What are we commanded
(Self confrontation retreat)
As Christians we are commanded to live in love. What does that mean? How does the understanding that we called to live in love help us in our desire to be able to grow in the virtue of humility so as to be able ‘to confront’ ourselves? Again the word ‘confrontation’ has a bad reputation because people are often confronted when they get fed up with the antics of others, and lose it, blow up, attack, and in the end do more damage than actually helping anyone. Life is difficult, complicated, confusing and often chaotic. We as a species tend to be narcissistic; we see things from our point of view, want things to go our way and will work hard at making this happen. The problem is it never happens, or if it does, for only a short time. People really can’t be changed through force, shame or intimidation. They can be cowed, but in the end that tends to back fire. So how does ‘living in love’ help?
There is suffering, and then there is suffering. We can be victims of others, blaming everyone for our interpersonal problems as well as moral difficulties. Or we can begin to look at things differently and in a loving manner towards ourselves. This is not a simple endeavor, but very difficult, for it is a turning away from a life that is filled with internal struggle, not only towards our selves but others. Taking responsibility for ones life is not about accepting blame, but simply trying a better way to relate to oneself and others.
How do I treat others? Do I discount those with whom I do not agree? Do I gossip so that I can look better in other people’s eyes? Do I triangulate, bringing in third parties in order to make my case stronger in an unfair manner? There are many ways we seek to dominate others that are often unconscious reactions, but still cause harm to all concerned. They lessen us in our humanity; even though the above are so common as to seem normal….that is until they are used against us. If we seek to live in love, how does that help us to at least lessen our use of ways that hinder communication?
How does this help? From a faith perspective, speaking as a Christian, my answer may not be appealing to many or even considered something that is desirable. In the Golden Rule, we are told to treat others as we would like to be treated. I would venture to say that we all want to be treated with respect. I know of no one who likes to be the object of gossip. If I am having issues with someone, I don’t appreciate third parties being brought in who really have nothing to do with the situation at hand. We know when we are treated in an unjust manner. It lessen in some ways our power over others (though I believe it is in the end an illusion), we have to be honest with them, open and transparent. We take the injunction to love others as ourselves, to treat others as we want to be treated very seriously. When we fail we quest in ourselves honestly, and when needed we make amends. Such is what we are called to. To treat others, those we meet, one person at a time, with respect and love, because of their innate dignity as human beings made in the image and likeness of God.
Humility is the ability to accept what is true about us. This goes for what is pleasant, but also for that which is less so. Self-confrontation is not an invitation to an easier life, for in some ways it may put you at a disadvantage, for the freedom you grow in does not allow you to be mean, petty, gossipy or condescending to others. Love precludes that. It does however give you the freedom to be a peacemaker, to bring people together, to be a source of healing in others lives…..why is that? Because we then become avenues of ‘Grace’ instead of chaos and pain, which is so common in lives today. In families, in our work places, schools etc. as well as on the world scene.—Br.MD
