Homosexual brother is angry with me and refuses to understand

[Sword of the Lord]

True. We all hear of a parent not attending bc they didn't like the betrothed or family, or cutting off relationship with a child due to religions and culture. Some don't attend when it simply stresses them.

Parents refuse to support weddings financially, friends refuse to help plan... drama surrounds weddings.

But most of us have strong expectations in our heads that everyone will attend without excuse, so that's probably why it seems to never come up. Where cultural codes are strong, expectations don't like to get ruffled.

I would encourage you to look at the broader scope of what is happening in culture, where provocation to divide riles people up beyond their normal reactions. Refusing to go today -- it has different results than refusing to go ten years ago, or fifty years ago. Society is on edge and picking fights these days.

Deciding to be a part of debate takes on its own entity. The statement to oppose is as powerful as the life choice statement, even in relation to what God asks of you.

Your convictions are still the same, and your comfort levels, and right to decide. But how your decision impacts others has changed.

His friends will talk about the offense, feel more alienated, have more reasons to see Christianity as a socio-political competitor instead of a faith that heals and restores.

That would not necessarily be due to anything you have said or done, but from a long-term compilation of thoughts and events they have been through. It is not just about hurting feelings, but reinforcing distorted perceptions about Christianity.

Should you be taking this time to talk with the people in his wedding party, and explain yourself more clearly? Showing you are not trying to hate, but just stand with your personal convictions?

They are excited about the new freedoms to form legal unions, and the bruises are still fresh from trying to achieve this right. They see it differently than you -- not just politically, morally, religiously... but in a sense that they were under-represented and opposed for a long time. And still are.

It is good to stand one's ground on convictions, and to avoid supporting things you don't believe in. But the wedding will happen whether you're there or not, so support is only emotional/familial/friendship, not actual promotion and assistance in making it happen.

You might compare it with Solomon marrying foreign wives. There was a risk they would bring the worship of deities into Israel, right after the temple was built. And in fact they did -- asking Solomon to build temples on the hillsides.

King Solomon did not emotionally support, but he materially and politically made it happen. He provided the funding, probably the contractors, the land, the kingdom approval. He regretted his choice, but he actively implemented it.

Your decision has similar inner turmoil and standards of not wanting to promote something you believe to be detrimental to your brother -- but it differs in that he does not need your approval or material support to go ahead with it.

Notice how standing up for him would make a different statement than just attending. You might graciously decline being in the limelight, but then still quietly attend. You have already made your statement. It's up to you, and there are many implications to weigh in the coming months.

I'm not going to go to be seen of men, to make people feel better about Christianity, to falsely make them believe that this is okay, to increase the reputation of Christianity amongst the homosexual community. Those are all the wrong reasons to go. Instead, I will be seen by God, standing up for what is true and right, by not going to this "wedding".

 

[achristian2]

I'm not going to go to be seen of men, to make people feel better about Christianity, to falsely make them believe that this is okay, to increase the reputation of Christianity amongst the homosexual community. Those are all the wrong reasons to go. Instead, I will be seen by God, standing up for what is true and right, by not going to this "wedding".

I think you are right. God bless.

 

[sunlover1]

I've learned that in most cases of homosexuality, there was some form of abuse, neglect, or dysfunction early in life. And believe it or not, this gives me hope that your brother may yet find healing, though when or how it may happen, only God knows. So keep loving him, be the good brother that you've been, but remember that your ultimate allegiance must be to God and only God.

I have learnt that many Christian organizations seems to come up with inaccurate to distorted information on gay issues, including gays is caused by dysfunctions etc.

Most gays, in fact, do not come from a background of abuse.

That hasn't been my experience.
Upon attending a group counseling where most of the women were
abused by their father, i entered only to find that a good 80-90%
of the women were lesbians.
I knew that's what I'd find before leaving the house. I'd even suggested
the same thing to my husband before arriving.
Logic is logic.

 

[sunlover1]

I am sorry but what do you know? I have been in that lifestyle and still am attracted to the same sex but I can assure you most gay/lesbians I've come across have severe issues. Most not all but most and it all starts on childhood and abuse is a big one.. my cousin is gay with daddy issues two f his ex boyfriends been sexually abused by daddy, the countless colleagues I work with after a few drinks n the eve AFR work it all comes out. There is a huge percentage of gay abuse issues. It is not if God and I know this through my own conviction.

Sorry
I didn't see this post.
God bless you.
I had a friend in your shoes.
She worked for Exodus.

 

[Fireball1244]

I am sorry but what do you know?

Many studies have been done on these issues, and none of them show that sort of correlation.

I have been in that lifestyle and still am attracted to the same sex but I can assure you most gay/lesbians I've come across have severe issues.

Many LGBT people have "issues" because of how their families or friends treated them when they came out. When I came out, my parents stopped paying for my college education, and one of my best friends stopped associating not only with me, but all of our mutual friends who continued to associate with me; so, yeah, for many years I had "issues" about those attacks on me, as well. Many of my dozens upon dozens of gay friends have faced similar, and often far worse, hardships due to familial rejection after coming out.

In fact, fear of familial rejection is one of the leading causes of suicide amongst LGBT youths.

Other friends were sent by their parents to "pray away the gay" Christian concentration camps, where some were even subjected to torture -- "reparative therapy" -- in a futile attempt to change a fundamental part of their humanity.

 

[sunlover1]

Many studies have been done on these issues, and none of them show that sort of correlation.

Which studies?
Here's one. It disagrees with you.

And notice the part in bold (my emphasis)

Childhood Sexual Abuse and Male Sexuality

I have done a lot of counseling with men who struggle with same-sex attraction. Some have been in the lifestyle, others have battled with lust and pornography. I would estimate that in three-fourths of the cases, there was some sort of sexual abuse or misconduct that formed a powerful memory which contributed to the struggle. (3)

Other writers have noted the connection as well, although the numbers they cite vary depending on which studies they reference. Drs. Stanton Jones and Mark Yarhouse analyzed data from what is probably the best survey of sexual behavior in America. They write, “Experience of sexual abuse as a child, in other words, more than tripled the likelihood of later reporting homosexual orientation.” They continue, “Other studies have reported the same trend.” (4) In 1995, Dr. Thomas Schmidt, author of Straight and Narrow, cited two different studies about high rates of sexual abuse in homosexual and bisexual men. He writes:

Nevertheless, it is disturbing to find that although under 4 percent of boys are molested by men, a recent major study found that the rate of childhood molestation by men among homosexual or bisexual men was nearly ten times that (35 percent). It is also notable that 75 percent of homosexual men report their first homosexual experience prior to the age of sixteen, as compared to 22 percent of heterosexual men reporting their first heterosexual experience. (5)

 

[Fireball1244]

You expect me to take an article on gay people from "Focus on the Family," a known anti-gay organization, seriously? What next, should I take articles on evolution from the Discovery Institute seriously?

 

[Scott1979]

I went back and re read you original post several times so I could understand what your asking. In my opinion I think the best thing to do would be to leave the situation alone right now. Your running into a conflict of feelings and there is rarely a good conclusion when the matter gets pushed. I know he said he would never accept your apology but I wouldn't let that upset you to bad. He's angry. People say things they don't mean when there angry. You are more than entitled to feel how you want to feel and so is your brother. If he doesn't want to hear about Jesus right now then you don't need to talk to him about it. He will come to God in his own time. It can't be forced.

Your great for standing your ground on how you feel. One thing to try to understand is that even though you think what your brother is doing is wrong, he doesn't. This can't turn into a I'm right and your wrong thing or it will get nowhere. Your close to your brother and I don't think your relationship is going to be damaged beyond repair by this. Hopefully he will come to his senses and see that your entitled to your feelings as much as he is his. Good luck and God Bless you!!

 

[Fireball1244]

Your close to your brother and I don't think your relationship is going to be damaged beyond repair by this.

I wouldn't count on this. Familial rejection is the greatest fear of most LGBT people, particularly in the first few years after coming out. It is the absolutely most damaging and hurtful thing that can happen to a gay person.

 

[Scott1979]

Is it your goal to see how many people you can get a rise out of by chiming in on every comment made in this thread?

 

[Fireball1244]

No, my goal is to provide a different perspective, and to be an advocate for the OP's brother. Everyone else here is acting as though the brother has done something wrong to Mike to Michael. He hasn't. He's done something loving and gracious, and invited his brother to his wedding.

 

[sunlover1]

You expect me to take an article on gay people from "Focus on the Family," a known anti-gay organization, seriously?

Is that what you'd call God?:
Leviticus 18:22
You shall not lie with a male as with a woman; it is an abomination.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10
Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Romans 1:26-28
For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. For their women exchanged natural relations for those that are contrary to nature; and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in themselves the due penalty for their error. And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a debased mind to do what ought not to be done.

Leviticus 20:13
If a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them.

 

[Albion]

I went back and re read you original post several times so I could understand what your asking. In my opinion I think the best thing to do would be to leave the situation alone right now. Your running into a conflict of feelings and there is rarely a good conclusion when the matter gets pushed. I know he said he would never accept your apology but I wouldn't let that upset you to bad. He's angry. People say things they don't mean when there angry. You are more than entitled to feel how you want to feel and so is your brother. If he doesn't want to hear about Jesus right now then you don't need to talk to him about it. He will come to God in his own time. It can't be forced.

Your great for standing your ground on how you feel. One thing to try to understand is that even though you think what your brother is doing is wrong, he doesn't. This can't turn into a I'm right and your wrong thing or it will get nowhere. Your close to your brother and I don't think your relationship is going to be damaged beyond repair by this. Hopefully he will come to his senses and see that your entitled to your feelings as much as he is his. Good luck and God Bless you!!

Really good answer...and I applaud you for getting back to the reason for the thread, which is to help the inquirer decide how to act in this particular situation.

 

[Inkachu]

Is it your goal to see how many people you can get a rise out of by chiming in on every comment made in this thread?

Ding, ding, ding!

One thing I've learned from years here on CF is that, wherever there is any thread that mentions anything about homosexuality, a select handful of openly homosexual Christians will show up in the thread and randomly begin defending "Christian homosexuality" regardless of whether or not they have ANYTHING to add to the thread's actual OP or not. In other words, they don't show up to address the OP, they show up to promote their own personal agendas.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"

That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.

What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.

Its sad this has occurred. I applaud you for NOT compromising your Christian Faith . I wouldn't support my Brother if he were a homosexual and asked me to be his best man ; God does not call us to celebrate sexual immorality or perversion regardless of how close they are to us. The important thing is to let your Brother know your love for him without ever condoning the lifestyle or his perverted Godless marriage (don't use those words though) .

Your Brother will naturally find the Christian Faith an offense to his immoral lifestyle and will reject it vehemently. It would akin for a Thief to go looking for a Policeman...its just isn't going to happen . Such people in Society need to be their own god in order to live anyway they like. Authority, particularly authority from God , is a total fly in the ointment and is very unwelcomed. So understand that .

I wonder how your Parents feel about this sad situation ? I hope they haven't caved in under the pressure of your Brother being their child , for, condoning such an abomination to God would be an atrocity in itself.

We can be pleasant, friendly, toward the Homosexual but we must be careful never to give the impression we condone, accept, find their Godless lifestyle permissible and healthy just because there is an amount of (wrongful type) love involved.

FInally, the passage in the Bible that talks about Christ being a division in Families comes to mind....a Mother will be against her Daughter, a Son with his Father, and in your case...a Brother and a Brother. Hang tight and perhaps one day your Brother will see the purity, tenacity, reality of your Faith that is unshakable and non negoitiable .

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Ding, ding, ding!

One thing I've learned from years here on CF is that, wherever there is any thread that mentions anything about homosexuality, a select handful of openly homosexual Christians will show up in the thread and randomly begin defending "Christian homosexuality" regardless of whether or not they have ANYTHING to add to the thread's actual OP or not. In other words, they don't show up to address the OP, they show up to promote their own personal agendas.

A 'Christian (practicing) Homosexual' is a non sequitur , fallacious, invalid, according to Gods Word. Gods Word is super clear, that, no sexual immoral Person who makes a lifestyle out of it, will ever get to Heaven because that is not evidence of having been Born Again in Christ (departing from the Worlds philosophies by action) .

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

That hasn't been my experience.
Upon attending a group counseling where most of the women were
abused by their father, i entered only to find that a good 80-90%
of the women were lesbians.
I knew that's what I'd find before leaving the house. I'd even suggested
the same thing to my husband before arriving.
Logic is logic.

ever heard term "validity"?

it means ability to generalize a research finding onto the general population.

the most basic criteria to achieve a reasonable validity is through random sampling, by selecting participants using random process from the general population in order to avoid bias in selection.

For example, if you going to get a sense of percentage of population who are recreational drug users, you are not going to select your participants solely from people who are part of the club scene! by doing so, or course you are going a really high percentage of participants who report use of recreational drug! DUH!

Furthermore, the sample size is also crucial to establish validity.

1 group you have attended does not mean that others hundreds or thousands of groups will have that many lesbians in it.

the only way you can establish a pattern is through looking at a large number of groups, and sees if your observations hold true.

Anyway, I am gay, I know what I am talking about

while I don't deny there are gays who also experienced abuse in the past

most gays I know, include myself, came from a perfectly loving family.

 

[Fireball1244]

Anyway, I am gay, I know what I am talking about

while I don't deny there are gays who also experienced abuse in the past

most gays I know, include myself, came from a perfectly loving family.

Exactly.

 

[TravelerFarAwayFromHome]

Ding, ding, ding!

One thing I've learned from years here on CF is that, wherever there is any thread that mentions anything about homosexuality, a select handful of openly homosexual Christians will show up in the thread and randomly begin defending "Christian homosexuality" regardless of whether or not they have ANYTHING to add to the thread's actual OP or not. In other words, they don't show up to address the OP, they show up to promote their own personal agendas.

umm

I am openly homosexual Christian, and I have never defended homosexual lifestyle, which I have made really clear in this thread as well.

as for promoting personal agendas?

from my perspective, I feel like I am being forced to defend myself and others like me against misinformation that being posted about people like me, anyone being placed in this type of unpleasant situation would have done the same.

Lastly, I may given a different type of advice to the OP, but you know what, I meant what I said. I find it highly offensive that you would accuse people who give a different advice from yourself as promoting personal agendas.

so you are allowed to keep making the argument why attending wedding is considered condoning, and indirectly avoid addressing and seem to suggesting it is ok to apply a different standard to homosexual sin on it's own and not considering that a person agenda?

Not to mention I just saw another user, trying to cite Focus on the family again on this forum yet again, an organization that distort research trying to prove why gay men are more likely or ARE paedophiles? And no, that is not agenda what so ever, but me defending people like myself is considered an agenda?


Having an judgemental attitude towards anyone, much less your own brother, is hurtful and uncalled for, and is not going to help their relationship in the long term

Like I have said, OP don't have to attend his brother wedding if he doesn't want to.

though if he really cares about his brother as he says, and treasure their relationship as much as he says he does.

I would advice him to look through the history posters who have answered his threads.

There are many users on this forums who clearly has some very personal negative feeling towards homosexuals themselves, despite the fact they would never admit it.

if OP want to allow himself be poisoned by advices being given by those users, it is his choice.

For the same reason, I don't think it is wise for him to be getting his information from Focus on the family, as I have a feeling that is going to make his relationship with brother all the more interesting.

I guess ultimately, it will reveal how much he really do care about his relationship with his brother.

and hint, God says hate the sin, love the sinner.

do you really want be getting advice from Christians who hate the sinner?

your call!

 

[sunlover1]

ever heard term "validity"?

it means ability to generalize a research finding onto the general population.

the most basic criteria to achieve a reasonable validity is through random sampling, by selecting participants using random process from the general population in order to avoid bias in selection.

For example, if you going to get a sense of percentage of population who are recreational drug users, you are not going to select your participants solely from people who are part of the club scene! by doing so, or course you are going a really high percentage of participants who report use of recreational drug! DUH!

Furthermore, the sample size is also crucial to establish validity.

1 group you have attended does not mean that others hundreds or thousands of groups will have that many lesbians in it.

the only way you can establish a pattern is through looking at a large number of groups, and sees if your observations hold true.

Anyway, I am gay, I know what I am talking about

while I don't deny there are gays who also experienced abuse in the past

most gays I know, include myself, came from a perfectly loving family.

I attended more than one group.
I shared that one experience because it was so profound.
On the way to the meeting I commented to husband that
I expected to find women who were either promiscuous
(seeking attention from a father figure, in the only
way they understood) or lesbian (turning from men altogether)
As I said, MOST of the women were lesbians. There were a
few of us who weren't.
My story is valid.
You just don't care for the implications.
I can see why and I can't blame you.

But certainly it's "just a story"
One of many.