Appropriate/Inappropriate Ways to Address Women

[VozNocturna]

Since responses to the topic were deleted, I would like to bring this up in a civil/non-confrontational manner.

A lot of people seem to take issue with men using words like "sweetie", "hun," "honey", "babe" and "darling" to address women. I am one of these people. It seems really disrespectful to me. In many settings (the workplace and even church), it could border on sexual harrassment. But I know that not everyone sees it this way.

It also seems very informal and something that I see a lot in American culture. In most places, women are addressed as madame, mademoiselle, señorita, señora, miss. It seems to me that some of that has been lost, in favor of more a familiar and perhaps disrespectful tones. Obviously, on a message board, I'm not expecting someone to address a woman as mademoiselle.

So, what do you think? What is inappropriate and appropriate?

 

[nathans1987]

just girls? or as a pet name too your spouce?

 

[traingosorry]

I agree Voz. The only man I would tolerate addressing me by those names would be my significant other. It's a little too close for comfort to have a male co-worker call me hun or babe.

I hear 'hey you' far more than senora!

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

I agree, it makes me sooo uncomfortable when people refer to me in those terms. It is incredibly patronizing to me, and I imagine the next step would be them patting me on the head like a child.

It is also too personal and too close for comfort. I do not appreciate guys I don't know or even guys I am acquainted with calling me by those terms.

 

[Echoespeak006]

I agree, it makes me sooo uncomfortable when people refer to me in those terms. It is incredibly patronizing to me, and I imagine the next step would be them patting me on the head like a child.

It is also too personal and too close for comfort. I do not appreciate guys I don't know or even guys I am acquainted with calling me by those terms.

What she said in a nutshell.

I do find it patronizing, especially when I don't know you. It's one thing if we have an established friendship/relationship/rappaport. It's another thing, when I don't know you from Adam. There are some sociological and historical implications there, that I don't really want to bore you with, but yeah, it doesn't sit well with me.

 

[Wren]

To me those kinds of names (especially hun or honey) seem like they are too intimate to be calling someone that you're not in a relationship with. If you are good friends with someone (even just online friends) and they don't have a problem with it that's one thing, but to address women in general in that way seems like it's crossing a line.

 

[Idahofroggie]

I absolutely cannot stand it when someone I don't know calls me hun. I'm a grown woman. You may call me miss or ma'am. But please, please... unless you know me, don't call me hun.

 

[CounselorRich]

I definitely agree with the fact that men too often cross over the line into the inappropriate when they address women. Here in the south (I live in TN)--"sweetheart" is used as a common way of addressing women. I admit I have used that myself--but I really shouldn't do that because I never know whom I may be upsetting--& I am not the kind of guy that wants to show any disrespect toward females or anyone else for that matter.
I too think we have lost alot of good wholesome values of respect & dignity in general--not just toward women.
How often do you see guys opening the car door for a woman or holding the door & letting them go into a building or room first. That used to be common practice. Those days seem a distant memory--so when I see it--it is very refreshing indeed.
Some might consider me too old--fashioned but I think we need to get back to that sort of thing. It has gotten to the point of where "anything goes" & respect seems to have been lost from our vocabulary & actions.
We need to regain those moral values.

 

[NotHardcore]

Yeah, unless a person knows and loves me, I don't want them calling me anything other than "miss" or "you."

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

As far as appropriate ways to address me, my name usually seems to be safe bet.

 

[Keri]

The only type of male that hearing those names, bothers me is the inmates I work with. I don't like hearing an inmate call me hun or sweetie... from a co-worker, I don't care. We're all close there. We have to be. I know more about their personal life than any other job I've been at. You have to stay close and connected to those you work with. After all they may be saving your life someday in the future or you may be saving theirs.

I think it's cute when little old grandpa types call me hun. It's stinkin adorable.

As for people on the board, I don't mind at all. Especially if I know the person and know their intentions. If I get a weird feeling, I will tell the person to stop. But 99% of the time it doesn't bother me at all.

I guess maybe I'm used to it. Babe, sweetie, hon, honey... I don't care.

 

[plum]

I call my close friends (male or female) hon or babe once in a while, but not regularly. If I'm tight with someone, we've already gotten past formalities.

However, it bothers me from strangers. Big time. If some older man calls me honey, I'm thinking he's dirty or manipulative. Just a gut reaction--whether it's true or not. At work we don't talk like that. It's not in our corporate culture, nor is it thought of as appropriate. We do use first names for everyone up to the CEO, but that's as informal as we get. With acquaintances, I might think the guy is very affectionate or just very flirty. If I'm unsure of the meaning behind those words, I ask.

I'm still taken aback when women say they don't want or expect others to call them ma'am or miss. I say ma'am around here (Chicagoland area) and I've gotten weird looks as if that just "isn't done" anymore. And I'm a woman! But I suppose that's another spinoff topic.

 

[Erinwilcox]

I find it extremely offensive and become very uncomfortable when men--especially ones that I don't know-- call me such names. . .it's, uh, weird. I have ONE close friend--a girl--who is one of those super outgoing people who calls me hon or babe once in a while or she'll say, "Hey girl!" But she's the only person I'll tolerate it from. It really irks me when guys say or write "hey girl!!" to me--it's too. . .personal. I will let older (like grandparent age) women and men call me "hon" occasionally, but that's about the limit.

 

[Keri]

I can understand eirene in that certain types of professions it's not appropriate to call co-works by names other than their name.

I work for the state at a maximum security forensic hospital. You think we'd be super serious but we're not... the cops are the only ones who wear uniforms. The rest of us go to work in jeans, a baggy tee and sneakers. (I wear jeans, a scrub top and Crocs)... I had my lip pierced and it wasn't a problem. Staff doesn't have to cover up tattoos or anything. It's very casual and in turn the language there is very casual... until it comes to work-talk... "Mr. Jones is suddenly displaying signs of auditory hallucinations and he's responding to internal stimuli. His schizoaffective disorder continues to be on the rise and he's refusing his psychotropic medication. He seems to be displaying signs and symptoms of tardive dyskinesia due to his clozaril..." Blah.

Anyway not to get off topic, we get up close and personal there. It's part of the job. Even during training for PMAB I had a guy straddle me... lol. We had to learn to get someone off of us if they were staddleing and choking you. So something as non-vital as what staff calls each other, no biggie.

 

[justaGUYnamedROB]

I usually just use envelopes. Although sometimes on a rare occasion when I'm feeling especially adventurous, I've been known to toss in a stamp or three...

 

[ImperialPhantom]

I'll use ma'am if she's older, or miss. Other than that, I address her by her name.

 

[LonelyTraveler]

If a guy was good-looking, he'd most likely get away with it. If people like me try it, women scream sexual harassment and try to get us thrown UNDER the jail. Oh well, such is life.

Me on the other hand, I try as hard as I can to avoid speaking to women outside of work. I don't need to be arrested again. But I'm not uptight about how I address women.

 

[RED that's ME]

I think sometimes it's more of a cultural thing and location.
Southerners will more use some of those terms than other places.
It depends on with me, WHO says it and HOW it's said.

 

[mini_mim]

I work for a construction company, and come into regular contact with many of the builders, and I hate it when they call me babe, love, hun, etc. etc. even though I know it's just the way they communicate and they don't mean anything offensive, it just really bugs me. And when complete strangers do it as well, i.e. "Have you got a lighter, love?" Erm, no, I don't smoke, and I'm certainly not your love! It just seems waaaay too personal.

However, with most of my friends it's not a problem, we refer to each other as babe, honey, sweetie, etc. and I don't mind that at all. But you have to get to a certain level of closeness before even that becomes acceptable.

 

[Tink]

Since responses to the topic were deleted, I would like to bring this up in a civil/non-confrontational manner.

A lot of people seem to take issue with men using words like "sweetie", "hun," "honey", "babe" and "darling" to address women. I am one of these people. It seems really disrespectful to me. In many settings (the workplace and even church), it could border on sexual harrassment. But I know that not everyone sees it this way.

It also seems very informal and something that I see a lot in American culture. In most places, women are addressed as madame, mademoiselle, señorita, señora, miss. It seems to me that some of that has been lost, in favor of more a familiar and perhaps disrespectful tones. Obviously, on a message board, I'm not expecting someone to address a woman as mademoiselle.

So, what do you think? What is inappropriate and appropriate?

I honestly do not care if I'm called anything you mentioned above by anyone. To me, there are more important things to be on the lookout for, than if someone calls you a term of endearment.

Just my $.02 - take it or leave it.