't change reality.

 

[Handmaid for Jesus]

Common-law marriage in the United States
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Main article: Common-law marriage
Common-law marriage, also known as sui juris marriage, informal marriage, marriage by habit and repute, or marriage in fact is a legal framework in a limited number of jurisdictions where a couple is legally considered married, without that couple having formally registered their relation as a civil or religious marriage. The original concept of a "common-law marriage" is a marriage that is considered valid by both partners, but has not been formally recorded with a state or religious registry, or celebrated in a formal religious service. In effect, the act of the couple representing themselves to others as being married, and organizing their relation as if they were married, acts as the evidence that they are married. The requirements for a common-law marriage to be recognised differ from state to state.

 

[chevyontheriver]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are young but we are both Christian and strong in our faith. We have only ever been with eachother & want to be married one day & are excited for our future together. However, one thing we struggle with is sex. We both know it is sin and we know we are young but it can be difficult to avoid temptation and we have definitely failed in the past.
Is having sex when you are in a committed relationship really a sin? Especially when you both plan to be married. We are just young (20) which is why we are not married as we are still finishing our degrees and dont have a place together yet . We are both just very lost and struggle with this a lot.

First, a 'committed relationship' is what marriage is. If you are not yet married you are not actually committed, as in declaring that commitment in front of witnesses and all. You can get married, speak your commitment before God and His Church, and then sex is not sinful but is actually good.

The sex you are having now is bound up in guilt feelings (and real guilt) and will be a sort of poison to your later life together. To some degree it will, as you will be prone to associate sex with guilt from here on out. So stop doing it and decide whether you are going to marry, and if you decide to actually marry then decide without hormones telling you that you should be committed. Separate now and then wait until you are married. It used to be obvious but this seems to be a lost teaching these days.

 

[Danielwright2311]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are young but we are both Christian and strong in our faith. We have only ever been with eachother & want to be married one day & are excited for our future together. However, one thing we struggle with is sex. We both know it is sin and we know we are young but it can be difficult to avoid temptation and we have definitely failed in the past.
Is having sex when you are in a committed relationship really a sin? Especially when you both plan to be married. We are just young (20) which is why we are not married as we are still finishing our degrees and dont have a place together yet . We are both just very lost and struggle with this a lot.

Here is the problem, Any thing can happen, You might get pregnant, then after this he might run off from you, or you might get depressed in the pregnancy and leave him and never get married.

Then you had a child out of wed lock.

Happens all the time, to more people then you think, every day.

And the thing is this is not the only thing that can happen, it is just one.

My point is,

You will be happier if you wait to get married.

Plus its a gift to give him on your wedding day.

I'm not telling you what to do, just some good advice.

 

[brinny]

Is Sex Sinful in Committed Relationship

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are young but we are both Christian and strong in our faith. We have only ever been with eachother & want to be married one day & are excited for our future together. However, one thing we struggle with is sex. We both know it is sin and we know we are young but it can be difficult to avoid temptation and we have definitely failed in the past.
Is having sex when you are in a committed relationship really a sin? Especially when you both plan to be married. We are just young (20) which is why we are not married as we are still finishing our degrees and dont have a place together yet . We are both just very lost and struggle with this a lot.

We both know it is sin

You just answered it yourself.

There's your answer. It is a sin. It is. It is written that it is a sin.

Take this to God, and both of you pray about this.

Praying for you.

 

[Jane_Doe]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are young but we are both Christian and strong in our faith. We have only ever been with eachother & want to be married one day & are excited for our future together. However, one thing we struggle with is sex. We both know it is sin and we know we are young but it can be difficult to avoid temptation and we have definitely failed in the past.
Is having sex when you are in a committed relationship really a sin? Especially when you both plan to be married. We are just young (20) which is why we are not married as we are still finishing our degrees and dont have a place together yet . We are both just very lost and struggle with this a lot.

A fully committed relationship is one where both partners where marriage bands. And it is totally good for them to enjoy each other sexually.

A dating relationship is not yet fully committed: for whatever reason you two have not yet said "I do". In your case, you site the fact that you are only 20 as the reason you are not yet ready for marriage and sex. And no, a college degree is not a prerequisite for marriage and neither is the Disney Princess $80,000 ceremony.

Other folks here have already given good tips on avoiding sexual temptation, so I won't rehash that.

 

[jayem]

Sin is a religious concept. I'm not a religious person, so I can't comment on what's sinful. But if you and your boyfriend aren't very sure of what you both expect from this relationship, then sex may not be the wisest choice. There can be significant emotional pain, if you're not on the same page.

At least be conscientious about birth control.

And best of luck to you both.

 

[1 John 4:1]

Not at all. Did you read the context of the situation? She goes and becomes another man's wife.

I did read the context . . . I believe the context of Luke 16:18 was about serial marriages they were doing in that day that were basically the same as sleeping around. (see the ridiculous question the pharisees ask in Matthew 19:3 which shows this and is also part of the context for the same statement in Matthew 19:9) You can also see this in Hillel on divorce: Babylonian Talmud: Gittin 90 If you take the verse as meaning that literally there would be no point of Deuteronomy 24:4 in light of Leviticus 20:10 because they should have been stoned before that. More obviously Exodus 22:16-17 is a problem for sex-is-marriage-view since the father could break up a sexual union that had already happened which would contradict: Mark 10:9

The truth is already shown. Stop arguing it with words. The commitment IS the sexual union:

Oh . . . sorry so I'm not supposed to use words. Oh man, I used them again. Oh no, I used them again. Oh no . . .

But because you don't perceive reality well doesn't change reality.

Oh man, well if I can't perceive reality well I guess there is no hope for me. Funny you are still arguing with me then. Does this say something about you?

Try being more respectful to me otherwise I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

 

[Bobber]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are young but we are both Christian and strong in our faith. We have only ever been with eachother & want to be married one day & are excited for our future together. However, one thing we struggle with is sex. We both know it is sin and we know we are young but it can be difficult to avoid temptation and we have definitely failed in the past.
Is having sex when you are in a committed relationship really a sin? Especially when you both plan to be married. We are just young (20) which is why we are not married as we are still finishing our degrees and dont have a place together yet . We are both just very lost and struggle with this a lot.

Well you have stated that you already know it is sin so you have the answer to that. You ask though if it's a committed relationship is it really sin? How can you ever know it is an absolute committed relationship. If the other partner ends the relationship which might become as a shocking surprise to you than well??.....then if you get another boyfriend and became convinced it was a committed relationship but surprise, surprise again discover not so committed....Well? Now from what you've said yous have failed in the past.

Don't get under condemnation about it but if you're both Christians confess it to the Lord he'll be faithful and just to cleanse you from unrighteousness. 1 John 1:9 He does understand but he doesn't want us to continue on and on and on in that which isn't right. I'd suggest here's one big thing that can help. I think it's true many young adults don't want to hear this but it would do away with a lot of enticing temptation.....NEVER BE IN THE SAME PLACE ALONE that is if you're really sincere in wanting to stay above this temptation.

Yes I know many will laugh at that deeming it as restrictive but you have to admit one thing....you're not going to be jumping in the sack with other people present. Strong way of putting it but you know what I'm saying is true. Going into a partner's [boyfriend/girlfriend] apartment with just them is really setting oneself up for failure. Let things be with a group settings and you'll find temptation is greatly reduced in fact there's no way for it to get in.

 

[Sanoy]

My first initial instict is that it is a sin, but that may be from how I was taught because I don't know how defend that instinct clearly from scripture.

I do know that if you think it's a sin and you do it you have committed a sin in your wilful rebellion even if the act itself is not a sin.

We have a good discussion group here. One thing that I think is important to the discussion is that marriage must be separated from the state. Imagine if the state refused to marry Christians. Or imagine if there were no Pastors. Marriage would then be impossible. More and more I suspect marriage is nearer or simultaneous to the act as Kevin Snow suggests.

 

[dreadnought]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years. We are young but we are both Christian and strong in our faith. We have only ever been with eachother & want to be married one day & are excited for our future together. However, one thing we struggle with is sex. We both know it is sin and we know we are young but it can be difficult to avoid temptation and we have definitely failed in the past.
Is having sex when you are in a committed relationship really a sin? Especially when you both plan to be married. We are just young (20) which is why we are not married as we are still finishing our degrees and dont have a place together yet . We are both just very lost and struggle with this a lot.

Fornication is a sin. Either you should marry or learn to resist temptation till you do.

 

[Kevin Snow]

I did read the context . . . I believe the context of Luke 16:18 was about serial marriages they were doing in that day that were basically the same as sleeping around. (see the ridiculous question the pharisees ask in Matthew 19:3 which shows this and is also part of the context for the same statement in Matthew 19:9) You can also see this in Hillel on divorce: Babylonian Talmud: Gittin 90 If you take the verse as meaning that literally there would be no point of Deuteronomy 24:4 in light of Leviticus 20:10 because they should have been stoned before that. More obviously Exodus 22:16-17 is a problem for sex-is-marriage-view since the father could break up a sexual union that had already happened which would contradict: Mark 10:9

Oh . . . sorry so I'm not supposed to use words. Oh man, I used them again. Oh no, I used them again. Oh no . . .

Oh man, well if I can't perceive reality well I guess there is no hope for me. Funny you are still arguing with me then. Does this say something about you?

Try being more respectful to me otherwise I'm not going to talk to you anymore.

Look dude, I'm sure you've heard but the kingdom of God does not consist of talk but of power. So when it says in Micah that God put a portion of the Spirit in their union, this unequivocally means that the sexual intercourse IS marriage. The fact that the father can refuse is ALSO because of our hardness of heart as Christ said. You're just interpreting these things as if it was a computer code instruction but not understanding the power/hierarchy of what is being spoken. Did you ever stop to consider WHY there is a greatest commandment and then one LIKE it? It's because of the power involved in the word of God. So you are so far, interpreting everything while being completely oblivious of this reality, which is why you are wrong. The same thing Christ said to the Sadducees, I am saying to you:

Jesus said to them, “Is this not the reason you are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God? ~Mark 12:24

This is why I said you're just arguing with words and not the real meaning of them.

 

[HereIStand]

I agree with @Enigma42310. Consider going ahead and marrying now. Married student housing might be fun.
Don't worry about a big church wedding. My wife and I went to the justice of the peace.