Love vs. common Courtesy?

[razzelflabben]

I am way not sure if this belongs here, sorry if I put it the wrong place...

Here's the thing...I cannot begin to count the number of times I will say or do something for someone, little things, things I think are just common everyday courtesies, and people act like they are the hugest deal in the world, like they were just loved unconditionally by God Himself...it disturbs me.

Some examples are, listening to people, checking in on them, when a brother in law died, we picked up the medical stuff from the ambulance and it was as if we had just given them the world....on the forum it might be something like answering a question rather than trying to change the topic or accuse someone, not twisting words but taking posts at face value, or PMing someone to say, "are you okay, is there anything I can do"....Now I know few people do these things, even I know the painful reality of how few people care about others, I have close friends that don't even ask me if I have heard from my dear brother in Haiti, but the question today, is, are these common courtesies...biblical love, or just common courtesies we have abandoned today?

I have lot's more examples if you need them for clarity....

 

[Celticflower]

I think that on one level the basic courtesies like you mentioned are founded on a basic love for mankind. If you didn't care at all you wouldn't bother to do any of them. It may not be a deep abiding love for the individual, but for people in general.

And don't get worked up over someone's reaction to your courtesy - sometimes the smallest acts have the biggest impact because they are unexpected. Keep doing what you feel is right in this aspect of your life and don't worry how it is received.

 

[razzelflabben]

What bothers me is that if people were doing these things, it wouldn't be such a big, huge deal, would it? or at least not a huge deal all the time...I mean, if say ever person out there that called themselves Christ's, would say listen to people(thought I better clarify this is just an example)...what would make it a big huge deal when I sit down with someone and listen to them? Is there a difference between common courtesy and biblical love...?

 

[Celticflower]

What bothers me is that if people were doing these things, it wouldn't be such a big, huge deal, would it? or at least not a huge deal all the time...I mean, if say ever person out there that called themselves Christ's, would say listen to people(thought I better clarify this is just an example)...what would make it a big huge deal when I sit down with someone and listen to them? Is there a difference between common courtesy and biblical love...?

I think the only difference is in why you do it. If you are doing it because your heart tells you it is right then it is an act of love. If you are doing it because you think you should just to be socially polite or because it is expected then it may not be. (even atheist can be courteous)

We live in an era when many people do not reach out beyond their small circle of family and/or friends. Many do not reach out beyond themselves. That is why, for many, when someone does a small act of kindness it is a huge deal for them. They don't expect anyone to care about them or help them in any way because their first instinct is to not care about someone else. Or because they are generally surrounded by people who don't care. Too many people are wrapped up in the "me" state. It sounds like you tend to reach beyond the "mee" to "you" - and youa re right - if everyone who claimed to be Christian did the same it would be a much better world to live in. But if you are making a positive impact on others around by being willing to just sit and listen then you are doing your part to show God's love to another person. If it is a huge deal then take comfort in the fact that you helped someone who really needed it. I know sometimes a person's reaction can be a bit embarressing or make you uncomfortable - but you did a good thing.

 

[razzelflabben]

so what then is Love and how can we know it when we see it?

The bible tells us that they will know us (believers) by our love, but if love is the same as common courtesy, only with a different motive, how is it identifiable?

BTW, thanks for the kind words, they are comforting as I wrestle with understanding biblical love...

 

[Emmy]

Dear razzelflabben. To a follower of Christ, what you call common Courtesy, are kind actions done out of love for our Lord, and love for each other. The thanks and bless you`s are a natural reaction. Only you know, are they Courtesies which give us a good feeling, or are they your brotherly/sisterly love for others, as our Lord commands us. St. Paul tells us in 1) Corinhians, chapter 13, verses 4 - 8, what love is for our neighbour. It includes forgiveness, long suffering, not to envy or being easily provoked, or behaving unseemly and seeking our own, rather than rejoice in the truth. I say this humbly and with love, razzelflabben. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[razzelflabben]

Dear razzelflabben. To a follower of Christ, what you call common Courtesy, are kind actions done out of love for our Lord, and love for each other. The thanks and bless you`s are a natural reaction. Only you know, are they Courtesies which give us a good feeling, or are they your brotherly/sisterly love for others, as our Lord commands us. St. Paul tells us in 1) Corinhians, chapter 13, verses 4 - 8, what love is for our neighbour. It includes forgiveness, long suffering, not to envy or being easily provoked, or behaving unseemly and seeking our own, rather than rejoice in the truth. I say this humbly and with love, razzelflabben. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

I think your right in that the answers are in I Cor. 13, but I also think that according to scripture we can identify the difference in others and that is why I Cor. 13 is important...consider the first to listed items in I Cor. 13...love is patient...a word study reveals that patience is not only an extreme patience, but a verb, it's an active patience that includes but is not limited to listening and waiting for as long as it takes. To me, it seems like common courtesy to stick with someone for as long as they need me, kind of like a commitment to finish the job I took on, but that doesn't seem to be how others view it...in fact in my own life, I have people who have become so bogged down hearing about the next battle, they they tell me "no more" talk about anything but another (not the same) battle you have going on...news flash if I have that many battles one right after another, I might need to just talk, I might need to say, "i'm tired of fighting" but instead the patience runs out and the listening ear stops.

Love is kind, this also is a verb, an action word...it means usefully kind...in other words, it does something, it seeks out a kindness that changes the situation, much like picking up the medical supplies or doing a load of laundry for someone who is hurt or grieving. So where do we draw the line, what tells us it is a common courtesy or what tells us it is love.

My general feeling so far is that the difference is two fold 1. that which comes from the Spirit looks like, feels like, supernatural even if it is natural in appearance...kind of like a smell identifies something that has gone bad even if it still looks good, the Spirit and what is of the Spirit has a different look a different feel, a different smell (any thoughts)

the second theory I have is that 2. all the things listed in I Cor. 13 must be present not just one or several, but all of them must be there to be a biblical love. again, I'm seeking answers and hoping for your thoughts.

 

[Aibrean]

Courtesy - do it because you need to (obligation)
Love - do it because you want to

I think therein lies the difference.

 

[razzelflabben]

Courtesy - do it because you need to (obligation)
Love - do it because you want to

I think therein lies the difference.

but if we are known by our love, how could/would the world know our motives?

 

[Aibrean]

You use it as a tool to tell the world.

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.

 

[razzelflabben]

You use it as a tool to tell the world.

So are you suggesting we proclaim our motive any time we show "love" to someone? As in, "I'm gonna love you now, here is a dollar, go buy some dinner?"

 

[Celticflower]

but if we are known by our love, how could/would the world know our motives?

Consistancy. If you are loving to all, all the time, people will notice. If you do things without trying to gain anything by it, people will notice. And when they ask you why it opens the door to sharing your faith.

 

[Aibrean]

So are you suggesting we proclaim our motive any time we show "love" to someone? As in, "I'm gonna love you now, here is a dollar, go buy some dinner?"

Love must be sincere (Romans 12:9).

 

[razzelflabben]

Consistancy. If you are loving to all, all the time, people will notice. If you do things without trying to gain anything by it, people will notice. And when they ask you why it opens the door to sharing your faith.

Do you know what happens to most people who do this? They have hordes of people clammor for their time and attention, so much so that they can barely breath sometimes...is this because Love is so strong or because so few people love, and why aren't all who call themselves God's loving so that the pressure is not so great on only a few?

If you couldn't tell, I love questions and I love answers to questions.....

 

[razzelflabben]

Love must be sincere (Romans 12:9).

agreed, but how would an outsider know if my action was sincere or not?

 

[Aibrean]

You know whether it was sincere or not. If it's not sincere, don't do it.

 

[razzelflabben]

You know whether it was sincere or not. If it's not sincere, don't do it.

So it's all about whether or not I know if I am behaving in love and how if the world sees the Love of Christ in me....what of the scripture that tells us that they (the world) will know us by our Love....how can the world tell if it is love or no if I am the only one who knows my motive?

 

[Aibrean]

By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

I didn't say that. I say if you are going to act in love it has to be sincere. Otherwise it is not really love. Usually people who see loving acts will ask for the motive. We are a suspicious people, us humans, we always want to know the "catch". At any rate, the world is sinful and dark. We are the light of the world. The world sees the difference in us.

 

[Emmy]

Dear razzelflabben. We could never be 100% sure what the world thinks, but we can be sure what God thinks of our real thoughts and wishes. And God will know our hearts, He always knows. That is important, razzelflabben. God wants us to have love for Him, and also for each other. True Courtesy is love, too. If we go through life without love for God and for each other, that is sinning, and God abhors it. Love is God-given, and to be without love, is selfish and without God. Greetings from Emmy, your sister in Christ.

 

[razzelflabben]

I didn't say that. I say if you are going to act in love it has to be sincere. Otherwise it is not really love. Usually people who see loving acts will ask for the motive. We are a suspicious people, us humans, we always want to know the "catch". At any rate, the world is sinful and dark. We are the light of the world. The world sees the difference in us.

I apologize, I asked the question in relation to the passage, I wasn't aware you were answering another question...sorry for the communication error....

so, I still have a problem, because I don't think but one person has ever asked me why I showed them love...

We also come back to the same old, of how will they know the difference...if biblical love and the love of the world look the same and the motive is the only difference, then how can they tell the difference between our light and the worlds darkness...basically, I'm looking for some practicals to the church answers...how do we apply the words of the church to an everyday life....