Long distance relationships

[RainyDuck]

Anyone else in a long distance relationship? What ways do you communicate your love for one another? What do you do to get over your loneliness?

Sometimes are definitely harder than others. I feel that the long-distance part has really allowed us to get to know each other on a deep level (really talk about a lot of things), but we can't just go and do things together. So just curious what others do that are in long distance relationships.

 

[Verve]

I'm in one.

We send each other little things like songs and messages.
Though we've discussed that it really is about quality time.
We make time to skype with each other and that helps.

It's difficult to combat the way society expects us to be in relationships sometimes.
Staying focused on God and keeping our mutual faith as the foundation of our relationship has been what really keeps away the blues.

One of the best things that has really deepened our relationship is discussions about scripture, faith and how we can apply what we've learned to our lives.

I've realized that the only times I've started to get lonely are times when I should really bring my heart back to God. It means that I'm not content with where I am in my life and allowing myself to wallow in longing instead of being thankful for my blessings.

If you're feeling really truly lonely you might want to consider if you are allowing it to take priority in your life over the love and joy you receive from God.

 

[RainyDuck]

You bring up a great point about having good discussions about faith and scripture. That is one of the good things I guess you could say about long distance relationships is that you're each going to separate services and then can discuss what you learned at each service (and also just in personal readings and prayer time).

I think you're right that it's easy to let the mind stray away from the comfort of knowing that the Lord has everything under control. When I walk through town and see everyone else with their partner or spend time with friends who are all with their partners, it just makes it more aware that I'm in a long distance relationship, but I know the Lord has made the relationship the way it is for a reason.

 

[Verve]

He really has made your relationship the way it is for a reason and that's a wonderful way to think about it.

I've actually considered before the blessings that have come with our relationship being long distance. When I am able to think about how blessed I am to have Austin in my life it's really hard to complain.

 

[Inkachu]

IMHO an LDR is only workable if regular visits are possible, and if one person eventually moves to be with the other. Long-term "virtual" dating is ridiculous and pointless to me.

I've been in an LDR for a few months, and we've been blessed enough for him to be able to visit regularly, and he's planning to move here soon. If none of that had been possible, the relationship wouldn't have worked. A relationship isn't emails and phone calls, it's face-to-face daily life together. A romance can BEGIN online, but it has to move into in-person time together as soon as possible, or it's just an electronic fantasy IMO.

As for helping with the loneliness... ... LOTS of emails (we average several a day), pictures, videos, prayers, and always keeping the "end" in sight, ie the next visit!

 

[Verve]

IMHO an LDR is only workable if regular visits are possible, and if one person eventually moves to be with the other. Long-term "virtual" dating is ridiculous and pointless to me.

I've been in an LDR for a few months, and we've been blessed enough for him to be able to visit regularly, and he's planning to move here soon. If none of that had been possible, the relationship wouldn't have worked. A relationship isn't emails and phone calls, it's face-to-face daily life together. A romance can BEGIN online, but it has to move into in-person time together as soon as possible, or it's just an electronic fantasy IMO.

As for helping with the loneliness... ... LOTS of emails (we average several a day), pictures, videos, prayers, and always keeping the "end" in sight, ie the next visit!

Well yeah long-term online dating does sound sort of silly.
It does all depend on your situation though.

There are married couples who are in primarily long distance relationships because of work, and they make it work.

Then again I'm not a fan of long-term relationships for myself.
Like I said though it's all what works for you, everyone is being directed differently in their unique situations.

For where I am, I would hope to start talking seriously about marriage around one year into the relationship.

I'd probably want to set a wedding date about a year from the time that I got asked and long distance wouldn't really be a huge issue for me until we hit the engagement period and have to start thinking about where we're going to live after the wedding and stuff like that.

All relationships are unique as the people in them.

 

[Agent Goff]

If you want long distance relationship support sign up on thestudentroom, they have an enormous sub-forum for it

I've been going long distance for around 5/6 months (and going in general for nearly a year xD) and it's going fine, once this year abroad is over in end of May I'll be back for good... except another summer holiday because it's a uni based relationship, but still.

 

[Thunder Peel]

They can be tough but only if you allow them to be. I've been amazingly blessed to have Caitlin in my life and being able to chat with her nearly every day really helps keep things in perspective. We have Bible study together and talk about what God is doing in our lives and how we can apply that to our relationship to help strengthen it. I'll admit that the distance is hard sometimes but I know that God has placed us in this position for a reason and in the meantime we just have to be faithful and continue to focus on Him.

We're both committed to making it work and there's no one else I would rather be on this journey with.

 

[kimm91]

I'm in a long distance relationship, have been for close to a year now. We met on Facebook and hit it off immediately. We live about 8 or 9 hours away from eachother and have never met, yet we're completely in love and both totally committed to each other. We talk on the phone everyday and everynight (even fall asleep on the phone occasionally) and we text when we cant be on the phone.

I know that God has brought us together, everything was just too perfect to be a 'coincidence', (even though he's Jewish) and I guess it's a modern era so He worked through facebook since that was the only way we'd ever get to meet each other. However, it is really hard not having him here with me, or me there with him. Even though we plan on moving closer together as soon as possible, it's just taking a long time. The distance has been really hard on me lately, everything has just been really getting to me. I really don't know what to do. I just don't want to lose him because he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but on the other hand it's really hard dealing and being in a long distance relationship.

 

[Melethiel]

I would caution against calling it a relationship until you've met in person. I say this this as someone who's been in a LDR for 2 years, and became very close before we actually met.

 

[Nienna_Lady_of_Tears]

I was in a long distance relationship (and engaged for all of it) for 4 and a half years. It was tough, primarily because my family did not want me marrying him to begin with (because he is disabled) and would not let me work to go and visit him. If he moved closer to where I was, they would move me away from him ON PURPOSE. I wasn't allowed to call him on the phone either toward the end of it; they were truly trying to break me up because they wanted to arrange my marriage for me. The guy was picked out.

It was tough; especially toward the end with my family's animosity toward him. But eventually he moved to where I was and there was nowhere else for me to go. Then my family locked me in my room and fed me through a doggy door so I couldn't get out to run off with him.

The key to ANY relationship (especially long distance) is commitment. If you allow yourself to think of others, or have more than just a passing friendship with someone of the opposite sex, you will be sorely tempted. And I will admit, I fell into that trap myself early into my long distance relationship.

At any rate to sum up my story; I eventually climbed out of the window and dropped ten feet to the ground to run away. My husband and I started out our marriage homeless.

I'm sure you probably don't have a family trying to control your every move, but my point still stands; you have to remain committed through the tough times. Any less than total commitment and a long distance relationship will fail.

I do not recommend long distance relationships for a long run; but I do think that every couple should be away from each other for at least half a year in order to see how committed to each other they truly are. I don't recommend starting a relationship long distance however, in any case.

 

[California Dreamin']

We classify ourselves still as a LDR even though he lives an hour away. With our schedules and such, we can't see each other as often as we would like, and he's also military! We do talk on the phone almost every night which has been a huge help, I changed my long distance plan so it doesn't cost a thing!

 

[Luther073082]

I would caution against calling it a relationship until you've met in person. I say this this as someone who's been in a LDR for 2 years, and became very close before we actually met.

I agree. . . and I was in an LDR until I got married to her.

 

[Inkachu]

Our LDR ended on 11/25/11... in a good way! That was the day he arrived here to stay! I can honestly say, no amount of visits, emails, or phone calls can even BEGIN to compare to what it's like being together every day. It's been exciting, thrilling, challenging and overwhelming; all the more reason I'm thankful for the foundation we built during his weekends here over the past several months. I can't even imagine being separated from him now.