I don't know what happened to my old blog. It had many entries where I spoke of my personal battles and fighting my demons. I was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder and PTSD in 2001. For years, I fought an internal battle with self. I failed at marriage, I failed at faith, I failed at nearly everything.
Long story short, after ending a bad marriage and making a new start, I was brought to a reality. The first half of my life seemed in vain. Many years wasted in my own foolishness. Abusive relationships, witchcraft, self inflicting, lifting my broken spirit with Captain Morgan, Moonshine, Jim Beam....that was just the tip of my own self harm. The very tip of my life story. I went through years of therapy and medications. So many, that the last few therapists were taking notes from me to help their other patients.
I was so focused on my failures, I didn't allow any light in my darkness. I became my own enemy. Nothing seemed to help.......until God took hold of me. I couldn't understand why God would want me after all I had done. I stepped away from my faith and He still accepted me, faults and all.
I am now getting ready to celebrate 3 years of a happy marriage. I have been 3 years medication free. I am 3 years renewed and grounded in my faith.
Now, I see all of those failures as lessons. Had I not gone through all of the things I went through, I wouldn't be able to help others who have been or are going through those struggles. I would not be a witness that second chances do happen. I would not be proof that miracles do exist. I would not have the strength I now have to fight future battles that may come.
Long story short, after ending a bad marriage and making a new start, I was brought to a reality. The first half of my life seemed in vain. Many years wasted in my own foolishness. Abusive relationships, witchcraft, self inflicting, lifting my broken spirit with Captain Morgan, Moonshine, Jim Beam....that was just the tip of my own self harm. The very tip of my life story. I went through years of therapy and medications. So many, that the last few therapists were taking notes from me to help their other patients.
I was so focused on my failures, I didn't allow any light in my darkness. I became my own enemy. Nothing seemed to help.......until God took hold of me. I couldn't understand why God would want me after all I had done. I stepped away from my faith and He still accepted me, faults and all.
I am now getting ready to celebrate 3 years of a happy marriage. I have been 3 years medication free. I am 3 years renewed and grounded in my faith.
Now, I see all of those failures as lessons. Had I not gone through all of the things I went through, I wouldn't be able to help others who have been or are going through those struggles. I would not be a witness that second chances do happen. I would not be proof that miracles do exist. I would not have the strength I now have to fight future battles that may come.
