Shh-h...

[Rescued One]

I'm hiding from Stupid in here.

 

[Rescued One]

Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.

 

[Rescued One]

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.-http://coolfunnyquotes.com

One time I forgot to take my meds, but I was too tired to get up.

 

[brinny]

LOL!

 

[Rescued One]

The imaginary friends I had as a kid dropped me because their friends thought I didn’t exist.
-Aaron Machado

 

[Rescued One]

My late husband told me this one years and years ago. I loved it:

A funeral procession is going up a steep hill on main street when the door of the hearst flies open and the coffin falls out then speeds down main street into a pharmacy and crashes into the counter. The lids pops open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin ?"

 

[brinny]

hahaaaa yer on a roll tonight

 

[Rescued One]

I'm going to roll over now and let someone else contribute because I love hearing new funny jokes.

 

[brinny]

How do you make a poisonous snake cry?

Take away its rattle.

 

[brinny]

How did the chimp fix the leaky faucet?

With a monkey wrench.

 

[Rescued One]

How do you make a poisonous snake cry?

Take away its rattle.

HaHaHa! Now that's my kind of joke. I told my grandson:

If money doesn't grow on trees, why do banks have branches?

He said, "Tell that one to my mom!" His mom works in a bank.

 

[Rescued One]

How did the chimp fix the leaky faucet?

With a monkey wrench.

I have to remember that one. I'll mail it to another grandson.

 

[Rescued One]

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
~Mitch Hedburg