i think when I admit it to myself. I've been depressed more often then I haven't in my life. Maybe I wasn't in Kindergarten but elementary school, junior high and high school do not hold fond memories for me. I was always insecure. I remember crying most of my days and playing with my imaginary friends when I was 14.
FOURTEEN! Maybe that's when I was crazy. But slowly the voices faded and the insanity went away a little bit. The depression though never left. I was happier in college I won't deny that.
But then again it was always short-lived. I remember how I felt during church back then. Never peaceful, never full of hope. I wonder if the church and its theology was accurate. Sigh. Why do we believe what we believe?
I remember one person telling me I should know better by now. I need to start applying the bible to me. I was. But I was still depressed. I was still lonely. Oh so lonely back then. I remember standing in line for prayer often just for a friend. Now I've accepted maybe i'll just be alone. Maybe when I was seven i was right. Who knew the first song I ever wrote "All Alone" would symbolize the majority of my life.
Here I am now. Still with depression but its like a friend. Maybe my depression has become my friend. I mean it is reliable and always there for me. More dependable then a man or a friend has ever been.
I wonder what it'd be like to have a happy day. I wonder what it'd be like to not be burdened by the tragedies of the world. But maybe for whatever reason its my gift.
I've noticed how lately I'm thinking less of me and more of the world around me. I can't say I've ever really been ethnocentric because one of my earliest songs "Brothers & Sisters Forever" is about cultures I've never really heard of outside of their name but for some reason I"m thinking the world should be friends. I was 12.
All of us have our different backgrounds and experiences that shape us. I knew that but now I'm starting to understand perhaps some of my knowledge has a purpose. So my question now remains...does the depression have a purpose as well?
FOURTEEN! Maybe that's when I was crazy. But slowly the voices faded and the insanity went away a little bit. The depression though never left. I was happier in college I won't deny that.
But then again it was always short-lived. I remember how I felt during church back then. Never peaceful, never full of hope. I wonder if the church and its theology was accurate. Sigh. Why do we believe what we believe?
I remember one person telling me I should know better by now. I need to start applying the bible to me. I was. But I was still depressed. I was still lonely. Oh so lonely back then. I remember standing in line for prayer often just for a friend. Now I've accepted maybe i'll just be alone. Maybe when I was seven i was right. Who knew the first song I ever wrote "All Alone" would symbolize the majority of my life.
Here I am now. Still with depression but its like a friend. Maybe my depression has become my friend. I mean it is reliable and always there for me. More dependable then a man or a friend has ever been.
I wonder what it'd be like to have a happy day. I wonder what it'd be like to not be burdened by the tragedies of the world. But maybe for whatever reason its my gift.
I've noticed how lately I'm thinking less of me and more of the world around me. I can't say I've ever really been ethnocentric because one of my earliest songs "Brothers & Sisters Forever" is about cultures I've never really heard of outside of their name but for some reason I"m thinking the world should be friends. I was 12.
All of us have our different backgrounds and experiences that shape us. I knew that but now I'm starting to understand perhaps some of my knowledge has a purpose. So my question now remains...does the depression have a purpose as well?
