Feeling like I don't fit anywhere

[Lily_o_valley]

My background is pretty eclectic, as you can see. I think that my ideal church would probably be a kind of mixture of all the good things out of all the different denominations I've been involved with.

The local Anglicans/ Methodists etc. are super-dead around here, the evangelical/ pentecostal is off-the-wall, and there isn't really much choice.

I know that whatever church you choose it will be a compromise on some level (the likelihood of getting just the right music, theology, fellowship etc. all in one place is a bit of an ask). But here's the thing. I feel as though I don't really belong anywhere, and more than that, when I visit churches - even talking extended visits of weeks or months, it seems as though I am invisible. Nobody speaks to me, or looks at me. It's really peculiar.

I'm not a retiring wallflower, I'm not shy, so it's not that I haven't made the effort. But still nobody talks to me, and I can't seem to make any friends.

I wonder whether it is just the culture of this area?

Is it a class thing?

Am I just not very likeable?

I end up leaving church every week more miserable than when I went in. What would you do in this situation? Keep going? Look elsewhere? Give up on church altogether and create your own denomination?! (((sigh)))

 

[Albion]

I have to say that we don't know. It would be tough to comment on your likeability, appearance, or some of the rest of that, the culture and geography included, based upon this exchange.

However, I do firmly feel that there is a place for everyone, church-wise. Even within the same denomination, some parishes swarm every new face with attention, while others act like everyone's an island unto himself. The smaller parishes are the ones most likely to be of the first sort.

If I were you, I would continue to shop around (within the framework of your own religious, doctrinal convictions, of course), and maybe even step up the pace and widen your reach...but I wouldn't give each "stop" months before you decide on its suitability.

 

[GillDouglas]

My background is pretty eclectic, as you can see. I think that my ideal church would probably be a kind of mixture of all the good things out of all the different denominations I've been involved with.

The local Anglicans/ Methodists etc. are super-dead around here, the evangelical/ pentecostal is off-the-wall, and there isn't really much choice.

I know that whatever church you choose it will be a compromise on some level (the likelihood of getting just the right music, theology, fellowship etc. all in one place is a bit of an ask). But here's the thing. I feel as though I don't really belong anywhere, and more than that, when I visit churches - even talking extended visits of weeks or months, it seems as though I am invisible. Nobody speaks to me, or looks at me. It's really peculiar.

I'm not a retiring wallflower, I'm not shy, so it's not that I haven't made the effort. But still nobody talks to me, and I can't seem to make any friends.

I wonder whether it is just the culture of this area?

Is it a class thing?

Am I just not very likeable?

I end up leaving church every week more miserable than when I went in. What would you do in this situation? Keep going? Look elsewhere? Give up on church altogether and create your own denomination?! (((sigh)))

Just like @Albion stated, don't give up just yet and keep searching. There IS the right church out there for you where, you'll be excited to get up and go to. Don't limit yourself too much (location or denomination), but try to stay within the confines of your core beliefs. Something like whether or not they play Contemporary Christian or Hymns shouldn't be a major deciding factor in my opinion, if the fellowship and message are right. Though, personally, even though my church only sings Hymns, I get goosebumps singing songs I know well, and I listen to a lot of current CC music. Good luck, and keep praying!!

 

[NJA]

....
I know that whatever church you choose it will be a compromise on some level... create your own denomination?!

Jesus (through the apostles) nominated one way of becoming a member of his Church, and what should happen in meetings, man has de-nominated it (broken it up).

Jesus does say to seek first his Kingdom. For me and many others this has meant travelling several hours to get to a church you really fit in with rather than waste time in meetings you don't. That is the only "compromise" you need make if you really need to live in Cornwall.
Once I was sure I moved house (in 1989) and God certainly blessed it.

What is "alive"?
It's not what natural people would look for - movement and noise
("I know thy works, that thou hast a name that thou livest, and art dead" Rev. 3:1)

It is one that bears spiritual fruit that lasts. You do this by building upon the firm foundation of people having a true relationship with the living God. You enter this by actually receiving His Spirit, as detailed in Acts 2:4 etc). Then in meetings his love is ministered by the orderly use of the spiritual gifts (see 1 Corinthians 14) and ministries - yet few people have ever been to a church like this!
We have:

• choruses - spiritual songs
• personal testimony
• communion (once a week)
• 2 or 3 gifts of tongues, each followed by interpretation (also from God's Spirit)
• 2 or 3 prophecies
• talk (words of wisdom and knowledge)
• prayer for needs (gifts of faith and healing)
• close, fellowship, lunch

We also have events such as cioncerts, plays, outreached, dinner evenings, young people's camps etc.

We also look at bible prophecy concerning the "lost tribes of Israel in these last days, which leads to areas you are interested in - the Celts (Cymry, house of Omri), Vikings, Angles, Saxons (Isaac's sons), Jutes (of Judah) and Danes (Dan) etc. I link to some on my profile.

 

[Lily_o_valley]

Thank-you everybody! When I first opened my laptop, none of the replies had loaded, so I thought it was comfirmation that I am invisible! lol! On reflection I think that part of this is my own state of mind, as we have been through very tough times recently.

 

[1watchman]

Well, one thing is for sure, one will not feel like they fit in to any true evangelical church if they are not "born again" in Christ or want to be, for the message and the functions will probably not satisfy the flesh of man; and looking for any other kind of so-called church is difficult if one expects them to conform to one's many personal demands.

Bowing to God and His immutable Word is ESSENTIAL to be SAVED FOR ETERNITY (begin reading at John 3 and John 14) before one should begin looking for any church group. Many of us got saved through the Bible and yielding to God, rather than church attendance. Church attendance is more for teaching, fellowship with those of like-mind, and is exalting Christ in everything by those who know and love Him ---for He is the heart and soul of the real believer.

 

[Witness2016]

Thank-you everybody! When I first opened my laptop, none of the replies had loaded, so I thought it was comfirmation that I am invisible! lol! On reflection I think that part of this is my own state of mind, as we have been through very tough times recently.

Feeling invisible can occur when the place of meeting is full of those that don't want light so be encouraged if in fact you have that light! I have been to endless churches that were colder and meaner then a hibernating toad! Just simply do not want light, they just want their churchy seats and positions of man praises. Going home and crying will occur for a bit keep reading scripture and you will learn what is actually going on there. Know God intimately and He will lead you to where you need to be. I have visited just to offer service. Know this many Leadership positions are career choice, may be started out as a noble idea but Leaders are Called by GOD and they ought to have a certain heart and spirit about themselves and their wives should have a welcoming arm to hug you with. Know the Bible and research what these groups that have theses gatherings believe. You just may be highly favored with the gift of discernment and wisdom and a heart of tenderness as Christ. Keep loving all you meet and do what is right before God and don't compromise what you know scripture teaches ever for no man. God will lead and keep praying for them. You are never invisible to God and His Elect! Take care!

 

[GracetotheHumble]

Hi ShoshanaUK, I would recommend attending Sunday School and not only the main church service. This will give you the opportunity to get to know people in a small group environment. Also if the church has a fellowship hall where they serve coffee and refreshments then I would recommend you enter and meet people there.