Perhaps you haven't heard that creationist geologists have reconciled the evidence with a 6,000 year timeline:
25 Oct. 4004 B.C.: Encounter with Nemesis
knocks Lucifer out of Oort Gloud.
1 Nov. 4004 B.C.: Earth still largely molten;
Adam and Eve invent asbestos waders.
3714 B.C.: The first biotechnologist, Cain,
invents cyanobacteria.
3554 B.C.: Komatiitic lava inundates earliest
crust; Noah's Ark incinerated.
3264 B.C.: Methuselah begins to notice
passage of geological time.
3124 B.C.: Archaean stratiform sulfide
deposits form, making Bronze Age possible.
2844 B.C.: Tired of reading graphic granite,
Imhotep invents hieroglyphs.
2584 B.C.: Earliest sedimentation; discovery
of slate leads to stone tablets.
2444 B.C.: Breathable atmosphere develops;
first sermon preached.
2384 B.C.: Descendants of Tubal Cain
inaugurate banded Iron Age. Sphinx
starts to fossilize.
2024 B.C.: Nimrod the Hunter erects the
Geosyncline of Babel.
1914 B.C.: Advent of diapirism; Lot's wife
turned into first salt dome.
1794 B.C.: Children of Ham split from Israel-
ites, insisting that the Burgess Shale
fauna are kosher; chowder invented.
1704 B.C.: Charshumash the Hittite bitten by
first vertebrate; lawyers emerge from
slime.
1624 B.C.: Samson attempts perovskite
synthesis; laboratory of the Philistines
implodes.
1444 B.C.: War of the Chaldean Succession;
Pangea broken up in accordance with the
Treat of Uruk
1334 B.C.: Shang Empire abandons efforts
to invent compass when China drifts over
south magnetic pole.
1264 B.C.: Moses invents hydrofracturing;
opening of Red Sea rift drowns Egyptian
Army.
1194 B.C.: Odysseus runs aground on
Gondwandan Riviera; Circe founds Club Teth.
1104 B.C.: Ezekiel see de pterodactyl 'way
up in de middle ob de air.
1024 B.C.: Goliath stepped on by irate
Barosaurus, David takes credit.
794 B.C.: Jonah swallowed by Carcharas
megalodon.
564 B.C.: Pythagoras publishes Air-Earth-
Fire-Water phase diagram.
454 B.C.: Marble deposits form in Greece;
Parthenon erected.
338 B.C.: Aristotle concludes that quartz is
just another polymorph of ice, like
diamond or pearls; this is known as
the Wisdom of the Ancients.
48 B.C.: All of Gaul is divided into three
parts by the collision of Corsica with the
European Plate.
The Year Zero: Nothing much happened,
there being none.
A.D. 31: Miracle of the Loaves and
Ichthyosaurs.
A.D. 70: Paul, formerly Saul the Tarser,
undergoes identity crisis on the road to
Damascus and writes Epistle to the
Cephalopods.
A.D. 344: Vanguard of Attila the Hun
perishes when Romans breach
Gibraltar escarpment, flooding the
Mediterranean Desert.
A.D. 494: Snakes evolve and are driven out
of Ireland.
A.D. 974: Lief the Unlucky is lost with all
hands when his dragon ship is spotted
by an amorous Kronosaurus.
A.D. 1066: William the Conqueror invades
England by walking through northern
France.
A.D. 1215: Magna Carta eaten by Velociraptor.
A.D. 1324: Gunpowder and plate armor introduced;
dinosaurs hunted to extinction.
A.D. 1384: Dante Alighieri describes
core-mantle boundary.
A.D. 1444: Flowering plants appear; War of
the Roses commences.
A.D. 1484: Leonardo da Vinci designs
Archaeopteryx.
A.D. 1492: Mesoamerica emerges, thwarting
Columbus's discovery of Japan; the
Santa Maria is attacked by ammonites.
A.D. 1522: Hernan Cortes uses asteroid
impact to conquer Aztec Empire.
A.D. 1588: Spanish Armada frustrated by
continuing absence of English Channel.
A.D. 1636: Earliest primates appear; Harvard
founded.
A.D. 1664: An English primate becomes
Primate of Ireland; Archbishop Ussher
successfully deduces last four out of ten
digits of the age of the Earth.
A.D. 1688: Hapsburg Iceboat Armada
invades England via London-Bruges
canal; Inquisition burns Isaac Newton at
the stake for alchemy.
A.D. 1754: Gibbons evolve and write master-
pieces like The Oecline and Fall of the
Roman Empire.
A.D. 1776: Washington's Mastodon Cavalry
routs Hessians at Battle of Hudson Canyon.
A.D. 1835: Charles Darwin, attacked by giant
ratite in Galapagos, returns home a
convinced Neptunist.
A.D. 1846: A milestone in ape evolution is
passed: birth of a son to Bishop and Lady
Wilburforce.
A.D. 1867: COSMOS superstar Alexander
Von Humboldt wins the Napoleon lll
Peace Prize for sabotaging the Baltimore
Gun Club's lunar cannon.
A.D. 1894: Awed by extent of glaciation,
Cecil Rhodes proposes Capetown-to-
Cairo bobsled run.
A.D. 1914: Younger Dryas sea-level rise
unleashes U-boats into the Atlantic, Holy
Roman Empire wins World War I.
A.D. 1948: Harry Truman proposes using ice
to contain Stalin; Cold War begins, end-
ing Last Interglacial.
A.D. 1954: Glaciers retreat from Fulda Gap;
de Gaulle invades Russia.
A.D. 1957: Civil Rights Movement
challenges Jim Cro-Magnon laws.
A.D. 1961: Rachel Carson links DDT to
Glyptodonts' decline.
A.D. 1969: Last sighting of saber-toothed
tiger in Central Park; Elizabeth Taylor
divorces Proconsul.
A.D. 1971: Andy Warhol paints Campbell
Soup cans on walls of Lascaux caverns.
A.D. 1983: Australopithecus wins the
America's Cup.
A.D. 1988: Homo habilis volunteers to serve
as Pat Robertson's running mate.
A.D. 1990: Last Neanderthals perish in siege
of Kremlin.
A.D. 1991: Saddam Hussein discovers fire;
Holocene tar sands form in Kuwait.
A.D. 1997: Citing black smoker emissions,
the EPA bans continental drift. Thermophilis
wins Nobel Prize for sequencing its
own DNA while trapped in amber.
N.B.: As all dates except the first are +/- 2.3
billion years, the author strongly advises against
using this chronology for purposes of exegesis
or the calibration of carbon-14 dating.
http://muq.org/~cynbe/humor/millenium6.html