Hi all. I have been married for close to three years now and for the past year or so I have been having a difficult time dealing with a wife who will not listen. I almost suspect that it isn't entirely her fault, but rather a culture-bound syndrome (I'm American, she's S. Korean) because I we go to a small Korean/American church and whenever there is an issue, we Americans will bring it up, talk about it, and offer help in fixing it, but the Koreans just sweep it all underneath the rug and hope it goes away. Needless to say, our church has a lumpy rug right now.
Nevertheless, culture-bound syndrome or not, this is driving me insane and giving me more stress than what I am already struggling to deal with.
When I say that my wife won't listen, I am specifically talking about more important issues. If I need something from the grocery but I don't have time to get it, she will be more than happy to pick it up for me. But when it comes to serious issues, like her health or behavior, she refuses to listen. At all.
Example 1: She has recently been suffering from what I presume to be IBS. I suspect this because I have been dealing with a defective digestive system for 20 years of my 25-year existence on this planet. I have found that diet changes, exercise, and probiotics have helped me, so I suggested that she change her diet, get some exercise, and take probiotics like I do. Does she do it? Nope. She just responds with 'tsh' and continues doing whatever she was doing before.
Example 2: This is a bit of a continuation of the first example in that it deals with exercise. She won't do it. And she needs to do it because she is starting to let herself go and we need to nip it before she ends up overweight with diabetes. We started seeing a personal trainer for a brief period of time, and then I continued on my own. She tried continuing on her own but slowly became less and less serious about it. She still goes to the gym occasionally, but when I tell her that she needs to be lifting weights like I am, her response is again, 'tsh.' And then she decided to do her once-a-week stretch/treadmill visit to the gym thinking that it will work. When I tell her it doesn't work like that, I get a 'tsh.' Sometimes she will throw it back at me and say 'you need to go to the gym too!' as if I haven't been going. There was a month when I got hit with severe GERD that made me sick every time I ate anything, and I barely had the energy to deal with life much less work out. But apparently that's not a valid reason for missing workouts.
Example 3: Her bloody iPhone. She would stay up late at night in bed watching Korean dramas on her iPhone and the light would constantly disturb my sleep. I told her this over and over. After about a week, she started playing with her iPhone under the covers, which still let out enough light to disturb my sleep. It took nearly a month before she finally stopped doing it. Then she went away for about 2 months to visit family in Korea, and when she got back she started doing the same crap again. She's slowly getting better at putting her phone away and going to sleep, but I should have to tell her to turn the freaking phone off in the first place!
Example 4: Hobbies. I am an extreme introvert. She's an extreme extrovert. Daily life really stresses me out and I need hours of alone time to recharge by losing myself in one of my hobbies, most of which are solitary in nature and deal with very narrow, focuses interests. She often complains that I never do anything with her, which is partially true because of the aforementioned issues with stress (I'm almost positive I have Executive Function Disorder). I do have two hobbies that can and do involve other people, and I have offered to get her involved in them but she has no interest. I have also encouraged her to find her own hobbies, and she agrees that she needs to, but she never actually DOES anything about it. She just sits on the couch and watches Korean TV shows.
There are many more instances where she doesn't listen/doesn't seem to have any regard for me, but this post is already much longer than I wanted it to be. But the main point is that she just does not listen. I have tried bringing it up with her, but she immediately retaliates with 'you don't listen to me either' with is an outright lie. I listen to her, consider what she has to say, and I make a decision. Many times that decision is to not take her advice because it a) is completely illogical and wouldn't work or b) it's completely wrong because she didn't listen to/understand what I said.
I have been dealing with this for so long I just don't know what to do anymore.
Nevertheless, culture-bound syndrome or not, this is driving me insane and giving me more stress than what I am already struggling to deal with.
When I say that my wife won't listen, I am specifically talking about more important issues. If I need something from the grocery but I don't have time to get it, she will be more than happy to pick it up for me. But when it comes to serious issues, like her health or behavior, she refuses to listen. At all.
Example 1: She has recently been suffering from what I presume to be IBS. I suspect this because I have been dealing with a defective digestive system for 20 years of my 25-year existence on this planet. I have found that diet changes, exercise, and probiotics have helped me, so I suggested that she change her diet, get some exercise, and take probiotics like I do. Does she do it? Nope. She just responds with 'tsh' and continues doing whatever she was doing before.
Example 2: This is a bit of a continuation of the first example in that it deals with exercise. She won't do it. And she needs to do it because she is starting to let herself go and we need to nip it before she ends up overweight with diabetes. We started seeing a personal trainer for a brief period of time, and then I continued on my own. She tried continuing on her own but slowly became less and less serious about it. She still goes to the gym occasionally, but when I tell her that she needs to be lifting weights like I am, her response is again, 'tsh.' And then she decided to do her once-a-week stretch/treadmill visit to the gym thinking that it will work. When I tell her it doesn't work like that, I get a 'tsh.' Sometimes she will throw it back at me and say 'you need to go to the gym too!' as if I haven't been going. There was a month when I got hit with severe GERD that made me sick every time I ate anything, and I barely had the energy to deal with life much less work out. But apparently that's not a valid reason for missing workouts.
Example 3: Her bloody iPhone. She would stay up late at night in bed watching Korean dramas on her iPhone and the light would constantly disturb my sleep. I told her this over and over. After about a week, she started playing with her iPhone under the covers, which still let out enough light to disturb my sleep. It took nearly a month before she finally stopped doing it. Then she went away for about 2 months to visit family in Korea, and when she got back she started doing the same crap again. She's slowly getting better at putting her phone away and going to sleep, but I should have to tell her to turn the freaking phone off in the first place!
Example 4: Hobbies. I am an extreme introvert. She's an extreme extrovert. Daily life really stresses me out and I need hours of alone time to recharge by losing myself in one of my hobbies, most of which are solitary in nature and deal with very narrow, focuses interests. She often complains that I never do anything with her, which is partially true because of the aforementioned issues with stress (I'm almost positive I have Executive Function Disorder). I do have two hobbies that can and do involve other people, and I have offered to get her involved in them but she has no interest. I have also encouraged her to find her own hobbies, and she agrees that she needs to, but she never actually DOES anything about it. She just sits on the couch and watches Korean TV shows.
There are many more instances where she doesn't listen/doesn't seem to have any regard for me, but this post is already much longer than I wanted it to be. But the main point is that she just does not listen. I have tried bringing it up with her, but she immediately retaliates with 'you don't listen to me either' with is an outright lie. I listen to her, consider what she has to say, and I make a decision. Many times that decision is to not take her advice because it a) is completely illogical and wouldn't work or b) it's completely wrong because she didn't listen to/understand what I said.
I have been dealing with this for so long I just don't know what to do anymore.
