I'm leaving work...and I'm reflecting on my day. Or more like my coworker..,she has everything so together. She's such an efficient worker, a perfect mom, its crazy to see someone that has no real flaws.
Man..my coworker is perfect its like she's a jack of all trades. She worked on call as an emergency call person, she's worked in corporate america, day care, does administrative work.... And she even does hair. She has friends, she plays kick ball to keep herself right...and is even going to Franc3.. She has 2 kids that are well adjusted and she even keeps them active...goes to Disney land and even showed me pictures of her buying cupcakes for her sons whole class...
And I'm like wow in amazement... And I feel like I'll never be that.
I've been planning my road test since 2016...and everything and their mother has gotten in the way, I'm forgetful and things usually don't stick, I have issues standing up for myself.
All of this sorta gave me a panic attack..she's about 11 years older than me ...and I feel older than her, I feel 80.,, I just want to lead a good life. ..
And I'm scared I won't. I'm scared ill be like my brother 30 with nothing to show for it...or ill still be struggling and obstacle after obstacle preventing me from doing what I need to do.
It scares me so much because I'm trying hard to change and its hard to be hopeful.
I try to make friends but I keep repelling people some how...I don't know why or how. I don't complain to people in real life... I just don't know.
I dont want to be friendless and alone forever...but it seems the more I force things( try to make friends and what not.)the more it back fires on me.
So I'm kinda anxious now...because I feel ill lead a friendless lonely life and my struggle to be financially stable will only continue into adult hood
I'm having a hard time embracing and loving myself ...when I'm such a forgetful, uncapable, dependent mess,
All I want is to just improve in life.
Be someone....have friends to love and that will love me..and that's in real time.. And to just take care of my family..that's all.
I feel God is mad at me about something ...idk.
I just want my life to get better.
Man..my coworker is perfect its like she's a jack of all trades. She worked on call as an emergency call person, she's worked in corporate america, day care, does administrative work.... And she even does hair. She has friends, she plays kick ball to keep herself right...and is even going to Franc3.. She has 2 kids that are well adjusted and she even keeps them active...goes to Disney land and even showed me pictures of her buying cupcakes for her sons whole class...
And I'm like wow in amazement... And I feel like I'll never be that.
I've been planning my road test since 2016...and everything and their mother has gotten in the way, I'm forgetful and things usually don't stick, I have issues standing up for myself.
All of this sorta gave me a panic attack..she's about 11 years older than me ...and I feel older than her, I feel 80.,, I just want to lead a good life. ..
And I'm scared I won't. I'm scared ill be like my brother 30 with nothing to show for it...or ill still be struggling and obstacle after obstacle preventing me from doing what I need to do.
It scares me so much because I'm trying hard to change and its hard to be hopeful.
I try to make friends but I keep repelling people some how...I don't know why or how. I don't complain to people in real life... I just don't know.
I dont want to be friendless and alone forever...but it seems the more I force things( try to make friends and what not.)the more it back fires on me.
So I'm kinda anxious now...because I feel ill lead a friendless lonely life and my struggle to be financially stable will only continue into adult hood
I'm having a hard time embracing and loving myself ...when I'm such a forgetful, uncapable, dependent mess,
All I want is to just improve in life.
Be someone....have friends to love and that will love me..and that's in real time.. And to just take care of my family..that's all.
I feel God is mad at me about something ...idk.
I just want my life to get better.
