Just like your mom...

[bluegreysky]

So the offensive humor thread we all gots to talking about how as parents or as kids with parents we weren't allowed/allowing bad TV in the household...

and it inspired me to post this thread.

For those of you who raised kids,
Did you always say that "you wouldn't do things the way your mom did" or
"you would do exactly as your mom did"?
did you?

For those of you who plan to have kids or who just had them
and soon they will be old enough to learn about the ways of the world,
do you want to raise them differently than your mom did?

For me, my mom did alot of things right. But there's alot I'd do different.
For one, she fed me whole foods, filtered media content and homeschooled me before it was cool.
I guess you could say I was the original prototype hipster.
Because now all the moms my age are doing those very things and
there's a whole network for it and it's "the cool thing to do".
But she also was a little TOO strict since she wouldn't let me enjoy some normal stuff that I think I should have been allowed in small doses.
For example, 2 birthdays in a row she made a dairy-free, sugar free soy cake for me and all my little friends. lol.
When I went to summer art classes and all the kids sat down to lunch, they all had Pb&j and kool aid in a disney themed box. I had soy bologna
and carrot sticks and water in a klunky insulated bag.
I wasn't allowed to enjoy Disney and Rugrats and stuff like that.
So when the other kids my age on the block got together to play or compare birthday/christmas loot, I was the weirdo with the science toys who couldn't recognize a quote by Robin William's blue genie from Aladdin.

If I had kids, I would shelter them from violent movies, Family Guy and South Park. I would feed them healthy. I don't know if I would home school but I would actively tutor and involve myself and make sure they got a proper edumacation.
Same time, I would let them enjoy cartoons and disney. AFTER they read the bible, read an educational book, did their homework and did their chores. I would find a creative way for them to understand that Disney is pretend and you don't meet a prince and marry him the next day at 16 and marriage takes work, it's not "happily ever after".
I'd let them eat cake on their birthday and junk food on special occasions and they could have toys themed after their favorite cartoon and they could dress up and pretend to be characters in Toy Story or Frozen or whatever as long as they have a firm grasp on reality.
I think there's a middle ground to all that.

 

[Odetta]

Honestly, before I had kids, I did think long and hard about the things that I would do the same and the things that I would do differently. Then I had kids. And the kids I have are not the same kids that she and Dad had. For instance, they did not have an autistic son. I also have different resources than they did - they, for instance, did not recognize that their son had ADHD, while I definitely know that both of mine have it. They also were not required to use car seats or even seat belts. So my parenting needs to be different from what they did by default. But did I intentionally set out to do some specific things differently? Probably, but my situation is so different from what they experienced, I'm naturally doing things differently, and I really can't remember what the intentional things were at this point.

 

[.chrys.]

My parents sent me to public school and divorced one another when I was in 4th grade. For me, I vowed to be there for my kids--to be a part of their everyday lives and education. That translated to being a SAHM and homeschooling parent (when it was just coming into vogue--we were the first parents I knew of who homeschooled).

One thing I did that my parents did was to use no physical discipline. Instead, they (and we) used reasoning with our children. They learned why not to do some things and why some things were acceptable.

 

[DZoolander]

Well, my mom was a worry-wart, was over-protective and jealously guarded information. Like, I remember as a kid asking her where babies came from (at around 5-6 years old) and her responding with "Why do you want to know?"

Funny, though, because my mom lived most of her life thinking she was this ultimately reliable resource of good information for us kids (especially about sex). In fact, I learned about the birds and the bees from the neighbor kids down the street...which is probably how it should be. lol

Something I will give her credit for (among millions of other things - don't let me sound like I'm ragging on my mom) - she was up on the whole AIDS thing and told us about that when I was 11-12 years old (around 1982) when it first started becoming known. My guess is because it fit in with the "Don't do it" narrative...but...I digress.

My goal with my kids is to give them a good understanding of the world around them. I want them to understand what they're facing with other people, how other people are, what people expect, how to deal with that, how to navigate through social situations, etc. That means giving them a realistic impression of the world.

Far too many people walk around in life raised like veal - oblivious to what they're actually facing - and IMHO it's the parent's fault. Leaving a vacuum of information isn't going to leave your child innocent. That vacuum is going to be filled by someone else. As a parent - I think it's important to recognize that truth and to be sure that I'm the one providing the information in as balanced a manner as I can.

My parents were right on a lot of things, though. They sheltered me from violence in media (probably to an extreme - though. Heck - I remember when the video for "Thriller" came out - mom wouldn't let me watch it simply because of the opening "warning" that it contained references to the occult) - and lots of other things in a similar vein. I will probably do the same for my kids. I'd rather they not be watching Game of Thrones, Vikings, True Blood, etc...or condoning that.

I figure let them sneak it by me and have it be something they think they're getting over on me. Every kid needs that. But I ain't going to gather round the TV to watch it with them as a family affair.

I also intend to explain dating/sex/etc with them differently than my folks did. My dad's sole sex talk with me growing up was when I was 17 years old and dating a girl - he pulled me in his room one night and asked if I was "doing anything inappropriate with her". I was a bit of a jerk as a kid - so my response back was "Well, I guess it all depends on where you draw the line of inappropriate?" (and then started reciting all sorts of sexual fetishes/positions/toys) followed by "is that appropriate, or inappropriate?" My older sister later told me that he had the same talk with her - but all she could think of was "no". Should've seen how red his face got...lol

Rather, I'd like my kids to understand how others view them, what place in life sex has, how relationships are truly, how age factors into perception, what they can expect of others, etc...and then have them base their decisions upon that sort of thing. So, that will be dramatically different than "Just don't do it" (which had a LOT of impact upon me, let me tell you).

So, it's a mixed bag I think.

 

[MessianicMommy]

We are doing things vastly differently than my parents in many ways, for the better.
There are a few good things I am keeping, but there is just so much tainted.. :/

 

[HannahT]

I have no doubt I did things similar to my folks. Some the same - some changed a bit to my style.

(giggles) I may not have repeated mistakes they made, but I did make some of my own. Life is funny that way.

 

[Autumnleaf]

I don't fly off the handle with my children like my mother and father did with me. I very seldom, if ever, use physical punishment. Maybe a swat on the hand a few years back is the most recent. When my daughter was hitting someone. I usually talk with them using reasoning and then they choose. They are well behaved most of the time.

 

[Hetta]

For those of you who raised kids,
Did you always say that "you wouldn't do things the way your mom did" or
"you would do exactly as your mom did"?
did you?

Blind post. As a teenager, I told my mom that I would let my kids do whatever they wanted to do and wouldn't give them any rules. It was a typically teen-rebellious thing to say. In fact, my mom was very fair and easygoing with me and only strict in some areas where she knew she had to protect me. I have modeled my parenting on my mom's parenting, being as fair and easygoing as I could, but being always firm and consistent where it mattered.

I think that it's easy as a child and teen to rant and rave at the 'unfairness' of the parent who won't let you go to an all-night party, but then when you are given this tiny little scrap of a being in your arms for the first time, your most primary urge is to protect your beloved child - with your own life if necessary. Although I have continued to have the mother tiger instincts, I have been able to let go of my children as they got older, and let them make their own decisions, even if to me it was obvious that those decisions were really awful (I'm not talking about anything dangerous to themselves or others).

 

[Verve]

My mom is my heroine. Seriously a fantastically inspiring woman.
If I did have kids I would want to follow her example because she's pretty much a child whisperer.

I love my mom!

 

[akmom]

My parents did well, in that they were strict when we were young and gave us a lot of freedoms as we got older. They also put a strong emphasis on education. My husband and I are trying to emulate those things in raising our children.

On the flip side, my parents weren't very close to us, didn't get along with each other, and were always highly worked up about things (politics, what the neighbors were doing, anything a colleague, friend or church member did or said). And they always talked about hell more than anything else. They're still obsessed with hell. My husband and I can do without those aspects.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

If theres one thing I have learned as a possible future parent... its that america is a hard country to raise a child as a christian. Technology has made it easier for kids to access what we don't want them to see. Its why those who bubble their child to much end up with kids who rebel in their teens when they finally do see how the world is.

Where as those who don't over bubble seem to have less issues. Not that its a perfect formula of course. Another issue is in america punishing a child is not easy to do because people think being your childs friend (and not a parent) is the only option. I was born in the 80s and it seems like children have gotten worse with each new generation. Thankfully my parents were good examples of how to be and how not to be.

 

[Inkachu]

First of all, I love how thought-provoking your threads are, BGS! It's a really refreshing deviation from some of the mindless or pot-stirring threads we often see

For those of you who raised kids,
Did you always say that "you wouldn't do things the way your mom did" or
"you would do exactly as your mom did"?
did you?

I was mixed on this. I wanted to incorporate certain things that I felt were right and positive (showing respect to elders, being honest, working hard, loving your kids with all your being), and avoid other things that were negative or counter-productive (fighting in the home, guilt-trips, being an "out of touch" or inaccessible parent). I'm speaking mainly of my mother here, I did not have much of a relationship with my dad. The relationship that I have with my son is NOTHING like what I had with my parents. And I worked hard for that, and I'm very proud of it and happy with it.

If I had kids, I would shelter them from violent movies, Family Guy and South Park. I would feed them healthy. I don't know if I would home school but I would actively tutor and involve myself and make sure they got a proper edumacation.

Good for you! My son has never seen either of those shows (and never will in my home), and I would have given a limb or organ to have the chance to homeschool him. And DEFINITELY involve yourself heavily in his education, the American education system is rapidly going down the tubes, and many parents just don't know and don't care.

*snip*...I think there's a middle ground to all that.

Agreed. I think you have some great outlooks and ideas for future motherhood