Well, like I had found out through us talking on the phone, and then when i went over to their place awhile back and then again the other day...
it flows i don't know in a kind of ? "cute"? way. I mean unlike sometimes online where they can come accross as irritated & \or bothered. These times they've been cheerful- smiling a lot.
So I don't know maybe this (we ) are trying to find our nitch or something. This I know, we think a lot a whole lot alike. We see things in a lot of the same way|perspective, we have much of the same way we "operate". Only so far, I keep telling my kids, Look just think how i am (about getting things done, making plans) and she is like me only more so. So I completely understand, and I guess that makes me more merciful & paitent about such things with her. It made it really hard through when (or rather since) those things were connected to other people like my husband, son or others beyond. Like when I was trying to make plans and it was the 11.30th hour and she still hadn't made it clear or definate one way or another... and I had to give an answer to someone else whowas connected to someone else...
And then if my hubby has to do the driving...
If it was just me & her and IF I drove i don't think there'd much problem at all. I'd probably be like ok you don't want to go here or it's now too late to go there well we can go to this other place. Or like you don't feel up to it today ok then tommorow. Tomorrow comes and they don't know now but change their mind an hour later it wouldn't bother me so much then.
Yea it's weird so many times they say something (like the other day) and I know exactly how they feel or how they're seeing something. LOL since it happens so often I don't want them to think I'm just saying that so they can like me better or something. We have tons in common, I think so far the main thing I nnoticed we don't have in common is she isn't a "private person". She doesn't mind being open about her "business". Nor does she mind talking about whoever if they crossed her.
She was saying, admitted her main\worst problem has been w guys...but they also have had a problem w drinking (and I take it, drugs) and their temper...sounds like though they have been more physically violent than I.
So I think that's the thing, though it seems we're both very intense (possibly obsessive though me not in the technical sense), sensitive, volitile people- lol but when we get togther I dunno if we cancel each other out or something- but we're not like that at all. It's been like light, restrained, cautious but in a nice not suspicious way. Like we're trying super hard not to step on the others toes. Like it was "cute"
the other day she asked me if I wanted her to open the gift i gave her now (in front of me) or later... lol I couldn't believe she asked me that, but she hit it on the money 7 we both smiled. But normally I would feel embarrassed and maybe annoyed- that someone would call me on something ( oh someone was good at doing that- I remember) but she wasn't trying to embarrass me- then she says "Oh I ask because that's how feel when i give someone a gift"
But then she mentioned too about how she likes to give gifts but has a harder time receiving. So I guess that's something else we don't have in common. I don't have a problem with that or get embarassed.
I must admit I do still have issues though, and don't know how to deal with (openly) those who get sad & crying around me like cause of how they feel (not something physical- I am much better w that, thanks to God).
It's a total uncomfortable thing for me. Like, do I say somthing, but maybe some like someone not to say anything, do I do something physical but others don't like that- and worse if I tried to hug or something psysical would they think that phoney would it feel stiff & phoney to them?
So sometimes i might get them something, a gift or card, or write something in a note or letter, or maybe take them out somewhere.
In an odd way in my relationships\friendships mostly I haven't been around people like that much. Maybe that was God, that he put me with\around gals who were not like that.... wow the last time I can remember someone breaking down and crying around me- is really hard to remember. The one time comes to mind when L had a bad arguement over the phone w her boyfriend, they may have broke up. But I could tell she was so frustrated to the point of sobbing after she hung up. I started to go over to the room where she was (she was staying w us at the time) but I stopped myself and thought it best not to "disturb" her or saying anything about it. That was about 15 yrs. ago...
Actually the other time was with her too. and later was a bit more recent than the other like 13 yrs. or so ago. I came into the building where she was staying w her sister. I was suprised as her boyfriend (that same one) was coming into the foyer as I was entering. He was the one who let me in the building, I don't know since we were on thin ice at that point in time, if she would've buzzed me in. She didn't know I was stopping by. So when i knocked on the door she was suprised, I think she thought it was him again. Anyway as I was approching the door I could hear her crying & sniffling. When she reluctantly opened the door, I handed her the letter I wrote, and tried to give her the saddest most sympathetic face I could- but that was the best i could do. :o Hopefully the note said it all and made her feel good in some way (though probably not saying anything to her situation w him).
Soo if this gal she breaks down and cries in front of me about something...I'll just have to cry out (inside) to God for what to do.
Again this is ironic, because the truth is though I usualy don't cry in front of others ( I try hard not to) I do cry a lot and cry pretty easy and I suppose I'm one of those "more sensitive" women (Just ask my sons. LoL now my oldest keeps mentioning- hormones? Where'd he get that from? I guess that's better though than saying I'm over sensitive or eggagerating).
I don't get depressed though, I do think there is a difference. I mean I could cry over a movie, a cartoon, a gift etc... nothing to do with depression.
As a side note, it's funny how over the phone she sounds just like M...
Already we're in this habit of like I'll write something and she won't respond- right away. At first it bothered & concerned me, but now it doesn't, um not much. That's because she does end up remembering & responding to whatever point (although she still might not address all the points).
But I'll do the same thing, not to play a game but because I think it's not the best\right time. Like on Christmas she sent me a great messege & tried calling- but it was in the morning... and I wasn't about to try to talk to her then. So I was going to later but so much came up and things got busy. Then I might get into an argument w my son or hubby, and there might be residue of anger or irritation in my voice and I wouldn't want her to think it has anything to do w her. I know with many others I've not responded as quickly as I should've- sometimes I don't even know why...
That's funny now that I think about it. I haven't written any letters in a loong time. Well not counting to someone (and those writings wern't even long- intense maybe).
So I do like her, I do think we get along good because we have much in common and so are be more understanding, I think basically we have the same goals in life relationship w God, family, friends, ministry (and stick in there her wanting to find the right guy), wanting to be caring helpful people, people who also enjoy life as well (with my options more limited- though I don't feel it that way).
I think she has a bit of a time of it that I'm older than her (but hey I noticed her good friends are considerably older than her.)... kind of like I do about her public griping.
So it's one of those things that it has crossed my mind, like if she ever gets really mad at me, how would she handle that?
Right now things are good and going forward- which does give me a "warm fuzzy feeling". And even better I see that maybe if nothing else, God may have put this\us together for the purpose of blessing her son-
"for such a time as this" . God knows all things... and things may not be or be for the reasons we gather ourselves.
I've learned more and more how to be at peace with things that don't turn out as I wanted\planned- because I think maybe God had another purpose. Many times it is revealed to me (like made obvious) what those purposes we. lol that might not be understood right away- sometimes yrs. later...I see how it is possible "for all things to work together for good" as it says in the Bible.
Soo I mentioned this becasue it's ironic, I was thinking about this and thinking about close relationships (mine anyway) how things could be (and have a times) been soo great, love become warm, "real", tangible, intense etc. But then it's gone, and often for great pain to take it's place. So then you can think, even if it was "all that" was it really worth it...did the good outweigh the bad etc.?
Or like I've heard\ read all kinds of warm fuzzy caring sounding words towards me... words that made me think this or that , that made me "feel good"... but then "something came up", the rubber hit the road... and then the person was gone- what did those words even mean, what were they worth? Just good for the moment, is that enough... is that enough to make it worth it.
In that case, if someone says the words or not, does it then matter?
Is it better-no, so then there is nothing to doubt, nothing to feel betrayed over. Or is it better to go as far as one can and then let tomorrow take care of itself?
Is it better to enjoy the feeling, even if it may turn out to be a lie...
Even if it didn't last does that mean the moment wasn't real? How long does it take to prove it was rea. I know I'm the type who hates endings and hopes for "forever"...
Sooo that, this kind of questioning can tie into a quote someone posted. To be honest I didn't get into it, but as I looked into it more, the stuff behind a train of thought, that was interesting.
The two are similar...and of course I have chosen & try to daily choose the 2nd response.
Does it really matter, what matters, what's the point, what's the point then if it includes pain & "negative" things- especially if the latter exceeds the pleasure?...
I see in this and in the broader way it's played out- I choose the 2nd - that God & His grander purposes are what bring everything into right perspective and bring meaning (full meaning).
This includes these relationships.
lol so all these multitude of questions and possible possiblities are what don't matterosorry) because the bottom line isn't how I feel how someone else feels, if it lasts how long it lasts, if it looks like something was accomplished or it doesn't look that way, if it looks like a "sucess" or if it looks like it failed- what matters is if it was God's will or not.
What was God's will, did we yield, how much\to what degree did we yeild? All the rest is nice but sidenotes, the pain becomes worth it when weighed against something being God's will. As always, this is the yardstick of measurement- not our feelings etc...lol then pleasure & pain really don't "matter" ( and to whatever degrees) what does matter is God's will & purposes.
And how to we read\discern Gods will? First through the Holy Spirit being in us through following Christ\giving Him first prioiry, knowing and & understanding His Words in the Bible, then through being obedient & having our motives right. All this and not if something is "right" according to how we feel (or even someone else feels) .
Ecclesiastes 12
8 “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher.“Everything is meaningless!” ...
:13-14
Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.
YouTube - KJ-52 ft. Rebecca St. James - God
YouTube - Stacie Orrico - (There's Gotta Be) More to Life (Official Music Video HD) Lyrics
YouTube - Don't Waste Your Life Video - Lecrae
it flows i don't know in a kind of ? "cute"? way. I mean unlike sometimes online where they can come accross as irritated & \or bothered. These times they've been cheerful- smiling a lot.
So I don't know maybe this (we ) are trying to find our nitch or something. This I know, we think a lot a whole lot alike. We see things in a lot of the same way|perspective, we have much of the same way we "operate". Only so far, I keep telling my kids, Look just think how i am (about getting things done, making plans) and she is like me only more so. So I completely understand, and I guess that makes me more merciful & paitent about such things with her. It made it really hard through when (or rather since) those things were connected to other people like my husband, son or others beyond. Like when I was trying to make plans and it was the 11.30th hour and she still hadn't made it clear or definate one way or another... and I had to give an answer to someone else whowas connected to someone else...
And then if my hubby has to do the driving...
If it was just me & her and IF I drove i don't think there'd much problem at all. I'd probably be like ok you don't want to go here or it's now too late to go there well we can go to this other place. Or like you don't feel up to it today ok then tommorow. Tomorrow comes and they don't know now but change their mind an hour later it wouldn't bother me so much then.
Yea it's weird so many times they say something (like the other day) and I know exactly how they feel or how they're seeing something. LOL since it happens so often I don't want them to think I'm just saying that so they can like me better or something. We have tons in common, I think so far the main thing I nnoticed we don't have in common is she isn't a "private person". She doesn't mind being open about her "business". Nor does she mind talking about whoever if they crossed her.
She was saying, admitted her main\worst problem has been w guys...but they also have had a problem w drinking (and I take it, drugs) and their temper...sounds like though they have been more physically violent than I.
So I think that's the thing, though it seems we're both very intense (possibly obsessive though me not in the technical sense), sensitive, volitile people- lol but when we get togther I dunno if we cancel each other out or something- but we're not like that at all. It's been like light, restrained, cautious but in a nice not suspicious way. Like we're trying super hard not to step on the others toes. Like it was "cute"
the other day she asked me if I wanted her to open the gift i gave her now (in front of me) or later... lol I couldn't believe she asked me that, but she hit it on the money 7 we both smiled. But normally I would feel embarrassed and maybe annoyed- that someone would call me on something ( oh someone was good at doing that- I remember) but she wasn't trying to embarrass me- then she says "Oh I ask because that's how feel when i give someone a gift"But then she mentioned too about how she likes to give gifts but has a harder time receiving. So I guess that's something else we don't have in common. I don't have a problem with that or get embarassed.
I must admit I do still have issues though, and don't know how to deal with (openly) those who get sad & crying around me like cause of how they feel (not something physical- I am much better w that, thanks to God).
It's a total uncomfortable thing for me. Like, do I say somthing, but maybe some like someone not to say anything, do I do something physical but others don't like that- and worse if I tried to hug or something psysical would they think that phoney would it feel stiff & phoney to them?
So sometimes i might get them something, a gift or card, or write something in a note or letter, or maybe take them out somewhere.
In an odd way in my relationships\friendships mostly I haven't been around people like that much. Maybe that was God, that he put me with\around gals who were not like that.... wow the last time I can remember someone breaking down and crying around me- is really hard to remember. The one time comes to mind when L had a bad arguement over the phone w her boyfriend, they may have broke up. But I could tell she was so frustrated to the point of sobbing after she hung up. I started to go over to the room where she was (she was staying w us at the time) but I stopped myself and thought it best not to "disturb" her or saying anything about it. That was about 15 yrs. ago...
Actually the other time was with her too. and later was a bit more recent than the other like 13 yrs. or so ago. I came into the building where she was staying w her sister. I was suprised as her boyfriend (that same one) was coming into the foyer as I was entering. He was the one who let me in the building, I don't know since we were on thin ice at that point in time, if she would've buzzed me in. She didn't know I was stopping by. So when i knocked on the door she was suprised, I think she thought it was him again. Anyway as I was approching the door I could hear her crying & sniffling. When she reluctantly opened the door, I handed her the letter I wrote, and tried to give her the saddest most sympathetic face I could- but that was the best i could do. :o Hopefully the note said it all and made her feel good in some way (though probably not saying anything to her situation w him).
Soo if this gal she breaks down and cries in front of me about something...I'll just have to cry out (inside) to God for what to do.
Again this is ironic, because the truth is though I usualy don't cry in front of others ( I try hard not to) I do cry a lot and cry pretty easy and I suppose I'm one of those "more sensitive" women (Just ask my sons. LoL now my oldest keeps mentioning- hormones? Where'd he get that from? I guess that's better though than saying I'm over sensitive or eggagerating).
I don't get depressed though, I do think there is a difference. I mean I could cry over a movie, a cartoon, a gift etc... nothing to do with depression.
As a side note, it's funny how over the phone she sounds just like M...
Already we're in this habit of like I'll write something and she won't respond- right away. At first it bothered & concerned me, but now it doesn't, um not much. That's because she does end up remembering & responding to whatever point (although she still might not address all the points).
But I'll do the same thing, not to play a game but because I think it's not the best\right time. Like on Christmas she sent me a great messege & tried calling- but it was in the morning... and I wasn't about to try to talk to her then. So I was going to later but so much came up and things got busy. Then I might get into an argument w my son or hubby, and there might be residue of anger or irritation in my voice and I wouldn't want her to think it has anything to do w her. I know with many others I've not responded as quickly as I should've- sometimes I don't even know why...
That's funny now that I think about it. I haven't written any letters in a loong time. Well not counting to someone (and those writings wern't even long- intense maybe).
So I do like her, I do think we get along good because we have much in common and so are be more understanding, I think basically we have the same goals in life relationship w God, family, friends, ministry (and stick in there her wanting to find the right guy), wanting to be caring helpful people, people who also enjoy life as well (with my options more limited- though I don't feel it that way).
I think she has a bit of a time of it that I'm older than her (but hey I noticed her good friends are considerably older than her.)... kind of like I do about her public griping.
So it's one of those things that it has crossed my mind, like if she ever gets really mad at me, how would she handle that?
Right now things are good and going forward- which does give me a "warm fuzzy feeling". And even better I see that maybe if nothing else, God may have put this\us together for the purpose of blessing her son-
"for such a time as this" . God knows all things... and things may not be or be for the reasons we gather ourselves.I've learned more and more how to be at peace with things that don't turn out as I wanted\planned- because I think maybe God had another purpose. Many times it is revealed to me (like made obvious) what those purposes we. lol that might not be understood right away- sometimes yrs. later...I see how it is possible "for all things to work together for good" as it says in the Bible.
Soo I mentioned this becasue it's ironic, I was thinking about this and thinking about close relationships (mine anyway) how things could be (and have a times) been soo great, love become warm, "real", tangible, intense etc. But then it's gone, and often for great pain to take it's place. So then you can think, even if it was "all that" was it really worth it...did the good outweigh the bad etc.?
Or like I've heard\ read all kinds of warm fuzzy caring sounding words towards me... words that made me think this or that , that made me "feel good"... but then "something came up", the rubber hit the road... and then the person was gone- what did those words even mean, what were they worth? Just good for the moment, is that enough... is that enough to make it worth it.
In that case, if someone says the words or not, does it then matter?
Is it better-no, so then there is nothing to doubt, nothing to feel betrayed over. Or is it better to go as far as one can and then let tomorrow take care of itself?
Is it better to enjoy the feeling, even if it may turn out to be a lie...
Even if it didn't last does that mean the moment wasn't real? How long does it take to prove it was rea. I know I'm the type who hates endings and hopes for "forever"...
Sooo that, this kind of questioning can tie into a quote someone posted. To be honest I didn't get into it, but as I looked into it more, the stuff behind a train of thought, that was interesting.
The two are similar...and of course I have chosen & try to daily choose the 2nd response.
Does it really matter, what matters, what's the point, what's the point then if it includes pain & "negative" things- especially if the latter exceeds the pleasure?...
I see in this and in the broader way it's played out- I choose the 2nd - that God & His grander purposes are what bring everything into right perspective and bring meaning (full meaning).
This includes these relationships.
lol so all these multitude of questions and possible possiblities are what don't matter
osorry) because the bottom line isn't how I feel how someone else feels, if it lasts how long it lasts, if it looks like something was accomplished or it doesn't look that way, if it looks like a "sucess" or if it looks like it failed- what matters is if it was God's will or not.What was God's will, did we yield, how much\to what degree did we yeild? All the rest is nice but sidenotes, the pain becomes worth it when weighed against something being God's will. As always, this is the yardstick of measurement- not our feelings etc...lol then pleasure & pain really don't "matter" ( and to whatever degrees) what does matter is God's will & purposes.
And how to we read\discern Gods will? First through the Holy Spirit being in us through following Christ\giving Him first prioiry, knowing and & understanding His Words in the Bible, then through being obedient & having our motives right. All this and not if something is "right" according to how we feel (or even someone else feels) .
Ecclesiastes 12
8 “Meaningless! Meaningless!” says the Teacher.“Everything is meaningless!” ...
:13-14
Now all has been heard;
here is the conclusion of the matter:
Fear God and keep his commandments,
for this is the duty of all mankind.
For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing,
whether it is good or evil.
YouTube - KJ-52 ft. Rebecca St. James - God
YouTube - Stacie Orrico - (There's Gotta Be) More to Life (Official Music Video HD) Lyrics
YouTube - Don't Waste Your Life Video - Lecrae
