This is a Tough One

[wendyleanne18]

So, I've been dating my guy for awhile now and things are really good between us. Recently, we've been discussing marriage and starting our lives together but don't really want to go to fast seeing as we both are young, me being 18 and him being 19. We still have the rest of our lives to be together and right now we're trying hard to focus on school and work. Anyways, my problem is this. We don't want to sign our lives away by getting married. Sure its the right thing to do when you love someone very much and want to be with them, in every way physically, mentally and emotionally, but we both feel like its a very huge step and we want to make sure what we have is real before taking such a big leap. Lately, we've been discussing getting our own place, just to make sure we can handle living and putting up with each other 24/7. We are both VERY positive that this move will make us closer in many ways but we don't want to do anything wrong. Sure, we've both known since the day we met that we were going to marry each other and be together forever and we are both christians, but I don't understand why some of the things like sex and living together are frowned upon amongst christians. I know that the bible talks about how wrong it is to have sex before marriage, but it doesn't change our outlook on faith at all. Sex is just a way for us to know how right we are for each other. I also don't understand why living together is also frowned upon. I think it's right for every couple to live together at least a year before getting married just so they can know for themselves whether or not they can make it together after seeing what each other is like in a comfortable environment. I need some help on this topic and some advice on what I should do. Please no rude comments or judgment...I'm just an 18 year old looking to understand these two things. Thanks

 

[Fatally.Yours]

May as well do it if you're ready.

 

[justageek]

A confident of mine answered it this way when I asked her the same question...

"If you live with somebody and have sex with them before marriage, what is there left of the marriage life to enjoy and look forward to?"

It may not make sense, but on your wedding night (or sometime later), what will you do? Some engage in sexual intercourse, some don't - but I think the woman, whom I trust very much, makes a pretty valid point. It's your life though, but the Bible is very clear on having sex after marriage because it's another way of physically tying a knot and becoming united as one flesh - one soul. And I imagine that it must be exhilarating.

 

[itisdeliciouscake]

get married.


that is all.

 

[Blueflamingos]

I'm not judging you at all nor do I intend to be rude in any way....I'm just looking to help and point you toward hopefully good advice. Premarital sex and living together is "frowned upon" by Christians because it goes against what God wants for us as His children. It is deliberately disobeying Him and spitting on the marriage covenant and His design for sex- which is to be enjoyed as a gift in marriage between a man and a woman. Living together before marriage is a good way to set oneself up for divorce. There is no way to "test" marriage....because living together before you're married means that you can bail out if you want to- you can decide that you're just not going to make it work and you don't have to commit to a lifelong covenant. There is nothing that can truly absolutely 100 percent prepare anyone for marriage. But living together and having sex outside of the marriage covenant is a great way to head for divorce even before you've made that lifelong vow and a great way to ruin your marriage bed and cause all kinds of problems for your sex life after you're married. Forgive me, but sex is not just another way to know that you're right for each other- not when its experiences outside of marriage anyway. Having sex outside of marriage is another way of telling each other that you don't respect each other, and a way of telling God that you'd rather have it your way and that you don't trust that His way is best. God doesn't want us to have sex outside of marriage- not because He's a mean God and is trying to torture us, but because He knows what's best for us and its not only for our protection and for the protection of our future marriages that He tells us to wait, but because He always knows that when we follow and obey Him, we will enjoy His gifts tenfold and far beyond what our finite human minds can even fathom. And I just want to reiterate that living together before marriage can only hurt a couple. Because you don't have to honor any kind of commitment. Once you're married, you're in a covenant with your spouse for life- there's no out....you can't wake up and decide that you just discovered something about them that you can't deal with or that you don't work well together in the same living environment. You have to deal with the struggles, hardships, disagreements, and quirks of your partner and love them anyway just as Christ does. If you feel so strongly that you're meant to be together, then I would say that's not signing your lives away at all. I think that's beautiful and marriage is something you should consider in the very near future so as to honor one another.....but living together and robbing each other of what's not rightfully yours if you're not married (your bodies and your purity) is just a recipe for divorce and I would not wish that on you or anyone. I sincerely hope that you didn't take any of this as being judgmental or harsh because I mean all of this in the most loving way and while I don't know you, I truly want God's best for you and for you to enjoy His gift of marriage and sex and life together as one with each other, and the only way to do that is by obeying Him and doing it His way. God bless you both!

 

[elizabeth451]

in my family the philosophy about preparing for marraige is just about the axact opposite of yours. one of hte things we think should be done is the couple should seperate for one year: as in not see each other. talking on the phone,texting, letter writing is all alowed but no physical contact. then get bak together and if things are still the same way between them, then they can get married.
now this is not always practical and the time can be shortened or whatever, but i personally think its a good idea and i agree with Blueflamingos that you can't test marraige out. I think God meant to set it up that way

 

[MasterpieceMesias]

A confident of mine answered it this way when I asked her the same question...

"If you live with somebody and have sex with them before marriage, what is there left of the marriage life to enjoy and look forward to?"

It may not make sense, but on your wedding night (or sometime later), what will you do? Some engage in sexual intercourse, some don't - but I think the woman, whom I trust very much, makes a pretty valid point. It's your life though, but the Bible is very clear on having sex after marriage because it's another way of physically tying a knot and becoming united as one flesh - one soul. And I imagine that it must be exhilarating.

I doubt that. . .

 

[Yinstyle]

So, I've been dating my guy for awhile now and things are really good between us. Recently, we've been discussing marriage and starting our lives together but don't really want to go to fast seeing as we both are young, me being 18 and him being 19. We still have the rest of our lives to be together and right now we're trying hard to focus on school and work. Anyways, my problem is this. We don't want to sign our lives away by getting married. Sure its the right thing to do when you love someone very much and want to be with them, in every way physically, mentally and emotionally, but we both feel like its a very huge step and we want to make sure what we have is real before taking such a big leap. Lately, we've been discussing getting our own place, just to make sure we can handle living and putting up with each other 24/7. We are both VERY positive that this move will make us closer in many ways but we don't want to do anything wrong. Sure, we've both known since the day we met that we were going to marry each other and be together forever and we are both christians, but I don't understand why some of the things like sex and living together are frowned upon amongst christians. I know that the bible talks about how wrong it is to have sex before marriage, but it doesn't change our outlook on faith at all. Sex is just a way for us to know how right we are for each other. I also don't understand why living together is also frowned upon. I think it's right for every couple to live together at least a year before getting married just so they can know for themselves whether or not they can make it together after seeing what each other is like in a comfortable environment. I need some help on this topic and some advice on what I should do. Please no rude comments or judgment...I'm just an 18 year old looking to understand these two things. Thanks

Steps
1. Get good birth control
2. Get a place to stay with him
3. Have sex with him
4. Wake up in the morning
5. Go on christianforums.com
6. Tell us if you got some wild curse put upon you by the wrathful god like some people mention
7. conclude why would god not want people to be together and perform sex in the sole purpose for reproduction? He wants humanity to develop and the next generation always surpasses the older generations in everything.
8. ????
9. Profit
Also, Derp.

 

[The Fire Rises]

Steps
1. Get good birth control
2. Get a place to stay with him
3. Have sex with him
4. Wake up in the morning
5. Go on christianforums.com
6. Tell us if you got some wild curse put upon you by the wrathful god like some people mention
7. conclude why would god not want people to be together and perform sex in the sole purpose for reproduction? He wants humanity to develop and the next generation always surpasses the older generations in everything.
8. ????
9. Profit
Also, Derp.

I realize your post is supposed to be somewhat comical (and I admit, after reading it I found myself chuckling a bit).

But this girl is asking a serious question here.

OP, I can put all of your questions about pre-marrital sex to rest right now. If God's Word says its wrong (which it does), then it's wrong. End of story. Sex is a gift god gave MARRIED couples, a HUSBAND and a WIFE.

Some may say, "Well, we're already married in our minds. We were married the first time we met." I think the Bible is talking about LEGAL marriage, an event that takes place where you publicly announce your decision to become husband and wife and you family/friends are there to witness it.

As for living together...? Hmm this issue isnt quite as black and white for me. I dont recall reading about this at all in the Bible, but that doesnt mean its not in there somewhere. I just really dont know.

Honestly, if you just Google that question, you'll probably get more accurate results then you do on here lol. Sad but true.

I personally dont see any problem with it as long as it doesnt lead to sexual interactions and such.

Remember this isnt just my opinion, this is GOD'S opinion.

 

[Barricade24]

I'd encourage you to wait till marriage. It is the way God designed sex to be enjoyed. I wouldn't feel very good if I had willfully done something that was against God's wishes. However, it is your life and you can make whatever choices you make. But I still encourage you to wait till marriage.

 

[HarborOrange]

Just get married. I mean come on. If you're willing to sign your bodies to each other, sign your lives to each other. I don't see why people assume if you're married you're tied down or whatever. You're not. My girl and I have discussed the same things, and we have determined that marriage will certainly be an adventure... especially because we also happen to be best friends. So, I guess that helps. But. Still. Also, there's no such thing as "sex before marriage." Sex is marriage, based on the covenant formed therein. So, get married, then do what you will. Otherwise, you're going about it backwards.

 

[If Not For Grace]

just to make sure we can handle living and putting up with each other 24/7.

if you have doubts about this then under NO circumstances get married at this time. Cause even when you have no doubts beforehand you will find there is a MUCH BIGGER adjustment than you thought.

Living togther does not change the adjustment period, because you treat someone differnetly over time that you Marry vs whom you are liviing with. It's a different deal. There are different expectations, like when to start a family, you would not likely consider this BF marriage, but aftward you will.

Just like being a couple is not being married, neither is living together being married.
When living together Vows have not been exchanged and by default "can not be broken" You don't have to live up to a promise you never made. Being married adds those responsibilities as well as certain legal and fudiciary obligations as you mentioned.

For me i say can you live on your own? JMHO but its much better and goes easier if Each person can be self sufficient before they live together or get married. Let him move out and you move out and see what it's like to live on your own BF hooking up for life with anybody. There is alot to learn and as you say you are young. If you are not ready to live on your own-you are not likely to be ready to be someone's partner.

Get your affairs in order BF you make a lifetime committment to anyone. Same for him, he does not yet know the financial pressures of supporting a family, Do you know what it takes to run a house on a daily basis with no help from Mom/Dad?. Take the time to learn these things BF moving in togther. If its love it will keep and you get to enjoy the "dating" years. Don't loose those. I say Get your own place first cause if you don't do that and just get married you will have lost the experience and it will be devesating (as it is to most married couples) to do it later.

See people don't realize that most of them will end up living alone at some point. One of you is likely to die BF the other at some point and living alone having never done so and after having been dependant on a partner is alot harder if you have never had the experience of coming home to a empty house. Unless you die in a car wreck or tornado togther this is one of those experiences no one talks about any more than they talk about declining health issues over time. One partner usually ends up being the caregiver for the other at some point.

the point is to prepare as much as you can learn as much as you can and enjoy the life you have. Do not rush any of it. Try it on your own first-just to get a taste of it-you will not regret it.

 

[Chris Blanks]

You should definitely not get married right now. You are right in your observation that you need to make sure you two can deal with each other for extended periods of time. As for the sex part. That would be up to you. I personally see sex as just means for survival for any species, that happens to feel awesome. Only your personal beliefs and your partners personal beliefs can make your decision, no one else.