my husband divorced me

[without.you]

hello everyone.
My story is long, so I am going to try and shorten to for the first post. I am happy to provide any details that I left out or shorten.

My husband and I were together for almost 6 years. We married young, he was in the military. In the beginning our relationship was wonderful. He was emotionally unfaithful to me at a time in our relationship which made me lose my trust for him. I was never able to forgive him for it and held it against him. We had a lot of bad times arguing and just not appreciating each other. Because I was hurt, I would use my words to hurt him at times, which is terrible. My husband did not have a good life as a child and struggles with mental stability, I guess you could say. He said the things I said to him destroyed him and made him not want to live any longer. I was suppose to be the one to show him what love was, however I just tore him down.

He decided to leave me 2 days before Christmas. Our divorce was finalized in March. Throughout this, I decided to strengthen my faith. I have tried everything I know to save my marriage and nothing works. I know that nothing is impossible with God. I know that he can turn this around.

My husband (guess I should really call him ex) and I have kept in touch very little. At times, I feel it is better than I don't talk to him, because I want to control things and I know that I shouldn't. That God is in control. But I miss him so much. He was my best friend, even at our lowest times. Right now, we havent spoken in at least 4 days and I am struggling.
He has told me that he still loves me, misses me, and cares for me. He says that he will regret the divorce and asks how this could have happened to us. He is not willing to try again with me. He states he is scared - that his heart tells him yes because he loves me but his mind tells him no because things won't get better. I know that with God, things can get better. He is fighting this so hard and it is breaking my heart. I just don't understand.
I know this sounds silly but my husband got a social media instagram account while we were seperated. It is mostly fitness related, however he follows several females. Some from his high school and some who are fitness models. He likes pictures of women who are almost naked and it really hurts my feelings. I know it is silly because most of them are states away and have thousands of followers and don't notice him, but it still hurts. I have told him and he done better by not liking them. Recently, I felt as if it would be better for us not to talk until he is ready to try. I removed him from my friends on instagram and blocked him. Since doing this, he has started liking these pictures again. Like I said he has not talked to me for about 4 days. When I stated that I was telling him goodbye, he said he wasnt ready to lose me, that he loves me and always will. Except he isn't talking to me. I don't know how you can care for someone so much and not want to talk to them.

This has opened my eyes so much. I don't want to treat him badly anymore. I have learned to forgive him for his unfaithfulness. I want to be the wife he deserves. We have both made mistakes during our marriage. I feel like God is telling me to hold on, but I am still hurting and having my heart broken daily. So what if I am telling myself that God is telling me to hold on, but he really isnt? I struggle with knowing what to do.

 

[Na Nach Oi!]

hello everyone.
My story is long, so I am going to try and shorten to for the first post. I am happy to provide any details that I left out or shorten.

My husband and I were together for almost 6 years. We married young, he was in the military. In the beginning our relationship was wonderful. He was emotionally unfaithful to me at a time in our relationship which made me lose my trust for him. I was never able to forgive him for it and held it against him. We had a lot of bad times arguing and just not appreciating each other. Because I was hurt, I would use my words to hurt him at times, which is terrible. My husband did not have a good life as a child and struggles with mental stability, I guess you could say. He said the things I said to him destroyed him and made him not want to live any longer. I was suppose to be the one to show him what love was, however I just tore him down.

He decided to leave me 2 days before Christmas. Our divorce was finalized in March. Throughout this, I decided to strengthen my faith. I have tried everything I know to save my marriage and nothing works. I know that nothing is impossible with God. I know that he can turn this around.

My husband (guess I should really call him ex) and I have kept in touch very little. At times, I feel it is better than I don't talk to him, because I want to control things and I know that I shouldn't. That God is in control. But I miss him so much. He was my best friend, even at our lowest times. Right now, we havent spoken in at least 4 days and I am struggling.
He has told me that he still loves me, misses me, and cares for me. He says that he will regret the divorce and asks how this could have happened to us. He is not willing to try again with me. He states he is scared - that his heart tells him yes because he loves me but his mind tells him no because things won't get better. I know that with God, things can get better. He is fighting this so hard and it is breaking my heart. I just don't understand.
I know this sounds silly but my husband got a social media instagram account while we were seperated. It is mostly fitness related, however he follows several females. Some from his high school and some who are fitness models. He likes pictures of women who are almost naked and it really hurts my feelings. I know it is silly because most of them are states away and have thousands of followers and don't notice him, but it still hurts. I have told him and he done better by not liking them. Recently, I felt as if it would be better for us not to talk until he is ready to try. I removed him from my friends on instagram and blocked him. Since doing this, he has started liking these pictures again. Like I said he has not talked to me for about 4 days. When I stated that I was telling him goodbye, he said he wasnt ready to lose me, that he loves me and always will. Except he isn't talking to me. I don't know how you can care for someone so much and not want to talk to them.

This has opened my eyes so much. I don't want to treat him badly anymore. I have learned to forgive him for his unfaithfulness. I want to be the wife he deserves. We have both made mistakes during our marriage. I feel like God is telling me to hold on, but I am still hurting and having my heart broken daily. So what if I am telling myself that God is telling me to hold on, but he really isnt? I struggle with knowing what to do.

He says he loves you. If he is consistent, he would love you from beginning.
Yes, from beginning.
From beginning, he would try to be faithful.

You have chosen a right choice, that is to divorce.

Do you have any relatives in real life?
I think it is reunion time.

 

[Na Nach Oi!]

Double post.

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

hello everyone.
My story is long, so I am going to try and shorten to for the first post. I am happy to provide any details that I left out or shorten.

My husband and I were together for almost 6 years. We married young, he was in the military. In the beginning our relationship was wonderful. He was emotionally unfaithful to me at a time in our relationship which made me lose my trust for him. I was never able to forgive him for it and held it against him. We had a lot of bad times arguing and just not appreciating each other. Because I was hurt, I would use my words to hurt him at times, which is terrible. My husband did not have a good life as a child and struggles with mental stability, I guess you could say. He said the things I said to him destroyed him and made him not want to live any longer. I was suppose to be the one to show him what love was, however I just tore him down.

He decided to leave me 2 days before Christmas. Our divorce was finalized in March. Throughout this, I decided to strengthen my faith. I have tried everything I know to save my marriage and nothing works. I know that nothing is impossible with God. I know that he can turn this around.

My husband (guess I should really call him ex) and I have kept in touch very little. At times, I feel it is better than I don't talk to him, because I want to control things and I know that I shouldn't. That God is in control. But I miss him so much. He was my best friend, even at our lowest times. Right now, we havent spoken in at least 4 days and I am struggling.
He has told me that he still loves me, misses me, and cares for me. He says that he will regret the divorce and asks how this could have happened to us. He is not willing to try again with me. He states he is scared - that his heart tells him yes because he loves me but his mind tells him no because things won't get better. I know that with God, things can get better. He is fighting this so hard and it is breaking my heart. I just don't understand.
I know this sounds silly but my husband got a social media instagram account while we were seperated. It is mostly fitness related, however he follows several females. Some from his high school and some who are fitness models. He likes pictures of women who are almost naked and it really hurts my feelings. I know it is silly because most of them are states away and have thousands of followers and don't notice him, but it still hurts. I have told him and he done better by not liking them. Recently, I felt as if it would be better for us not to talk until he is ready to try. I removed him from my friends on instagram and blocked him. Since doing this, he has started liking these pictures again. Like I said he has not talked to me for about 4 days. When I stated that I was telling him goodbye, he said he wasnt ready to lose me, that he loves me and always will. Except he isn't talking to me. I don't know how you can care for someone so much and not want to talk to them.

This has opened my eyes so much. I don't want to treat him badly anymore. I have learned to forgive him for his unfaithfulness. I want to be the wife he deserves. We have both made mistakes during our marriage. I feel like God is telling me to hold on, but I am still hurting and having my heart broken daily. So what if I am telling myself that God is telling me to hold on, but he really isnt? I struggle with knowing what to do.

Forget him and leave him alone. You broke the marriage, now please have enough decency for this poor man to get a second shot at true happiness.

 

[PollyJetix]

hello everyone.
My story is long, so I am going to try and shorten to for the first post. I am happy to provide any details that I left out or shorten.

My husband and I were together for almost 6 years. We married young, he was in the military. In the beginning our relationship was wonderful. He was emotionally unfaithful to me at a time in our relationship which made me lose my trust for him. I was never able to forgive him for it and held it against him. We had a lot of bad times arguing and just not appreciating each other. Because I was hurt, I would use my words to hurt him at times, which is terrible. My husband did not have a good life as a child and struggles with mental stability, I guess you could say. He said the things I said to him destroyed him and made him not want to live any longer. I was suppose to be the one to show him what love was, however I just tore him down.

He decided to leave me 2 days before Christmas. Our divorce was finalized in March. Throughout this, I decided to strengthen my faith. I have tried everything I know to save my marriage and nothing works. I know that nothing is impossible with God. I know that he can turn this around.

My husband (guess I should really call him ex) and I have kept in touch very little. At times, I feel it is better than I don't talk to him, because I want to control things and I know that I shouldn't. That God is in control. But I miss him so much. He was my best friend, even at our lowest times. Right now, we havent spoken in at least 4 days and I am struggling.
He has told me that he still loves me, misses me, and cares for me. He says that he will regret the divorce and asks how this could have happened to us. He is not willing to try again with me. He states he is scared - that his heart tells him yes because he loves me but his mind tells him no because things won't get better. I know that with God, things can get better. He is fighting this so hard and it is breaking my heart. I just don't understand.
I know this sounds silly but my husband got a social media instagram account while we were seperated. It is mostly fitness related, however he follows several females. Some from his high school and some who are fitness models. He likes pictures of women who are almost naked and it really hurts my feelings. I know it is silly because most of them are states away and have thousands of followers and don't notice him, but it still hurts. I have told him and he done better by not liking them. Recently, I felt as if it would be better for us not to talk until he is ready to try. I removed him from my friends on instagram and blocked him. Since doing this, he has started liking these pictures again. Like I said he has not talked to me for about 4 days. When I stated that I was telling him goodbye, he said he wasnt ready to lose me, that he loves me and always will. Except he isn't talking to me. I don't know how you can care for someone so much and not want to talk to them.

This has opened my eyes so much. I don't want to treat him badly anymore. I have learned to forgive him for his unfaithfulness. I want to be the wife he deserves. We have both made mistakes during our marriage. I feel like God is telling me to hold on, but I am still hurting and having my heart broken daily. So what if I am telling myself that God is telling me to hold on, but he really isnt? I struggle with knowing what to do.

Your story sounds so much like my own.
Only we were married for 18 years, and had 2 kids.
He abandoned me and the kids, after years of a deteriorating marriage.

Listen, there are two sides to this. You are not to blame for it all.
He is the one who chose to leave you. You did not leave him, or kick him out.

You have a choice. Will you shoulder all the blame, like he is wanting you to?
Or will you let him be a man, and make his own choices, and let him carry personal responsibility?

If he is immature, he will try to make you his scapegoat, blaming you for the breakup, yet not willing to let you try to do better.
That's emotional manipulation.
And if he's doing it now, he has been doing it for awhile.

Give yourself several years. You will look back and see it differently.

Right now, I would recommend giving him a lot of silence and distance.
Let him run after those fitness models, if that's where he likes to focus.
For my hubby, it was professional ballroom dancers. (Bless his two-left-feet heart.)


1 Corinthians 7:15 says if he leaves you, let him go. Pursue peace.
And keeping this relationship alive will NOT give you peace.

If he loves you, he will pursue you, and will try again.
But if he doesn't really love you, keeping on talking to him will only give him permission to treat you like a doormat.

If you chase someone who's running from you, they'll only run the harder.
It's the one thing that's guaranteed not to work, to save a marriage.

The best thing you could do right now, is to join a group that's into an activity you love to do. Let it fill your life. Get your eyes off him. Go and live a full life.

 

[without.you]

Forget him and leave him alone. You broke the marriage, now please have enough decency for this poor man to get a second shot at true happiness.

How did I break the marriage?

 

[Gabe7587]

Forget him and leave him alone. You broke the marriage, now please have enough decency for this poor man to get a second shot at true happiness.

What you said is not acceptable. I'm actually disgusted.

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

How did I break the marriage?

I drew it from your description of past, and from your current stand. To me, it's as obvious as daylight. I hope you realize this fact deep down in your heart.

What some women fundamentally don't understand, is that their position is one of a helper. It's secondary to man. They think their position is equal or even sometimes higher than that of man. It's wrong. Women, poisoned with the venom of such misunderstanding, instead of giving their hearts out, start sucking love and life from men like vampires. That's the problem. They are given the best gift in the Universe - kindness, compassion, gentleness, unconditional forgiveness, care, softness, giver of new life etc. - the quintessence of love. But they chose to be takers, not givers.

If you haven't understood this basic foundational truth so far - you're never going to get it. It's something transferred from mother to daughter from the cradle, with breast milk. If this generational cycle has been broken, it's virtually impossible to restore. Even if I write a book here, which of course I'm not going to do, it's not going to break through anything, being so hopeless.

I live in a very patriarchal society with the godly traditional values. When I look at the West, how everything from God has been turned upside down and corrupted beyond all measure, I'm very sad.

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

What you said is not acceptable. I'm actually disgusted.

So sorry for bursting your "politically correct" bubble.

 

[Gabe7587]

So sorry for bursting your "politically correct" bubble.

He created man and woman equal. He created them both in His image. One cannot survive without the other. Yes, He created a woman to be man's helper, but he created man to be the woman's helper too.

 

[ChristianFromKazakhstan]

Yes, He created a woman to be man's helper

You're on the right track, brother.

 

[Gabe7587]

You're on the right track, brother.

Read the rest of that sentence...

 

[AvgJoe]

I drew it from your description of past, and from your current stand. To me, it's as obvious as daylight. I hope you realize this fact deep down in your heart.

What some women fundamentally don't understand, is that their position is one of a helper. It's secondary to man. They think their position is equal or even sometimes higher than that of man. It's wrong. Women, poisoned with the venom of such misunderstanding, instead of giving their hearts out, start sucking love and life from men like vampires. That's the problem. They are given the best gift in the Universe - kindness, compassion, gentleness, unconditional forgiveness, care, softness, giver of new life etc. - the quintessence of love. But they chose to be takers, not givers.

If you haven't understood this basic foundational truth so far - you're never going to get it. It's something transferred from mother to daughter from the cradle, with breast milk. If this generational cycle has been broken, it's virtually impossible to restore. Even if I write a book here, which of course I'm not going to do, it's not going to break through anything, being so hopeless.

I live in a very patriarchal society with the godly traditional values. When I look at the West, how everything from God has been turned upside down and corrupted beyond all measure, I'm very sad.

14 Let all that you do be done with love (1 Corinthians 16:14). 4) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5) or rude (1 Corinthians 13:4-5a).

 

[without.you]

14 Let all that you do be done with love (1 Corinthians 16:14). 4) Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5) or rude (1 Corinthians 13:4-5a).

I know, I understand now

 

[without.you]

Your story sounds so much like my own.
Only we were married for 18 years, and had 2 kids.
He abandoned me and the kids, after years of a deteriorating marriage.

Listen, there are two sides to this. You are not to blame for it all.
He is the one who chose to leave you. You did not leave him, or kick him out.

You have a choice. Will you shoulder all the blame, like he is wanting you to?
Or will you let him be a man, and make his own choices, and let him carry personal responsibility?

If he is immature, he will try to make you his scapegoat, blaming you for the breakup, yet not willing to let you try to do better.
That's emotional manipulation.
And if he's doing it now, he has been doing it for awhile.

Give yourself several years. You will look back and see it differently.

Right now, I would recommend giving him a lot of silence and distance.
Let him run after those fitness models, if that's where he likes to focus.
For my hubby, it was professional ballroom dancers. (Bless his two-left-feet heart.)


1 Corinthians 7:15 says if he leaves you, let him go. Pursue peace.
And keeping this relationship alive will NOT give you peace.

If he loves you, he will pursue you, and will try again.
But if he doesn't really love you, keeping on talking to him will only give him permission to treat you like a doormat.

If you chase someone who's running from you, they'll only run the harder.
It's the one thing that's guaranteed not to work, to save a marriage.

The best thing you could do right now, is to join a group that's into an activity you love to do. Let it fill your life. Get your eyes off him. Go and live a full life.

I know that I am not to blame for all of this. Yes, I made mistakes but so did he. There is a lot that wasn't shared and I tried mentioning that he has problems from his childhood. I messed up in the sense that I should have shown him love and treated him better. I know the mistakes that I have made.
My heart breaks. In tbe beginning, he put a lot of the blame on me. But then I think he really thoughy about things and realized there was more to it. I just wish the hurt would go away.

 

[PollyJetix]

I drew it from your description of past, and from your current stand. To me, it's as obvious as daylight. I hope you realize this fact deep down in your heart.

What some women fundamentally don't understand, is that their position is one of a helper. It's secondary to man. They think their position is equal or even sometimes higher than that of man. It's wrong. Women, poisoned with the venom of such misunderstanding, instead of giving their hearts out, start sucking love and life from men like vampires. That's the problem. They are given the best gift in the Universe - kindness, compassion, gentleness, unconditional forgiveness, care, softness, giver of new life etc. - the quintessence of love. But they chose to be takers, not givers.

If you haven't understood this basic foundational truth so far - you're never going to get it. It's something transferred from mother to daughter from the cradle, with breast milk. If this generational cycle has been broken, it's virtually impossible to restore. Even if I write a book here, which of course I'm not going to do, it's not going to break through anything, being so hopeless.

I live in a very patriarchal society with the godly traditional values. When I look at the West, how everything from God has been turned upside down and corrupted beyond all measure, I'm very sad.

I wonder how old are you? I wonder how much life experience you have. I wonder if you have ever learned to be your own person. I wonder...

You see, I grew up in a very heavy-handed patriarchal culture. The very conservative Mennonites. A lot like the Amish.
I wore a thick veil, to cover almost all my hair, which was not trimmed; not one hair.
I wore homemade cotton print dresses, nearly to my shoetops.
I was pulled out of high school just before graduation, to keep me from going to college.
Just because I was a woman.

And I married a man who knew only one thing: he was BOSS.
I remember the scoldings he gave me, for not being more submissive.
I remember the self-pity he indulged in, blaming everyone else for his failures.
I remember his delusional self-grandeur. His narcissism. His paranoia.
And I let him rule me completely.
I was taught this was the right way to live.

I became more and more depressed, thinking that if I were a more perfect wife, then my husband would be happy. After all, my mother taught us that was why woman was created: to make a man happy. But it seemed nothing I did made him happy.

After he abandoned me and the children, I woke up to an astounding truth:
It wasn't my fault! God never intended for a woman to live under that kind of domination.
God never prescribed for Eve to be dominated by Adam.
Ever.

 

[PollyJetix]

I know that I am not to blame for all of this. Yes, I made mistakes but so did he. There is a lot that wasn't shared and I tried mentioning that he has problems from his childhood. I messed up in the sense that I should have shown him love and treated him better. I know the mistakes that I have made.
My heart breaks. In tbe beginning, he put a lot of the blame on me. But then I think he really thoughy about things and realized there was more to it. I just wish the hurt would go away.

The hurt will go away if you allow it to heal.
That means you let it lie, and don't keep picking at the scab.
Cover it, protect your hurt from too much exposure to further hurt.
And let the salve of God's love and acceptance and forgiveness comfort you.

From that point, it will take time.
It will take moving on.

It took me 10 years to realize I was no longer "in love" with him.
And it took 15 years until I felt free.

 

[AvgJoe]

I know, I understand now

Oh, no no, that message wasn't for you.

 

[without.you]

The hurt will go away if you allow it to heal.
That means you let it lie, and don't keep picking at the scab.
Cover it, protect your hurt from too much exposure to further hurt.
And let the salve of God's love and acceptance and forgiveness comfort you.

From that point, it will take time.
It will take moving on.

It took me 10 years to realize I was no longer "in love" with him.
And it took 15 years until I felt free.

But what if God is telling me to hold on? What if I continue to cause the hurt to myself by not allowing myself to hear Him and what He is recommending?

God hates divorce I know. I feel as if He can save us.

 

[PollyJetix]

But what if God is telling me to hold on? What if I continue to cause the hurt to myself by not allowing myself to hear Him and what He is recommending?

God hates divorce I know. I feel as if He can save us.

Listen. But remember, His voice does not minister condemnation. There are other voices, you know.