Married to an atheist

[On the journey]

As you can see from my sign I'm new here. I can't say that I'm completed committed to christianity or Jesus but I've been exploring the subject for a good month now and it is making increasing sense. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster, some days I feel I'm getting closer to God and some days I can't believe I'm contemplating christianity and feel like a fool.

I've been going to church, a Reason for God course at night and have been doing loads of reading and research.

I have been an atheist all my life and have come from an atheist family. My husband is an atheist but hasn't objected to my research or my church attendance. I think he believes it is a craze I'm going through and I'll get bored with it eventually. Who knows maybe he is right??

I don't feel strong enough to defend Christianity as my knowledge of the Bible is not great. I feel like I am not being honest with him and am scared that christianity will be a dividing force in our marriage if I continue to travel down this path. I don't know what to do. I have contemplated giving up on my exploration which would be easy so I don't make any waves in my marriage but now that I've started I can't stop. My husband is a good good man and lives a more "christian" life than me. He is always helping others and has high moral standands. He has quite a good knowledge of the bible and christianity having been to a Catholic school but he just thinks it is complete rubbish.

What should I do?

 

[joey_downunder]

I am in the same position as you. My husband is a very good moral man but he is an atheist. Overall he is supportive and perfectly OK with me going to church as long as I don't preach. It is a 'truce' scenario between us.

Here are a couple of Bible passages to reassure you. 1 Corinthians 7:1-16 - ESVBible.org
Verses 12-16 are written for people like us.

The next passage is even better- it is for christian wives with non-believing husbands. 1 Corinthians 7:1-16 - ESVBible.org In the very first book of the Bible Genesis you can read about Sarah. Virtuous Women in the Bible Study

You can see that us christian wives are actually told NOT to evangelise to our husbands! What a relief - that takes a lot of pressure off us especially if we are not not good at debating. Instead we are to aim to make our changed lives a witness.

Now if you have a lot of personal issues to overcome (like I still do) that may be a real challenge at times. Especially if you start to despair that you're not a good christian witness because of *fill in the blanks*. Don't worry - you're a work in progress. God has you where He wants you to be even if you think you're a mess.

Right now if possible it would be great if you could get involved in a christian women's group at a church for support. There are a lot of women in your situation for whatever reason. E.g.There are a lot of women who think they marry a christian man and he really isn't .

 

[On the journey]

Thank you so very much for your reply, you have made me feel so much better, and you're an Aussie!! I am very cognisant of not bible bashing and talking about my new found faith but it is very difficult at times. I am going to read those passages and let God do the rest. Wow, never thought I'd be saying that!!

 

[paul1149]

I see two questions here – about Christianity itself, and about how it might disturb your marriage.

The way I see it, and I believe this is the clear sense of scripture, becoming a Christian should be a blessing to your marriage. It should make you a better wife – more supportive, loving and caring. The problem is that sometimes people in their immaturity start getting "religious", and start trying to force beliefs on others. That's understandable, if you consider that now you believe you have something awesome to give away, and it's frustrating that people aren’t interested. But this is where scripture tells us to be patient and humble. After all, it wasn’t so long ago that we were on the other side of the fence ourselves:

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear -but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.
Do not repay evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, bless, for to this you were called, that you may obtain a blessing... -1Pet 3:1-9
​

As far as Christianity itself, don’t feel bad about having waves of doubt. This is absolutely normal. In fact, I still go through this now, 30 years in, but it's different than at first. I can be very honest about my misgivings with the Lord. Even when I confess that I don’t believe, it's all under His grace, because it is He who is doing a deeper work within me, exposing things that need to be sanctified.

You’ve made some great decisions and some great progress. I would encourage you to continue on. Just take it step by step, keep it real, and the Lord will reward your sincerity with only good things (Jer 29.11-13).

The blessing of the LORD makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it. –Pr 10.32​

 

[Harry3142]

On the journey-

Since your husband went to a catholic school he probably equates Christianity with a long list of Do's and Don't's. I have a catholic catechism in my library, and there are over 800 pages in it. This has been known to be a major 'turnoff' to those who have gone through the experience of being required to learn all of them.

Christianity as we protestants view it is far from being a religion of Do's and Don't's. Instead, it is a religion that enables a transformation to take place within those who accept the sacrifice which is at its center:

But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify. This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood. He did this to demonstrate his justice, because in his forbearance he had left the sins committed beforehand unpunished - he did it to demonstrate his justice at the present time, so as to be just and the one who justifies those who have faith in Jesus. (Romans 3:21-26,NIV)

As a result of our accepting God's gift of salvation, it is God himself who actually does the work necessary in order to transform us into people who truly conform to what he wants of us (Galatians 5:16-26). The obeying of laws and commandments has been found not to work, not because the laws and commandments are wrong, but because we are 'hardwired' to fail at whatever we try to do (Romans 7:14-25). This is called 'paradoxical intention', and is summed up in the saying, "The harder you try, you faster you fail." It is also so much a facet of the human condition that psychologists have used it in the treatment of their patients.

So rather than have us follow laws and commandments, the Spirit of God implants in us the 9 'fruit' found in that passage of Galatians I referred to. The emotions of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control are the new 'laws' that we live our lives by. They are the impetus for all the words and actions of Christians if those words and actions are to have assurance of conforming with what God would have us say and do. And they are the assurance to all those around us, irregardless of their beliefs, that they are truly among those who care about them when they are among Christians.

But like our salvation, these 'fruit' are also a gift from God to us. We cannot earn them as a salary, nor can we buy them as an accessory. Just as we accept our salvation as a gift from God, we are to accept 'the fruit of the Spirit' as another gift from God, through which God himself transforms in a good way the nature we cannot.

God bless-

 

[Prayer Circle]

As you can see from my sign I'm new here. I can't say that I'm completed committed to christianity or Jesus but I've been exploring the subject for a good month now and it is making increasing sense. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster, some days I feel I'm getting closer to God and some days I can't believe I'm contemplating christianity and feel like a fool.

I've been going to church, a Reason for God course at night and have been doing loads of reading and research.

I have been an atheist all my life and have come from an atheist family. My husband is an atheist but hasn't objected to my research or my church attendance. I think he believes it is a craze I'm going through and I'll get bored with it eventually. Who knows maybe he is right??

I don't feel strong enough to defend Christianity as my knowledge of the Bible is not great. I feel like I am not being honest with him and am scared that christianity will be a dividing force in our marriage if I continue to travel down this path. I don't know what to do. I have contemplated giving up on my exploration which would be easy so I don't make any waves in my marriage but now that I've started I can't stop. My husband is a good good man and lives a more "christian" life than me. He is always helping others and has high moral standards. He has quite a good knowledge of the bible and christianity having been to a Catholic school but he just thinks it is complete rubbish.

What should I do?

You've been an atheist all your life.
Now you're investigating Christianity.
I think you need to take an inventory of your self and why you may be contemplating this switch.

You've been a good person as an atheist, right?
You said your husband, an atheist, lives a more 'christian' life than you do, because of the good works he does for his family and within his community.

That right there is a testament to the spirit of Christ.

I think you have to ask yourself what has changed in my personal life, in order for me to contemplate following a Christian doctrine?

And go from there. Jesus didn't come to start the religion of Christianity. Jesus didn't write a single book of the new testament. In fact, every book of the NT were written as much as 40 years after Jesus death.
The apostle Paul, formerly "Saul of Tarsus" , wrote 2/3rds of what is found in the New Testament.

You'll often find those who are, by the book christians. They comport themselves in a manner that affords the message, God lives on the page and obeying every word there makes one a good christian and assures their place in Heaven.

However, God is indwelling. The spirit of the creator is alive in all it hath created. There's no escaping ones origin. Testament to what it means to be Christ like, even in the Bible, is not written by Jesus. It's hearsay, as to what Jesus allegedly said.
When someone claims to speak for God and there are rules set down that only if followed precisely shall return one to the source from whence they sprang, that one is imbued with god like power when taken as gospel.
Because they're proclaiming God created everyone from the perfect source, but once made human by his will, it's a members only ticket to return home after the flesh is cast off.

Big power! Big , big , power in claiming God is discriminatory.

Therefore, delve into why you now feel the need to follow a doctrine, when in your heart, as you are, you are a good person without it.

Sometimes, and I've spoken to ministers I know very well on this topic, and over tea so they're quite open then, ha! Sometimes, life brings us hurdles we don't think we're equipped to overcome alone. And sometimes, we find we turn to something we'd never think of before, if it looks like it may help us to survive that challenge. That doesn't mean we're called to that what we think will save us, by it's own merits. It can mean we're called to it because we're desperate to survive by any means available.

If you've been an atheist all these years, ask why now you are looking to perhaps embrace that what is the antithesis of all that you've known all your life. Because you are here, as an atheist, along with the rest of us who hold the faith we are here by God's will.

Tell me, what makes the difference in what made that possible between the two?
And beware those who claim, their doctrine alone is what! Because then it becomes a matter of firsts. What came first? The person or the doctrine that claims it speaks from their source?

All Bibles are man made!
One doesn't have to believe in God to know that God, creator, source, believes in them.
That's why every religion on Earth is founded from faith.
Which tries to explain why life is a fact.

(HUGS)
And if you want to find scripture that may be relevant to your inquiry, perhaps this will speak to you.
"God lives in those who declare that Jesus is the Son of God, and they live in God." 1 John 4:15 (God's Word Translation)

 

[On the journey]

Barleyloaf, thank you for the encouragement. I totally understand and agree with what you have said. I think in the course of a month I have made huge leaps and I must learn to be patient.

 

[On the journey]

Harry 3141, I totally agree, I believe my hubby's past has tainted his view of religion and christianity. Mine as well. He is very cynical by nature and very guarded but that is because of his past. I understand, I was the same way. I have total respect for him and what he has had to endure in his life. By the way, his sister and mother have converted to the Mormon religion in the past few years and it has made some disturbing changes to them, that can't help! Thankyou for taking the time to respond to my post.

 

[On the journey]

Therefore, delve into why you now feel the need to follow a doctrine, when in your heart, as you are, you are a good person without it.

SinAmenShe, I have wrestled with this question for a long time. In Australia particularly, there is a strong thought that "I'm good mates with God, I'm a good person, I don't need to go to Church to be a good Christian, I'll make up my own rules about how to be a Christian."

I am actually in a very strong position in my life at the moment, the strongest I've felt in years. So I'm definitely not seeking Christianity becuase I feel weak or have a problem that I need help with. To cut a long story short, I have become friends with a mother at my daughter's school, she is a shining example of a good christian. Recently my daughter asked if she could go to Sunday school with the mother's daughter so I was accompanying her to church so she could go to sunday school.

I sat in on the service to pass the time actually. Then got to chatting with the others at morning tea. I guess I got to thinking. Gee, these people are really intelligent people, maybe there is something in this christianity thing. It was purely curiousity that drove me to research and ask questions. I read with my cynical eye and asked loads of questions at my Reason for God course, but something happened...it all started to make sense. I was more surprised than anyone. I haven't told anyone, not the mother at school, not the minister at church or my husband.

So to answer to your question, I was not seeking anything out, I sort of fell into it and became curious and fascinated in how the bible was written, what it means to be a christian. I am at a very strong point in my life and am happy with the person that I am and how I relate to others. But now I am connecting a few dots and things are making sense.

 

[Prayer Circle]

...
So to answer to your question, I was not seeking anything out, I sort of fell into it and became curious and fascinated in how the bible was written, what it means to be a christian. I am at a very strong point in my life and am happy with the person that I am and how I relate to others. But now I am connecting a few dots and things are making sense.

Well then, given all that, it sounds like you are indeed on the journey to finding more for your life than what you are already blessed with.

Beautiful!

 

[Jere209]

As you can see from my sign I'm new here. I can't say that I'm completed committed to christianity or Jesus but I've been exploring the subject for a good month now and it is making increasing sense. I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster, some days I feel I'm getting closer to God and some days I can't believe I'm contemplating christianity and feel like a fool.

I've been going to church, a Reason for God course at night and have been doing loads of reading and research.

I have been an atheist all my life and have come from an atheist family. My husband is an atheist but hasn't objected to my research or my church attendance. I think he believes it is a craze I'm going through and I'll get bored with it eventually. Who knows maybe he is right??

I don't feel strong enough to defend Christianity as my knowledge of the Bible is not great. I feel like I am not being honest with him and am scared that christianity will be a dividing force in our marriage if I continue to travel down this path. I don't know what to do. I have contemplated giving up on my exploration which would be easy so I don't make any waves in my marriage but now that I've started I can't stop. My husband is a good good man and lives a more "christian" life than me. He is always helping others and has high moral standands. He has quite a good knowledge of the bible and christianity having been to a Catholic school but he just thinks it is complete rubbish.

What should I do?

Hi there and welcome
First of all, the reason you are on this journey and cannot stop is because of the wooing of the Holy Spirit. God says He draws men unto Himself. He's not brash, He's not a bully and doesn't demand people come to Him. No, He's gentle in His wooing and wants you to fall in love with Him. Thats why you cannot stop . And I say go for it!

You will have problems and obstacles to overcome in the journey, but we have that in all aspects of life, right? This is going to be just another area to deal with, but God promises you the help you need. Don't be concerned about the lack of knowledge of the Bible, for once you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior, (which is the only way to become truly saved and a Christian), and profess that He is the true Son of God, then your mind will be opened to learning about God's Word much better.

The Bible is inspired by God. Every single word on those pages came from Him. He may not have spoke it directly, but it is the inspired, infallible word of the most high God. Religion came from man, Christianity came from God.

I pray you find the peace you are looking for ..

 

[On the journey]

Thank you Jere209 for your encouragement. Having never been exposed to Christianity before, the feelings I am having are quite surprising, I understand "what all the fuss is about" now. I am thinking about some of the strange and "supernatural" things that have happened in my life. I have always attributed these to coincidence and my mind playing cosmic tricks on me but I am reassessing these with new eyes.

I have started reading the Bible (YouVersion on my iPad). I've started with John. It's so direct and you simply cannot confuse the message can you? I'm really surprised by that, I always thought the Bible was open to misinterpretation. I'm also surprised at Jesus' temper, especially when he saw the merchants selling their wares in God's temple. He violently tossed them out.

 

[joey_downunder]

I have started reading the Bible (YouVersion on my iPad). I've started with John. It's so direct and you simply cannot confuse the message can you? I'm really surprised by that, I always thought the Bible was open to misinterpretation. I'm also surprised at Jesus' temper, especially when he saw the merchants selling their wares in God's temple. He violently tossed them out.

That's called righteous anger. The merchants were misusing God's temple for their own profit. That would be a great discussion point for you to start in the scripture section. When you're ready of course.

 

[Aino]

Others have had good advice for you so far, but I think it could be a good idea to share an experience with you. My grandmother was a christian when she married my grandfather, but since he wasn't, she wasn't actively involved in the church for some years. However at one point she recommitted herself to the Lord and started going to church again and all. My mom and her brothers became christians as well and they all prayed together and read the Bible and praised and whatnot. Well, grandfather did not want to have anything to do with christianity. He didn't mind them doing all that but all the same he could not agree and could not help thinking it was kind of crazy what they did. Everyone else kept on praying for him for what felt like forever, but nothing happened, until about a week before he died. It was an extremely difficult process for him, but in the end, on his death bed he gave the rest of his life to God and went to heaven. The time spent with a non-christian husband must have been devastating for my grandma, but imagine how she felt when he did convert! Sometimes it takes very long for Gid to prepare someone for taking Jesus in their hearts but it is never too late in his life to do so. You just keep on praying and stay with him. Above all, trust the Lord and let his light shine through you. God bless!

 

[parsley]

Pray for him. God can do so much within a person in the quiet of their hearts. You don't need to convince him of anything, but might want to let on what's on your mind. Just go through it, and pray that God will protect you and your husband. Fears... you probably bonded over some common beliefs, so make sure you don't alienate him. By grace we are saved, through faith.

 

[Malachi814]

If a believer has a husband who is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him.

'I don't feel strong enough to defend Christianity as my knowledge of the Bible is not great.' - Believe it is certainly not your knowledge of Christianity that influences people; only the Spirit of God at work in your life and in the lives of many.

Please friend, do not be disheartened. I can see it hurts you.

'I feel like I am not being honest with him and am scared that christianity will be a dividing force in our marriage if I continue to travel down this path.'
Jesus is the prince of peace; Jesus does not wish for bonds of love to be broken. You are not being dishonest to your husband by not being able to explain how you feel. Be true to God and you will see great things. Let
your peaceful life shine before him; do not attempt to make it apparent - let God's Spirit do this.

'I don't know what to do. I have contemplated giving up on my exploration which would be easy so I don't make any waves in my marriage but now that I've started I can't stop.'
There is no greater gift than what you are seeking. Knock and the door will be opened; seek and you will find. Jesus said 'do not worry about tomorrow for today has enough trouble of its own'. Jesus said this for good reason. Do not worry what will come of all this, trust God. God wants his Kingdom to come on earth; it is a Kingdom of love and peace. Be loving and peaceful; light will surely shine on your husband. Continue to pray for his heart.

Know this - What greater love is there than Christ Jesus lay down his life to redeem his friends. You are indeed Jesus' friend; he smiles at you and wishes you persist in your journey. Believe he does the work, it is not about you.