My cousin suicided about 30 years ago. He was only about 31. He was a bit of a loner but it was out of the blue. Unexpected.
He worked in a bank and had been branch manager for different branches for over 5 years. They transferred him in my home state, several times. He was single, but he got used to feeling like an outsider as there was never time to integrate into the community.
I think he was exceedingly ashamed of his appearance for some reason. His hair was a grey bushy style and he had a big nose I guess. But he was thin and active and full of good humour, when he wasn't angry or depressed.
He was marketable, in my opinion, as far as marriage was concerned. I think perhaps he had high expectations in regard to women. He seemed to lack confidence in the romance department anyway.
He was or showed alcoholic tendencies. He lived in my city the year before he suicided. That's why this suicide hit home. We used to go out drinking a lot. And I enjoyed his company. He made me laugh.
I think he was very status-conscious, as I think of it now.He was from a big family of 11 kids. Many of them were married already, had kids and houses, ski-ed on the weekend. He wanted to live near his siblings. (unlike me) It seemed to me that he felt he could never have what his siblings had, so this might have been one cause for his suicide. Plus he hated his job, felt lonely in a new city and got drunk the night leading up to his death.
Suicide then can be seen to have several causes and triggers. Envy is a big one. You realise, you will never have what someone else has. That you lack the talent or means. That you estimate yourself as deserving of what they have is also a contributor. "Life aint fair" so you decide to exit. And "I aint good enough". or "I'm not up to par." So mix that up with high expectation and you get a cocktail that is dangerous. Just put yourself in a dangerous scenario, like alone with alcohol and a car. You are in big trouble.
It s easy for me to judge my cousin. What can I learn from this? I know at the funeral, those of us who can understand depression may have some insight. Those that don't are utterly perplexed and even blame themselves. "I should've stayed in close contact". Don't blame yourself. He made his own decision.
I just think he may have lived a longer life if he had different ideas about status.Dont compare yourself. If he had a relationship with God too. God doesn't care about earthly status. We have to believe this and not get caught up in negative rumination. It might look like we are competing with each other in this life. Are we? But how about eternal life? We've got to take the big questions seriously. Don't avoid them and become an alcoholic. Face yourself, fair and square. Not self-consciously. See yourself in third person......
He worked in a bank and had been branch manager for different branches for over 5 years. They transferred him in my home state, several times. He was single, but he got used to feeling like an outsider as there was never time to integrate into the community.
I think he was exceedingly ashamed of his appearance for some reason. His hair was a grey bushy style and he had a big nose I guess. But he was thin and active and full of good humour, when he wasn't angry or depressed.
He was marketable, in my opinion, as far as marriage was concerned. I think perhaps he had high expectations in regard to women. He seemed to lack confidence in the romance department anyway.He was or showed alcoholic tendencies. He lived in my city the year before he suicided. That's why this suicide hit home. We used to go out drinking a lot. And I enjoyed his company. He made me laugh.
I think he was very status-conscious, as I think of it now.He was from a big family of 11 kids. Many of them were married already, had kids and houses, ski-ed on the weekend. He wanted to live near his siblings. (unlike me) It seemed to me that he felt he could never have what his siblings had, so this might have been one cause for his suicide. Plus he hated his job, felt lonely in a new city and got drunk the night leading up to his death.
Suicide then can be seen to have several causes and triggers. Envy is a big one. You realise, you will never have what someone else has. That you lack the talent or means. That you estimate yourself as deserving of what they have is also a contributor. "Life aint fair" so you decide to exit. And "I aint good enough". or "I'm not up to par." So mix that up with high expectation and you get a cocktail that is dangerous. Just put yourself in a dangerous scenario, like alone with alcohol and a car. You are in big trouble.
It s easy for me to judge my cousin. What can I learn from this? I know at the funeral, those of us who can understand depression may have some insight. Those that don't are utterly perplexed and even blame themselves. "I should've stayed in close contact". Don't blame yourself. He made his own decision.
I just think he may have lived a longer life if he had different ideas about status.Dont compare yourself. If he had a relationship with God too. God doesn't care about earthly status. We have to believe this and not get caught up in negative rumination. It might look like we are competing with each other in this life. Are we? But how about eternal life? We've got to take the big questions seriously. Don't avoid them and become an alcoholic. Face yourself, fair and square. Not self-consciously. See yourself in third person......
