Teen pregnancy Question

[Caitlin.ann]

If your teen came to you and told you she/he were expecting to be a mother/father, how would you react. Would you react differently if your child were the father or if your child were the mother. In other words my second question is would you react differently based on what gender you child is. Assuming you had no idea your child was even sexually active how would that influence your reaction? Would age play a significant role? Say your child was 13, would you react better if they were 17 instead? Would you try to influence your child to abort it, give it up for adoption, or keep it?

Just curious and waiting to hear the responses!

 

[Cognitive]

If your teen came to you and told you she/he were expecting to be a mother/father, how would you react. Would you react differently if your child were the father or if your child were the mother. In other words my second question is would you react differently based on what gender you child is. Assuming you had no idea your child was even sexually active how would that influence your reaction? Would age play a significant role? Say your child was 13, would you react better if they were 17 instead? Would you try to influence your child to abort it, give it up for adoption, or keep it?

Just curious and waiting to hear the responses!

I'd let you deal with it because I'd be busy taking a stroke.

 

[Criada]

I would be saddened at the fact that my child had to deal with this responsibility at such a young age. But I would offer support and love, because whatever the circumstances, this is my child (and my grandchild).
I certainly wouldn't advocate abortion. If the teen was very young, I would probably bring up the child myself, or suggest adoption, If it were an 18/19 year old, I would encourage them to take responsibility for their child. Some young parents do a very good job of bringing up children!

 

[Fenny the Fox]

Well, age would certainly play a role in my reaction. The older they are, the better I think I would react. But I think the level of maturity they show also would play a part.

I would certainly not tell them to abort, as I don't think that it is typically the thing to do. But, I do believe, that I would encourage them to put it for adoption if s/he is not able to take care of it, or help raise it myself if I was also at a point that I could do so.

And, if the father/mother (other individual not my child) was of a state that they were capable and/or willing to raise it would also have a large role in how things take place.

I don't think just age has any sign on the ability of the parents to raise the child. I have seen plenty of young couple raise children very well.

 

[lawtonfogle]

If your teen came to you and told you she/he were expecting to be a mother/father, how would you react. Would you react differently if your child were the father or if your child were the mother. In other words my second question is would you react differently based on what gender you child is. Assuming you had no idea your child was even sexually active how would that influence your reaction? Would age play a significant role? Say your child was 13, would you react better if they were 17 instead? Would you try to influence your child to abort it, give it up for adoption, or keep it?

Just curious and waiting to hear the responses!

"I'm gonna be a grandfather?..."

"WAIT, I'M ALREADY A FATHER?!?! WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?"

 

[jayem]

If my teenaged daughter became pregnant, I obviously wouldn't be happy about it. Rape excepted, it shows a disturbing failure of her judgement. But I'd ask what she wants to do and take it from there. Same thing if my son had gotten someone pregnant. I'd want him to tell me what he intends to do about it. My personal preference would be that the girl either put the baby up for adoption, or terminate. But ultimately, I think it's the pregnant girl's decision-- and hopefully supported by the father. But I would love and be there for my children no matter what.

 

[Jade Margery]

I would probably smack him/her upside the back of the head and say "Why didn't you USE all those condoms I gave you?!?"

After the initial, 'why did I bother getting you birth control if you're not gonna use it' period (which wouldn't be very long anyway), I'd try to help them decide what to do, laying out all of the options but not really encouraging any one of them above the others, because I would want him/her to choose. If it was my daughter and she wanted to put the child up for adoption, I would ask her how she felt about me adopting it and raising it like a younger sibling to her. This happens more often than you'd think, and I wouldn't want my grandchild in the hands of strangers or to never see it again.

Having sex as a teenager wouldn't bother me--anyone who thinks that most kids these days aren't banging anyway is either in denial or had a very dull adolescence. Having sex stupidly, well, I'd be disappointed about that.

I guess I would let them know I was saddened by their lack of responsibility and foresight, but that I did not judge them on getting pregnant and that I'd help them with whatever they decided to do.

 

[GuidanceNeeded]

If your teen came to you and told you she/he were expecting to be a mother/father, how would you react. Would you react differently if your child were the father or if your child were the mother. In other words my second question is would you react differently based on what gender you child is. Assuming you had no idea your child was even sexually active how would that influence your reaction? Would age play a significant role? Say your child was 13, would you react better if they were 17 instead? Would you try to influence your child to abort it, give it up for adoption, or keep it?

Just curious and waiting to hear the responses!

I have 2 teenage daughters (almost 14 and 16). I have taught both of my girls about the importance of abstinence; my oldest even has an abstinence ring (her choice). But I have also told them both if they were to ever to become pregnant to not be afraid to come to me, I wouldn't be happy but I would never turn them away.

I myself was a mom at the age of 17, then again at 19. I have shared my experience with both of my daughters, such as difficulties of raising babies when you are a baby yourself, juggling work, school, laundry, food, etc.

I myself was very blessed that I didn't have to raise my girls by myself; not only did I have the great support of my mom, but their dad was right behind me and helped like no other man.

My girls and I have a very open and honest relationship. So just as my mom didn't turn me away, I would NEVER turn them away.

Now as far as the dad of the baby, hmmmmm I guess I won't there lol.

 

[Mystman]

First of, I'd be dissapointed ofcourse... but there is no changing the past, so just getting angry at the kid is probably counter productive: it will probably need all the support it can get.

The age certainly matters.. a child of 16-17 should be perfectly capable of furfilling a pregnancy and raising the baby (especially with help from the grandparents).

For children aged 12-13, I'd probably advice an early abortion.

The in between area is difficult. Depends on the actual mental/physical age of the child, instead of just the number on her birth certificate.

If my child were the father.. the age again matters a lot. If 16-17, I'd advice it to support the mother, and prepare to take on the father role. If younger... I'd need to have some good conversations with the parents of the mother. If the mother plans to abort it would probably be for the best, but if the mother plans to carry the child? I don't know if you can really force a 13 year old boy to act as a good father..

 

[LittleNipper]

If your teen came to you and told you she/he were expecting to be a mother/father, how would you react. Would you react differently if your child were the father or if your child were the mother. In other words my second question is would you react differently based on what gender you child is. Assuming you had no idea your child was even sexually active how would that influence your reaction? Would age play a significant role? Say your child was 13, would you react better if they were 17 instead? Would you try to influence your child to abort it, give it up for adoption, or keep it?

Just curious and waiting to hear the responses!

Younger age would mean adoption for the baby. There would be no difference in my reaction between either a daughter or a son --- just disappointment...

 

[wanderingone]

My reaction would probably be different for a young teen compared to an older teen. A very young teen will need more in terms of assistance no matter what their decision is regarding the pregnancy, and should they opt to raise their child I would definitely be looking at a situation where we would probably be a lot more involved in parenting our grandchild than we would be if we were talking about an older teen.

I hope I would be supportive of whatever choices my child made, but I admit to having a personal preference regarding adoption (as in I would prefer my child not give their child to someone else) I'm afraid it would be hard for me not to show that bias.

My son was 19 when his son was born. I don't consider that quite the same as "teen" pregnancy, high school was done, mom and dad were working, old enough to make decisions for themselves. He and his girlfriend had been dating for 2 years when this pregnancy happened. I was more upset that he didn't tell me for a LONG time than I was about the actual pregnancy (She was 7 months pregnant when I found out.. and even then they didn't tell me, I saw her in the grocery store and thought.. "self, that girl has a baby bump... and it's a really big one!!" and almost fell over in shock- what was the kid doing? waiting until my little grandson was born to tell me?!!! that's my little man in my profile pic btw) --

I think my concerns for my child regardless of gender are the same, what are you capable and not capable of, what is your support network besides "us" - do you understand the permanent link this makes to another family regardless of how much you love or hate them. How will you provide for all the needs of your child and support their other parent while meeting your own needs?

 

[sidnee]

If your teen came to you and told you she/he were expecting to be a mother/father, how would you react. Would you react differently if your child were the father or if your child were the mother. In other words my second question is would you react differently based on what gender you child is. Assuming you had no idea your child was even sexually active how would that influence your reaction? Would age play a significant role? Say your child was 13, would you react better if they were 17 instead? Would you try to influence your child to abort it, give it up for adoption, or keep it?

Just curious and waiting to hear the responses!

Age would certainly factor in. An older teen could be out of highschool and working and READY for the responsibility. A 13 year old, no way.
In the end, I'd attempt to make sure my child knew I still loved them, rather I agreed with their actions or not. Then, I'd encourage them to search their heart and find out what was in their best interest, as well as the best interest of the baby. I would NEVER advise or condone an abortion.h IMO, it isnt acceptable.
Regardless of the age of my child I wouldnt push them into an adoption eithier. I'd want them to do what they wanted to do, but I'd try to make them understand what type of responsibility parents really is. And in the end I'd be there as much I could for them through it.
What done is done, the past is over and it can not be changed. "Punishing" at that point would be pointless. Encouragement is the best option.

And, I'd tell them that I'd been in their shoes. And even though it looked dark and never ending it honestly would be ok. Its not the end of the world, just the start of another life

 

[Washington]

Get him/her to seriously consider abortion.

 

[Joachim]

If they are under 18, that baby is going up for adoption. If it was a son and the girl he got pregnant refused to, then I would take it court and make it very clear that, it is our intent that this baby is put up for adoption and if she refuses and decides to keep it, we waive all responsibility for that child.

If it was a daughter, that baby would be carried to term (as I believe abortion is wrong) and then would be immediately put up for adoption irrespective of her wishes.


If the child was 18-22, I'd encourage them to seriously consider adoption to the point where if they refused I would at least temporarily write them out of my will, but once they are of adult age you can't make them do something directly, all you can use are financial and social consequences that you can bring down to try to indirectly influence them.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

If your teen came to you and told you she/he were expecting to be a mother/father, how would you react. Would you react differently if your child were the father or if your child were the mother. In other words my second question is would you react differently based on what gender you child is. Assuming you had no idea your child was even sexually active how would that influence your reaction? Would age play a significant role? Say your child was 13, would you react better if they were 17 instead? Would you try to influence your child to abort it, give it up for adoption, or keep it?

Just curious and waiting to hear the responses!

Thank you all for your responses and I suppose I'll answer my own questions now.

Age and gender will be definite factors for me as far as what to do after hearing the news. I don't think I could be mad at my kids and as another said it would be counter-productive. I would want them to know they can come to me and depend on me for anything.

Speaking for a girl..
I think the younger they are the more I may lean towards abortion though on the other hand something like that could seriously cause my child a lot of pain for years to come and no matter what I would influence them to make their own decisions whether to abort, keep, or give up for adoption though I would seriously discourage adoption. I would raise the child myself if I needed to. Of course if the child is 16 or 17 and going to be out of high school in a few years I would make sure they took full responsibility for their child and they would have mine and Nick's full support, even if that means staying in the house longer than expected and paying for many things the baby needs.

For a boy I would encourage him to stick by the mother's choice though I would hope he'd also have a choice. I would help out in any way I could for him as well, even if it means I would have to raise the child myself. I would depend on Nick to drill into him what honor and being a good father means though and expect him to realize how big of a deal being a father is.

 

[Mystman]

If the child was 18-22, I'd encourage them to seriously consider adoption to the point where if they refused I would at least temporarily write them out of my will, but once they are of adult age you can't make them do something directly, all you can use are financial and social consequences that you can bring down to try to indirectly influence them.

20-22 is the best age for a woman to get children. Least chance of complications, the body is most fit, the woman is most fertile..

..and you'd remove your daughter from your will for wanting to keep a child produced in this most "natural" of times?

 

[Caitlin.ann]

If they are under 18, that baby is going up for adoption. If it was a son and the girl he got pregnant refused to, then I would take it court and make it very clear that, it is our intent that this baby is put up for adoption and if she refuses and decides to keep it, we waive all responsibility for that child.

If it was a daughter, that baby would be carried to term (as I believe abortion is wrong) and then would be immediately put up for adoption irrespective of her wishes.


If the child was 18-22, I'd encourage them to seriously consider adoption to the point where if they refused I would at least temporarily write them out of my will, but once they are of adult age you can't make them do something directly, all you can use are financial and social consequences that you can bring down to try to indirectly influence them.

I must admit that this response unnerves me. I find it a bit too controlling that you'd force them to give up their child to the point of taking them to court and then forcing them out of your will once they're an adult. What after they are 22? Would there be anymore pressure until they're married?

 

[Joachim]

I must admit that this response unnerves me. I find it a bit too controlling that you'd force them to give up their child to the point of taking them to court and then forcing them out of your will once they're an adult. What after they are 22? Would there be anymore pressure until they're married?

They shouldn't have a child before they graduate college. 22 I chose as an arbitrary age because that is typically when you finish undergrad. The reason I would lean towards that is because, at least when they have a college degree, even if the private sector job market is terrible, they will at least have that degree and so when they apply for merit-based government jobs, they'll have those points in their favor and should at least be able to earn a living wage.


If they go into the job market as an 18 year old with no degree they will be at the bottom of the barrel (and in this job market not likely to be hired because they are competing with the ever increasing laid off) and if they do so then guess who will be footing at least some part of that bill, and that's not even the issue. Simply, I would be a bad parent if I allowed my child's life to be decided that early, because they might be overtaken by emotion but I, having had more experience and knowing the world better (and presumably having raised my own kids) would be in a much better position to make the right decision


Simply put, if they aren't ready to have a child they aren't ready. It will be bad for the child to not be given away and bad for them. It is better to let the child go into a loving and stable family and to let them grow up. If possible, find a way to put the child into conditional foster homes until such time as the parents have the degree and are able to support it. Unfortunately, current adoption laws don't provide for that. I think they should.

 

[Caitlin.ann]

They shouldn't have a child before they graduate college. 22 I chose as an arbitrary age because that is typically when you finish undergrad. The reason I would lean towards that is because, at least when they have a college degree, even if the private sector job market is terrible, they will at least have that degree and so when they apply for merit-based government jobs, they'll have those points in their favor and should at least be able to earn a living wage.


If they go into the job market as an 18 year old with no degree they will be at the bottom of the barrel (and in this job market not likely to be hired because they are competing with the ever increasing laid off) and if they do so then guess who will be footing at least some part of that bill, and that's not even the issue. Simply, I would be a bad parent if I allowed my child's life to be decided that early, because they might be overtaken by emotion but I, having had more experience and knowing the world better (and presumably having raised my own kids) would be in a much better position to make the right decision


Simply put, if they aren't ready to have a child they aren't ready. It will be bad for the child to not be given away and bad for them. It is better to let the child go into a loving and stable family and to let them grow up. If possible, find a way to put the child into conditional foster homes until such time as the parents have the degree and are able to support it. Unfortunately, current adoption laws don't provide for that. I think they should.

I see what you're saying but keep in mind that its hard for people to get a good job even with a bachelors these days. And also with adoption there is no guarantee that the child would ever find a good, loving home and wouldn't just stay in the system..especially with how difficult it is to adopt in this country.

 

[Jade Margery]

Joachim, for the sake of your nonexistent children, I hope they stay nonexistent. Talk about controlling.