Not so great...

[blackribbon]

I'm tired of being alone. The only adults I talk to are at the kids activities and my small group. When I am at the kids activities, the activity is the topic of most conversations..and when I am at Bible study, well, everyone has to get their turn and we have to keep the group moving along. I totally understand this...but I also am so full of words and thoughts that I am ready to just vomit a hodgepodge of words and thoughts on the next unsuspecting person who crosses my path and actually waits after asking "how am I doing?"

And the absolute worst part is ... if any of those words do start to pour out, they will be followed by a waterfall of tears...

The only thing holding me together today is unsaid words and unshed tears...

 

[loveabounds]

Blackribbon,

When my husband died, I kept three Scripture verses in my mind at all times. The first is Isaiah 26:3 which says "He will bring perfect peace, to him whose mind is steadfast and trusts in you". I trust God to know what was best for me and held tightly to Psalm 46:10 which says "Be still and know that I am God". So many things I didn't understand at the time, but now do because I remained still and allowed God to work through my life. I indeed have that perfect peace refered to in Isaiah and I can tell you without hesitation that God is faithful in His promise when Paul wrote in Romans 8:28 which states "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.". There is a purpose for this season in your life. Trust in God. Be still and watch the miracles happen in your life.

I used to be lonely too, even went as far as to ask God to take away the feelings of wanting to be in a relationship. He did. Not that I wouldn't want one, but if God chooses to put me in one, I'll wait patiently for the one He has for me that will fulfill His purpose for my life. Until then, I am content and find joy in my life no matter what my situation is. God Bless you!!!

 

[ThyLovingkindness]

Blackribbon,

When my husband died, I kept three Scripture verses in my mind at all times. The first is Isaiah 26:3 which says "He will bring perfect peace, to him whose mind is steadfast and trusts in you". I trust God to know what was best for me and held tightly to Psalm 46:10 which says "Be still and know that I am God". So many things I didn't understand at the time, but now do because I remained still and allowed God to work through my life. I indeed have that perfect peace refered to in Isaiah and I can tell you without hesitation that God is faithful in His promise when Paul wrote in Romans 8:28 which states "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.". There is a purpose for this season in your life. Trust in God. Be still and watch the miracles happen in your life.

I used to be lonely too, even went as far as to ask God to take away the feelings of wanting to be in a relationship. He did. Not that I wouldn't want one, but if God chooses to put me in one, I'll wait patiently for the one He has for me that will fulfill His purpose for my life. Until then, I am content and find joy in my life no matter what my situation is. God Bless you!!!

What she said!

 

[blackribbon]

I think I am at peace (most of the time) with being alone. That is different from being lonely. If it was just me, I could seek out friendship and "normal" ways of interacting with people. However, it isn't "just" me...my life isn't mine but rather is focused on making sure my kids' lives stay as "normal" as possible. It will be better in the fall when I return to school...at least, I'll be able to talk to adults with a common interest for a few hours each day and I won't feel so much like the odd man out everywhere I go. I'll have even less "time" but I will have people again.

 

[loveabounds]

I think I am at peace (most of the time) with being alone. That is different from being lonely. If it was just me, I could seek out friendship and "normal" ways of interacting with people. However, it isn't "just" me...my life isn't mine but rather is focused on making sure my kids' lives stay as "normal" as possible. It will be better in the fall when I return to school...at least, I'll be able to talk to adults with a common interest for a few hours each day and I won't feel so much like the odd man out everywhere I go. I'll have even less "time" but I will have people again.

Yes, I know that feeling as well. What are you going to school for? I am also in school! : )

 

[blackribbon]

I am starting an RN program this fall. I worked so hard to get accepted but can't any feel excitement that made it. God is good but this life is so hard to live.

 

[loveabounds]

I am starting an RN program this fall. I worked so hard to get accepted but can't any feel excitement that made it. God is good but this life is so hard to live.

That is wonderful!!!

Please consider and meditate on James 1:2 that states, "Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds". What this Scripture is trying to tell us is that it's through our trials that God is working through us to build a stronger faith, perserverence, and character and we need to find joy in that!

Also, please consider Isaiah 26:3 which says "you will bring perfect peace to him whose mind is steadfast and trusts in you". If we trust in God completely, surrender ourselves fully to His will, He promises to work all things in our lives for our good (Romans 8:28) and knowing that we can trust God to do what's best for us, even when we can't see it yet...we will have perfect peace.

This...I pray for you!

 

[blackribbon]

God is good. We are exactly where He wants us to be. Things just keep falling in place and life is relatively good. God is in control. I count it joy that I will see my husband again. I count it joy that he is with the Father. I count it joy that my children both know Jesus and follow him.

However, it is not and was not part of God's plan that my two kids would have to grow up without their dad, that he would have to have his body fail at 41, or that I'd have to go it alone. That is the result of original sin ... and cancer. One day we will live in paradise. However,for the moment, life is too hard for me to find joy in daily life. I am working on surviving and I am overwhelmed and tired. I am stuck in this earthly body and dealing with earthly situations and earthly people. I have peace but I am also lonely. I honestly hope that means that maybe God doesn't intend to have me spend the second half of my life alone.

For example: today, my real life issues involve a water drip within the wall. The sheetrock has gone soggy. I had to tear a wall down to find it and stop it. By removing the wall and making easy access for the plumber, it should save me some precious money. I know how to repair the wall and can do that myself. It will take a few days for the water to dry up and determine how much damage has been done to the structure and if it is in the realm of my repair skills. I thank God that He has allowed me situations which make me able to handle this repair...however, knowledge doesn't keep the tears back as I work alone.

 

[loveabounds]

Sweetie, you are NEVER alone, your kids are NOT without a father....God is always with you all!!

This is a temporary separation for all of us because we WILL see our loved ones again.

I think it's GREAT that you are trying to fix your leak by yourself!! Look how God is strengthing you!!!! I remember working on our bathroom with my husband. He was not mechanically inclined...he was a jock. He drove me nuts when he was trying to help me and I eventually said "get outta here before I tile your body behind the marble!!!! Go watch a game!!" LOL I look back at those times and smile, although I was glad I did it alone!!

Do you have a church? Are there any men in your church that could help you with things like this?

I understand the loneliness....I go through it myself. But I trust God and know that He works things all out for my good and he will do the same for you!!

I am here for you, when you need someone to talk to. Send me a private message and I'll send you my email address.

Until then, you are doing GREAT and please, PLEASE remember that you are NEVER alone!! God Bless you!!!

 

[blackribbon]

They are without a father that can catch a baseball, teach them how to drive, or look at my daughter like she is a princess after an ice skating competition. While having a Heavenly Father is more important...but there is a reason why God gave us earthly fathers. Some fathers aren't so good at their job...my husband was most of the time. I am the one who gets to catch those tears and gets to try to stand in the gap.

Yes, I belong and am active in a church...however, the truth is that everyone promised a lot of things after my husband died and very few ever followed through. This is not just my church but common with most widows with children that I know. We are the invisible at church. God sees us. That has to be enough.

And exactly how strong do I need to be before I get to be weak and just cared for? Is it so terrible to wish for that? I've almost spent my whole life "being strong". No, I'm not doing great...I am just doing what I need to do. That is called surviving. For today, it will have to be good enough that my kids are doing pretty good.

I am talking...I thought that is what this forum was for. I am not falling apart. I am just sad and tired and lonely and over-whelmed with life. It seems to me that might be appropriate feelings to have every once in a while.

 

[loveabounds]

They are without a father that can catch a baseball, teach them how to drive, or look at my daughter like she is a princess after an ice skating competition. While having a Heavenly Father is more important...but there is a reason why God gave us earthly fathers. Some fathers aren't so good at their job...my husband was most of the time. I am the one who gets to catch those tears and gets to try to stand in the gap.

Yes, I belong and am active in a church...however, the truth is that everyone promised a lot of things after my husband died and very few ever followed through. This is not just my church but common with most widows with children that I know. We are the invisible at church. God sees us. That has to be enough.

And exactly how strong do I need to be before I get to be weak and just cared for? Is it so terrible to wish for that? I've almost spent my whole life "being strong". No, I'm not doing great...I am just doing what I need to do. That is called surviving. For today, it will have to be good enough that my kids are doing pretty good.

I am talking...I thought that is what this forum was for. I am not falling apart. I am just sad and tired and lonely and over-whelmed with life. It seems to me that might be appropriate feelings to have every once in a while.

I was merely trying to encourage you. I apologize if I upset you.

 

[loveabounds]

My youngest son also lost his baseball buddy, his snowman making buddy, his wrestling buddy..... among other activities. But at the age of 10, he had to realize that there are times when life just doesn't seem fair. He also realized that everything happens for a reason.

We learned how to be content with what we do have...which is each other...and God. We learned to be thankful for the time we had together with my husband rather than be angry about the time we didn't get to be with him.

I'll leave you alone. Again, I was only trying to encourage you.

God Bless you.

I often wonder why people expect an imperfect world to be perfect for them. I also wonder why people would think that God wants us to be so comfortable in this world....when this is not our home.

 

[blackribbon]

I don't expect anything. I definitely don't expect a "perfect world" or a pain-free life. I am just having a hard time and said so. I am tired of a church that only allows us to have "happy" moments. I don't think God ever called us to be "happy". Joyful is an entirely different word. Even Jesus felt the whole range of emotions.

I don't think I am much different from you. My kids have drawn closer to God and aren't angry. I'm not angry...just tired. I am your son misses his dad too.

I do appreciate that you are trying to be an encouragement. However, sometimes I think we need permission to "be not okay". God didn't call us to fix ourselves...just follow and trust him. Today, I'm a bit broken.

 

[loveabounds]

I don't expect anything. I definitely don't expect a "perfect world" or a pain-free life. I am just having a hard time and said so. I am tired of a church that only allows us to have "happy" moments. I don't think God ever called us to be "happy". Joyful is an entirely different word. Even Jesus felt the whole range of emotions.

I don't think I am much different from you. My kids have drawn closer to God and aren't angry. I'm not angry...just tired. I am your son misses his dad too.

I do appreciate that you are trying to be an encouragement. However, sometimes I think we need permission to "be not okay". God didn't call us to fix ourselves...just follow and trust him. Today, I'm a bit broken.

God DID call us to fix ourselves!!! Romans 12:2 states "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." God tells us to renew our minds...to fix our minds, our thoughts and refocus them on Him!

I'm not saying that every second of every day that we are going to be "happy". But it's during those times, that we are suppose to renew ourselves.

Look, I'm a lay Christian counselor, working on my degree in Psychology specializing in Christian Counseling. I am telling you nothing that I haven't learned myself or told another person in trying to help them and myself deal with the feelings that you, I and others have.

I'm going to rest for the evening now. You will be in my prayers.

 

[blackribbon]

First of all, the verb "be" is a word that is a state of "being" not an action word...it is through living the Christian life that our mind is renewed...we don't fix ourselves...we follow Christ and He renews mind. Sadness is not anti-Christian. Romans 12 : 15 says to rejoice with those rejoicing and to mourn with those mourning. Mourning is an acceptable state of mind.

I do appreciate the prayers. I hope you rest well.

David cried out to God with every emotion in the book. Let's just say I'm having a David type moment for the time being.

 

[loveabounds]

First of all, the verb "be" is a word that is a state of "being" not an action word...it is through living the Christian life that our mind is renewed...we don't fix ourselves...we follow Christ and He renews mind. Sadness is not anti-Christian. Romans 12 : 15 says to rejoice with those rejoicing and to mourn with those mourning. Mourning is an acceptable state of mind.

I do appreciate the prayers. I hope you rest well.

David cried out to God with every emotion in the book. Let's just say I'm having a David type moment for the time being.

We have a choice. No one can control our emotions. We can choose to renew....never mind.

Have a Blessed day.

 

[hopetoheal]

Thanks for your post and nice to meet you, Loveabounds. I too am seeking God's peace in thinking about HIs perfect will although he took my beloved husband home so young.

 

[loveabounds]

Thanks for your post and nice to meet you, Loveabounds. I too am seeking God's peace in thinking about HIs perfect will although he took my beloved husband home so young.

My husband was 51 when he died, Hopetoheal. I imagine we went through a lot of simular emotions.

God's will IS perfect. He works ALL things for our good, despite the fact that we may not be able to see it at the time or for some time down the road.

As Christians, we know that our separation from our husbands is temporary!!

God Bless you!!

 

[nicolacov]

Yes, very appropriate! It's fine that you are venting. We need that sometimes. I'm in a similar situation and at times feel the same way concerning my children. |Vent vent vent it's o.k.

 

[nicolacov]

hey, loveabounds i think blackribbon just needed to let it out she stated that she really doesn't have anyone to talk to. It's not that her mind isn't being renewed, she just needed to vent. This is a wonderful platform and sometimes we may need to recognize when someone just wants to let out what's been bottled up before they pop. Love You Guys