Long distance parenting

[Bellicus]

Sitting in a almost empty apartment with everything packed and ready to move to another apartment in a few days, and my ex-fiance and our son left a few hours ago to the other side of the country. He forgot a little, blue train-toy in the middle of the floor, and I just can't understand that they really are gone now. It is like I expect someone to come walking in the door, but then there is just a deep silence. The living room is so empty that sounds turn into echos. There is lots of things that used to go on in my head, that have fallen into nothing now. I got a kind of feeling of "what should I do now?" but my head is just empty.

I guess it is going to be hard to adjust to this. Anyone been trough it and got any advice on what to do? Will the empty feeling last for long?

 

[Linnis]

So your son will be living with his mother far away? Will you have regular visits?

I can not imagine not seeing my son everyday. I'm sorry.

 

[Bellicus]

So your son will be living with his mother far away? Will you have regular visits?

Regular visits won't be possible. It is a days train-journey over there, and both me and my ex have pretty low income, so it won't be something we can do so often. We have signed a deal on every second weekend, where I travel 3 times there and she 1 time here etc, and where we borrow the apartment of each other during the visits. But I am pretty sure it won't be that often, and even if I can scrap together money to travel that much then it will still be only 4-6 days I can see him each month, but most likely it will be 3-4 days on one visit each month instead + some vacations. And I miss him already, just with a few hours without him, had to fight myself to not cry when they were driving away.

 

[ukok]

I'm so sorry for you. This must be incredibly painful. Please know that i am praying for you.

 

[Bellicus]

Thanks for your prayers ukok

 

[seamonster]

I'm really sorry. I can't imagine what you must be feeling right now

 

[Linnis]

I'm really sorry.

Why did she choose to move so far away? She must have known that would hinder her son's relationship with his father.

Is there anywhere you could go for help?

 

[Bellicus]

Why did she choose to move so far away? She must have known that would hinder her son's relationship with his father.

Is there anywhere you could go for help?

She got her mother and father and sister and brother there, and she wanted to get closer to them, but I have no clue why really. Her mother was only here on visit 1 time and her father 2 times the 4 years we lived together. They didn't even come to visit her when she was having a birth, and almost died. Don't think they even called on the phone..

And I could move over there, but then I will move away from my friends, and my mother, father, their new husbands and wife, my brother and his wife, their 3 daughters (one of them the best friend of my son), my grandfather and my ex-fiances grandparents won't have the chance to see my son anymore the times I have him on visits here.

And I have offers to come visit my mother and brother if I feel lonely, but don't think I will use that offer very much, cause I don't think it will make me feel much better.

 

[JayCeeGirl]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now.

I don't know how custody and visitation works where you are at, but I'm going to suggest that you go to court and get everything in writing. What happens if your ex gets mad at you and decides to withhold your son from you? She already moved away making it nearly impossible to see him as it is. It demonstrates to me that she sees the personal support she is receiving by this move as more important that you and your sons relationship.

Your son sounds fairly young still. Where I'm at, I've heard to judges granting two week on, two week off visitation for preschoolers when the parents have a great distance between them. Its rough on everyone, sure, but it minimizes traveling for the child, and allows a strong bond to be developed with both parents. Just something you might consider. I really think you should go to court. It will benefit you in the long run. Right now you are just relying on your ex's good graces. Those are likely to change in the future. Fight for your son. He will need a strong relationship with you as he grows up.

 

[Bellicus]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this right now.

I don't know how custody and visitation works where you are at, but I'm going to suggest that you go to court and get everything in writing. What happens if your ex gets mad at you and decides to withhold your son from you? She already moved away making it nearly impossible to see him as it is. It demonstrates to me that she sees the personal support she is receiving by this move as more important that you and your sons relationship.

Your son sounds fairly young still. Where I'm at, I've heard to judges granting two week on, two week off visitation for preschoolers when the parents have a great distance between them. Its rough on everyone, sure, but it minimizes traveling for the child, and allows a strong bond to be developed with both parents. Just something you might consider. I really think you should go to court. It will benefit you in the long run. Right now you are just relying on your ex's good graces. Those are likely to change in the future. Fight for your son. He will need a strong relationship with you as he grows up.

I got my rights, and if she deny me to see him or refuse to follow the agreement we have made together, then I can take it to the court. But right now I think the agreement we already have is a good one and maybe the best for our son. I'm on disability because of mental illness, and I am not sure if I could take the responsibility she is having, or do it as good as she can. Of course it would be better if she lived closer, but there's nothing I can do about it and I'll just have to adjust to it.