Love & Respect

[FaithPrevails]

I don't think the Bible ever explicitly says unconditional love any more than it says unconditional respect though. But like you say there are examples of Jesus giving both.

I do think that the modern Church emphasizes the idea of unconditional love, but when you get down to it, is God's love really unconditional? Yes He loves us no matter what we do, but having that love really mean anything absolutely requires that we meet conditions.

I think the key difference between God's unconditional love and human conditional love is that God still loves us even when we don't meet His conditions. Humans tend to experience a death of love for another who wrongs us or continually fails to meet conditions we may have for being in relationship with them.

 

[McScribe]

What we experience to be precise is realizing that the way love is defined in 1 Cor 13 is not happening. When we don't feel patience, kindness, generosity, etc we start to doubt that we are loved. And we can be aware of being love even when ways of expressing love are different from our own.

You know I really respect how Created wrestles with her relationship with her husband right out in the open--like wondering whether he really respects her feelings and is willing to hear encouragement from others and so on--because she asks the question. It's not bad to ask the question. What's bad is when you leap to conclusions and fix yourself on a position regardless of what happens afterwards. Respect is most challenging when it requires iron to sharpen iron, as the proverb says. But if it sharpens then its good. What if it doesn't sharp but blunts or crumbles? What then?

 

[FaithPrevails]

When we don't feel those things it's b/c the other person (and even we, ourselves) are not practicing the Fruits of the Spirit.

It's not coincidence that all these various scriptures tie so neatly together.

 

[chaz345]

I think the key difference between God's unconditional love and human conditional love is that God still loves us even when we don't meet His conditions. Humans tend to experience a death of love for another who wrongs us or continually fails to meet conditions we may have for being in relationship with them.

But the entire concept of "death of love" only applies if we're talking about love being a feeling doesn't it? And I do not believe that love is primarily a feeling. It can't be because God commands us to love our enemies and since He knows we can't make ourselves feel a certain way, and He wouldn't command us to do something we aren't capable of, then it follows that love must primarily be an action.

 

[FaithPrevails]

But the entire concept of "death of love" only applies if we're talking about love being a feeling doesn't it? And I do not believe that love is primarily a feeling. It can't be because God commands us to love our enemies and since He knows we can't make ourselves feel a certain way, and He wouldn't command us to do something we aren't capable of, then it follows that love must primarily be an action.

Yes, of course. Love is more than a feeling - it's a choice. But, we are still undeniably human, so sometimes that love can die no matter how hard we try to keep it alive. Other times, people simply choose not to keep loving. But, ideally, we should choose to love at all times in all circumstances.

I will say that, for me anyway, love sometimes simply means harboring no ill will for a person.

 

[McScribe]

I think when we're talking about the love feeling that we're talking about the feeling of tenderness, mutual affection and trust between people. When that's gone your motivation has to become stronger.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I think when we're talking about the love feeling that we're talking about the feeling of tenderness, mutual affection and trust between people. When that's gone your motivation has to become stronger.

Agreed. I remember the exact moment that I realized that I had fallen out of love with my ex. It shocked me, actually, b/c it happened without my even realizing what was happening. I worked hard to regain the love feeling for him - a difficult thing to do when no love was being given to encourage it.

 

[IndigoG]

I've just finished reading this book. It took a bit to get into, but the second part (the 'how to' section) was really good. The author believes that love and respect are important for both husbands and wives. But wives instinctively know how to love their husbands. We don't need to be taught that. We need to learn how to respect our husband.
The toughest message for me was to learn how to respect unconditionally, the same way I expect to be loved unconditionally. the book shone a light on my behaviour and I have started to realise that my attempts to help my husband were seen by him as disrespect.
I ask too many questions, offer too many opinions and don't let him feel like he is in charge. I respect and admire my husband, but I don't let him know in a way that he needs. I have decided to make sure he knows that I appreciate him working to support our family, that he makes me feel safe and protected.

If I read this book when I was newly married, it wouldn't have had the same impact. Periann, I recommend re-reading this after you have been married for a couple of years.

 

[Romanseight2005]

I've just finished reading this book. It took a bit to get into, but the second part (the 'how to' section) was really good. The author believes that love and respect are important for both husbands and wives. But wives instinctively know how to love their husbands. We don't need to be taught that. We need to learn how to respect our husband.
The toughest message for me was to learn how to respect unconditionally, the same way I expect to be loved unconditionally. the book shone a light on my behaviour and I have started to realise that my attempts to help my husband were seen by him as disrespect.
I ask too many questions, offer too many opinions and don't let him feel like he is in charge. I respect and admire my husband, but I don't let him know in a way that he needs. I have decided to make sure he knows that I appreciate him working to support our family, that he makes me feel safe and protected.

If I read this book when I was newly married, it wouldn't have had the same impact. Periann, I recommend re-reading this after you have been married for a couple of years.

But if that's true, then why does Titus 2:3, specifically tell the older women to TEACH the younger women how to love their husbands?

 

[Conservativation]

But if that's true, then why does Titus 2:3, specifically tell the older women to TEACH the younger women how to love their husbands?

Because it does.....I dont see the reason for the "but"...theres nothing conflicted in all that with Titus to older women.

 

[chaz345]

But if that's true, then why does Titus 2:3, specifically tell the older women to TEACH the younger women how to love their husbands?

Teach them HOW, not teach them TO.

 

[FaithPrevails]

Teach them HOW, not teach them TO.

Well, why would they be taught how to do it if they weren't suppoed to do it? lol

 

[mkgal1]

The author believes that love and respect are important for both husbands and wives. But wives instinctively know how to love their husbands. We don't need to be taught that. We need to learn how to respect our husband.

But if that's true, then why does Titus 2:3, specifically tell the older women to TEACH the younger women how to love their husbands?

Teach them HOW, not teach them TO.

I think Rom8's point was.....why would younger women need to be taught if they instinctively know how to love their husbands? IOW....Titus 2:3 seems to be saying something different than what is being suggested.....that women don't need to be taught how to love.

 

[Luther073082]

Umm I may be partially out of the loop here but I don't know that any of us instintivly know how to love. Its only through Christ that we learn how to love.

 

[chaz345]

Well, why would they be taught how to do it if they weren't suppoed to do it? lol

But has anyone, including the author of the book ever suggested that they aren't supposed to do it?

 

[chaz345]

I think Rom8's point was.....why would younger women need to be taught if they instinctively know how to love their husbands? IOW....Titus 2:3 seems to be saying something different than what is being suggested.....that women don't need to be taught how to love.

I think that the author suggests that women instinctively know TO love their husbands, which is different than knowing HOW to love them.

 

[Conservativation]

This book always causes issues

 

[chaz345]

This book always causes issues

It does and the issues are of the same nature as those caused by what we say, which is that it is seen as saying something other than what it really is.

If people don't like the book or it's concepts, that's obviously fine, I just wish they'd stick to not likeing what he actually says or means and not make up things to disagree with.

 

[FaithPrevails]

I think that the author suggests that women instinctively know TO love their husbands, which is different than knowing HOW to love them.

I misunderstood your earlier comment - disregard my question.

 

[IndigoG]

I think that the author suggests that women instinctively know TO love their husbands, which is different than knowing HOW to love them.

Chaz345 - I think that is correct.

Also, the 'love' is different in Eph 5:25 and Titus 2:4. Eph has agape love and Titus has phileo love. This was commented on in the book and I wanted to look it up, but my husband has taken the book to read