Suffering from PTSD - Church (Lack of) Management is Trigger

[Aryianna]

I am suffering from PTSD. The last traumatic incident happened four years ago. I will not go into the details for now, because it will trigger memories again. In summary, I am not a military person; I have been a victim of family abuse, the main perpetrator being the biological father.

When PTSD is triggered, I lose logic. What happens is a sudden sense of panic and danger overwhelm me, causing me to have to fight for my life. I become either hostile or extremely defensive and view others as threats. Sometimes the trigger is a person or incident similar to the perpetrator who abused me. In most cases it is a person whom I view as a threat with characteristics that are vile: manipulative, liar, con, cheat, basically all of the vile and foul traits that a person could possess.

The latest trigger for me is a prostitute who continues to attend our church service. You can tell that the prostitute is disinterested in what the church has to offer. She's just there with her partner/husband who looks oblivious to the fact that he just got duped by a conniving gold digger. The partner looks like a victim of seduction played out by a third world impoverished street urchin dressed in a tight, low-cut provocative dress, strutting around in stilettos. She doesn't stay still but sits and stands then walks around the back of the church, playing with her toddler, making noises and gestures to entertain the child. The sight is very distracting, and it turns out I am not the only member disturbed and distracted.

After talking with one of the leaders, more PTSD triggers caused further anxiety. The leader claimed that others were also disturbed, but that the problem was me. I just needed to pray for the prostitute and stop being so judgmental and that perhaps the prostitute was just an underdeveloped child. Yes, my intellect can comprehend that, but when a person is being disruptive in a church (or classroom setting), regardless of their background, whether they be highly educated with all the social etiquette one can have or in this case, a rough street prostitute, the disruptive person must be set aside and asked to respect the congregation. One bad apple spoils the bunch.

Anyway, the resulting feelings I had is that of disgust, anger, disappointment, distrust and anxiety for here goes another group of people who will just turn a blind eye to an abusive harmful psychopath, reminiscent of the trauma and danger I experienced four years ago when I discovered the pedophile and his incestuous/child molesting activities with his granddaughter, the disgusting psychopath being the biological father who planned on murdering me because I was the whistle blower on his disgusting secret he wished to keep in the dark and perpetrate. And yes, there is no way I can refer to the man as father, thus the "biological" descriptor.

I am so disgusted with the church lady's response -- another victim/martyr in church who allows insanity to rule. People with no boundaries and people who side with perpetrators. People who suffer from ADD with no ability to listen, mouthing off scripture as a knee-jerk reaction with no capacity to sit and reflect.

After telling my fiancé what happened, and he really witnesses the pain and torture I experience when PTSD strikes, we decided we won't go to that church anymore.

 

[BeautifulLove]

Well it sounds like maybe you already determined an answer for yourself. If you really can't stand it then I think it may be better for you to find another church.

I must say that as Christians judging others is such a hidden sin that we don't even realize we are doing it sometimes. Please do not judge or condemn the woman. If she is in church in the first place she must have a reason to be. Even if she is uninterested and distracting, perhaps God is trying to tell her something?

Yes I think there is an unspoken ultimate rule for a church setting, don't be distracting to others or if you are (a phone rings, a child cries, etc) leave the main area and come back when all distractions are settled. I'm surprised by her actions but she may have a completely different set if standards in her mind. I do think God is trying to speak to her however, so please don't hinder that experience no matter how long it may take.

If it truly bothers you a lot, especially with your PTSD I say find another but very comfortable church. PTSD is probably one of the hardest struggles medically. We never know what problems other people are dealing with. Learn a little more about how to forgive, love, and have compassion for people like this and I promise you will feel better.

 

[Gracybelle]

Aryianna
Sometimes in life, there aren't words that exist to say how sorry I am for the suffering you have/and continue to endure. I am in awe that you possessed the courage to end the evil
by speaking out.
I cannot even equate my experience to yours, but I have PTSD and I know my triggers.
Sadly enough, I have been the victim of a Psychopath in our family (Clinically Diagnosed, not an adjective). In your case, you must have so many triggers; betrayed by many women. My husband and I know what it's like to have a young person ruin your family relationships. They were blind to the manipulation of the Psychopath - to this day - she is feared. Whatever the reason, I'm glad you have a loving Fiance to confide in - to support.
I pray you'll find a church, that feels safe and loving. Doesn't mean there has to be a bouncer at the door - maybe they'll just take the time to have a conversation. Most of the time, when I accuse others of being judgemental ~ I feel the uncomfortable need to find a mirror.

 

[brushofangelwings]

Interesting thread. I've noticed this in Christian environments from time to time. That there might be a disruptive individual whose actions are ignored by the facilitator(s) of Bible studies, prayer groups, or even pastors and other leadership in church services, in an attempt to, "be nice." There's nothing ungodly about kindly setting limits with people who interfere within these settings, not one thing. I can relate to the OP here.

 

[katerinah1947]

I am suffering from PTSD. The last traumatic incident happened four years ago. I will not go into the details for now, because it will trigger memories again. In summary, I am not a military person; I have been a victim of family abuse, the main perpetrator being the biological father.

When PTSD is triggered, I lose logic. What happens is a sudden sense of panic and danger overwhelm me, causing me to have to fight for my life. I become either hostile or extremely defensive and view others as threats. Sometimes the trigger is a person or incident similar to the perpetrator who abused me. In most cases it is a person whom I view as a threat with characteristics that are vile: manipulative, liar, con, cheat, basically all of the vile and foul traits that a person could possess.

The latest trigger for me is a prostitute who continues to attend our church service. You can tell that the prostitute is disinterested in what the church has to offer. She's just there with her partner/husband who looks oblivious to the fact that he just got duped by a conniving gold digger. The partner looks like a victim of seduction played out by a third world impoverished street urchin dressed in a tight, low-cut provocative dress, strutting around in stilettos. She doesn't stay still but sits and stands then walks around the back of the church, playing with her toddler, making noises and gestures to entertain the child. The sight is very distracting, and it turns out I am not the only member disturbed and distracted.

After talking with one of the leaders, more PTSD triggers caused further anxiety. The leader claimed that others were also disturbed, but that the problem was me. I just needed to pray for the prostitute and stop being so judgmental and that perhaps the prostitute was just an underdeveloped child. Yes, my intellect can comprehend that, but when a person is being disruptive in a church (or classroom setting), regardless of their background, whether they be highly educated with all the social etiquette one can have or in this case, a rough street prostitute, the disruptive person must be set aside and asked to respect the congregation. One bad apple spoils the bunch.

Anyway, the resulting feelings I had is that of disgust, anger, disappointment, distrust and anxiety for here goes another group of people who will just turn a blind eye to an abusive harmful psychopath, reminiscent of the trauma and danger I experienced four years ago when I discovered the pedophile and his incestuous/child molesting activities with his granddaughter, the disgusting psychopath being the biological father who planned on murdering me because I was the whistle blower on his disgusting secret he wished to keep in the dark and perpetrate. And yes, there is no way I can refer to the man as father, thus the "biological" descriptor.

I am so disgusted with the church lady's response -- another victim/martyr in church who allows insanity to rule. People with no boundaries and people who side with perpetrators. People who suffer from ADD with no ability to listen, mouthing off scripture as a knee-jerk reaction with no capacity to sit and reflect.

After telling my fiancé what happened, and he really witnesses the pain and torture I experience when PTSD strikes, we decided we won't go to that church anymore.

Hi,
One day, I came across a man. He upset me. I couldn't figure out why. The other man did also. I spent about half an hour with Lennie/Lonnie, and I have full permissions to use his name and this story. I kept looking at him, trying to figure out what it was about him that bothered me. It was not his attitude. He was friendly. I was doing some landscaping and I had forgotten what we used years earliier in putting greens in repair. So, I am at The Bark Place. It sells sand as well as other items in Albany Oregon.
Weill I left after a while. I didn't remember still what was used. Weeks passed. A month or two passed. A store that I had ordered the latest putting green grass called me up and told me that, my prepaid order of bentgrass seed was in. It is prepaid, so I made no quick trip there, to pick it up. Two more weeks passed. I decided it was time to pick up that seed. I did, and they gave me back money as I had paid too much. I do that a lots. It lowers my stress.
I live in Corvallis Oregon. I am ten miles from home. The Bark Place is only a mile from the grass seed store. I decided what I was going to get. It was beach sand with no soil mixed in. A slight mistake, I should have asked for 10% soil as that keeps it in place better. I steeled my self. I was going to that place again. I did not want to see that guy. I did not. So I prepared myself to handle the encounter. He wasn't there, I thought. I didn't see him. The other man was there who set me on edge, but not as much.
Things went fine. I ordered my sand. I paid. I arranged the delivery location, so I would not have to be there. Fine. No stress now. I turn around and the door is next. It is a double set of doors, and only about 15 feet away. I spot though the guy I wanted to avoid. He was in the corner of the room. He is looking at a computer and he is on break. He has that look on his face. His head is bent slightly and it is a don't mess with me look. Don't mess with me today.
I wondered what my feet would do. Yes, this is real. 15 feet forward and this is over. I will never have to be back here again. 15 feet to the left and I would encounter that man. My feet moved me to the man. My index finger came out. I pointed it right between his eyes. "You have done combat. You have pulled the trigger" Frightened a little, because of what I said, I then say. "Let me tell you why I am saying that." I did it is next.
(I was trained in Chicago, by the Chicago Police Department, what to do if someone is wounded by us in an attempted robbery. My parents owned the store, on the South Side of Chicago in 1964. I am to kill. I am to go outside and kill them. The Police will ignore the blood trail from the street to the store. If I do not do that, the laws are such that my parents or any owner will lose all they have, because the courts then gave it to the wonded robber. )
He starts talking now. Yes, I did Iraq. I came back. There was no one to talk to. All anyone wanted to know was did I kill anyone. "Instantly sick. I bend over. Curled over and sick, slowly I try to get my wits about me. Forcing myself up slowly with words... I'ts not about that..It's not about that. It's not." I was able to finally see him, with about the third set of words, somehow exiting my mouth. He then starts again. "I am angry. I am hurt. I am confused. I am drinking. I am sitting on a rock one day. My uncle comes up to me. He says: 'You are angry. You are this. You are that, and with a lilt in his voice he says: Let's go fishing. My uncle picks me up the next day, in his pick up truck. A white Ford pickup. There is camping supplies. There is alcohol. There is no fishing poles. We arrive at the camping site. My uncle sets up camp. The fire is going. He gets a brewksy, sits down in a chair looks at me and says: ""I did Korea. I never told you that. He then gives me all the details. All of them. He finishes with You feel better now and you don't know why. I searched my feelings. I did feel better and I didn't know why." I did though. People had been doing this to me for more than 35 years. Instantly then I knew what worked. Blurting out I said: So all you do is talk now. Yes he must have said. The other man, (the one I was having trouble with)? Yes he is a veteran of another war. So you guys just talk? Yes, he replied.
Over the next several years I found that ONE WARRIOR, talking to anothe WARRIOR is all that it takes to make a person feel just like everyone else, every 90 days. I must be one warrior, AND Dear you are a warrior, the best kind, a reluctant one, one who never ever wanted to see or experience horrors, but you did. You are nice. All people with PTSD are nice, and they want to stay that way. Not all people get PTSD. You are higly intelligent. You have a great imagination. Thus you fully experienced what did happen, and what could have happened. There is more, but first I am a civilian combat veteran. I have more than 45 years of experience at that. I am not military. I am not a policeman. I and you though have everything in common, with a pulled the trigger type, in the military. You are that. It never goes away. It is totally manageable, by talking with your own kind, other Reluctant Warriors, not necessarily warriors but reluctant ones. Although other warriors who do not have PTSD, are very very helpful to me, from time to time.
Triggers: Always there.
Response of acting for others in danger: Always there, it is your benifit to society for ever. You keep others from becoming you.
Not being able to do certain things: Vicariouosly live through the smiles and actions of those you parent, by causing them not to become...you.
Hyper awareness: Part and parcel of PTSD.
Please note, you have forgotten your first item. You only remember some of the later ones, and you probably have forgotten others also. I have. I have been called on two items, that I say never happened to me. In once case two other people said: How can you not remember. You were there. In another case, I was told. I saw it. I saw you. I saw how distressed you were. I thought [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], how is that possible. It is though.
In forgotten horrors, you will always feel sometihng. I see this in my wants and wishes. There is always something in my wants and wishes, which prevents me from ever being a victim again, for both of those forgotten incidents.
Warriors talk to other warriors and they get better.
LOVE and love,
...Me., and all of Them and them.
Welcome to the club. Yes, I too was supposed to be killed at age 12 by someone. I forgot that one. There are others.
LOVE and love,
...Me., and all of Them and them.

 

[katerinah1947]

Hi,
One day, I came across a man. He upset me. I couldn't figure out why. The other man did also. I spent about half an hour with Lennie/Lonnie, and I have full permissions to use his name and this story. I kept looking at him, trying to figure out what it was about him that bothered me. It was not his attitude. He was friendly. I was doing some landscaping and I had forgotten what we used years earliier in putting greens in repair. So, I am at The Bark Place. It sells sand as well as other items in Albany Oregon.
Weill I left after a while. I didn't remember still what was used. Weeks passed. A month or two passed. A store that I had ordered the latest putting green grass called me up and told me that, my prepaid order of bentgrass seed was in. It is prepaid, so I made no quick trip there, to pick it up. Two more weeks passed. I decided it was time to pick up that seed. I did, and they gave me back money as I had paid too much. I do that a lots. It lowers my stress.
I live in Corvallis Oregon. I am ten miles from home. The Bark Place is only a mile from the grass seed store. I decided what I was going to get. It was beach sand with no soil mixed in. A slight mistake, I should have asked for 10% soil as that keeps it in place better. I steeled my self. I was going to that place again. I did not want to see that guy. I did not. So I prepared myself to handle the encounter. He wasn't there, I thought. I didn't see him. The other man was there who set me on edge, but not as much.
Things went fine. I ordered my sand. I paid. I arranged the delivery location, so I would not have to be there. Fine. No stress now. I turn around and the door is next. It is a double set of doors, and only about 15 feet away. I spot though the guy I wanted to avoid. He was in the corner of the room. He is looking at a computer and he is on break. He has that look on his face. His head is bent slightly and it is a don't mess with me look. Don't mess with me today.
I wondered what my feet would do. Yes, this is real. 15 feet forward and this is over. I will never have to be back here again. 15 feet to the left and I would encounter that man. My feet moved me to the man. My index finger came out. I pointed it right between his eyes. "You have done combat. You have pulled the trigger" Frightened a little, because of what I said, I then say. "Let me tell you why I am saying that." I did it is next.
(I was trained in Chicago, by the Chicago Police Department, what to do if someone is wounded by us in an attempted robbery. My parents owned the store, on the South Side of Chicago in 1964. I am to kill. I am to go outside and kill them. The Police will ignore the blood trail from the street to the store. If I do not do that, the laws are such that my parents or any owner will lose all they have, because the courts then gave it to the wonded robber. )
He starts talking now. Yes, I did Iraq. I came back. There was no one to talk to. All anyone wanted to know was did I kill anyone. "Instantly sick. I bend over. Curled over and sick, slowly I try to get my wits about me. Forcing myself up slowly with words... I'ts not about that..It's not about that. It's not." I was able to finally see him, with about the third set of words, somehow exiting my mouth. He then starts again. "I am angry. I am hurt. I am confused. I am drinking. I am sitting on a rock one day. My uncle comes up to me. He says: 'You are angry. You are this. You are that, and with a lilt in his voice he says: Let's go fishing. My uncle picks me up the next day, in his pick up truck. A white Ford pickup. There is camping supplies. There is alcohol. There is no fishing poles. We arrive at the camping site. My uncle sets up camp. The fire is going. He gets a brewksy, sits down in a chair looks at me and says: ""I did Korea. I never told you that. He then gives me all the details. All of them. He finishes with You feel better now and you don't know why. I searched my feelings. I did feel better and I didn't know why." I did though. People had been doing this to me for more than 35 years. Instantly then I knew what worked. Blurting out I said: So all you do is talk now. Yes he must have said. The other man, (the one I was having trouble with)? Yes he is a veteran of another war. So you guys just talk? Yes, he replied.
Over the next several years I found that ONE WARRIOR, talking to anothe WARRIOR is all that it takes to make a person feel just like everyone else, every 90 days. I must be one warrior, AND Dear you are a warrior, the best kind, a reluctant one, one who never ever wanted to see or experience horrors, but you did. You are nice. All people with PTSD are nice, and they want to stay that way. Not all people get PTSD. You are higly intelligent. You have a great imagination. Thus you fully experienced what did happen, and what could have happened. There is more, but first I am a civilian combat veteran. I have more than 45 years of experience at that. I am not military. I am not a policeman. I and you though have everything in common, with a pulled the trigger type, in the military. You are that. It never goes away. It is totally manageable, by talking with your own kind, other Reluctant Warriors, not necessarily warriors but reluctant ones. Although other warriors who do not have PTSD, are very very helpful to me, from time to time.
Triggers: Always there.
Response of acting for others in danger: Always there, it is your benifit to society for ever. You keep others from becoming you.
Not being able to do certain things: Vicariouosly live through the smiles and actions of those you parent, by causing them not to become...you.
Hyper awareness: Part and parcel of PTSD.
Please note, you have forgotten your first item. You only remember some of the later ones, and you probably have forgotten others also. I have. I have been called on two items, that I say never happened to me. In once case two other people said: How can you not remember. You were there. In another case, I was told. I saw it. I saw you. I saw how distressed you were. I thought [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse], how is that possible. It is though.
In forgotten horrors, you will always feel sometihng. I see this in my wants and wishes. There is always something in my wants and wishes, which prevents me from ever being a victim again, for both of those forgotten incidents.
Warriors talk to other warriors and they get better.
LOVE and love,
...Me., and all of Them and them.
Welcome to the club. Yes, I too was supposed to be killed at age 12 by someone. I forgot that one. There are others.
LOVE and love,
...Me., and all of Them and them.

Hi,
I also have roughly 160 man-years of experience with sociopathic types. Much of that is personal. The have no remorse none of them do. That is their characteristics. Survivors of them are always with issues. PTSD, is normal. The above I gave you will help your PTSD, you may not feel it. It may be only that your relationships get better, and you don't know why? Half of the people with this feel better instantly, the other half are better but don't feel it. For them it is in their relationships. They get better. Mostly others will see that also, you may not.
Only separation and non contact works with Narcissistic types, Sociopaths, Borderline Personality Disorder Types etc. Just being near them puts you in Jail. Yes psychological jail. All they want is a slave, and money, and the tools they use is a different story to every person in their lives, so no one knows what is really going on. Yes, it is planned. It is almost impossible to see, for others. The world usually labels you, not they as the problem. The sister on a guy like this, one day told me this. I was on the phone long distance with her. I was apologizing for anything I did to make him worse. I was sorry. I was telling her that.
She starts to respond: " I am going to church. My husband and my kids are in the car. I want to tell you about my brother. He has been living under overpasses since he was a kid. He is brilliant beyond all reason for his age, in an evil way. YOU CANNOT SCREW UP WITH MY BROTHER. He has lied since his youth. He has insulted my parents. If you want to stay out of jail. Stay away from him." I've never been in a real jail. She meant the other kind.
When I was working with four of these kinds of guys, unknowingly. I was in jail I felt like it. Constantly and for years, I wondered why I felt like I was in the wrong and wrong enough to be put into jail. I was not a criminal, I have never been one, yet she made me feel like one constantly. One of these types. The other types all made me feel as if I owed them something, or I had done something wrong. To make it up to them, I did things. That gave them control over me. That put me in jail. It is part of what they want.
...Katie., He, The and....... .

 

[katerinah1947]

I am suffering from PTSD. The last traumatic incident happened four years ago. I will not go into the details for now, because it will trigger memories again. In summary, I am not a military person; I have been a victim of family abuse, the main perpetrator being the biological father.

When PTSD is triggered, I lose logic. What happens is a sudden sense of panic and danger overwhelm me, causing me to have to fight for my life. I become either hostile or extremely defensive and view others as threats. Sometimes the trigger is a person or incident similar to the perpetrator who abused me. In most cases it is a person whom I view as a threat with characteristics that are vile: manipulative, liar, con, cheat, basically all of the vile and foul traits that a person could possess.

The latest trigger for me is a prostitute who continues to attend our church service. You can tell that the prostitute is disinterested in what the church has to offer. She's just there with her partner/husband who looks oblivious to the fact that he just got duped by a conniving gold digger. The partner looks like a victim of seduction played out by a third world impoverished street urchin dressed in a tight, low-cut provocative dress, strutting around in stilettos. She doesn't stay still but sits and stands then walks around the back of the church, playing with her toddler, making noises and gestures to entertain the child. The sight is very distracting, and it turns out I am not the only member disturbed and distracted.

After talking with one of the leaders, more PTSD triggers caused further anxiety. The leader claimed that others were also disturbed, but that the problem was me. I just needed to pray for the prostitute and stop being so judgmental and that perhaps the prostitute was just an underdeveloped child. Yes, my intellect can comprehend that, but when a person is being disruptive in a church (or classroom setting), regardless of their background, whether they be highly educated with all the social etiquette one can have or in this case, a rough street prostitute, the disruptive person must be set aside and asked to respect the congregation. One bad apple spoils the bunch.

Anyway, the resulting feelings I had is that of disgust, anger, disappointment, distrust and anxiety for here goes another group of people who will just turn a blind eye to an abusive harmful psychopath, reminiscent of the trauma and danger I experienced four years ago when I discovered the pedophile and his incestuous/child molesting activities with his granddaughter, the disgusting psychopath being the biological father who planned on murdering me because I was the whistle blower on his disgusting secret he wished to keep in the dark and perpetrate. And yes, there is no way I can refer to the man as father, thus the "biological" descriptor.

I am so disgusted with the church lady's response -- another victim/martyr in church who allows insanity to rule. People with no boundaries and people who side with perpetrators. People who suffer from ADD with no ability to listen, mouthing off scripture as a knee-jerk reaction with no capacity to sit and reflect.

After telling my fiancé what happened, and he really witnesses the pain and torture I experience when PTSD strikes, we decided we won't go to that church anymore.

OOPS! I didn't look at the posting date. This is old.