I dont know what to do with my terrible 2

[Anygma]

The body brushing- I forgot about that one. We did that too.

Swinging on swings is also great for getting a kid talkative.

I bet if adults caught on to these techniques, and learned to be in tune with their own nervous system, we would have a lot less drinking and nicotine use as a means to self medicate.

it took a lot of work to get my son to get into the big swinging platform at the hospital and he didn't want to be swung at first or just once or twice then we had to stop it and let him out. he enjoyed swinging the occupational therapist tho but once he took a liking to swinging, he kept asking to swing harder and faster

there was also, doing the hotdog... putting him on a blanket, pretending to spread diferent condiments on him, wrapping him in the blanket and then applying pressure on him as we "ate" him

when i homeschool, i had the O.T. come to my house and she got him walking on hands and knees, and there was different ways to apply resistance to his crawling from holding his ankles then pushing on his shoulders.

she also tried to get him on some type of balancing/rocking board to stimulate both hemispheres of the brain.

she lent him a weighted lizard to either put on his shoulder or on his lap for a while but it only worked for him as a novelty, after the novel effect wore off, he wouldn't put up much with having it on him. that site also have many other sensory stimulation tools. i'm sure the brush she left us was on there but i can't find it anymore. *shrug*

 

[benedictaoo]

The, ummm, big huge exercise ball is great too. We use to bounce my son on it. That helped focus the mind. Lay him on his stomach on top the ball and just bounce him pushing on his back- for anyone who has a two or 3 year old, this works great and kids love it.

There are a lot of inexpensive things you can do.

 

[_Shannon_]

I had an idea--don't know if it would work, but thought I'd pass it on.

Brikz--can you get a rubbermaid container for his sleep stuff--pilliow, special blanket, stuffed animals. jammies, etc. And have him put everything in there in the morning when he wakes up. Everything will be in one space, and as you pull it out you can ask him "Pillow or no pillow tonight?" , etc.

Also--It's not immature to make train noises, etc. he's not even 3. That's using playful parenting! You still get to set the agenda, he still does what you want, and you both get to have a fun, positive, connection building experience. Making things fun can be one of the greatest, most effective parenting tools out there!

I don't mean to sound harsh or anything--but I think one of the reasons many non-spanking parents haven't posted in this thread anymore, is because not using spanking requires a whole different toolbox. I know many people honestly feel like they spank as a last resort, but there is a whole different mindset about it all. Not spanking and being totally committed to that requires you to have to start really thinking outside the box, and from a very different perspective.

I have had to pour tons of time and energy into figuring out and researching HOW to parent from a non-punitive mindset. Because there has to be discipline. I honestly believe that being too permissive is just as harmful as being too rigid. But it's not modeled very well--and so I have had to really work and work and study and learn. And that is often not the case for spanking parents, because when things get really rough, they spank. And there is not that further step of trying to figure out the root cause of things and trying to fix that first. This is absolutely, positively NOT always the case, but it is generally true in my experience. So generally parents who spank, aren't going to have as much in the way of tools as you are being presented here.

Once you no longer see your children from an adversarial perspective, a whole world opens up to you from which to parent. Things like the awesome way you handled lunch! You got him involved--and you got him to do what you know he needed to do, as the momma--but your worked together to meet that goal, rather than just seeing it as as battleground, as something you said needs to happen and he has to do. You were a team. As team leader -you set the tempo, and set him up to succeed! Some of my kids--and I find especially during the 2.4-5 range do in fact need scripting for much of the day. It's like they need to really, really internalise boundaries and just cannot do it on their own yet.

 

[CruciFixed]

That's a good idea Bene

We just got home and its gotten broken into. =\ My camera is gone.

 

[_Shannon_]

The, ummm, big huge exercise ball is great too. We use to bounce my son on it. That helped focus the mind. Lay him on his stomach on top the ball and just bounce him pushing on his back- for anyone who has a two or 3 year old, this works great and kids love it.

There are a lot of inexpensive things you can do.

One of the things we've started doing is having Hug Time throughout the day. I call "Hug time!" or say "Do you know what time it is??" And then we have big, big bear hugs. It has really made some crappy days turn around!

 

[Anygma]

That's a good idea Bene

We just got home and its gotten broken into. =\ My camera is gone.

oh no is your camera the only thing missing? does it look like the whole house been raided? just the idea of a stranger going through your stuff must be a crappy feeling *hugs*
prayers that your belongings be found again

 

[_Shannon_]

That's a good idea Bene

We just got home and its gotten broken into. =\ My camera is gone.

Ohhhno! I am so sorry! Sending prayers. But glad everyone is okay. That must feel so, so awful!

 

[CruciFixed]

oh no is your camera the only thing missing? does it look like the whole house been raided? just the idea of a stranger going through your stuff must be a crappy feeling *hugs*
prayers that your belongings be found again

I am not concerned about the missing things

I had an idea--don't know if it would work, but thought I'd pass it on.

Brikz--can you get a rubbermaid container for his sleep stuff--pilliow, special blanket, stuffed animals. jammies, etc. And have him put everything in there in the morning when he wakes up. Everything will be in one space, and as you pull it out you can ask him "Pillow or no pillow tonight?" , etc.

Also--It's not immature to make train noises, etc. he's not even 3. That's using playful parenting! You still get to set the agenda, he still does what you want, and you both get to have a fun, positive, connection building experience. Making things fun can be one of the greatest, most effective parenting tools out there!

I don't mean to sound harsh or anything--but I think one of the reasons many -spanking parents haven't posted in this thread anymore, is because not using spanking requires a whole different toolbox. I know many people honestly feel like they spank as a last resort, but there is a whole different mindset about it all. Not spanking and being totally committed to that requires you to have to start really thinking outside the box, and from a very different perspective.

I have had to pour tons of time and energy into figuring out and researching HOW to parent from a non-punitive mindset. Because there has to be discipline. I honestly believe that being too permissive is just as harmful as being too rigid. But it's not modeled very well--and so I have had to really work and work and study and learn. And that is often not the case for spanking parents, because when things get really rough, they spank. And there is not that further step of trying to figure out the root cause of things and trying to fix that first. This is absolutely, positively NOT always the case, but it is generally true in my experience. So generally parents who spank, aren't going to have as much in the way of tools as you are being presented here.

Once you no longer see your children from an adversarial perspective, a whole world opens up to you from which to parent. Things like the awesome way you handled lunch! You got him involved--and you got him to do what you know he needed to do, as the momma--but your worked together to meet that goal, rather than just seeing it as as battleground, as something you said needs to happen and he has to do. You were a team. As team leader -you set the tempo, and set him up to succeed! Some of my kids--and I find especially during the 2.4-5 range do in fact need scripting for much of the day. It's like they need to really, really internalise boundaries and just cannot do it on their own yet.

As you can tell I had not many tools in my tool box. Based on my recording alone even I can tell that my parents may have fostered bad habits into be that I passed down. Its cyclical. I would never want to hit my son in the face but when he's gotten smart I've almost thought of it. Now that I have told myself that no matter how hard it gets I cannot use violence I've forced myself to find other remedies.

A couple reasons I came here:
I read that you all say there are a lot of creative ways to discipline children without spankings. I couldn't believe that at first.
Then I heard these words come out of my mouth
"You can't hit your baby brother because he's smaller than you!"
And said to myself "How can I tell him that he can't hit smaller people when I hit a smaller person?"
And because last but not least
Spankings were not just a last resort for me. And I was feeling like I was out of control and I could retrain a two year old.
I did some google searching about gentle disipline but it didn't help a whole lot so I figured I'd come here and say "I'm throwing in the towel"
If those who are advocates for spanking are irritated that I went over to the dark side lol then I guess that's how they will have to feel but I hope they still like me and know that I still respect and like them.

When you are at the point that I am at you are willing to do anything and I am very grateful that you guys are here and anti-spank because I kept thinking its NOT a solution. If it only temporarily resolves an issue and its not something that helps a person REMEMBER and CHANGE then what good does it do to keep spanking? Keep doing the same thing getting the same results and hoping to get other ones.

I am also sorry that I was a smart alec in the corporal punishment thread.

 

[ToxicReboMan]

I came here to OBOB tonight looking for a thread about the Pope's call to Pakistan to repeal the blasphemy law, but instead this thread caught my eye.


Now, I am certainly not an expert as I have no children nor have I read the entire thread, but I think these proverbs should be considered. I can only imagine how incredibly difficult it must be to deal with a newborn and a feisty toddler when you are by yourself. Your child is sooo young that there is sooo much hope. It is almost inevitable that this stage will pass. And I believe you can make it pass sooner than later. I'm not sure which translation is being used here but I found them at this Christian Parenting Article.

May God Bless you and your family.



Proverbs 22:6 -- "Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it."

Proverbs 22:15 -- "A youngster's heart is filled with foolishness, but discipline will drive it away."

Proverbs 23:13,14 -- "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death."

Proverbs 29:15 -- "To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child."

Proverbs 29:17 -- "Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind."

 

[_Shannon_]

I know, and understand that desperation.

You could check out Gentle Christian Mothers forums. Lots of great info there. Tons. Some people veer waaay over to the crunchy side, but others not as much. If you can read and take what's useful and leave the rest, you can learn a lot. I have learned so much from reading that board and had so many sparks of creativity from which some of my best parenting moments have been born. It's all geared around Grace Based Discipline...and I swear some of the women there are just some of the most healthy, boundaried people I have ever encountered. My name over there is birthchic. I don't post much, but I read a lot.

 

[_Shannon_]

I came here to OBOB tonight looking for a thread about the Pope's call to Pakistan to repeal the blasphemy law, but instead this thread caught my eye.


Now, I am certainly not an expert as I have no children nor have I read the entire thread, but I think these proverbs should be considered. I can only imagine how incredibly difficult it must be to deal with a newborn and a feisty toddler when you are by yourself. Your child is sooo young that there is sooo much hope. It is almost inevitable that this stage will pass. And I believe you can make it pass sooner than later. I'm not sure which translation is being used here but I found them at this Christian Parenting Article.

May God Bless you and your family.



Proverbs 22:6 -- "Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it."

Proverbs 22:15 -- "A youngster's heart is filled with foolishness, but discipline will drive it away."

Proverbs 23:13,14 -- "Don't fail to correct your children. They won't die if you spank them. Physical discipline may well save them from death."

Proverbs 29:15 -- "To discipline and reprimand a child produces wisdom, but a mother is disgraced by an undisciplined child."

Proverbs 29:17 -- "Discipline your children, and they will give you happiness and peace of mind."

Well and because I am me, I'll post this link to offer a different perspective:

Gentle Christian Mothers -- Gentle Discipline

Correct your son, and he will give you comfort; He will also delight your soul.
~ Proverbs 29:17 "Truly I say to you, to the extent that you did it to one of these brothers of Mine, even the least of them, you did it to Me."
~ Matthew 25:40
Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
~ Ephesians 6:4
Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.
~ Colossians 3:21
​

[SIZE=+2]G[/SIZE]entle discipline is neither permissive or punitive. Children need active guidance and well-established boundaries, but children can learn without punishment. We believe that fear and purposely-inflicted pain have no place in gentle, loving, Biblical discipline, and children should be discipled from birth with an appropriate mixture of kindness and firmness in a manner that respects their feelings and their developmental, emotional, and daily needs.
~ from the GCM Statement of Beliefs and slightly expanded

 

[ToxicReboMan]

Well and because I am me, I'll post this link to offer a different perspective:

Gentle Christian Mothers -- Gentle Discipline

What can I say? Mothers know best.

 

[CruciFixed]

He tried a new one tonight:
He tried to take his pajamas off and thought I would let him stay up later. I put them back on and said "Now is time for bed."
He also decided to say goodnight to me 40xs so after the second time I said "Now is time for bed. Tomorrow I will talk to you again." and he kept trying but I ignored him.

Then he wanted his pillow then he threw his pillow and said he didn't want his pillow.

We stuck to a schedule from the first second with countdowns and all and its been really rough.

 

[CruciFixed]

I said that it was really rough before this happened:
He kept messing around and I kept saying "Now is time for sleep.."

And all the putting him back in bed.
Finally at like 10 minutes after the last time he got out of bed (he only got out of bed 3xs)he fell asleep. No more whining, fighting crying. Tonight was a lot easier than last night!

Not once did he mess with the cat
Run for the toys or act crazy etc.

He just tried the pjs thing. I zipped them back up and said "Pjs are for bed time and now is time for bed."
"Talk to me!"
"Mommy will talk to you tomorrow. Now its time for sleep"

Then seriously he was asleep like 10 minutes after that. No confusion.

 

[Anygma]

I said that it was really rough before this happened:
He kept messing around and I kept saying "Now is time for sleep.."

And all the putting him back in bed.
Finally at like 10 minutes after the last time he got out of bed (he only got out of bed 3xs)he fell asleep. No more whining, fighting crying. Tonight was a lot easier than last night!

Not once did he mess with the cat
Run for the toys or act crazy etc.

He just tried the pjs thing. I zipped them back up and said "Pjs are for bed time and now is time for bed."
"Talk to me!"
"Mommy will talk to you tomorrow. Now its time for sleep"

Then seriously he was asleep like 10 minutes after that. No confusion.

glad you are seeing improvement so quickly
we have cats too and the though of getting rid of kitty because it was a distraction and an outlet of bad behavior crossed my mind several times too but we still have kitties and it does get better with time.

you know i really don't get how kids can be so mean to pets... i was so kind and loving to kitties when i was a tot, why is it so difficult to get some kids to respect other life forms? then again, my son had same mean streak for his baby sister too... but we wouln't think of getting rid of baby sibling because they treat them as poorly as our pets.

and if we gave the pet away, would the kid stop the behavior or deffer it to something/someone else?

 

[benedictaoo]

That's a good idea Bene

We just got home and its gotten broken into. =\ My camera is gone.

oh wow... i would be so freaked out. all they took was a camera?

 

[Donna_Ryan]

I have a hyper three year old so know how hard it is, i am also have a 8 month and and luckly for me he wouldnt do anything to hurt him. My three year old is awake from 6 in the morning until god knows what time at night, running around screaming and slamming doors, throwing things across the room and hitting and punching people. What works with calming him down is to get on your knees infront of him and hold his hands and count.

 

[benedictaoo]

don't mean to sound harsh or anything--but I think one of the reasons many -spanking parents haven't posted in this thread anymore, is because not using spanking requires a whole different toolbox. I know many people honestly feel like they spank as a last resort, but there is a whole different mindset about it all. Not spanking and being totally committed to that requires you to have to start really thinking outside the box, and from a very different perspective.

Shannon, I think they think we're just nuts... lol

Brikkz,

seriously check out this link. It gives a good number of pages you can read on line, including why spanking and shouting is counter productive.

It is an inexpensive book and very practical in telling you exactly what to do in tough situations.


Amazon.com: Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical Solutions to the Most Common Preschool Behavior Problems (9780743228541): Jerry L. Wyckoff, Barbara C. Unell: Books

 

[benedictaoo]

Some of the little things we can do is so simple, it's ridiculous but they really work.

When you want him to pay attention when you are talking to him, look him in the face and just say, "touch my nose..." as you point to your own nose and that is how you get eye contact from him and it captures his attention. After a while, just saying, Hey, touch my nose, when you need to correct him, he will know, I need to stop and stop on his own.

Kids that young and who are distractible and boys especially, when they are playing can't really multi-task and are one tracked minded, so when you are trying to communicate with them, saying, "touch my nose" and having them stop and touch your nose, gets them to stop what they're doing and focus on what you have to say.

It's simple but works wonders and if you have a child who is not good with eye contract, you are also teaching them to look people in the eye when talking to them.

 

[_Shannon_]

I said that it was really rough before this happened:
He kept messing around and I kept saying "Now is time for sleep.."

And all the putting him back in bed.
Finally at like 10 minutes after the last time he got out of bed (he only got out of bed 3xs)he fell asleep. No more whining, fighting crying. Tonight was a lot easier than last night!

Not once did he mess with the cat
Run for the toys or act crazy etc.

He just tried the pjs thing. I zipped them back up and said "Pjs are for bed time and now is time for bed."
"Talk to me!"
"Mommy will talk to you tomorrow. Now its time for sleep"

Then seriously he was asleep like 10 minutes after that. No confusion.

That's awesome!! Try to remember --that learning takes time.. YOu and he will both need a little bit of time to get the hang of things! And every now and tne you might have a bad night or he might have a bad night---try to look at those for what they are--isolated bad nigts that everyone has--not a sign that things aren't "working". Try to look for the overall trend in how things are going. HOnestly though, I think if you stick with this you should see massive, incredible improvements in two or three weeks.