I just came back from 2 hours at adoration. Spend that much time with the Lord, and some pretty cool things happen, to say the least.
At the end, I felt like it was very cleansing, but not in the same way as reconciliation. At reconciliation, bad stuff is lifted off of us; after adoration, I felt as though the good stuff was strengthened & refined.
I prayed about a lot of things, and had a lot of great conversation with Jesus. One of the things I prayed for was a strong sign, a voice or a vision of some kind, something strong to give me specific instruction on how to be a better servant of Him. After a while (this is all abridged, of course; remember, this took place across 2 hours, and most of it was feelings instead of words), He eventually told me that I didn't need strong signs like that; I had already been filled with the Holy Spirit, and was being filled progressively more by being there, so that all I had to do was listen more attentively to Him, for He's constantly speaking to me. With that in mind, more discussion happened over more topics.
One such topic was, as usual, my desire for a girlfriend. I laid out a lot of things, basically a complete list of factors that were influencing this part of my life, the girl I liked & asked out (who said no), a girl I don't really know but would like to get to know, etc. I talked to Him about the complexity of what went on between Sam & I; simply put, I was told by God to ask her out, and she was told by God to stay single, which is the most interesting reason for rejection I've ever received. I've been praying for awhile, trying to figure out what was going on there. Discussing it with God tonight, we eventually decided that if He wanted me to keep going after Sam, the next time I see her, He'll flood me with strong feelings for her again (lately, I've only liked her as a friend), but it's likely time that I get to know Jennifer better. We discussed some logistics of how to get to know her, ways I could bring her closer to Him, stuff like that. It was all very peaceful; the Lord's presence was very strong the whole time, and I still feel a deep sense of peace from adoration.
After some prayer on the kneeler, I went to sit down on the pew, but felt called to stay on my knees for an hour and a half (which turned into 2 hours, with a bathroom break). Naturally, that got a little uncomfortable after awhile. Then a very good question came to me, and one that needs shared: Why is your comfort so important?
I could never find a good answer, because there is no good answer. All too often we keep pushing things off, not going as deep into things as we should, because it isn't very comfortable. Why are we so worried about comfort? We know full well that comfort's a temporary thing, and one that won't mean very much at all the next day, but we choose to chase it above far too many other things, sometimes even everything. Staying on my knees for 2 hours, handing my discomfort to God every time it came to mind, was a great practice of giving all to God.
Part of what I was doing there was practicing silence; I just tried to quiet my mind, and whenever a thought came in, I would hand it to God, then be silent again. Once again, great practice in giving all to God.
The whole experience really helped clear up a lot of things, things I've been talking to God about, but never this deeply, or this long. This was probably the deepest & most peaceful 2 hours of my life, I'm so happy I went, when I didn't even realize it was going on. I just felt called to go to St. Anthony's, so after I finished my tacos, I went.
At the end, though, a kneeler from a confessional was pulled up right in front of the altar, and the way the pews in St. Anthony's are arranged, this kneeler was the only 'seat' positioned directly in front of the Body of Christ; all the rest were at an angle. Walking up there, trembling a bit, but encouraged onward, knowing I was too dirty to be so close to Jesus, but knowing that Jesus wanted me anyway, and praying, about some of the above topics, a few others, and then at the end, I said "Make me be a light of You in the world." To which He replied, "You want to be a light of Me in the world? Go into the world." I couldn't just stay at adoration the whole time; being there was certainly helpful, a great experience in deepening the Holy Spirit in my life, but I can't just stay in there; I need to be out in the world, shining Jesus to those who don't know Him as well. Jesus wanted me to come to Him, despite all my blemishes, and I should do the same for all the others.
At the end, I felt like it was very cleansing, but not in the same way as reconciliation. At reconciliation, bad stuff is lifted off of us; after adoration, I felt as though the good stuff was strengthened & refined.
I prayed about a lot of things, and had a lot of great conversation with Jesus. One of the things I prayed for was a strong sign, a voice or a vision of some kind, something strong to give me specific instruction on how to be a better servant of Him. After a while (this is all abridged, of course; remember, this took place across 2 hours, and most of it was feelings instead of words), He eventually told me that I didn't need strong signs like that; I had already been filled with the Holy Spirit, and was being filled progressively more by being there, so that all I had to do was listen more attentively to Him, for He's constantly speaking to me. With that in mind, more discussion happened over more topics.
One such topic was, as usual, my desire for a girlfriend. I laid out a lot of things, basically a complete list of factors that were influencing this part of my life, the girl I liked & asked out (who said no), a girl I don't really know but would like to get to know, etc. I talked to Him about the complexity of what went on between Sam & I; simply put, I was told by God to ask her out, and she was told by God to stay single, which is the most interesting reason for rejection I've ever received. I've been praying for awhile, trying to figure out what was going on there. Discussing it with God tonight, we eventually decided that if He wanted me to keep going after Sam, the next time I see her, He'll flood me with strong feelings for her again (lately, I've only liked her as a friend), but it's likely time that I get to know Jennifer better. We discussed some logistics of how to get to know her, ways I could bring her closer to Him, stuff like that. It was all very peaceful; the Lord's presence was very strong the whole time, and I still feel a deep sense of peace from adoration.
After some prayer on the kneeler, I went to sit down on the pew, but felt called to stay on my knees for an hour and a half (which turned into 2 hours, with a bathroom break). Naturally, that got a little uncomfortable after awhile. Then a very good question came to me, and one that needs shared: Why is your comfort so important?
I could never find a good answer, because there is no good answer. All too often we keep pushing things off, not going as deep into things as we should, because it isn't very comfortable. Why are we so worried about comfort? We know full well that comfort's a temporary thing, and one that won't mean very much at all the next day, but we choose to chase it above far too many other things, sometimes even everything. Staying on my knees for 2 hours, handing my discomfort to God every time it came to mind, was a great practice of giving all to God.
Part of what I was doing there was practicing silence; I just tried to quiet my mind, and whenever a thought came in, I would hand it to God, then be silent again. Once again, great practice in giving all to God.
The whole experience really helped clear up a lot of things, things I've been talking to God about, but never this deeply, or this long. This was probably the deepest & most peaceful 2 hours of my life, I'm so happy I went, when I didn't even realize it was going on. I just felt called to go to St. Anthony's, so after I finished my tacos, I went.
At the end, though, a kneeler from a confessional was pulled up right in front of the altar, and the way the pews in St. Anthony's are arranged, this kneeler was the only 'seat' positioned directly in front of the Body of Christ; all the rest were at an angle. Walking up there, trembling a bit, but encouraged onward, knowing I was too dirty to be so close to Jesus, but knowing that Jesus wanted me anyway, and praying, about some of the above topics, a few others, and then at the end, I said "Make me be a light of You in the world." To which He replied, "You want to be a light of Me in the world? Go into the world." I couldn't just stay at adoration the whole time; being there was certainly helpful, a great experience in deepening the Holy Spirit in my life, but I can't just stay in there; I need to be out in the world, shining Jesus to those who don't know Him as well. Jesus wanted me to come to Him, despite all my blemishes, and I should do the same for all the others.
