My Life

Here's my story and how I overcame the addiction of self harm. When I was 10 I was molested by a family member and he told me if I told anybody I would get worse. I told my parents what happened and they didn't believe me until it was to late. This person would abuse me mentally and physically and one day I couldn't take much more of this. When I was 11 I wanted to end my life. I know you're thinking "man that's young to be thinking about suicide!" That was my only hope, or at least I thought it was. I was sent to a counselor at my church and I would see her every Friday afternoon after school. Well a month passed by and I no longer needed her my parents thought everything was fine. Years passed and I'd secretly cut myself but would hide it from my family. When I turned 13 things got bad. I started thinking suicidal thoughts and I attempted 3 times. When I saw I was getting nowhere I started self harming. After I did this I got scared and woke up my parents, but they just bandaged me up and sent me back to bed. No help was offered; just them saying 'it's a phase it'll pass.' Every time I'd get upset I'd self harm with anything I could get my hands on. I was later hospitalized at age 14 and had psychiatrists from the whole county asking me questions. I couldn't explain to them why I was doing this. I thought I would get in trouble by the person who hurt me. Years passed and I would still self harm more and more. The more I did this the more my arms and wrists were getting covered in scars. I was later put in a psych ward when I was 16 and I didn't know why I was going there. I just wanted to end my life so I wouldn't be a burden to my parents. A week passed by and I was released to go home. Things went back to the way they were though after two weeks. I kelt cutting myself and hiding my cuts. I finally was headed to college and I got upset over something and I cut to far and I was told I needed stitches. I immediately drove myself to the doctor to get stitched up. When the doctor asked what happened I made up a lie, but I know he knew what happened. This would go on for the next 3 years I would cut to deep and would need stitches. Soon my whole arm is covered in scars and I couldn't hide that. When I graduated college my grandmother I was very close to passed away. I couldn't understand why God took her so soon so I fell into a deep deoression and wanted to commit suicide. I was later sent to another psych ward and was put in more meds to deal with the depression. I couldn't understand why God was allowing me to be like this for so long. I kept praying asking Him to give me another life, but I didn't know my story could save others from this. Since I was 19 I have had 3 friends to commit suicide and it is very hard to comprehend why people do this and you wonder how you could've helped them. I wasn't there for them to help them through their troubles but I'm here now to let everybody know that if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide and/or self harm there is hope. I turned to my bible when I was in a psych ward and I opened it up to Jeremiah. I was flipping pages when I came across Jeremiah 29:11 where God says, "I know the plans I have for you. Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you a future and a hope." I kept reading that verse over and over, and I applied it to my life later. God knows what is going to happen in your life and He wants you to open up to Him and pray to him about how you are feeling. Maybe you've lost your job or a relationship didn't work out, but suicide is never the answer. Seek God and put your trust in Him as I did and everything will fall into place.