Dating others before divorce is final

[PreachersWife2004]

I have two friends who are currently separated. The husband cheated on the wife awhile back, but she chose to stick around and work things out with him. They've had their share of ups and downs, and he's had some rough spots, but he has been really trying to make things better. She, on the other hand, has not overly been willing to work on things, but has also been leading him on. She has been seeing another man while they were working on their marriage and finally decided she wanted to see him instead. Her husband wrote all kinds of nice things on her facebook, which she continued to like and post to and respond to. They must've had an altercation off facebook because he posted something along the lines that her boyfriend won, etc.

It's a sticky situation to be sure, and I feel as a Christian that the wife here is in the wrong, that if her husband is willing to continue to work things out that she needs to also make that effort. Yes, he was unfaithful, but she chose to remain with him. Now I believe she is being unfaithful by seeing this other guy, especially while they were trying to work things out.

I think she should tell the other guy that until her divorce is final she shouldn't be dating anyone. What do you guys think?

 

[Avniel]

I agree I knew a lady that a friend of mine was interested in and she actually gained my respect when she wouldn't allow him to talk about her husband because they were still married. She wouldn't date him because she was still married and they had known each other prior to her being married. I think he respects her more also because of how loyal she was to her now ex husband that cheated on her. I think men are funny and will take as much as they can but the more they take the less respect they have for the woman. I think she is sabotaging two possible relationships one with her husband the other with her boyfriend.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

In the circumstances above, I tend to think she just couldn't get past the cheating and never really checked in after they said they'd work on it. It's a little different then dating while separated/divorcing as they were neither divorcing or separated... She just did what he did, just at a different stage of the marriage.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

As far as dating before the divorce is final... Some states the divorces take so long, or an estranged spouse drags things out for so long that it's years from separation to divorce finalization. I don't fault people at all for their choice to date. My divorce was done in a week from filing to decree, but my husbands dragged out for about a year. Others drag out longer.

 

[LinkH]

How could she respect a man who dated her while she was still married? Why would she want to date a man who would do that anyway?

Here's a question for discussion, based on scripture, why should she be dating even after she divorces?

 

[mkgal1]

Here's a question for discussion, based on scripture, why should she be dating even after she divorces?

Why *shouldn't* she?

 

[mkgal1]

They've had their share of ups and downs, and he's had some rough spots, but he has been really trying to make things better. She, on the other hand, has not overly been willing to work on things, but has also been leading him on.

What do you guys think?

I think it's almost impossible to know what really goes on behind closed doors, and things aren't always as they seem. People can put on a great mask for others to see.....and can display charm to where they appear innocent and sorrowful for their past sins. Usually when someone goes out of their way and makes public displays (like the FB comments), it's in order to hide the truth and rally support (not always.....but, often enough). I think you shouldn't be so hard on your friend.

 

[LinkH]

Mkgal1

Matthew 5
31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:
32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.


Paul's commentary on the Law in Romans 7:


2 For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.
3 So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.


Aside from a potential interpretation about the passage regarding abandonement by an unbeliever, is there any scripture in the New Testament that gives an exception to the following

I Corinthians 7


10 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
11 But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

 

[mkgal1]

Maybe you missed this part:

The husband cheated on the wife.

 

[LinkH]

Maybe you missed this part:

Where do you see that as connected to the verses I quoted.

 

[mkgal1]

Where do you see that as connected to the verses I quoted.

"saving for the cause of fornication".....

 

[LinkH]

"saving for the cause of fornication".....

That verse is about a man divorcing his wife.

 

[FutureAndAHope]

1Co 7:10 - 11 And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

When it comes to Christian marriage neither the husband or the wife is permitted to remarry or have new boyfriends girlfriends. If they depart from their husband/wife they must remain unmarried or be reunited with their partner. The only case for remarriage according to Jesus is if the husband or wife is sexually unfaithful, i.e. sleeps around with other people. In that case their partner is free to remarry.

 

[LinkH]

The only case for remarriage according to Jesus is if the husband or wife is sexually unfaithful, i.e. sleeps around with other people. In that case their partner is free to remarry.

Where does He say that the wife is free to do so if the husband sleeps around.

He is commenting on a law which had allowed for polygamy. He returns to the original intention by quoting Genesis. But the law He is commenting on does not treat men and women exactly the same when it comes to marriage.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Time to take my grain of salt...

 

[hijklmnop]

I think it's good to wait and always figured I would, however I also wont judge those who dont as I dont know the ins and outs of whats happening in the divorce. Sometimes abusive or controlling spouses will delay a divorce for a crazy amount of time just because they can.

 

[DZoolander]

lol - the degree of being pedantic that people get into when they start arguing about scripture is always mind-numbing to me.

So - you believe the language of scripture is of such exactitude that you are to take away from it that God envisions a just world where if a woman cheats on her man - then he's free to leave...but if he cheats on her she is to just suck it up?

That being said - short of what Tropical is talking about where she's facing some amazingly long interlocutory period (which if you're in America really doesn't exist from my standpoint) - I don't think she should be dating until the divorce is final.

 

[DZoolander]

(and think twice before answering the first question - being prepared to then account for why multiple passages from different books of the same event give conflicting accounts/wording/etc)

 

[Tropical Wilds]

That being said - short of what Tropical is talking about where she's facing some amazingly long interlocutory period (which if you're in America really doesn't exist from my standpoint) - I don't think she should be dating until the divorce is final.

My divorce, from filing to granting, took a week. My other half's, even with it being un-contested, took the better part of a year, and we both live and filed in the same state. I was told, as was my other half, in our respective filings that an uncontested divorce in our state stretches, on average, about 20 months, though can go as long as 3 years. A friend of ours is getting ready to hit year 2 of settling their divorce with no end in sight. A coworker at in our neighboring state is working on year 3 of their contested divorce. I know a family member who was divorcing was done in a month, but another who had to declare a divorce then had a waiting period of like 6 months before anything could even really be done.

I guess it all depends on where you are and what your state's rules are. Or the type of divorce you're having. Around here, it's not uncommon to hear of divorces in the state next to ours that are contested and stretch out YEARS.

 

[DZoolander]

Wow - well I'm not thoroughly versed in every state's laws - but the few states I do know it ranges anywhere from immediate (kind of like the week you're talking about) to six months. I'd imagine that some bible belt states make it more difficult and probably have longer waiting periods - but I'm far too lazy to look it up...lol

With that in mind - well yeah - if there's some egregious waiting time involved - then I could see them moving on before the divorce itself is actually legally finalized. But - if it's like a week or two - six months - etc...just for the sake of not being a tacky person I'd probably wait.