I feel like I just want to give in...

[AdamLawlessEnvy]

Ever since I was Saved, my life has gotten harder... and I knew it would, because that's what everyone said... I can't expect to have a leisurely life, when Jesus gone through as much as he did... but... I'll just give you a play-by-play on the past month or so of my life...


Wednesday Night. I'm on the computer finishing up my Research Paper on Satan's Influence on our lives. I hear my sister and her four kids come in. I think 'Cool, time to tell her about what I just did on Runescape' and when I go in there, I notice she's crying, and my nieces are upset. I sit down, cause Leigh, my Mom, and my brother in law(my OTHER sister's husband) go into the back room and start talking. So I'm sitting there, watching the kids, and I soon find out that my brother in law (not the one that was in the back room) has been molesting my nieces and nephews..


The cops are called, and my brother in law is nowhere to be found. I grab my sword replica (but still sturdy enough to be used, and sharp, too) and I walk outside. I walk up and down the street for a few, and then I go back inside, and get ready tor school. I get to school, and I turn my paper in, then leave. Come back, and find out he had been caught.


He was charged with 9 counts of statutory rape, and I think like.. 54 counts of child molestation. (That's just from what he confessed to.)


My other sister and her husband get a divorce, and she moves out. My brother in law (I still call him my brother.) lets us all stay there, because... well, we have nowhere else to go. (Note this is all happening within the week.)


I could keep going on, but I'll just skip a few weeks (pretty much just emotional stress between me and my girl) and get to what's been happening lately...


No job. No place to live when the house is sold. No money saved up anymore. No car. Sister getting drunk, crying about her husband, while my other brother in law tries to comfort her, while I'm caught watching the kids again...


I just want to give in, and let the darkness take me. I started listening to Iron Maiden, Slayer, and Judas Priest again, and my mind is starting to go back to the way it was before Jesus severed my chains... I just don't know what to do, anymore...


I'm still in school, but soon I won't have a ride... when that happens I'm just... I don't know... I won't have anything to really live for anymore.

 

[Onlythingavailable]

I'm so sorry to hear that. I understand that you feel tempted to just give up, but turning to the "world" won't help, because the world is full of horrible things like the ones you and your family have experienced. Going "back to your past" might drown out the pain for a while, but it won't make it go away.

Instead, you can turn to God for support, and even better, hope. Hope for a world where things like these no longer happen. Jesus promised to be with us until the end of time, and I believe he will keep that promise. I won't pretend to know what you and your family are going through, but what I've learned is that when hardship comes, it's better to turn to God than turn away from God.

I will pray for you and your family.

 

[LivingRightForGod]

Adam.

Please do not go back into darkness it can lead into a lot of bad things. The world is a bad place to be caught up in. Lean on god. Times are hard and he did say it would not be a easy journey. Thinking of you. And it is not your fault the way things have turned out. Pray to Jesus he knows everything about you. He died for you and me.

Hang in there.

Listen to praise music I do.

 

[AdamLawlessEnvy]

It never ends...

My sister is now in the ER because literally 30 minutes after I posted this, she said her chest hurt bad...

 

[Gods4me]

im so sorry to hear that.
dont give in with god. chrisian have a very hard time of it we just have to keep going and keep praying!

your sister that has been admited to hospital most likey has had an a panic attack. because of all of this going on in her life.

im praying for you family. dont grudge looking after the kids your sister really needs you to be there to help her. and she will think of you as wonderfull for looking after the kids.

 

[Angeldove97]

Don't give up on God because honestly your life may be hard now, but who will you turn to when it gets really extremely bad and you don't have a single person to turn to? If you notice that the music you're listening to is making you more negative, why not change it over to Christian music?

Try out this site to listen to some really awesome Christian rock music: http://christianrock.net/ (they also have a heavier Christian rock station, hip-hop version, and praise channel too)

The only advice I can give you is that you shouldn't blame God for what's going on--- we tend to do what we want to and it hurts God to see this happening as much as its hurting you. Your brother in law knew exactly what he was doing--- God wasn't telling him to do it, his sinful mind decided it was what he should do.

Please try reading the Bible every day--- just a chapter or two (my favs are the Gospels, Psalms, and the Book of Acts) and pray for a few moments. Like any relationship, it requires dedicated time and love... and alot of patience. God doesn't want to give up on you and He wants to be by your side during this trial in your life.

Remember: People are responsible for their actions, God gave us free will and so we choose to do what we want. But He loves us and He does what He can to protect us--- still not everything can be perfect until we go to heaven.

As for high school, please talk to an Admin or Counselor at your school. As long as you're in the district, you should be offered transportation to and from school if you live far away enough. I'm sure somebody in your school would be more than willing to help you out, so please please go talk to someone at your school (even your homeroom teacher can help out) and finish up school. Having a high school diploma is so very important today--- it means you could start working at a good job after hs or start attending college. Don't give up your education during this time--- it would make things for you even more difficult.

I wish you the best, I pray that God will watch over you, I hope things begin to settle down. We can do all things through Christ, remember that

 

[AdamLawlessEnvy]

Things are coming together. I am listening to bands like Skillet, POD, Casting Crowns, and Switchfoot. (And occasionally, I'll listen to Avenged Sevenfold, just because they're one of my favorite bands...)

I'm in college, not highschool. =P BUT... Thursday my teacher saw me late, and everyone seemed to see how I was, and my teacher said if need-be she could come pick me up before school...

So, ya.. I'm still having breakdowns every now and then, but not nearly as bad as before... I think for the most part I'm starting to become happier little by little. I'm hoping to go to Church today, but I'm not sure if I'll have a ride... even if I can't, I'll just talk to God while I'm on here.



I didn't type this at first, cause I'm trying not to dwell on negative things, but I found out in the middle of last week that the house is getting foreclosed on. I have a place I can go, but I'm still worried about my nephews, nieces, mom, and sister... All I can really do is pray.

 

[SaintJaques]

My heart goes out to you and your family. I will pray for you, but prayer is never enough. I'll dwell on this for a while and I will try to get back to you and give you some possible solutions to your situation.

If it's anything to you, Iron Maiden isn't all that bad of a band. Their drummer has been a a practicing Christian for nine years. I don't see what's all that bad about Judas Priest, unless you are against homosexuality... even still you claim to have a girlfriend, so I don't see what the problem would be with listening to their music, since all of their music is basically just about "being a guy". And motorcycles.

 

[AdamLawlessEnvy]

Hehe, well, I don't know what it is about Iron Maiden. They seem almost Satanic, but their lyrics refer to them witnessing the events, and not being apart of them. Never know.

As for Judas Priest. Weren't they the ones who made the song Antichrist?

 

[SaintJaques]

Hehe, well, I don't know what it is about Iron Maiden. They seem almost Satanic, but their lyrics refer to them witnessing the events, and not being apart of them. Never know.

As for Judas Priest. Weren't they the ones who made the song Antichrist?

Yeah, you have a valid point-- but I assure you, it's all image. It's all about getting conservative Christian mothers all riled up because their boys are listening to "the devil's music" (I definitely don't take you as a mother, I'm just making a generalization ). I mean, they can't be any worse than Slayer-- and after doing just a little bit of research, I found that Tom Araya (bass/vocals) is Catholic! What he has to say about his relationship with God and outward expression of faith is pretty interesting.

http(colon)//en(dot)wikipedia(dot)org/wiki/Tom_Araya#Religion

 

[AdamLawlessEnvy]

That's like that Criss Angel guy. When I first saw him, I thought he WAS the Antichrist, but then I thought. "If he WAS the Antichrist, I wouldn't know it, or suspect it..." Plus I found out HE was Catholic.


Catholicism, one of the strictest forms of Christianity I can think of, and yet all of these metal/rocker people are Catholics. Am I the only one who thinks that is ironic?

 

[FrederickM]

There was a very wealthy shepherd who lived in Uz called Job. Job was a very dedicated Christian, he was very well off, had many kids, every loved and respected him because of his dedication to the lord. Yet he remained the lords most humbled servant, never did he think great of himself, but only ever gave thanks to the lord.

One day Satan said to God "He only worships you because of the things you give him, if he you take it away he will soon forsake you"
God did not believe this, and they had a bet and Satan could do whatever he want with Job but not to hurt him.

One day one of Jobs slaves came rushing to Job and told him the wolves ate all the lamb and the other slaves have escaped. Job did not blame God, but praised him. Then all of Job's children fell sick and soon died. Job was very sad, but he did not blame God and he praised him for he knew all he had was given to him by God. Then soon all of Job's wealth was seized and his entire family died. Job was crushed, he'd lost everything in one day, and he begged for God's forgiveness. Soon Job's friends came and accused him of evil deeds, which he persisted innocence. his friends did not believe him and asked him to stop lying and confess. Job asked God
"Oh God, what have I done wrong? I have given 1/10 of my wealth to you, treated my cattle well, been benevolent to my servants, helped the people around me, what have I done wrong? Tell me so I can repent"
God had reminded Job of how he created Heaven, Earth and all the things on Earth
Then Job said "I know that you can do everything, and that no thought can be withheld from you. Therefore, I have spoken things that I did not understand. But now I have heard you and now I understand. "
God said to Job's friends, "You have not spoken the truth of me as Job has. Take seven bulls and seven rams and go to Job and offer them up for yourselves. Job will pray for you and I will accept his prayer for you. "
Fearing the wrath of God, the men did as God had told them.
God accepted Job's prayer and was very pleased with Job.
Then Job had twice as many things that were taken away from him by Satan, and his daughters were the most beautiful and he lived to 140 years of age and everyday he praised God

 

[AdamLawlessEnvy]

I've heard that story before. If it was as simple as growing food and eating it, then I could see that being a valid point, but the only way to make anything of your life now is to have a job, and no jobs around here seem to like me, plus my car is broken down, plus in about 3 months since I can't afford to get it from the house that's on the verge of foreclosure, I won't have a car...

Did I mention I'm now officially homeless? Yesterday everyone moved out, and now I can't stay in that house. My mom, sister, and the kids all moved out of town. I have two friends. One of them is in college, out of town, and the other one's parents can't afford to take me in.

I'm sorry if I seem negative. I can't help it. I just gets worse and worse...

 

[HumbleServant94]

Adam,

No matter what happens don't give up on Jesus. Don't you see it. God is testing you. He is testing your patience. Keep following him. I truly feel sorry for your loss, but don't worry. Just keep praying and reading God's Word. You will find a change. But first, get rid of that secular music that is influencing you so much. I am not being insensitive. I'm just saying pray that God will deliver you. Satan wants you to become a sterile Christian. But just tell him to fertilize that maneur somewhere else. As a Christian, you have Christ's blood on your side. That has the power to get rid of any temptaion in your life. Just in case, I'll pray for you and your sister. Don't forget your example as a Christian will affect your sister-in-law's kids. Good luck and Godspeed.

 

[HumbleServant94]

Pray that God will give you wisdom and that He will satisfy you through His word. Continue blessing God and He will bless you. God can turn the worst situations and turn them for the better. An example would be Joseph from Genesis.