meltdown

The DD and I had a meltdown last night. Mr V phoned and told me the sad stated of Kerstie's Bible grade and graciously offered to allow her a third attempt to PASS her memory verse test. We also talked about her other struggles with other subjects. She's having such a hard time with school this year. Subjects are more complex, the expectaions are higher, and she feels inadequate and doesn't even try. The attitude has been hovering near the toilet. Dan and I sat down with her and helped her with her science terminology, and even he tossed in the towel when he got one too many blank stares. He told her that if she wants to repeat 5th grade then so be it. He walked away and she started crying. I started crying. We started talking. I burst forth all my fears and anxieties that I'd been keeping to myself regarding Kerstie and school and learning. We all had a talk and it was determined that Dad would help with schoolwork that evening and she shaped up her attitude a little better. I think he just did not know how FRUSTRATING it is for me and all my talk about that was beginning to sound like whining.

I don't even know why I wrote this today. It didn't help me feel any better. I have this looming dread that my daughter's life is destined to be consumed with schoolwork and re-drilling and re-practicing and re-reading and re-lecturing everything that was was already drilled, practiced, read, and lectured in school. And then I ask myself why not just homeschool then and save some money on tuition? And then I think to myself Oh geez NO - we bang heads now, we'd have to wear helmets and body armor if we ever tried homeschooling. I can't even imaging how awful it would be. And I'm not just being a pessimist, I truly think it would be awful.

So, I still don't feel much better.