HELP! Sex during engagement!

[bluez]

I had an extremely sexual past and my fiance was quite promiscuous as well... He recently overcame his masturbation & inappropriate content addictions but... the problem is we've slept together at least 10 times in the past year. Yesterday was the most recent occurrence.

We are both faithful servants but having only been saved for roughly 2 years (both of us), its really difficult for us to stay pure and trust me... we are trying so hard... I cry almost every time & sometimes so does he... I really believe that he is sincerely putting in as much effort as I am... yet still, its like we cant stop.

we're supposed to get married in early June...
what should I do?
I can only repent so many times about the same thing before it starts to feel insincere

 

[whitebeaches]

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[yeshuaslavejeff]

Yhwh's Word says, get married already. (read it)(a reference to follow). and never, never get divorced. (not after the marriage is consummated, which you're already past.) (if you don't know hebrew, look at some hebrew/jewish explanations why divorce was only allowed by Y'shua during the engagement time, not after the wedding.)

..
..
Deuteronomy 22:28-29

New International Version (NIV)

28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

 

[1watchman]

We don't take our instruction from the OT, but in the NT; however, if one has engaged in sexual relations they need to honor God and do the right thing as expected, and get married soon before a pregnancy occurs (which will complicate one's life). God does not approve of fornication or adultery.

 

[JGiddings]

You guys will be ok.

 

[iambren]

Team with an accountability partner(s) to help in the time before wedding. You will not stop on your own for that period;God did not create us to love and make love then stop. He made us to deal with our weakness and marry.

 

[thesunisout]

If you cannot control yourselves, then you shouldn't be alone together. Always have a friend with you if that is what is takes; set boundaries and stick to them. Let your Pastors know what you're struggling with and get an accountability partner as someone else said. Above all, pray and seek the Lords help and strength; just understand that none of this will do any good unless you truly repent.

 

[JGiddings]

If you cannot control yourselves, then you shouldn't be alone together. Always have a friend with you if that is what is takes; set boundaries and stick to them. Let your Pastors know what you're struggling with and get an accountability partner as someone else said. Above all, pray and seek the Lords help and strength; just understand that none of this will do any good unless you truly repent.

Repent of what?

 

[thesunisout]

Repent of what?

Fornication..they're not married.

 

[JGiddings]

Fornication..they're not married.

Gotcha, but read the last sentence in the OP. He question/concern revolves around repenting for the same thing, over and over again. She wants advice directly related to this, so by you saying repent...it really doesn't help.
Consulting your pastors (to the OP) should be your first course of action.

 

[JGiddings]

My wife just stated something very practical while reading this thread...let's take it from a different point of view, a much more realistic point of view: get married now.
If premarital sex is the problem this seems like a good course of action. You love each other, just do it.
Repent one last time, get married, thank God for the blessing of your marriage and bada bing it's all good.
Guilt gone.

 

[MJosephKJ]

I wish I had a better response.

The best thing I LOVE about your situation is that you are repenting. I know the feeling of keeping on doing and doing and doing and than you are like God loves me either or. But do you not think God knows those tears you cry? Obviously of guilt, guilt because you LOVE God. You both love God.

I know how hard it is to not be lustful. Luckily, you do have people who can help you. You have your pastor, your church, if you are involved in a women's group a church group. Let them talk to you.

I wish I could agree with the get married now, but I know more than likely it is a planned event with family coming.

I know it is a over said verse but shouldn't they all be?

Romans 5:8
But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Take yourself out of the hard situation. With whatever you can do, how special will it be to wait till June and to not only feel better about the situation, know that you are starting off your marriage by giving this up for God.

 

[Spinnaker]

I had an extremely sexual past and my fiance was quite promiscuous as well... He recently overcame his masturbation & inappropriate content addictions but... the problem is we've slept together at least 10 times in the past year. Yesterday was the most recent occurrence.

We are both faithful servants but having only been saved for roughly 2 years (both of us), its really difficult for us to stay pure and trust me... we are trying so hard... I cry almost every time & sometimes so does he... I really believe that he is sincerely putting in as much effort as I am... yet still, its like we cant stop.

we're supposed to get married in early June...
what should I do?
I can only repent so many times about the same thing before it starts to feel insincere

I'm sure what I'm about to say will chafe a few people, but... well, here it goes.

Try not to let this get you down. I'm all too familiar with that sort of situation and you know what? Lamenting every little screw up doesn't help a dang thing. I'm not going to tell you guys to go off and make like rabbits, because that's not what you want. But if you guys do slip up on accident, relax, it'll be okay. The point is you're trying.

I just felt like that needed to be said because I remember years ago how I would beat myself up out of a false sense of piety, when really I didn't regret "going there" during the engagement. Speaking from my own personal experience, we demonized the act so much in our dating relationship and our engagement and made ourselves feel so awful when we did do it, that when we were finally married it still felt wrong - and that discomfort never went away. Food for thought.

 

[Tammy]

I'm sure what I'm about to say will chafe a few people, but... well, here it goes.

Try not to let this get you down. I'm all too familiar with that sort of situation and you know what? Lamenting every little screw up doesn't help a dang thing. I'm not going to tell you guys to go off and make like rabbits, because that's not what you want. But if you guys do slip up on accident, relax, it'll be okay. The point is you're trying.

I just felt like that needed to be said because I remember years ago how I would beat myself up out of a false sense of piety, when really I didn't regret "going there" during the engagement. Speaking from my own personal experience, we demonized the act so much in our dating relationship and our engagement and made ourselves feel so awful when we did do it, that when we were finally married it still felt wrong - and that discomfort never went away. Food for thought.

Horrible advice....where in the Bible do you find support for your advice. Basically you are telling them to burn their conscience....shame on you!

 

[Tammy]

I had an extremely sexual past and my fiance was quite promiscuous as well... He recently overcame his masturbation & inappropriate content addictions but... the problem is we've slept together at least 10 times in the past year. Yesterday was the most recent occurrence.

We are both faithful servants but having only been saved for roughly 2 years (both of us), its really difficult for us to stay pure and trust me... we are trying so hard... I cry almost every time & sometimes so does he... I really believe that he is sincerely putting in as much effort as I am... yet still, its like we cant stop.

we're supposed to get married in early June...
what should I do?
I can only repent so many times about the same thing before it starts to feel insincere

Don't become discouraged, Bluez....that is what the Devil wants to happen. It is GREAT that you wrote that your conscience bothers you when you fall into sin. That is the very reason God gave us all a conscience, so that we will feel guilty when we sin, and hopefully, that guilty feeling will drive us back to God for cleansing.

The two of you need to sit down and make some hard and fast rules....that you promise each other that you won't break. I'll give you a few examples, you might want to modify them.

1. You need to make sure that you wear NOTHING that is provocative, that will encourage lustful thoughts in your boyfriend.

2. I don't know if either of you have your own apartment or not, but if you do, you need to determine that you will not go to each others apartments, without a third person being there.

3. As you look back on the 10 times you have fallen, ask yourself, "What do those times have in common?" Where did it happen? (Determine not to go there.) What were you wearing? (Don't wear that until you get married. What were the circumstances leading up? Study them, and determine to avoid them at all costs.

4. Set a limit as to what is safe, physically. It would probably be a good idea to stop at just holding hands.

I think if you can find a friend who is a Christian and who wants to see you victorious and happy, ask them to be part of this discussion, to hold the both of you accountable.

Feel free to private message me...I'll help you any way I can....

 

[David Waffen]

I had an extremely sexual past and my fiance was quite promiscuous as well... He recently overcame his masturbation & inappropriate content addictions but... the problem is we've slept together at least 10 times in the past year. Yesterday was the most recent occurrence.

We are both faithful servants but having only been saved for roughly 2 years (both of us), its really difficult for us to stay pure and trust me... we are trying so hard... I cry almost every time & sometimes so does he... I really believe that he is sincerely putting in as much effort as I am... yet still, its like we cant stop.

we're supposed to get married in early June...
what should I do?
I can only repent so many times about the same thing before it starts to feel insincere

Stop spending time alone together in places where you can have sex. You can talk to your pastor, 'repent', do all the other things people suggest but they will not help as long as you keep putting yourself in a situation where you can have sex.

 

[Spinnaker]

Horrible advice....where in the Bible do you find support for your advice. Basically you are telling them to burn their conscience....shame on you!

Get over yourself. I did nothing of the sort.

Have you been in their exact shoes? I have, and you know what? Beating the crap out of yourself because you did something you feel like you regret doesn't help anything. The only thing you can do is resolve not to do it again.

The question worth asking is: why do you regret it? Do you regret it because the church culture says you should regret it or do you genuinely regret it because you actually believe that it's not something to partake in yet? If the answer is the former than that regret isn't real, it's just false piety. If it's really, truly the latter then yes take whatever measures you can to abstain.

 

[Wearecommandedtojudge]

We don't take our instruction from the OT, but in the NT.

Then I guess incest is ok unless it's with your stepmother since Jesus never talked about it in the New Testament and Paul commanded the Church at Corinth to kick out a member who was having physical relations with his step mother...but that is the only time incest is mentioned in the New Testament. So bio mom, sister, aunt, and so on is ok? Well not if your a girl I suppose since homosexuality is forbidden in the NT several times.

inappropriate behavior with animals is never mentioned in the NT though and neither is necrophilia. Are those fair game?

Jesus is God!(Isaiah 9:6, John Chapter 1, John 10:30) He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8)

What dose Jesus have to say about "We don't take our instruction from the OT, but in the NT" in the Sermon on the Mount!


Think not that I am come to destroy the law, or the prophets: I am not come to destroy, but to fulfil. For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled. Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven. (Matthew 5:17-19)

I haven't been outside for about 45 minutes to an hour. Is Earth still around or did it blow up? Can you go outside and check for me, I want to take a nap and am to lazy to check for myself.




As far as the OP...I am truly glad those two people are repentant and are trying to stop!!! I am extremely glad they are not trying to justify it or make excuses for it.

 

[classicalhero]

You simply have to work hard to stop this from happening. Just like any addiction you have, the only to stop is through hard work and constant pray to God. The thing is that by our very nature we are sexual beings, but the problem is that God only ever blesses sex when it is inside a marriage and that is a union between one man and one woman. The worst thing you can do is beat yourself over it when you do sin against God.

 

[Wearecommandedtojudge]

It is extremely delightful to see someone repenting though, someone with humility who is not trying to justify their actions. I hope you guys can resist until married. You asked for advice. Maybe try to limit your alone time to places that are not completely private.