Do You Respect Yourself? How Do I Learn To Respect Myself?

[nb408]

Do you respect yourself enough to love yourself? By that I don't mean conceited love but I mean a love for knowing yourself on a deep level? Are you proud of who you are right now?

For me I struggle a lot with anxiety which stems from insecurity. If I'm being honest I don't respect myself. I wish I could say I did but I don't. I'm at a point where I need to learn how to respect and love myself just as I would any other human. Without a deep sense of respect and love for myself (again not conceited love with pride) I fall into all the traps Satan has in store. Envy, covet, jealousy, hate, bitterness and the list goes on. I guess what I'm really asking is how do I learn to respect myself? What must I do?

 

[paul1149]

Hi NB,

That's a very good question. I've heard it said many times that if Jesus thought I was worth going to the cross for, then I should respect and love myself as He did. That is absolutely true, and yet I don't seem to be able to digest that and translate it into change.

But what does work for me is respecting Holy Spirit living within me. I am His temple, and I am learning to cherish His presence above all else in my life. I find that the higher I exalt Him, the higher I am exalted. When, therefore, something occurs that displeases Him, I get very concerned about it myself.

I have found that this guides me through life's relationships and events. If someone is abusive toward me, a feeling, an internal conflict develops that I need to get to the root of. Or if I am overstepping my bounds toward another person, the same thing happens and I need to evaluate my behavior and motivations. Thus Holy Spirit protects me and guides me toward maturity in Christ. My part in all this is to abide in His peace, pay attention and respond correctly to His promptings.

Thus the process of edification is indirect for me. I focus on Holy Spirit, and He in turn tends to my transformation. I find this much better than trying to implement it myself. There are a lot of people in the world who struggle trying to do that themselves, expending a lot of energy that could be used in other, perhaps more fruitful, ways. And on the other side, there also are many people who are quite good at loving and respecting themselves, but not in a sober, godly way. These are the hurters and takers whose high opinion of themselves doesn't leave room for caring about the wellbeing of others.

 

[Take Heart]

Hello brother,

I could definitely relate, back then, to how you're feeling. The way I look at myself is that I'm a lot happier about who I am now as opposed to the person back in 2012 and before that. God has done a work in me and I like to look at it as us being His beautiful work-in-progress.
Meaning, even though we're not exactly perfect or happy with how we are right now- we are content that God will help us as long as we do our part and /let Him/ mould us and transform or soften our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
So it's like..I'm in this process right now of refinement and I'm working together with Him on one thing at a time -and it's a lifelong process so don't be discouraged. Although..this is not to say that I am by any means satisfied or perfect with who I am now. I am my own worst critic but that can be said for the rest of us.
A big part of what helped me to love myself is to know who I am in Christ. He is the sovereign potter and we are /His clay/ not the world's clay..meaning, we should [myself included] strive to not be moulded by the opinions of this world for they are not our god- but Him alone. And so, it doesn't matter what others may say about us-especially during this life-long progress and moulding. I find it easy to detect the lies from the truth when I am constantly or as-much-as-I-can-be in His word and just fill up my mind with /His Words/ more than the words and opinions of this world and even moreso than the lies of the enemy who wants nothing more than to drag us down and keep us at a distance from the only One Who truly cares for us, wants us to persevere, and wants us ever more to pursue Him even though we may stumble in sin. 'Only return' is all He asks.

I also like to listen to Christian songs in the background as much as possible to further fill my mind with His truths, encouragement, and comfort. A good station I'd suggest is K-Love- you can listen from online too!
Once you know who you are in Christ, nothing- no remark/comment/insult will ever shake you and most importantly..would ever shake your faith /in/ Him and His truths about you. Be encouraged, brother.

 

[Hospes]

What a person thinks of himself is meaningless if it is not founded in what God thinks of him.

To the person redeemed by God and clothed in the perfect righteousness of Christ belongs the great joy and satisfaction of hearing God say "You are my beloved child in whom I am well pleased." (One of the really good parts of the Good News!)

 

[dcalling]

I will pray for you. Satan is the prince of this world and this world if full of traps. Only God can save us. The Bible did say that we must hate the world and even ourselves (Luke 14:26). The feeling of Envy and Hate is definitely from Satan, as God commanded us to Love others and not to covet.

It is a hard task as even though I am much better now, the bad feelings still come up from time to time, it is our lesson to learn to control them, however the good news is in Christianity God knows that we are not worthy of him but God treated us with grace, and we know God always loves us.

Will keep praying for you, be strong and grow!

 

[kkcarter215]

Do you respect yourself enough to love yourself? By that I don't mean conceited love but I mean a love for knowing yourself on a deep level? Are you proud of who you are right now?

For me I struggle a lot with anxiety which stems from insecurity. If I'm being honest I don't respect myself. I wish I could say I did but I don't. I'm at a point where I need to learn how to respect and love myself just as I would any other human. Without a deep sense of respect and love for myself (again not conceited love with pride) I fall into all the traps Satan has in store. Envy, covet, jealousy, hate, bitterness and the list goes on. I guess what I'm really asking is how do I learn to respect myself? What must I do?

I'm struggling too. There are some things about me that I really like but no one else does. It's hard for me to feel that my existence has value when no one values anything about me. I'm here to serve others with the gifts and talents God created in me, but no one wants what He made me. After 44 years, I quit trying to serve with what I am, and now I just do what people tell me to do. If no one values what I am, why should I? And if God wanted me to serve with what I am, He'd make them see me. He'd have put me in places where the person I am would be needed. So, no. I don't respect myself. I don't have any reason to.

 

[Tigger45]

Do you respect yourself enough to love yourself? By that I don't mean conceited love but I mean a love for knowing yourself on a deep level? Are you proud of who you are right now?

For me I struggle a lot with anxiety which stems from insecurity. If I'm being honest I don't respect myself. I wish I could say I did but I don't. I'm at a point where I need to learn how to respect and love myself just as I would any other human. Without a deep sense of respect and love for myself (again not conceited love with pride) I fall into all the traps Satan has in store. Envy, covet, jealousy, hate, bitterness and the list goes on. I guess what I'm really asking is how do I learn to respect myself? What must I do?

 

[ToBeLoved]

Do you respect yourself enough to love yourself? By that I don't mean conceited love but I mean a love for knowing yourself on a deep level? Are you proud of who you are right now?

For me I struggle a lot with anxiety which stems from insecurity. If I'm being honest I don't respect myself. I wish I could say I did but I don't. I'm at a point where I need to learn how to respect and love myself just as I would any other human. Without a deep sense of respect and love for myself (again not conceited love with pride) I fall into all the traps Satan has in store. Envy, covet, jealousy, hate, bitterness and the list goes on. I guess what I'm really asking is how do I learn to respect myself? What must I do?

The advice I would give you is to realize that if you want to do the real work of God, that you MUST love yourself, because a love (that is respectful and caring) for ourself is the basis of all the other relationships that we build.

When I think about this question, I am reminded of the little talk that you receive from the stewardess right before or after the flight takes off. She tells you to in case of emergency to take care of yourself, so then YOU ARE ABLE to go help another. Find the oxygen mask and put it on so then you can go help someone who needs their oxygen mask.

If we view ourselves as an investment in caring and loving ourselves so that we can then have a good understanding of love, caring and kindness, we will see that this type of love can be very positive if it helps us build upon our own character.

This is a good question though that many people struggle with.

 

[com7fy8]

Do you respect yourself enough to love yourself?

Well, I first consider Jesus to be so great. And I have example people whom I admire and appreciate; and they are an encouragement for me to get real with God and find out how to love. So, I am busy not with how I feel about myself now, but how I can become with God and His people

If I judge my own self and do not respect myself, whose standards am I judging myself by? There are a lot of stilly standards which humans have. I "hope" that, if I am not respecting myself, it is not because of what worldly people have for standards. But how am I in comparison with Jesus?

I love and respect myself, by seeking God's correction > Hebrews 12:4-11 < because He loves me, He corrects me; so I love myself by seeking His correction . . . of His love's perfection > 1 John 4:17.

By that I don't mean conceited love

very good point

Are you proud of who you are right now?

No . . . I need how God is able to make me truly humble and gentle and caring like Jesus and my examples. And I am encouraged by how I find God has corrected and helped me; I am proud of how He has trusted me with example people who have helped me see how I need to find out how to love and relate. And I am proud of how I would say He has gotten me started in this so I am not only looking down on people because I think I know more than they do and because I suppose I'm so spiritual and they aren't.

If I'm being honest I don't respect myself.

Any of us who is honest, I would say, has reasons not to respect ourselves; but I mean that the only reason not to respect myself is if I am being hypocritical, unforgiving, or whatever that is anti-love; and if wrong things are trespassing in me, the Bible says what to do >

"Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much." (James 5:16)

I'm at a point where I need to learn how to respect and love myself just as I would any other human.

"'Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29)

Because you have had problems, now you can feel for others (Hebrews 5:2). We all have problems which are impossible for us; only God can correct us and heal us into His love. And in our sin we can feel like we are the only one. Sin is isolating, a dirty trick. So, it is good to share with Christians who understand this. It is worthwhile to find who they are; and of course you will keep finding people who do not know how to love you; but if ones don't know how to love you, have compassion on them; don't let wrong people decide if you have hope of finding real Jesus people. Jesus does not give up on anybody; so He will have you finding wrong people who can be indeed impossible, and He is trusting us to love these people and be good example for them > 1 Peter 5:3. The real Jesus people have nasty horrible people to deal with, too.

I guess what I'm really asking is how do I learn to respect myself? What must I do?

The Bible is full of things to help us with this. Pray and may God bless you with how He pleases to share with you and help you. God is very creative; so I can't tell Him what He will do with you ! ! !

There are some things about me that I really like but no one else does.

What do you think of 1 Corinthians 9:19-23?

I'm here to serve others with the gifts and talents God created in me, but no one wants what He made me.

Well, it depends on what you find to be His gifts and talents. "Test all things; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21) Whatever God has really approved of, He will not let this go to waste, I offer. But I need to first submit to God, so He is leading me in how He desires to use me and my gifts and talents. Also . . . by the way . . . there are things to enjoy just with God, maybe for now. And in dew time, in love relating with people you belong with in God's love as a Jesus person, then is when your abilities may be used. So, if you have any really good abilities which seem unappreciated, invest in becoming more humble and able to relate sensitively and with compassion with anyone, and keep investing in any ability which could be useful, in case there is a time for it. But most of all invest in the abilities to submit to God and love and forgive any and all people.

After 44 years, I quit trying to serve with what I am, and now I just do what people tell me to do.

God wants serving to be done cheerfully and gladly And while I am doing things which might not matter to me, I can enjoy caring for and sharing with the people around me; sharing and relating together is worth more than what our practical abilities can accomplish.

Jesus called the twelve apostles, "that they might be with Him and that He might send them out to preach" (in Mark 3:14). So, first was not their being able to preach and just going out to serve Jesus; but first was "that they might be with Him", I would say so He could share with them in His love. Jesus is not first about just using us. Love does not have us only using people!

And if God wanted me to serve with what I am, He'd make them see me.

Well, in Jesus "all things have become new" (in 2 Corinthians 5:17) > we don't stay the way we have been. Paul our Apostle says, "I die daily", in 1 Corinthians 15:31). To me, this means that every day Paul started his life, all over again, to discover how God's grace would have him become as a person and what His grace would have Paul doing.

Every day you can start fresh with God in His creative love, creating who you become each day and creating what you do. If He pleases to "recycle" anything and any abilities from your past, fine, but always be ready for His surprises

 

[lupusFati]

I was unable to love or respect myself while I was christian and indoctrinated into that lifestyle. Only 7 years later have I even begun to accept and love myself. Still working on the unconditional part, though.

Not promoting or anything but that's been my experience with self-love. Perhaps if you find an issue with it as a Christian, then you should look to your 'brothers and sisters in Christ' before you condemn me.

Again, no disrespect intended.

 

[Take Heart]

I was unable to love or respect myself while I was christian and indoctrinated into that lifestyle. Only 7 years later have I even begun to accept and love myself. Still working on the unconditional part, though.

Not promoting or anything but that's been my experience with self-love. Perhaps if you find an issue with it as a Christian, then you should look to your 'brothers and sisters in Christ' before you condemn me.

Again, no disrespect intended.

Thank you for your honesty and for sharing what has worked for you ♥ There's no condemnation from me and there shouldn't be from anyone else. Because I'm no better than anyone else. We've all sinned and fall short of the glory of God. I'm just thankful that He didn't send His son to condemn the world but to save us through Jesus Christ, even while we were /still/ sinners. How crazy loving and merciful is that? I'm reminded of what Paul said when he said he was the chief of sinners. Well I can relate because I am no better than anyone. No one deserve condemnation from anyone else unless they are perfect. Anyway~ so happy to have you here Lupus! I'm somewhat a new member- joined about a month ago, I believe. It makes my heart happy to see others of different beliefs [or non-beliefs, but technically that is a belief in itself?] on here

 

[lupusFati]

Thank you, I suppose. But I wanted to make it clear as well to the mods what my intent was, since I see how they might interpret it as rule breaking when I wasn't doing that. I'm all for you being Christian if that's what makes you happy or what you believe. But my experience with christianity has left me damaged so much that it helped to contribute to the formation of one of my alters, and he really really hates that religion.

 

[Take Heart]

Thank you, I suppose. But I wanted to make it clear as well to the mods what my intent was, since I see how they might interpret it as rule breaking when I wasn't doing that. I'm all for you being Christian if that's what makes you happy or what you believe. But my experience with christianity has left me damaged so much that it helped to contribute to the formation of one of my alters, and he really really hates that religion.

Awe Lupus..I'm so sorry for whatever you've been through..I can't seem to wrap my mind around what you mean though. Do you mind expanding on some of the things you've experienced through Christianity that has left you damaged? We can continue this in 'start a conversation' if you'd like.

 

[lupusFati]

20 or so years of mental and emotional self-abuse. Think of what 20 years of thinking you are evil and going to hell no matter how many times you pray to God and Jesus does to someone, especially at earlier stages in life.

I'm honestly surprised I'm not MORE damaged. But I don't mean to say Christianity is evil or anything. This could have happened with most any religion really.

 

[Take Heart]

20 or so years of mental and emotional self-abuse. Think of what 20 years of thinking you are evil and going to hell no matter how many times you pray to God and Jesus does to someone, especially at earlier stages in life.

I'm honestly surprised I'm not MORE damaged. But I don't mean to say Christianity is evil or anything. This could have happened with most any religion really.

20 years of self-abuse? That breaks my heart you know..when I pray to God..I ask for His forgiveness. I have to confess and ask Him for forgiveness every single day. And then, by faith, I trust that He forgave me. That the power of Jesus' blood is enough to cover all my sins. I also strive to repent of the sins I've confessed and move forward from there. But I fail daily.. and He knows that. But the beautiful thing is..is that He wants us to persevere, even though we may stumble in sin. He only wants us to return. I used to have so much fear and have all this shame and guilt about myself towards Him..that I'd never satisfy Him. But He took care of all of that on the cross so that we don't have to carry that guilt and shame. That type of condemnation is from the enemy who wants nothing more than to separate us from the only One who can satisfy our hearts, heal our broken hearts, give us peace, joy, comfort, and pursues us daily even though I sometimes run away from Him. I'm not perfect but I know someOne who is- my Advocate. Who literally lives to intercede on my behalf, not just once, but every single time I sin. But it's not so much about sin that I focus on- I try to focus more on His love and mercy and love in general. Imagine a father having mercy on his child for disobeying him like.."don't touch the poison ivy, it's going to make you itchy and get a really bad skin rash". And then I go ahead and touch it because.. well..curiosity, lol. And after realizing the consequences of that, my father ends up having compassion and mercy on me and comforts me. It's kind of like that- how I view Him- and that's truly what He's about. That even though He's a Father figure in our lives, so-to-speak, and is stern and wants to protect us from certain things by warning us of the consequences, He still very much loves us at the same time. Enough to even warn us and to provide a means of escape..through His Son. He could have just destroyed humanity in its entirety when Eve disobeyed and be like..'forget this..I'm done with you humans', but He already made a plan to defeat the enemy, who tricked and tempted her in the first place, and to redeem His people. I say all this because I honestly love you and my heart is breaking for all those years that have left you damaged. And I just want to hug you through the screen and just be there for you in real life and show you the love Jesus Christ has for us. Because words can be great and all but actions speak louder than words right? I really want to be there for people in their darkest moments. And I want to tell them that as someone who has been through a lot of things to the point of having suicidal tendencies back in 2010-2012, I am a living testament to the saving Grace and mercy and love..that never stopped pursuing me even though I thought He didn't even care about me.

 

[lupusFati]

Yes well no one ever fully explained it all to me. And the churches we went to were nothing more than glorified social clubs, so I couldn't even really trust them to help me out on that. I saw groups of happy shiny people, so I kept wondering what was so wrong with me. Why was I the only broken one? I must be doing something wrong, or God doesn't love me, etc.

I had to let that religion, along with that mindset, go. And even though I'm starting to heal, I'm discovering scars here and there and realizing the extent.

People think you need to be sexually or physically abused to have issues. I was mentally and emotionally assaulted. My family did their best of course, but things like this self-abuse from religion as well as hating myself due to my peers, well... yeah. I had to let it go for my mental wellbeing.

And even then I'm just now becoming aware of the fragments of myself who took most the pain from me.

 

[com7fy8]

Ok, so thank you for making things more clear. I don't know how those people really were. But I know how Jesus did not give up on any of His twelve disciples, though they could fight with each other about which of them was the greatest and they could try to keep people from bringing their children to be blessed by Jesus. So, Jesus isn't interested in giving up on you But if we ourselves can give up on people, this can keep us from the love of Jesus. And you said there were people who were "shiny" > well, it depends on what someone is shining . . . conceit or love.

In Heaven people shine with love and worship for God; and Satan could not stand that; so Satan got thrown out. So, it depends on why a person is shining.

But, even though people can live like they are also outcasts from Heaven, Jesus has hope for any or us; Jesus came to this earth and so suffered and died for any and all of us who have been without God and His love > Jesus calls to "all" >

"'Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.'" (Matthew 11:28-30)

So, it is not Jesus who is trying to make you keep on feeling guilty and hurt and suffering. Also, even if you had people who did not know how to love you, it is possible they were not trying to make you keep on suffering. If they did not know how to love you, it is likely a number to them were busy with how their own problems were messing with them.

But part of being healed with Jesus is then you are required to be strong in loving people who do not know how to love . . . instead of letting them have power over you to make you suffer. Forgiving can help to make us stronger against how wrong people can indeed hurt us and get us isolated for suffering. Jesus brings us away from isolation to Him and the ones who are His real love people.

But even with our real ones, I keep finding, I need to be ready for when they can fail, too, since they are not perfect. So, our Apostle Paul tells us that our calling as Christians includes how to relate with one another >

"with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love," (Ephesians 4:2)

I need to have "longsuffering" ready This is part of my basic love calling, as a Christian.

And hiding yourself and isolating yourself is not going to work. But it is good to be quiet, when by ourselves, because in deep quietness we can connect with God. This is "why" so many things attack our quiet, because Satan does not want us to connect with God in His peace and gentle rest and quiet.

"For thus says the LORD GOD, the Holy One of Israel:
. .'In returning and rest you shall be saved;
. . In quietness and confidence shall be your strength.'
. . But you would not," (Isaiah 30:15)

And this is not only so we can feel good.

"rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God." (1 Peter 3:4)

So, while we be what God really means by gentle and quiet, this is very pleasing to our Father. So, being quiet means the way we are being pleasing to our Father, not only making our own selves feel good. In His love, we have His rest and we are in personal sharing with Him, sensitive and intimate, even, in sharing and caring love for any and all people, since God's love is all-loving. So, if we are isolating for only the pleasures we want, this is not healing and not safe.

And there are plenty of people who have acted like they are Christians, but they have not ministered this, I would say. So, I would say you have not been hurt by real . . . Biblical . . . Christianity. But in selfish quiet and isolation we can get bullied by worry and hurry and boredom and loneliness and fears and torments and lusts witch drive us after pleasure and escape excitements . . . away from real rest and quiet with God.

 

[nb408]

Yes well no one ever fully explained it all to me. And the churches we went to were nothing more than glorified social clubs, so I couldn't even really trust them to help me out on that. I saw groups of happy shiny people, so I kept wondering what was so wrong with me. Why was I the only broken one? I must be doing something wrong, or God doesn't love me, etc.

I had to let that religion, along with that mindset, go. And even though I'm starting to heal, I'm discovering scars here and there and realizing the extent.

People think you need to be sexually or physically abused to have issues. I was mentally and emotionally assaulted. My family did their best of course, but things like this self-abuse from religion as well as hating myself due to my peers, well... yeah. I had to let it go for my mental wellbeing.

And even then I'm just now becoming aware of the fragments of myself who took most the pain from me.

I can relate to you on the self abuse part. However, it wasn't due to religion for me. If I ever didn't do something right I would immediately call myself stupid incompetent and nothing. I think I started doing this in first grade. I continually did it until I was a junior in high school because that's when I pretty much broke myself. My self esteem had fallen so low that I couldn't even comfortably talk to my friends anymore. I started to develop social anxiety and I knew immediately that I didn't want to live like that. I've been trying to improve by reading many self help books and trying to face my fears since I was 16. I've got to say I've had the most progression in these past 6 months then the whole five years I've been struggling with it. It was all due to me just handing it up to God. I know I'm broken and I still do wrong on a constant basis but even now I'm slowly starting to realize that there's absolutely nothing I can do to make God reject me. Not my circumstance not the people who have influenced me in the past nobody can because God is beyond that. The whole purpose of Christianity is to get back into a relationship with a loving God who wants us to live life in abundance.

 

[Job8]

I guess what I'm really asking is how do I learn to respect myself? What must I do?

1. Make a list of qualities which you deem to be worthy of respect.
2. Score yourself honestly against that list.
3. Ask someone you trust to score you independently.
4. Then get to work on yourself.
5. If you are a genuine Christian, know your position in Christ from Scripture.

For God the most important quality is faith, then faithfulness (perseverance).