How do christian men feel about marrying virgins?

[steflou64]

I am a 51 year old never married virgin. I am trying to facilitate (along with prayer) finding a husband. I would think a born again man would appreciate a virgin for a wife-everything in life has to be learned-driving, riding a bike, etc. I would think they would appreciate someone with high enough moral standards to have "saved themselves for marriage". What is everyone's opinion on this?

 

[faroukfarouk]

What you say is good, indeed, and Biblical, as far as it goes.

The most important matter is that the person, virgin or not, has been cleansed by the blood of Christ by faith and is walking in newness of life in fellowship with the Lord and His people. For such people to marry is a sound foundation for a Christian home.

 

[Inkachu]

Steflou - in general, you're right. The questions might arise, though, as to why someone your age hasn't "been able" to have a serious relationship or marriage up until this point. And those are valid questions. So be prepared for that.

 

[dayhiker]

Its was never important to me if the woman I marry is a virgin or not, not even when I was young. Now I give it no thought at all.

 

[LinkH]

I am a 51 year old never married virgin. I am trying to facilitate (along with prayer) finding a husband. I would think a born again man would appreciate a virgin for a wife-everything in life has to be learned-driving, riding a bike, etc. I would think they would appreciate someone with high enough moral standards to have "saved themselves for marriage". What is everyone's opinion on this?

I think that's awesome. If I were unmarried and looking for a wife, I'd be looking for a virgin or else a widow who'd been a virgin before marriage, faithful after, and celibate after widowhood. They may be rare, but there are men who want to only marry a virgin. And there are men who appreciate it.

If a Christian man doesn't appreciate a woman waiting for marriage, IMO, there is something wrong with his morality. I'm thinking of men who think lowly of women for being virgins. He doesn't value something the Bible presents as valuable. That's my personal opinion.

As far as marriage goes, if you want to pursue that, that is well within your Christian liberty to do so, unless there is some reason not to (e.g. specific direction from the Lord.) But I'm thinking of I Corinthians 7. If you are content at this point to remain celibate, why not just stay that way and dedicate the time to the Lord?

At 51, the dating pool is smaller. And the pool is full of divorced men, men who divorced for who-knows-what reason. There are some men around your age that haven't married. I know a second generation Japanese man probably a couple of years older than you who never married and always wanted to. I think he's a virgin, too. But he's very self-conscious and may not be married because of being shy about women, and he'd prefer a Japanese woman. His church has a church-plant in Japan. I've told him he ought to go to Japan where Christian women greatly outnumber Christian men and ask a pastor to set him up. From what I hear, he'd be a rock star. Anyway, you may find someone who has never married who is similar to yourself in that way.

There are also widowers, too. A widower who had been faithful to his wife who didn't have an ex in his life, that could be a good alternative, too.

 

[DZoolander]

Steflou - If ya don't mind me asking...

I had a convo with Link a little while ago about something kinda similar to this...and you seem like you'd be an ideal person to ask (because I'm genuinely curious.)

At 51 years old - never having had sex... Do you find yourself to be extremely desirous of sex (moreso than at 40, moreso than at 30, moreso than at 20, etc), with 51 years of pent up desire for it? Or - have you at 51 just kinda gotten used to the idea that sex ain't a part of your life - and it consumes relatively little thought?

 

[LinkH]

Steflou - If ya don't mind me asking...

I had a convo with Link a little while ago about something kinda similar to this...and you seem like you'd be an ideal person to ask (because I'm genuinely curious.)

At 51 years old - never having had sex... Do you find yourself to be extremely desirous of sex (moreso than at 40, moreso than at 30, moreso than at 20, etc), with 51 years of pent up desire for it? Or - have you at 51 just kinda gotten used to the idea that sex ain't a part of your life - and it consumes relatively little thought?

That's kind of personal, don't you think. My pent up theory might only be valid up until the late 20's or maybe early 30's.

 

[steflou64]

I find my desire has increased!! AND I have no way to satisfy it other than "self pleasure" which I seem to not be able to keep from doing! Whoever said women did not have a sex drive did not know what they were talking about!!

 

[steflou64]

I am not "content" to be celibate there are reasons why I have not hired a gigolo or something-first, it is a sin against God-second, there is pregnancy, HIV, herpes, etc to consider. And, being a virgin you know women have to be "stretched out" the first time which, unless you do it yourself or have a doctor do it, could be painful! I know of one couple at church-this is his second marriage (widower) and her first and she told me they tried to have sex but "it hurt" so they don't have it!!

 

[DZoolander]

That's kind of personal, don't you think. My pent up theory might only be valid up until the late 20's or maybe early 30's.

lol I attempted to be as clinical as I could in the question.

Looks like +1 for your theory

 

[LinkH]

I am not "content" to be celibate there are reasons why I have not hired a gigolo or something-first, it is a sin against God-second, there is pregnancy, HIV, herpes, etc to consider. And, being a virgin you know women have to be "stretched out" the first time which, unless you do it yourself or have a doctor do it, could be painful! I know of one couple at church-this is his second marriage (widower) and her first and she told me they tried to have sex but "it hurt" so they don't have it!!

That's something they can work toward over time if they have that problem. Doctors can give advice on that. My guess is that this is a very, very small percentage of cases.

Btw, would you be interested in a 50 something Japanese man, raised in the US of A? He did not tell me to say that, btw.

 

[steflou64]

I am only interested in caucasian men but thanks anyway.

 

[Avniel]

I am a 51 year old never married virgin. I am trying to facilitate (along with prayer) finding a husband. I would think a born again man would appreciate a virgin for a wife-everything in life has to be learned-driving, riding a bike, etc. I would think they would appreciate someone with high enough moral standards to have "saved themselves for marriage". What is everyone's opinion on this?

I think that depends on her level of confidence and comfort with the man.

 

[steflou64]

As far as "her level of comfort with the man" goes I hope, in that this is a CHRISTIAN forum and the bible clearly states no sex outside of marriage that sex outside of marriage is not what anyone here is looking for. Your eternal soul is FAR more valuable than any fleshly physical pleasure you can experience here on earth!

 

[Avniel]

As far as "her level of comfort with the man" goes I hope, in that this is a CHRISTIAN forum and the bible clearly states no sex outside of marriage that sex outside of marriage is not what anyone here is looking for. Your eternal soul is FAR more valuable than any fleshly physical pleasure you can experience here on earth!

I don't know if you wrote me that because I'm black and you see the baby. I am a married man and I did have my church wedding photos in my profile picture. These are the subliminal statements that I encounter as a married black man.

1) this is the married forum it's understood when sex is brought up its typically about married couples
2) the original post stated about married men and how they would respond
3) The man in this situation represented a future husband since she stated her morals.

There is a trend in the Christian church that promotes sexual issues in the marriage. So yes it depends on how comfortable a woman is with a man. I bet you there are a ton of married Christian men and women that are so uncomfortable being sexual intimate with their spouse and were married. So I'd say most Christian men either don't care or would prefer a virgin but wouldn't want to have a sex free marriage either which actually happens in the church.

With all of this understood it makes it odd you would write that to me of all people.

This is why I stopped posting here it's a petty play on words to entice conflict. There is no way you believe that your statement was valid or you do and thus were influenced by my race or you do and we clearly don't need to talk to each other because we are two different intellectual and educational levels. It's one of the 3 I just don't know which one.

 

[Avniel]

This is how our conversation went.

You: what do Christian men feel about marrying virgins.
Me: I think it depends on her confort level with the man.
You: this Christian site and this hope you mean married.

There is a big issue there

 

[ValleyGal]

I know the question is posed to men out there, but I doubt it's much different for women.... by the age of 50, a virgin finding a virgin is probably going to take a miracle. And me being an experienced woman, I would have a very, very hard time having to teach a virgin at this age. At my age, I really would not want one if I were single. In fact, before I met my current husband, I had a friend who was a virgin and expressed interest. It turns out that he had some way bigger baggage than someone who is divorced, and even just talking a couple of times about sexual things was enough to make me realize that there was no way I would want to be with a virgin.

Even though this is a Christian site, there are very, very few people who have the self control to avoid those intense fleshly drives. Christians mess up, and God expects that....it's why Jesus came to be the sacrificial Lamb, to pay this sin-debt we owe to God. So even on a Christian site, it is unrealistic to expect we were all virgins until we got married, or that none of us are divorced, etc.

 

[Dave-W]

I am a 51 year old never married virgin. I am trying to facilitate (along with prayer) finding a husband. I would think a born again man would appreciate a virgin for a wife-everything in life has to be learned-driving, riding a bike, etc. I would think they would appreciate someone with high enough moral standards to have "saved themselves for marriage". What is everyone's opinion on this?

In theory I think you are correct. But as Ink has said, the potiential husband may have a lot of questions about said virginity.

My best friend from high school got married for the first time at age 55 almost 5 years ago. He married a woman who already had a family. He was a virgin and became an instant grandfather. His wife's questions all went back to family history for him. (his dad also married for the first time in his 50s)

If it was me as the potential hustand, once a common faith was established, I would want to know HOW a 50 year old virgin stayed that way. What was her definition of "virgin?" Was it a fear of relationships that kept her single, not finding the right person, or something else? How did she deal with her sex drive for all those decades? Was it still functioning? Was there any porn or romance novels? Did she still want to have children? I am sure other questions may come up based on the answers to these.

 

[Inkachu]

Another concern I'd have is that a person who's spent the past 40-ish years "self pleasuring" is probably going to have a really difficult time adjusting to actual intercourse with another human being. The more you train your body and brain to respond to masturbation, the harder it's going to be to re-train it to respond to stimulation from another person. I know that sounds crazy, but it is true, and it's been established scientifically. So, if I were a 50 year old woman who met a 50 year old male virgin who'd spent his entire life masturbating... I'd wonder how much work it was going to be to try and replace decades and decades of sexual habits.

 

[Dave-W]

Another concern I'd have is that a person who's spent the past 40-ish years "self pleasuring" is probably going to have a really difficult time adjusting to actual intercourse with another human being. The more you train your body and brain to respond to masturbation, the harder it's going to be to re-train it to respond to stimulation from another person.

I will agree that can be a serious issue. But the alternative, a person who has spent the last 40ish years denying and mentally shutting down sexual desires, may be even MORE problematic when it comes to establishing a healthy sexual relationship.