This Weeks Episode: 'Divine Invitation'
'Thank you and welcome', the Usher lied. 'Are you with the Groom's family or that of the Bride?' demanded the thin man while peering down his bespectacled nose through 50 shades of disdain.
'Family of the Groom!', the guest smiled. 'Brother in fact!' he continued, with a tinge of pride in his voice. He tugged at his lapels to square his tuxedo jacket to his shoulders while standing a little straighter (if that were even possible). His smile beamed. But alas, it was not contagious.
'Oh, I see...' The usher's eyes squinted and his nose wrinkled as his disdain meter climbed. 'Gentile? Adopted? New to the family?', he drawled loudly, with a slightly nasal intonation. You could have heard a pin drop. The usher smiled. The diminutive wedding planner and his entire entourage behind him turned to stare. The crowd began to notice.
'May I see your genealogy please?', asked the Usher, a little louder than before. His expression was flint. The guest visibly winced, looking more than a little uncomfortable. Quickly and clumsily, he fumbled for his invitation and silently surrendered it. All smiles were gone.
'Thank you.' said the Usher in an even louder voice, adding a nasty flourish. It was clear, he wanted to make certain everyone was at least listening, if not hosting an openly hostile and wide-eyed stare.
'I see you are no blood relation to the bride.' he declared to the waiting assembly. 'Please sit here and hold your peace. Someone will be with you shortly' and the welcome ended, such as it was.
The wedding planner, a small and carelessly cruel man, then commence his approach with a roll of his eyes, as if on cue. 'You cannot wear THAT', came the imperious declaration punctuated with the wave of a limp hand. Go with Leon and change.' With a snap of his finger and a defiant turn of his head, the little man swaggered off.
'LEON', he bellowed, secretly delighted at the increasing attention. 'Please take this poor misguided soul to the dressing area and show him what to wear.' he casually tossed over his shoulder: 'He's in the wedding party!'
The door slammed open with resounding force as the guest returned. Everyone turned and tried half-heartedly to suppress their reaction. Most giggled behind their hands and whispered. Others laughed openly. Some just stared impartially like the man's discomfort was of no concern of theirs.
The guest was obviously livid. His face red, eyes narrow and nostrils flared; he clenched his fists in anger. The trust he gave with the surrendering his suit for the change demanded, had obviously been betrayed. 'Where is my tux', he demanded? 'I don't think this...' gesturing to the yellow sequined bride's maid gown, matching clutch and blonde Shirley Temple wig, 'is very funny!' He was pitifully alone in that assessment though.
The Usher positioned himself between the obviously agitated guest and the wedding planner; his face averted and hands raised with palms out, in the universal gesture of non-aggression. But his thoughts belied his body language when he simply stated, 'You will be notified of your opinion when it is appropriate for you to have one.' Both he and the little wedding planner departed arm in arm, the entourage in obedient attendance, leaving the stunned guest to deal with the ridicule that followed.
'This is not what I was told!' he screamed.
'Gentiles, what are you going to do?', came the not so quiet whisper as the scene faded. You could hear the crowd murmur in agreement...
ANNOUNCER'S VOICE:Thank you for watching today's episode of 'Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate' and for all of your continued support. Please stay tuned for scenes from next week.
This program was brought to you by 'Scriptural Divide', The Wash and Sanctioned Proportional Inverse Nomianism (SPIN) for Gentiles foundation, 'providers of high-end rhetorical blather for nearly 2000 years' and our friends at 'Separate But Equal' The Quorum United Against Control & Knowledge (QUACK) Coalition, A holy owned subsidiary of the Department of Redundancy Department and the Unnatural Guard, 'putting His good Word and your good offerings to our good use'.
Now back to our regularly scheduled deprogramming...