Whoever came up with the idea of ‘failure’ should be a very rich person indeed. It sits there in the back of our minds. The determining factor of many decisions.
If I don’t get 90%, I’m a failure.
I have to handle being this involved in things, because if I can’t, I’m a failure.
I can’t beat this. I’m a failure. I’ll give up before I just disappoint myself more.
I’m a failure. I don’t deserve Your love and kindness. I don’t deserve it, so I’ll pretend I don’t want it.
There is a list longer than I could type onto here. Unless we’re apathetic and individualistic like society says we’re to be, we are failures because we don’t fit into the predetermined pattern. Having learned for so many years that if I don’t succeed the first time round, I must be a failure. If I’m a failure, it means I’m useless…and sadly, I catch myself saying that far too often.
I’m rather hypocritical there though, because anyone who knows me knows that I really hate the word ‘fail’ and anything that derives from it. I hold myself to an impossible standard because, while it’s more than ok for others to fall, for me to do so would result in more than falling. It’s been ingrained that I must fail. When I start thinking about it this way though, I know I need to take a step back and take another look at what I tell myself. If I hold myself to a higher standard, does that mean I arrogantly think myself better than my friends? If the consequences of my actions are treated as earth-shattering (by me of course), does that mean I think what I say and do is more important?
I really hope not.
If it’s not that though, what does it mean? Does everyone else think it’s so much worse when they fall as well? If that’s the case, what can we do about it? I don’t believe falling is failing because failing is the type of concept that doesn’t leave room for hope. Doesn’t leave room for God to work. Falling is only that you’ve stumbled, but you can’t stumble in a way that God can’t pick you up. You can’t fall so far that God can’t catch you. That would mean though that what’s been ingrained since I was a child isn’t quite right.
Not succeeding the first time isn’t the equivalent of failing.
Now I just need to remind myself of the truth of it. Easier said than done, but I’ll work on it
.
If I don’t get 90%, I’m a failure.
I have to handle being this involved in things, because if I can’t, I’m a failure.
I can’t beat this. I’m a failure. I’ll give up before I just disappoint myself more.
I’m a failure. I don’t deserve Your love and kindness. I don’t deserve it, so I’ll pretend I don’t want it.
There is a list longer than I could type onto here. Unless we’re apathetic and individualistic like society says we’re to be, we are failures because we don’t fit into the predetermined pattern. Having learned for so many years that if I don’t succeed the first time round, I must be a failure. If I’m a failure, it means I’m useless…and sadly, I catch myself saying that far too often.
I’m rather hypocritical there though, because anyone who knows me knows that I really hate the word ‘fail’ and anything that derives from it. I hold myself to an impossible standard because, while it’s more than ok for others to fall, for me to do so would result in more than falling. It’s been ingrained that I must fail. When I start thinking about it this way though, I know I need to take a step back and take another look at what I tell myself. If I hold myself to a higher standard, does that mean I arrogantly think myself better than my friends? If the consequences of my actions are treated as earth-shattering (by me of course), does that mean I think what I say and do is more important?
I really hope not.
If it’s not that though, what does it mean? Does everyone else think it’s so much worse when they fall as well? If that’s the case, what can we do about it? I don’t believe falling is failing because failing is the type of concept that doesn’t leave room for hope. Doesn’t leave room for God to work. Falling is only that you’ve stumbled, but you can’t stumble in a way that God can’t pick you up. You can’t fall so far that God can’t catch you. That would mean though that what’s been ingrained since I was a child isn’t quite right.
Not succeeding the first time isn’t the equivalent of failing.
Now I just need to remind myself of the truth of it. Easier said than done, but I’ll work on it
.
