Homosexual brother is angry with me and refuses to understand

[Bella Vita]

Good for to stand up for what you believe in. It is hard on a normal day let alone with our own family. We are coming into a time with the homosexuality issue where Christians are loosing their right to act as they choose and even speak as they choose. Now more than ever we have to stand firm on what we believe in and stick together on it. They are unifying and they are winning. We have the final win and we know that but we as Christians need to start unifying and standing together in our faith we are far behind on this and we need to get it together.

 

[Fenny the Fox]

I guess I can see it from both sides.

On your's, the Bible is clear what is and is not marriage, and what is a sin. And that we are not to celebrate or support sin.

On his, he sees you not attending/refusing to attend as being non-supportive of him personally. He is not equating, most likely, you being there for him (whether as best man or just as family) with you agreeing with or celebrating his
marriage". What he is likely equating it to is your love and devotion to him, your brother and blood, and support of his happiness.

Personally, I don't view attending as a loved one and his brother as celebrating or support his sin. One can attend, so long as he knows clearly -as it appears he does-, that you do not support his relationship but that you do love him and support his happiness and freedom.

But I can also understand and respect your conviction on the issue. And if you feel so strongly, then surely you can explain it to him in terms he can understand. I doubt he will agree or like it, though, admittedly.

 

[amandatea]

My reason for not wanting to go is still quite simple. God says no, so I have no choice but to follow my convictions and say no as well.

Michael,

First of all, I understand your reasons for not going, and your convictions. However, have you thought about it from your brother's perspective? He is lost and he wants his brother, who I'm sure he loves, even though he is behaving very antagonistic toward you, to be at an important event. But perhaps he is acting out because he is hurt or afraid that you no longer love him.

I have learned that the reason people behave in anger or spite, or other hateful ways, is because they are in pain (whether they realize it or not), and they don't really know how to deal with it. Fear, anger and rage are what comes out. Jesus has taught us to turn the other cheek. You know better than he does, and you know (I hope) the peace and love of Jesus. I urge you to extend that toward him. The best example a christian can give is not talk, but action. Of course I don't know the tone and manner in which you approach this issue, so I'm not going to assume either way, but hope that it was gentle and kind.

I completely agree with your stance of not being part of the wedding party. I don't 100% agree with not going to the wedding at all, but that is definitely your decision and I can understand your reasons and convictions for not wanting to go. Someone has suggested perhaps having your brother over a different day to spend time with him. I think that is a great suggestion. It shows him that while you don't support his lifestyle decision, you still love him as a person and as a brother.

Sometimes we let our carnal type of habits take over, i.e. impatience, superiority, anger (I do it more than I'd probably be willing to admit). We sometimes forget that we are ambassadors to those who don't know Jesus. A kind word turns away wrath. Yes, your brother is homosexual and is living a sinful lifestyle, but he is still a person who Jesus loves and wishes to come to the knowledge of the truth. The opposite of homosexuality is not heterosexuality; the opposite of homosexuality is holiness. If we push away those in that situation (not saying you have) how can they ever come to know Jesus? How can they ever have a chance to get anywhere near repentance and holiness?


I for one don't see homosexuality is "THE BIG SIN," but another on the list of sins, of which all are the same in God's eyes. All sin destroys us from the inside out and all sin seperates us from God. I have a few friends who are gay. I love them. It really saddens me to see the way that they're treated by Christians. They're vilified. They're made to feel like they're monsters and not worthy of love. That is the worst thing that a Christian can do to someone. I don't agree with their lifestyle and I can honestly say that I don't know what decision I would make if I were invited to a gay wedding; I can't really know until I'm in that situation. I just wanted to make this post to you to perhaps help you see a different perspective.


I agree 100% with WillieT; PRAY about this and ask Jesus what you should do. If you feel convicted about not going, great. But let Jesus be the decider, and not stubborness.


May God bless you in this decision, and help you learn the best way to repair your relationship with your brother!

 

[Inkachu]

A wedding is a celebration of the couple's union. It's not about showing support and love to one of the spouses. You're there to celebrate and recognize the union. Michael's posts have left me no doubt that his brother KNOWS Michael loves him unconditionally. Asking him to partake in the celebration of his homosexual relationship, when he knows Michael views it as immoral, is absurdly selfish.

That would be like me getting all bent out of shape because my Jewish friend won't come to church with me and partake in Communion. I say "but it means so much to me!" Pure selfishness.

 

[amandatea]

A wedding is a celebration of the couple's union. It's not about showing support and love to one of the spouses. You're there to celebrate and recognize the union. Michael's posts have left me no doubt that his brother KNOWS Michael loves him unconditionally. Asking him to partake in the celebration of his homosexual relationship, when he knows Michael views it as immoral, is absurdly selfish.

That would be like me getting all bent out of shape because my Jewish friend won't come to church with me and partake in Communion. I say "but it means so much to me!" Pure selfishness.

Not sure if you misread my post or something. I didn't say he should go to the wedding. I was talking about understanding his brother's anger and outrage and antagonism.

 

[Fireball1244]

Anyone who tries to convince a Christian to participate in a ceremony which he knows to be a gross violation of Christian doctrine will have an ulterior motive behind his efforts; that's a given.

It's clear that the brother's motive is to have his family with him on a day that is very important and special to him. His brother is in love with someone, and wants his family with him to celebrate their marriage.

Gay people aren't very different from you. We have the same motivations, the same loves, the same feelings and emotions, the same hopes and dreams. We get married for the same reasons other people get married, and invite our friends and families to join us for the same reason that you invited your friends and family to join you at your wedding.

Stop speaking of gay people as though we are some craven, untrustworthy, evil "other" that is plotting against you. We're not.

 

[Fireball1244]

You don't seem to understand my position. It would not be right of me to attend their wedding, not because I'm judging them, but because by attending I am supporting what is an abomination to God.

You're not judging them, you're just calling their love, which is just as real and true as any love shared between two people of opposite genders, an "abomination." Many Christians believe that being gay is sinful. Many believe that it is not.

It's a mockery of marriage.

If they are marrying each other because they love each other, and want to build a life, and perhaps a family, together, then that's what marriage is, from a civil society point of view. It may not be "holy matrimony" in your eyes, but do not belittle their motives by describing it as "mockery." They are not trying to mock you, or belittle any one else's marriage. They are solemnizing their love. You may not agree with it, but you do not have to be hostile or judgmental towards them.

 

[Fireball1244]

I've learned that in most cases of homosexuality, there was some form of abuse, neglect, or dysfunction early in life.

This is absolutely not the case. Most gay people are not abused or neglected or otherwise mistreated as children.

 

[Scott1979]

You are entitled to feel how you want to feel. We are not the judge of what is right or wrong. The only thing I would say is try to keep contact with your brother. He might one day realize the mistake he is making and need you to help him turn his life around. God Bless my friend.

 

[kellhus]

My brother is a homosexual. Not only is he just a homosexual, but he is a proudly practicing homosexual. In all honesty, he's the stereotype. He claims not to be an atheist, but he's also not sure what he believes in. When I try to share Jesus with him, he wants nothing to do with it; he actually often makes a mockery of it. For example, we were having a discussion today, and I said that this life is only temporary; it's only a stepping stone to our eternal destination. His reply was, "Well, I hope I'm high as f*** when I get there!"

That leads me to this issue. Today he asked me if I would be willing to be his best man at his wedding. I told him that I couldn't do that, and he knows why I couldn't. He asked if I would attend at all, and I told him that it would be dishonest of me to attend, and that I would feel too convicted about attending. I told him that I'm sorry, and I asked him to understand where I was coming from. He told me that he will never accept that apology, he will never see things my way, and he began to get really angry. We hung up the phone on awkward terms.

What am I supposed to do? I can't be his best man. I can't attend his wedding. He refuses to understand why, and will never accept my apology. My brother and I are close.

I don't see why you can't attend your own brother's wedding. Maybe you could try loving your brother and treating him like a normal, fallen person you care about, instead of treating him like a pariah who needs proselytizing.

 

[Fireball1244]

You are entitled to feel how you want to feel. We are not the judge of what is right or wrong. The only thing I would say is try to keep contact with your brother. He might one day realize the mistake he is making and need you to help him turn his life around. God Bless my friend.

Or, perhaps, one day Mike to Michael will realize the mistake he's making in his interpretations of Christianity and want to reconnect with his brother in acceptance of how God made him.

 

[Spunkn]

A wedding is a celebration of the couple's union. It's not about showing support and love to one of the spouses. You're there to celebrate and recognize the union. Michael's posts have left me no doubt that his brother KNOWS Michael loves him unconditionally. Asking him to partake in the celebration of his homosexual relationship, when he knows Michael views it as immoral, is absurdly selfish.

That would be like me getting all bent out of shape because my Jewish friend won't come to church with me and partake in Communion. I say "but it means so much to me!" Pure selfishness.

This needs requoted because it's true.

You can witness, befriend, support, be a witness, and love anyone OUTSIDE of a wedding. A same-sex wedding is a celebration of something God is AGAINST.

I admire you for standing up for your beliefs, especially at the potential cost of your brother's relationship. If your brother respected you, he would respect your beliefs.

 

[Fireball1244]

A same-sex wedding is a celebration of something God is AGAINST.

Many Christians and Christian churches disagree. Some have beautiful liturgies for celebrating this sort of union.

I admire you for standing up for your beliefs, especially at the potential cost of your brother's relationship. If your brother respected you, he would respect your beliefs.

And if he respected his brother, he would respect his brother's relationship with someone he loves.

 

[Spunkn]

Many Christians and Christian churches disagree. Some have beautiful liturgies for celebrating this sort of union.

Then they are going against Scripture, which is God's word. Whose authority should we believe? God who created us and said that marriage is between a man and a woman, or fellow humans?

 

[Fireball1244]

Then they are going against Scripture, which is God's word.

They are certainly going against your interpretation of the Bible. If you expect others to respect your beliefs, you have to respect theirs, as well.

 

[Spunkn]

They are certainly going against your interpretation of the Bible. If you expect others to respect your beliefs, you have to respect theirs, as well.

"That's just your interpretation" is a cop-out. Words have meaning, God used specific words, for specific reasons.

He created male and female, they were joined to be together to become one flesh. There are numerous Scriptures against homosexuality. You can't "change" the Bible just to mean what you want it to say and when you disagree with something say "that's just your interpretation".

If all Scripture becomes a matter of personal interpretation then we might as well rewrite the Bible because you can make it say whatever you want, which is what people do when they say it doesn't go against homosexuality.

 

[Spunkn]

They are certainly going against your interpretation of the Bible. If you expect others to respect your beliefs, you have to respect theirs, as well.

Your own argument defeats itself. If you tell me I'm wrong, you're not respecting my beliefs.

 

[Scott1979]

Fireball people have twisted scripture to mean what they want. I came across these 2 verses. While there are plenty more I would like to know how anyone could take these out of context to say the Bible is ok with homosexuality.

2. Leviticus 18:22: " Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination."

3. Leviticus 20:13: "If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them."

Now if those can be taken an explained where it says the Bible is ok with homosexuality then I will be amazed.

 

[Fireball1244]

"That's just your interpretation" is a cop-out. Words have meaning, God used specific words, for specific reasons.

God did not dictate the Bible to human stenographers. The writers were fully formed people with their own perspectives, prejudices, and areas of both expertise and ignorance.

He created male and female, they were joined to be together to become one flesh.

And yet God also created gay people, who are no romantically attracted to members of the opposite sex, but who are romantically attracted to members of their own sex. Either he made us "wrong," or there's more to the issue than your interpretation of a translation of texts that are thousands of years old may allow.

There are numerous Scriptures against homosexuality.

In the Old Testament, sure. But in the New Testament, the references are thin, and the words used in the original languages are unclear (one of the key words appears to have been coined by Paul, and used so infrequently in other writings that its meaning is very open to debate).

You can't "change" the Bible just to mean what you want it to say and when you disagree with something say "that's just your interpretation".

I'd argue that's what you're doing: using chosen interpretations of the Bible to support your preexisting prejudices.

 

[Fireball1244]

Your own argument defeats itself. If you tell me I'm wrong, you're not respecting my beliefs.

Of course I am. Must I accept your belief in order to respect it?

I'm I disrespecting the beliefs of a Jew by being a Christian? Of course not. Must I become a Republican to respect the opinions of a Republican? Nope.

I can respect your right to believe something without adopting your belief for myself. Believe what you like about gay people, including me. It is no skin off my nose, unless you try to use those beliefs as justifications to inhibit my equality under the law. I would never do that to you.