Maybe I have to lose everything,even myself,to see myself as a blurry reflection in the mirror and to ask myself If am human anymore.
Because it does not feel like it,like anything at all,I swing gently between these thoughts of letting it go and fight for a better tomorrow.
I feel like screaming to my God,and ask why did you left me?
Why did you send me here to be this alone,but now I think is not only the loneliness.,I feel no soul could heal this damage,this self hate that I have to fight with in order to just survive.
I no longer see myself or others,I hide somehow in pretense,nobody knows my thoughts or how dark they can be,I am just the plain,chubby girl with acne,I am boring and that is fine.
Nobody can reach me and I can't reach them,is like an invisible wall and now I don't even want to punch the wall,to destroy it,I just walk by asking myself if there is on the other side is what I want or is just another reason to be disenchanted.
I always felt like I have this black hole in my chest,this need for absolute and right now I believe that living for God maybe is my meaning of life,but I am so focused,so absorbed by my feelings by there here and now that I am afraid that black hole will suck me into her abyss before I get the chance to heal it.
Because it does not feel like it,like anything at all,I swing gently between these thoughts of letting it go and fight for a better tomorrow.
I feel like screaming to my God,and ask why did you left me?
Why did you send me here to be this alone,but now I think is not only the loneliness.,I feel no soul could heal this damage,this self hate that I have to fight with in order to just survive.
I no longer see myself or others,I hide somehow in pretense,nobody knows my thoughts or how dark they can be,I am just the plain,chubby girl with acne,I am boring and that is fine.
Nobody can reach me and I can't reach them,is like an invisible wall and now I don't even want to punch the wall,to destroy it,I just walk by asking myself if there is on the other side is what I want or is just another reason to be disenchanted.
I always felt like I have this black hole in my chest,this need for absolute and right now I believe that living for God maybe is my meaning of life,but I am so focused,so absorbed by my feelings by there here and now that I am afraid that black hole will suck me into her abyss before I get the chance to heal it.
