Advice Wanted:Yelling 4 year old...

[Willseeker]

My son is 4 years old and generally very loving and sweet... But lately he has become pretty hard to handle.

He shouts at me and attempts to boss me around (nevermind the slap that he tries to work in at times), just to turn around and start crying while telling me that he doesn't know why he always shouts at me... (or depending on whatever he did wrong in the first place)

This happens quite random and at any time of the day if i should talk to him, or when he needs to do something (ANYTHING!) like get ready for school, eat, get into the car, take a bath, get dressed..............

Have anyone encountered this kind of behaviour, because i sure am in need of some advice. I have tried so many things, but nothing seems to work, lately i'm just do my best not to lose my sanity, by praying for patience...

 

[Leanna]

4 year olds are notoriously bossy, lol. My 4 year old attempts to boss me too. As far as yelling, I tend to see that if he's seen it done first iykwim. Our preschoolers are little mirrors, so it is good to model the 'coping' behavior we want to see in them. Its no wonder I've had so much personal growth since becoming a mom! About a month or two ago I was near to cashing in my 4 year old for a new one, but it passed and things are going along fine now.

 

[moonkitty]

My daughter was the screamer at that age. When she started to yell and scream I would ignore it. (Of course I’d make sure that she was ok and not hurt) When there was a break in the screaming I’d tell her that I cannot understand her when she was screaming and she would have to ask me or tell me it in her big girl voice/inside voice.
The hard part, though, is ignoring the screaming. You want to give in to make it stop--and kids could be presistant. It took about 6 months to get my daughter to the point that she saw that screaming wouldn't work.

 

[suzybeezy]

So true. If the child receives attention or what they want from the screaming, then it will continue. They have to learn its not effective and it will cease.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

4 year olds are notoriously bossy, lol. My 4 year old attempts to boss me too. As far as yelling, I tend to see that if he's seen it done first iykwim. Our preschoolers are little mirrors, so it is good to model the 'coping' behavior we want to see in them. Its no wonder I've had so much personal growth since becoming a mom! About a month or two ago I was near to cashing in my 4 year old for a new one, but it passed and things are going along fine now.

Wow, this is so true, I was just thinking about that today... my kids often boss eachother around, my 6 year old will say "move" rudely to his younger sister and I think that I'd like him to be nicer... but then I realize that that's how I talk to them....

And then we had a little girl over here playing and she was being very caring towards my daughter and I realized that her parents are the same way......

I need to start changing my behavior... but it is so hard to do sometimes.

HB

 

[hisbloodformysins]

I ignore my kids when they scream..... and when they decide to be nicer, then I listen to them... you could even say "I'm not going to talk to you when you yell, when you decide that you want to be nice then I'll talk with you"... actually, when my kids cry in an attempt to manipulate I send them to their rooms and tell them that they can come out when they're done.... and sometimes they'll do it louder when they are in the room to get our attention and then I tell them to close the door.

They are learning to go to their rooms when they have their fits on their own. I personally feel it'll help them learn a good coping skill in the long run.

HB

 

[heart of peace]

I try to employ the 'do over' technique in most cases. Since my boy started doing this a month or so ago, I didn't ignore it from the get go. I first made sure that he understood that it was not an acceptable way to address me and then explained the way I considered acceptable. When he understood that it wasn't ok and he would do it anyway, that is when I began offering him the do over opportunity. Usually he wanted to do it over because he wants to be obedient (I believe all children want to obey). I also made sure to check myself out and make sure I was an adult worthy of imitation (as children are imitators at this age).

By now, I expect him to do it first off without do-overs so now I have implemented the ignoring technique depending on the situation. The slapping bit I really have no advice on, my son is not physical when being demanding.

 

[Stan53]

We have slowed things down a lot be simply saying we can't hear her because she is talking too loud and my ears don't work when some one talks loud. If that's doesn't work then I do what some people think is child abuse.