Should Have Said No....

I really think I've been stood up by my ..."date" I guess... Were set for Friday but he mad up this lame exscuse ...

I ran it by my friends and they say its probably an excuse too, my friend has been stood up before so I trust his judgement..

The reason why it hurts so bad is because I don't have friends, I've never really did anything with a guy or had a boyfriend... I've been alone a long time
And it just got to me... And still gets to me...

And when this happens.. It makes me think I'm not enough, not pretty enough, or enough in general....

I feel stupid for being vulnerable, stupid for believing that excuse and stupid for getting excited...

I just feel like people in general must not really like me ,though I'm not mean..,the opposite,kind actually... I don't understand why I could never have any friends or a boyfriend, why I'm so alone..

And all of this, along with me having alopecia and seeing my hair go away has made me so insecure ..I don't even know how to have self esteem....

Idk ..I'm just tired of being disappointed and eating to hide the pain...because no cares,except my friends...but most people really don't...they just want you to shut up about your problems.