Teen pregnancy Question

[wanderingone]

I see what you're saying but keep in mind that its hard for people to get a good job even with a bachelors these days. And also with adoption there is no guarantee that the child would ever find a good, loving home and wouldn't just stay in the system..especially with how difficult it is to adopt in this country.

In the US a healthy "white" infant would probably find a home immediately and for someone who wants to give their child up I suspect that while there is no guarantee that the home would be great that the child would not spend any time in the system.. unless of course workers involved in the adoption process discovered the mother was being forced to give up the child, then chances are baby could end up in temporary care while child welfare departments figure out if it was the mom's decision or her parents decision to give up the child.

 

[HaloHope]

I would be saddened at the fact that my child had to deal with this responsibility at such a young age. But I would offer support and love, because whatever the circumstances, this is my child (and my grandchild).
I certainly wouldn't advocate abortion. If the teen was very young, I would probably bring up the child myself, or suggest adoption, If it were an 18/19 year old, I would encourage them to take responsibility for their child. Some young parents do a very good job of bringing up children!

Agree totally with this.

 

[sidnee]

And also with adoption there is no guarantee that the child would ever find a good, loving home and wouldn't just stay in the system..especially with how difficult it is to adopt in this country.

With certain types of adoption it IS assured that the child will be adopted.
I chose open adoption, I picked his parents and they were at the hospital less than 24 hours after he was born. He went home with them.
They could have/would have been there at his birth but I still wasnt 100% sure that I wanted to go with adoption rather than keeping him, so I waited to give them the call.
There are TONS of people waiting to adopt, especially newborns.

 

[GuidanceNeeded]

I must say I find it extremely sad that most on here have opted for the adoption route, which don't get me wrong it is most definitely better than the alternative (abortion). But I don't see many or if I have read correctly one 1 has stated they would raise the child themselves (and please forgive me if there are more than one who opted for this choice).

I didn't state in my posting, but if one of my girls were to become pregnant and they didn't want the child I would most definitely take on the responsibility of parenting the child. I probably wouldn't call him/her my baby but I would raise the baby as my grandchild. In hopes that one day my daughter would take on the responsibility herself.

I guess for me I can't fathom having a baby that is my own daughters flesh and blood being raised by someone else. I would always worry if he/she were being raised in a loving and caring home.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

I guess for me I can't fathom having a baby that is my own daughters flesh and blood being raised by someone else. I would always worry if he/she were being raised in a loving and caring home.

This is exactly how I feel as well and why I would be horrified if my child decided on adoption.

 

[sidnee]

The idea made me sick, until I was in the place where I knew it was best for him.
And with an open adoption, it isnt like the child is "out there" and you'll never see them.
I wasnt ready to be a mother, but he still needed someone who WAS ready.
I think it all depends on the situation

 

[GuidanceNeeded]

The idea made me sick, until I was in the place where I knew it was best for him.
And with an open adoption, it isnt like the child is "out there" and you'll never see them.
I wasnt ready to be a mother, but he still needed someone who WAS ready.
I think it all depends on the situation

Oh I absolutely agree with you 100%, it does depend on ones situation. If you yourself are unable to provide for the child and you have no one in the family willing to raise the child, then yes adoption is one of the most incredible choices a parent can make.

May God bless those who are mature enough to know the baby can be better provided for by another family.

I'm not downing adoption in any way shape or form. There are so many parents out there that so desparately want to have a baby and are unable to do so.

But as far as the open adoption, are there many adoptive parents willing to agree to an open adoption?

 

[wanderingone]

The idea made me sick, until I was in the place where I knew it was best for him.
And with an open adoption, it isnt like the child is "out there" and you'll never see them.
I wasnt ready to be a mother, but he still needed someone who WAS ready.
I think it all depends on the situation

I think it definitely depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Open adoption did not appeal to me when I was a pregnant 17 year old, and still doesn't -and all those family books where people made little scrapbooks about themselves in hopes of being chosen made me nauseous. It took one couple writing that they would "accept" a biracial child for me to forget about adoption as an option for me. I thought you would be getting this amazing little person and you would "accept" it? No that's okay I'll raise her myself.

Each person should be free to make their choices - and hopefully have parents who will support them and be there for them no matter what the choice is.

 

[wanderingone]

This is exactly how I feel as well and why I would be horrified if my child decided on adoption.

I am afraid I would be horrified as well, which is why I'm afraid I wouldn't be as supportive as I should be if my child chose that option. I honestly would expect my kid to parent their child, or look for us to help them parent their child rather than abort or have their child adopted. On the other hand if my child was for whatever reason as opposed to caring for their child as I feel I am about abortion or adoption I would not want a child living in a home where their birth mother or father made it clear they were resented.

 

[Joachim]

I must say I find it extremely sad that most on here have opted for the adoption route, which don't get me wrong it is most definitely better than the alternative (abortion). But I don't see many or if I have read correctly one 1 has stated they would raise the child themselves (and please forgive me if there are more than one who opted for this choice).

I didn't state in my posting, but if one of my girls were to become pregnant and they didn't want the child I would most definitely take on the responsibility of parenting the child. I probably wouldn't call him/her my baby but I would raise the baby as my grandchild. In hopes that one day my daughter would take on the responsibility herself.

I guess for me I can't fathom having a baby that is my own daughters flesh and blood being raised by someone else. I would always worry if he/she were being raised in a loving and caring home.

Well, it's about to become the norm in this country because the economy will not be getting better anytime soon, and so children who would have previously been kept will getting either aborted or shipped off to adoption agencies.


The best time in the world to be an abortion doctor is when the economy goes bad or when there is some other kind of human desperation because that is what they thrive on.

 

[AaronK88]

If it were a daughter I would be extremely upset but I would help her raise the child, no matter what age. If she were under 18 and the boyfriend was a lot older (like she is 16, he is 22) I would probably go apeshit.

For a son I would also be upset but I would also help him raise his child.

I would absolutely never support an abortion and would encourage fully that they have the child and not put it up for adoption. As a grandparent I think it would be really difficult to just see your grandchild go to live with some other family.

 

[Jesus_Luvs_techies]

I would be shocked, and surprised that my child didn't know better, but If he or she wanted to keep it then I would support thier decision. There's NO way I'de make him\her abort it. Killing is WRONG no matter how old the kid is! But like I said I'de support him\her.
If it was rape. Then I'de still support him\her. The support would probably come more naturally in that sitcuation. If he\she wanted to Abort it though, I wouldn't let him\her. I'de suggest giving the child up for adoption, instead. But before giving it up for adoption, i'de raise the baby myself if my child didn't want it.

this reminds me of a friend of my sisters. Her mother had her when she was 16. Now her grandmother takes care of her. (By the way, her mother still has problems with pre-marital sex. and has had two other kids that way, so as soon as i would find out about that behavior. I'de do everything in my power to stop it. It can cause a downward spiral that could continue the rest of his\her life. I wouldn't want that for him\her.)

 

[Sammy615]

Um. Well, as to reacting differently because of gender... Not really. Excepting the fact of course that it's usually the girl who decides what to do about the pregnancy, so if I had a son, I wouldn't really stand in a position to persuade my child any which way.
And, if they were thirteen or so, I have to admit I would be horrified. But even if they were older, I would still encourage them to abort. After eighteen, it's still unwise to have a child, but it would no longer be my decision in any way. If they were about sixteen or older, I would let the decision lie mostly with them, but still really push for them to abort. Younger than that, I'd have it taken care of. Girls that age are in a lot of danger from complications, and no thirteen year old girl needs to go through pregnancy or labor.

 

[Ave Maria]

If your teen came to you and told you she/he were expecting to be a mother/father, how would you react. Would you react differently if your child were the father or if your child were the mother. In other words my second question is would you react differently based on what gender you child is. Assuming you had no idea your child was even sexually active how would that influence your reaction? Would age play a significant role? Say your child was 13, would you react better if they were 17 instead? Would you try to influence your child to abort it, give it up for adoption, or keep it?

Just curious and waiting to hear the responses!

My reaction would depend upon my teen's age and their relationship with the mother or father to be. If they were 17 or 18 (or above) and they had a stable relationship with the mother or father to be, I wouldn't have much to say against it. And my response would be the same regardless of whether my teen was a boy or a girl.

 

[Sammy615]

In the US a healthy "white" infant would probably find a home immediately and for someone who wants to give their child up I suspect that while there is no guarantee that the home would be great that the child would not spend any time in the system.. unless of course workers involved in the adoption process discovered the mother was being forced to give up the child, then chances are baby could end up in temporary care while child welfare departments figure out if it was the mom's decision or her parents decision to give up the child.

I disagree with that. It's cheaper to buy a house than it is to "adopt" a white american baby. That's why a lot of people do foster care, you get paid for that.

Ugh.

 

[Penumbra]

I think if my hypothetical child was a young teen when he or she created a kid, I'd feel devastated. If my child was older, it would be easier to deal with. Either way, I'd work with them and help them figure out a solution. I don't think gender would play a role except for the issue that if it was a daughter, we have more to go through...

If they are under 18, that baby is going up for adoption. If it was a son and the girl he got pregnant refused to, then I would take it court and make it very clear that, it is our intent that this baby is put up for adoption and if she refuses and decides to keep it, we waive all responsibility for that child.

If it was a daughter, that baby would be carried to term (as I believe abortion is wrong) and then would be immediately put up for adoption irrespective of her wishes.

If the child was 18-22, I'd encourage them to seriously consider adoption to the point where if they refused I would at least temporarily write them out of my will, but once they are of adult age you can't make them do something directly, all you can use are financial and social consequences that you can bring down to try to indirectly influence them.

That seems so cold...

 

[Jade Margery]

That seems so cold...

He doesn't have any kids yet, he'll soften up. That, or he'll spend the last ten years of his life in a crappy old folks home that smells of pee, getting two visits a year (Christmas and birthday, isn't it great to have the family together?)

One of my parents was controlling, the other wasn't. Guess whose diaper I'm going to be willing to change? Treat your kids like rational human beings worthy of dignity, respect, and personal choice. 'Cuz, you know, they are.

 

[overit]

I have two sons-so I will only base my reply on their gender. It depends on the age-if they are both very young, I would have a talk w/both of them and her parents and dicsuss all options-and would not opppose abortion. If they decided to have the child but wanted to place for adoption-I'd be willing to adopt the child and raise as my own and if they wanted nothing to do w/the child we would just waive those rights. If they wanted to remain as young parents and I raise the child or just assist raising the child that's fine also. It would be her decision but if she were to prefer adoption I'd rather me and my son have the child at home and do my best to teach him to be a father even at a very young age.

 

[wanderingone]

I disagree with that. It's cheaper to buy a house than it is to "adopt" a white american baby. That's why a lot of people do foster care, you get paid for that.

Ugh.

You disagree that a "white" infant gets adopted quickly? I suggest you check the stats. There's no doubt it can be expensive, especially since most of it is done privately with the service of overpriced lawyers, so much of it is gray market. But the FACT is that healthy "white" infants don't spend much time in temporary foster care unless they are infants who were REMOVED from a home and must await the bio parents rights being ended.


If however you adopt via "the system" the adoption process is not expensive. If you adopt a sibling group, older child or special needs child you may even get an adoption subsidy.

Of course the person giving up the child will never be certain unless they have a truly open adoption what kind of home their child went to.

 

[Garyzenuf]

If they are under 18, that baby is going up for adoption. If it was a son and the girl he got pregnant refused to, then I would take it court and make it very clear that, it is our intent that this baby is put up for adoption and if she refuses and decides to keep it, we waive all responsibility for that child.

If it was a daughter, that baby would be carried to term (as I believe abortion is wrong) and then would be immediately put up for adoption irrespective of her wishes.


If the child was 18-22, I'd encourage them to seriously consider adoption to the point where if they refused I would at least temporarily write them out of my will, but once they are of adult age you can't make them do something directly, all you can use are financial and social consequences that you can bring down to try to indirectly influence them.

Wow....you should probably be preparing for a lonely old-age.

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